Apple just released a new update, and this one is perfect for those of us who live on the internet. It’s full of brand-new and updated emoji that will surely make our gay lives easier — some more than others. Let’s count down the list of new emoji by just how lesbian they are.
Sorry, but at this point, bacon is just too heavily associated with toxic white masculinity.
I guess Rosie O’Donnell was in Disney’s Tarzan? Other than that though not a lot of lesbian appeal here.
84. Clown Face
83. Glass of Milk
Wayyyyyy too many lactose intolerant lesbians for this one. Maybe if it was “Glass of Soy Milk” or “Glass of Almond Milk” it’d be higher.
Again, lots of lesbians have peanut allergies.
81. Octagonal Sign
Maybe if you’re in an America-Somewhere Else long distance relationship you can use this one.
79. Man Dancing
In my mind this is “Butch Dancing,” but this emoji has bad clothes and bad dance moves, so I still put it low.
Way too casual for lesbians.
Carrots are a little gay, I guess?
Scooters seem pretty gay, but then you think about it and maybe they’re not?
75. Motor Scooter
Same as above.
Too many vegans and too many lesbians who never want kids.
73. Nauseated Face
I like to imagine that lesbians are only ever healthy.
72. Drooling Face
There’s just nothing particularly lesbiany about this.
71. Shallow Pan of Food
Could’ve been higher in a different update, but the other foods added are way gayer.
70. Stuffed Flatbread
I mean, here we are just one spot better and it’s already way more gay.
Lesbians Who Tech, yay!
68. Goal Net
Reminds me of women’s soccer.
67. Rolling on the Floor Laughing
For all the great queer women and non-binary comedians like Brittani Nichols, Tig Notaro, El Sanchez and Cameron Esposito!
Lesbians love brunch.
65. Water Polo
A pretty gay sport.
Lesbians love brunch, and coffee shops, and the Great British Bake-off.
63. Martial Arts Uniform
Another pretty gay sport.
62. Third Place Medal
For all those third wheels out there!
Literally every lesbian on earth loves potatoes, especially Carrie Wade.
A lot of lesbians I know eat kiwis with the skin on??? What’s that about?
Sure, I guess.
Yet another pretty gay sport.
Lookin’ good, Captain.
56. Lying Face
Good for when you find out that your partner doesn’t like beer and hiking.
55. Hand With Index and Middle Fingers Crossed
Good for lying to a tinder match by telling her that you like beer and hiking.
54. Mother Christmas
Santa Claus’ real beard.
53. Sneezing Face
Lesbians have so many allergies!
52. Office Worker
Workin’ 9 to 5!
Good for tops looking for a bottom.
50. Pregnant Woman
Yay lesbian moms!!!
Ducks just seem gay I guess.
I know I’ve eaten a lot more cucumbers since coming out.
47. Face Palm
Ugh, the patriarchy.
Owls seem gayer than ducks.
45. Health Worker
Like the incredible Dr. Lizz or Luisa from Jane the Virgin.
Look at that cute little guy.
43. Raised Back of Hand
Good for negotiating spankings.
Is that girl in the flannel shirt with the undercut and Doc Martens gay or just a hipster? *Shrug emoji*
41. Person Doing Cartweel
For celebrating when someone comes out!
What a great, gay profession.
Squids, like lesbians, are great with their appendages.
This emoji straight up looks like a gay lady.
37. Second Place Medal
Because lesbians are great tryers.
How many lesbian movies/books/tv shows have been made about this?
35. Green Salad
For all the vegans out there!
For all the cute, short lesbians out there!
33. Clinking Glasses
We’re still celebrating that gay marriage is legal, right?
Great for outdoorsy types. Who love beer and hiking and stuff.
The perfect coming out metaphor.
Half the twentysomething lesbians I know are artists.
Women in STEM!
28. Shopping Cart
For all those trips to Trader Joe’s, the Home Depot and Ikea.
27. Wilted Flower
First lesbian heartbreak. Or second. Or third or fourth or fifth.
There’s a reason the whiskey tasting is always so popular at A-Camp.
Look at this cute genderqueer/non-binary/masc of center cutie!
Finally some representation for the goth lesbians.
23. Face with Cowboy Hat
There’s nothing like a good cowgirl.
22. Boxing Glove
One of the gayest sports.
Seriously, half the women on the Food Network are gay.
20. Fox Face
For your foxy friend and you.
Suspenders? Bowtie? Hat? This girl is gay af.
18. Drum With Drumsticks
I like girls who drum.
To celebrate Sally Ride and all the gay astronauts who will come after her.
Spooning is, like, one of the ten gayest things you can do with someone.
Lesbians love bread.
Whether it’s Klub Deer or our Queer Deer shirt, you can’t go wrong with this guy.
13. First Place Medal
Because being gay is like winning a prize!
For those of us who are taking over rural areas.
I already know, like, seven gay people I’m going to use this one with.
10. Man in Tuxedo
Lesbians look so dang good in tuxedos!
9. Right-Facing Fist/Left Facing Fist
For negotiating fisting.
There’s literally no way this girl isn’t gay.
7. Call Me Hand
This one’s just actually really useful for talking to gay ladies.
6. Factory Worker
Really gay job.
Really, really gay job.
3. Black Heart
Whether it’s Joan Jett or that girl who ghosted you, this one is all too familiar.
Really, really, really gay job.
Like, this is the only emoji you need if you’re talking to gay women in LA.