Victoria Monét Confirms She Dated Kehlani, Wrote the Forever Sexy “Touch Me” About Her

Feature image of Victoria Monét via Steve Jennings/Getty Images, feature image of Kehlani via by Ethan Miller/Getty Images. Victoria Monét recently confirmed that she dated Kehlani and wrote the song “Touch Me” about her.

To properly tell this story, first I have to take us back to 2020. What were you doing in October of 2020? Sitting inside the house and pondering the crumbling of our social fabric and your belief in democracy in the midst of a global pandemic, the likes of which had not been previously seen in our lifetime? Honestly, same. And even more honestly, that is also how I spend a significant portion of 2023. However!! Perhaps you also had a Spotify soundtrack for these ruminations.

And perhaps perhaps this soundtrack included what is — in my opinion!! — the GOAT sapphic R&B sex siren, Victoria Monét’s “Touch Me” remix with Kehlani.

Side by side photos of Victoria Monet and Kehlani in concert, both are Black queer singers dressed in Black Lingere and dancing seductively with their Black women dancers.

I don’t know if Victoria Monét and Kehlani are performing “Touch Me” in these concert images, but we can pretend. (Steve Jennings/Getty Images // Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

You would have listened as Victoria sang, “Went from hands on the wheel to hands on my thigh… I’m in love with your fingertips / I reminisce places you kiss / Girl, it’s been too long” and you would have wondered to yourself… now I know Miss Victoria ain’t saying what I think she’s saying about Kehlani specifically!?!?

Then the second half of the verse picks up, “And when you rock them short nails, that’s low-key sentimental / Now keep ’em cut though so there ain’t no incidentals / And I love them tattoos, I still gotta learn ’em all / Tell me when you’re gonna make them the writings on my wall and / Touch me, feel me / Get to know me inside.”

And well… Okay then!!!… That paints a whole ass picture. Anyone who’s ever even glanced at the “Touch Me” remix could tell who it’s about. But still, it was never been confirmed by either artist.

Until now, when Victoria Monét confirmed that she not only dated lesbian icon Kehlani once upon a sapphic time, but also that the bisexual singer/songwriter wrote “Touch Me” about her.

This confirmation comes from Victoria’s recent guest appearance on Emily Ratajkowski’s podcast High Low. In the episode, released yesterday on YouTube, Victoria talks about her current boyfriend, John Gaines, and his support of her career. She goes on to say, “While pregnant I did a ‘Touch Me’ remix with Kehlani, and the song is about her. We went into the studio… and there was no jealousy.”

Let me just say, John Gaines, I do not know you from a blade of grass on a sidewalk, but around here we respect partners who know their lane and know when to keep it check. If your girlfriend needs to write a song about the phenomenal sex she had with her ex — and her ex is Kehlani!!! — then my friend, that is not your business to mind. That quite simply has to be between her, her God, and a mic. Kudos to you for knowing that.

And yes, if anyone reading along is curious, Victoria also confirmed that there’s no bad blood between her and Kehlani post-break up: “We’re friends. I kind of am like that with all of my past relationships. I really don’t like the idea of, now someone’s dead to me, unless they did… me wrong, for sure. But, I don’t know, I just got over it. I like to have an open connection. I don’t want to kill somebody off. I feel like that takes even more energy, to try to avoid people and try to hate them.”

Monét, who came out as bisexual on Twitter in 2018, says earlier in the interview that her public coming out moment was a response “to an ex who was trying to say that we were still together. I was kind of dating a woman. When I tweeted I was like: Wait, did I come out? The responses were what validated that I came out. It was something that I had known for a long time.”

She found relief in coming out, and also found freedom in her work from being able to be herself. While writing, “I stopped writing pronouns that weren’t accurate. Even though I would write songs about a woman before, I would be like ‘he’ because that’s what I was expected to be attracted to. It was really freeing, and it opened up another window of creativity where I could say whatever I actually feel and be true.”

And on behalf of everyone who has ever added “Touch Me” to their wet-n-wild playlist, let me say: We are all thankful.

You didn’t think I’d end this without including the song, now did you? 😘

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Carmen Phillips

Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.

Carmen has written 699 articles for us.


  1. I love Victoria! Actually met her about two weeks ago and can’t wait to see both her shows when she comes to my city. Trust and believe “Touch Me” is on a few playlists. ;)

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