VIDEO: If You Love Women So Much, How Come You Don’t Dress Like One?

I don’t get this question, I get the inverse — “if you don’t like men, why do you date women who dress like men”? I don’t recall “dislikes clothing stored in the ‘men’s section’ of mainstream retail outlets” being a requirement to earn my Queer Lady Badge, but whatever, people are idiots. Thus I thoroughly enjoyed YouTube user hartbeat’s response to the question she gets all the time: “If you love women so much, how come you don’t you dress like one?”

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Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3199 articles for us.


  1. I was NOT expecting what just happened but it was so glorious and I’m glad it happened.

  2. “You should click the like button for this homemade watermelon bra”

    And with that she won the internet.

  3. Her face when she keeps dancing after her mom walks in.

    Actually, her face the whole time. I just love it.

  4. ALSO. I like that she’s kinda daring people to say something about a WOC who likes watermelon.

    • Word. I sort of love what…who was it, Chris Rock? had to say about that whole weird stereotype about “black people love watermelon!” Just, like, OF COURSE THEY DO, LOTS OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE DO, IT’S FUCKING DELICIOUS.

      • I think that might have been Dave Chappelle. Or both. Either way, he/she/they make a good point.

    • Totally agree about the WOC/Watermelon thing and I also was surprised of her choice of “outfit” …meaning a bikini is traditionally feminine and I know my butch partner would never – in one million years – don that watermelon bra. So cool that she did – kudos.

      • My computer is having trouble with it’s cookies, so I can’t log in to +1 you. But I love you. That is all.

    • Yup, totally read that as “standing ovulation.” Not sure what that means, but I think it needs to be defined as “so awesome you immediately ovulate.”

  5. I’m just..I…I can’t even..but now I keep watching to see which watermelon is bigger.

  6. I was having a crappy day. But then I saw this. Now today is definitely the best day I’ll have all week. Unless I watch this again every day this week… which let’s face it, I will.

  7. Indeed! amazing mom, amazing body confidence! Hilarious! loved this video and post! :)

  8. I just got home at 4am UK time, still completely sober, and came on to AS… to find this. Best part of my day. (And I spent the day on the beach in the sun, which is rare in England, so that’s saying something.)

  9. Heart this. So hard. I got this question recently from my mother, who means well, but it was cool to see a Mom who just got it without any questions asked.

  10. Wow she’s a very big girl! Which is good like! She must have a lot of confidence to do that. I weight like 110 and not a hope could you catch me in a bikini!
    Hopefully she doesn’t care about the haters who say she’s too big!

    • Totally not trying to bring down the tone of this article or attack your comment (because it was a very positive one); but I just feel the need to say that I certainly would not classify her as “very big”, so I was a bit confused to see you do that?
      She just looks like a regular sized woman to me.

      • no i just meant shes big compared to me! I have a skinny body which i hate! Didnt mean she shouldnt be in a bikini its just many ppl can be mean and ive no self confidence and i’m so glad she does!

  11. OMG. Read all the comments. Still was totally not expecting anything remotely like that to happen. Thank you, queer internet, for being wonderfully weird.

    • Can’t log in to +1 you because silly cookies, but yes. This. Sometimes queer internet is just the best place!

  12. What Ami is saying is that we can’t conflate “regular” with “skinny”, because saying that being fat or obese or overweight or big is not equal to being called “regular” is a reflection of the broken social system we live in where people’s bodies are policed and evaluated.

    And yeah, it is a funny video, but Hart is making a specific point with this funny video that people are too quick to police how others look or should look, so I think it’s totally valid to talk about body issues and expectations because it is perfectly within the context of this video.

    • …okay, the comment to which I was replying has since been…deleted or something? So this is random and unnecessary.

      • Yeah i saw a whole covo deleted on this post! It was an interesting discussion too! Autostraddle must have deleted all of it.. why?? thats kinda bad??

  13. hart is amazing, everyone should check out her channel, it’s well worth subscribing to. c:

  14. Awesome, love the ‘Quick question for you, why is one of the watermelons bigger than the other…. mmm okay….’ *walk away…

    Couldn’t be more glad that I logged in today :D

  15. Her blog’s brilliant as well: came across this a couple of days ago: bloody hilarious!

  16. I only watched this about, oh, ten times. The part where she’s dancing behind the love seat made me snort with laughter.

  17. So so great. LOVE the transition from eating watermelon in silence to the music and dancing and watermelon bikini AHHHHH :D

    Now an amazing response to the question “if you don’t like men, why do you date women who dress like men?” is needed!

  18. Wth?? LMAO oh my face is hurting from laughing so much..I’ll never look at a watermelon the same way again!!

  19. I’ve never gotten that question, only the reverse “If you like girls, why do you date people who dress like boys?” which is only half-true in terms of my dating history (of dating butches v. femmes) but whatever.
    But can we just acknowledge that two of the most amazing queers on Youtube are named Hart? Coincidence?

  20. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! This video is amazing… the way ‘gender’ is ascribed to items of clothing is so warped – magical moments of youtube awesomeness, like this one, make me smile.

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