“To L and Back” L Word Podcast Episode 405: Lez Girls

Hey one second, Monet has come back from the dead and is on the other line and he says “please get Hazel the nanny out of this episode.” Just an idea! It’s a real rollercoaster of an episode this week: on the upside, we meet Tasha. On the downside, Phyllis’s family photo is troubling. Meanwhile: Bette and Jodi get dirty and nasty and high, Phyllis wants to orbit around Alice forever and ever, Debbie loves Lindsay’s sexy armpits and also manatees, Helena breaks glass all over her tiny foods, Jenny publishes her Russian novella “Lez Girls” in The New Yorker, Paige wishes Shane would hit on her and so do we. Get your torsos into your pants everybody.

Tasha and Alice leaning in for a kiss on a motorcycle during the theme song. Subtitles read, "Chicks driving fast ingenues with long lashes."

Jodi (in a blue blazer) and Bette (in a white blouse with a gold necklace) standing outside on concrete steps. "She said, 'Are you still fucking Nadia?'"

Close-up of Jenny with tears in her eyes. She's wearing a black tank top and her hair in a ponytail. Subtitles read, "[Dog breathes heavily]"

Close-up shot of hands playing a guitar. "Down, down, up. Down, down, up."

Papi and Shane look threatening at each other. Papi says, "I can't have you dimming my stars and shit."

Phyllis and Alice in a dimly-lit room. Phyllis has a book in her hands. Alice says, "You sly little dog."

Woman with short blonde hair wearing a blue t-shirt, covering her ears with her hands. "God, and you have nice tits"

Close-up of Jenny, holding a wine glass. "The gentle manatees of northeast Florida."

Tina and Henry hiding behind a bush in the dark. Tina says, "She is so fired."

Shane in a blue button up and aviator sunglasses. "We might try for a sleepover."

Shot of Lez Girls printed in The New Yorker, held in front of a newsstand with other magazines. "I think it's pretty cool."

Computer screen from InTech Mode with an email that reads "I am aware that certain matters have come to light recently that may have caused you to question whether I'm qualified for this job." Above that text, a pop up window reads, "Discard changes to Document?"

Paige in a black bra standing in front of a mirror. Subtitles read, "[Video game gunfire continues]"

Tina and Bette sit at an outdoor restaurant table. They both order a Cobb salad from the waiter standing next to them.

Alice (wearing a blue dress) stands in the kitchen holding The New Yorker magazine. She reads, "Alyssa was ground zero for rumor and hearsay."

Paige (wearing a white blouse) holds a plate and two coffee mugs in her hands. She says, "I'd be happy to never fuck another man in my life."

Phyllis (in a black blazer) stands in a commercial kitchen, telling an old white guy in a white shirt and red tie, "Go sit by the fire."

Shane (wearing all black) and Alice (wearing a white top under a black vest) stand in the living room opposite of Jenny, off camera. Alice says, "Oh, no, call me Alysse, the bisexual fashion victim."

Max sits on a chair in the living room wearing a green cut-off shirt. He says, "I mean, she claims that it's not you."

Jenny, wide-eyed, says, "Monet has come back from the dead."

Bette (in a black blazer) smiles and says, "I've been plenty dirty."

Jodi, smiling and with her hair curled, says, "It will liberate you."

Alice and Jenny stand in a crowded bar. Jenny says, "The lead singer of the village people."

Papi has her hand around Tasha's shoulder in a crowded bar. Papi says, "Tasha, meet Alice, Jenny, and Vanilla."

Shane, wearing all black, purses her lips and says, "You're very delicious."

Dimly lit shot of Papi, wearing hoop earrings and hat. "You must have been like Madonna with the child."

Shane, Alice, and Jenny stand next to each other in a bar with their jaws dropped. "Who's that? The vagina witch?"

Jenny's vet with short blonde hair and wearing a light blue dress, says, "Well, her dog is my patient."

Alice and Jenny look at each other contentiously. "I don't kiss girls who wear doilies."

A wait staff member (wearing khakis and a white shirt) has just dropped a tray of food in the catering kitchen. Helena, with her arms in the hair, yells, "Fuck!"

Tasha side-eyes Alice and says, "I'll take you for a ride some time."

Helena standing in a walk-in holding a cell phone to her ear. She looks stressed. She says into the phone, "Get me five pounds of sevruga caviar."

An old white guy with glasses and a suit stands next to Phyllis in a dimly lit room. "I love your hat."

Alice Helena stand across from Phyllis and her husband. Helena says, "I didn't exactly cook the caviar."

Framed photo of a white couple with two babies on a carousel. "Are those your kids?"

Jodi, Bette, and Tom stand outside in the dark in a semi-circle. "With this boner."

Bette, Tom, and Jodi stand together outside in the dark. Music is playing, singing, "Don't leave your fears behind."

Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2862 articles for us.

6 Comments

    • ok first of all that recipe must have been in Ilene Chaiken’s head because “caviar and creme fraiche” was what Jenny had in her fridge in 401??? also yeah when i was re-watching to take screencaps i realized it said Blini and not Bellini but unfortunately our jokes were too funny to adjust the pod

  1. Why does Max still live with Jenny and Shane? He supposedly makes good money doing computer stuff at his tech company. Why is he still staying in the shed? It’s clear that no one including the show’s writers like him.

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