We Asked a Bunch of Queer People To Share Their Go-To Breakup Coping Mechanisms

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I am no stranger to breakup coping mechanisms that might be classified as “unhealthy” at best and “unhinged” at worst. In fact, I once wrote about 30 unhinged post-breakup activities I partook in during the aftermath of my last major breakup. These included a “72-hour bender of playing the Sims” as well as watching “so much goddamn reality television that the seams of reality start to unravel.”

So, it is with ABSOLUTELY ZERO JUDGMENT that I present the following 72 go-to breakup coping mechanisms sent in to Autostraddle’s Instagram. Gays really do love three things: 1. Their friends 2. Sad music and 3. Therapy.

Queer People Share Their Go-To Breakup Coping Mechanisms

1. Re-downloading Tinder and reminding myself I’m hot

2. Briefly installing Tinder to just uninstall 5min later

3. Tinder and bad decisions

4. Re-downloading Grindr

5. Being a bisexual menace in the dating pool

6. Hookups

7. Watching Juno three times in one afternoon and shaving my head

8. Writing an email that I’ll never send

9. Writing down the things I would’ve texted or talked to them about. Delete when ready

10. Listening to Be Steadwell’s breakup album on loop

11. BDSM

12. Haircutting, playlist making, country leaving

13. Bangs!

14. Leaving the country for a while

15. A lil edible, a lot of trash tv, and buying too many things for my cat who won’t reject my love

16. Applying to jobs in Antarctica. Not joking.

17. Getting good head

18. Skipping rocks

19. Therapy

20. Therapy

21. Going to therapy

22. More therapy

23. Enrolling in therapy immediately

24. Meditating and therapy

25. Going no contact immediately

26. Block, block, block

27. Checking her “Recently played artists” on Spotify to see if she’s thinking of me

28. Texting a different ex

29. Rewatching Grey’s Anatomy

30. Rewatching The L Word

31. Rewatching the Willow and Tara seasons of Buffy

32. Watching The Thing

33. Studio Ghibli movie marathon

34. Getting very invested in a time-consuming new hobby

35. Making Sapphic art

36. Alternating between my erratic playlist and my crying playlist and then going to every queer bar event

37. Quitting my social media for a year

38. Pretending I wasn’t even that into her + ice cream

39. Eating Neapolitan ice cream and listening to jazz

40. The X-Files and Crossfit

41. Drinks and casual sex

42. A new relationship

43. Getting a classic DIY haircut and dye job

44. Moving to a different country worked like a charm

45. Moving two towns over

46. Running while listening to the saddest songs ever

47. Sad music

48. So much sad music

49. Singing in the shower

50. Crying and/or headbanging to queer breakup music

51. Writing songs

52. Writing songs to get the mad out and then writing songs to get the sad out

53. Buying a new throw blanket from Ikea

54. Friends

55. Calling my friends

56. Hanging out with friends

57. Kissing my friends

58. Crying to friend who will give me advice they defs don’t follow that I probably gave them

59. Flying home and crying on my best friend’s couch

60. Tacos! Lots of tacos!

61. Finding a new piece of queer media to obsess over so I can feel my feelings

62. Music. Friends. Dance. Sex.

63. One night standssssssssssss

64. Rooooooad triiiiiiiiip

65. Getting with the ex of my ex

66. Going OUT AND ABOUT to all the gay bars and events

67. Mainlining queer fanfic

68. Crying while driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway

69. Journaling in the library and volunteering

70. Joining a queer rec league (thanks soccer!!!)

71. Reading every article in the breakup section of Autostraddle

72. I don’t know please help me

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 870 articles for us.


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