The Choice has been made. The first Trial Marriages have begun. It’s time to delve into The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two episodes 4 and 5! Catch up on episodes 1-3 in my previous recap. And hop on into episodes 6 and 7 when you’re done here.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 4

We’re going to hop around to different parts of the episode but organized by each couple! That seems like the best way to wrangle this gay chaos into something structured.

First Week of Trial Marriages

AJ + Marie

While out, Marie orders for AJ at a restaurant, which AJ finds very hot. They’re talking about future baby names, and Marie thinks AJ Jr. sounds pretty dang cute. AJ is very happy with her choice and brings up the fact that Marie brings her “chai tea” in the morning. I’m sure Britney could bring you chai in the morning, too! Sorry, just really rooting for AJ and Britney to make it work!

It’s not all rainbows and sunshine for these faux newlyweds though. Later in the episode, AJ gets a call from Britney and leaves the apartment, presumably to meet up with her, but we don’t get any footage. She comes home at 1 a.m., and and AJ is telling the dog to be quiet so as not to wake up Marie, but there’s Marie, popping on the light like a spooky gay ghost in the corner. She does not seem thrilled that AJ is getting home so late.

The next day, Marie is talking about the Valkyries, Orlando’s pro volleyball team. AJ thinks Orlando should have a WNBA team, and SAME. But then it’s time to talk about allegedly more pressing matters, like where AJ absconded to in the night. AJ shares she has seen Britney twice since their Trial Marriage began. It’s not technically against the rules per se, but it’s not exactly how things work either, so Marie feels betrayed and like a fool. While Marie was previously charmed by AJ, she thinks they’re no longer aligned on anything.

At one point, Marie sadly asks her cat if she’ll marry her. Yikes!

Bridget + Ashley 

These two are mostly just being sweet together, jokingly calling each other wifey. Bridget makes Ashley coffee. It’s true: 90% of marriage is making coffee for someone.

We don’t get a ton of screen-time from these two, but a very intense scene comes later in the episode when Ashley opens up about her first relationship in college. She couldn’t have friends, because her ex would accuse her of cheating. Her ex was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, and a roommate of Ashley’s called the cops on her ex when things got violent one night. Ashley ended up lying for her ex in court and kept dating her for a while after. It sounds like a very bad situation! I’m glad she’s opening up about it, because it’s important to talk about domestic violence in queer relationships. Too often, we’re left out of those conversations, which only makes it easier for abusers to get away with their behaviors. Bridget is a very good and supportive listener in all this. She doesn’t judge Ashley for staying with her ex as long as she did.

I’m like oh it makes so much sense why you have baggage about not only marriage but also the grand romantic gestures Marita is so desperate for. I can’t know for sure about Ashley’s particular situation, but abusive relationships also often come with a lot of grand romantic gestures in attempts to manipulate or otherwise smooth over the abuse. If Ashley’s struggling to give Marita the grand romantic antics she wants, maybe this is why! I wonder how much she has talked to Marita about this. Throughout the season, we see some of the cast opening up about personal issues in ways they haven’t quite reached with their actual partners. I think that makes sense! It’s way lower stakes to open up to someone you’ve just met. (The cameras might make it high stakes, but you’d be surprised. I watch enough reality television to know that actually people have an easier time getting vulnerable in front of cameras than in their regular lives. There’s almost a layer of UNreality to it for them.)

Marita + Britney

While I am not rooting for these two to fall in love because that seems entirely out of the question, I AM rooting for these two to have a beautiful and long-lasting femme4femme friendship. They got each other flowers! Marita doesn’t know Britney met up with AJ, but I don’t think she’d care as much as Marie does. Britney resolves to show Marita “some daddy energy” tonight by cooking for her. This is sweet! They could end up having the happiest Trial Marriage precisely because they’re treating it not like a trial run for romance but as a chance to get to know someone and open up about their relationships with a free nice apartment with a view.

Pilar + Kyle

Pilar and Kyle kick off their Trial Marriage by starting a Polaroid photo wall. If only things could stay this sweet and wholesome forever, but there’s drama coming for these two’s artificial martial bliss. Kyle already seems on edge right away, and the two of them get very lost in the sauce of a cake metaphor for marriage where Pilar is like do you really want to eat the same cake for the rest of your life, and Kyle is like yeah, I really like the cake! I’m not wondering about other cakes!

Later, on a day date, Kyle apologizes for being so in her head. There’s a lot happening for her. It seems to me like she might be regretting this whole Going On Reality Television thing. She observes it doesn’t seem like Pilar is dealing with the same inner turmoil she is, and Pilar assures her she is. She says if she can suddenly see herself with another person, that’s going to be really telling for her in how she feels about her actual relationship. She seems to be invested in the viability of the experiment as something that can actually show you something about your self/relationship.

Haley + Magan

Okay, we’re going to get into the meat of the episode now, starting with the fact that Magan and Haley are so clearly and quickly falling for each other. They’re playing pool and being very flirty. Later in the episode, Magan literally GIGGLES at Haley yawning. Oh girl, you’re FALLING falling.

They have a heart-to-heart about Magan’s familial baggage, an issue Haley is no doubt familiar with given Pilar’s situation. Magan says because she wasn’t taking herself seriously, her family wasn’t either. “I was unsure, so they were unsure,” she says. “Now I don’t feel unsure. I feel confident.” She gave her family so many passes before, but now she’s feeling more secure in herself and her sexuality. She’ll keep trying with them, so long as she’s getting respect and her partner is getting respect. Haley gives her a heartfelt and genuine pep talk, and Magan tells her she means a lot to her.

Later, Haley and Magan run into Mel and Dayna at the apartment complex pool, and Dayna apparently didn’t say hello to Magan or even acknowledge her. Magan’s hurt. We’ll come back to this little pool incident!

Magan and Haley feel so safe and protected together. It seems like both really needed someone to open up to and be vulnerable with, and I get the impression they haven’t been able to be vulnerable in their relationships. (Their original relationships are so different though: Haley has been with Pilar for a decade, and Magan and Dayna have been together less than two years.)

And it doesn’t seem like solely an emotional connection here…there’s real romantic chemistry! They play sexy games with a blindfold! Magan likes physical intimacy, like a hand on a leg, and kisses places other than lips. Haley says sex can really tell you how a relationship is going. God, this show really is only interesting when people have sex during their Trial Marriages, so I’m hoping that’s where this is leading!!!!! If not for them, I think it’s safe to say it’ll happen for………

Mel + Dayna

Mel and Dayna are pretty hot and heavy right away in their Trial Marriage, too. Mel wants Dayna to be in the room while she pees! Mel goes full chef mode for their first dinner together, making a beautiful fish. Dayna says she doesn’t her dirty fingers touching her food, and Mel seizes the opportunity to ask “where would you like me to put my dirty fingers?” I love that this show reveals the true nature of lesbians, which is that we love a dirty joke, possibly even more than straight men do. We’re filthy!

They enjoy their beautiful dinner on the balcony with their beautiful view of the sunset. This used to be my life like every night for the two years I lived in Miami. The show is making me miss it.

They ruminate on the choices they made in each other. Mel thought they were going to fight, which is interesting for her to confess since she did indeed CHOOSE Dayna. She thought they were going to fight AND she chose her? I have a lot of questions about what Mel thinks a relationship is supposed to look/feel like, because she does seem to really value conflict. Dayna thought she was going to have trust issues with Mel, which is a wild thing to say about someone you’ve just met, but alas. She WILL drive her food truck into a river, as we know.

Dayna is shocked and delighted that Mel cooked the fish with truffle oil, which she has never had before. “You spent $25 on an oil you don’t even like for ME?” she asks. That is, indeed, romance.

Dayna and Mel have a day date by the pool, where Dayna reflects on the evening before when Mel apparently took the gum out of Dayna’s mouth for herself. How very Sirens-coded of them. Dayna shares in a talking head that she usually takes longer to process things, but she’s letting go with Mel.

Not everyone is thrilled about Dayna and Mel’s pool date though. As mentioned, Magan did not like that Dayna did not acknowledge her. And Marie really doesn’t like that Mel also ignores her. These pool encounters between the couples aren’t captured on camera, but the reactions to them sure are. Marie can’t believe Mel wouldn’t even make eye contact with her, and this leads to what looks a lot like a panic attack she has in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Mel and Dayna are in their own little bubble that apparently no one can penetrate, not even for a casual hello. Mel says her feelings have grown for Dayna, and oh boy they’re making out on the balcony! There’s a booty grab! It’s a for real make out, and it’s fully on camera.

Before heading out for another night out, Mel asks if Dayna “wants to tongue” before they leave. Not the way I’d word it, but to each their own.

Second Week of Trial Marriages

Mel + Dayna

Let’s stick with these two. So, we’ve got some physical intimacy happening at the end of week one of the Trial Marriage. And now at the start of week two, they’re discussing the codependency that has already emerged. (It sounds like some classic enmeshment to me, too, but I can’t expect them to know every therapy term on these shows.) Dayna points out they’re spending all their time together, and Mel says she feels like they could spend even more time together (joking…I hope?!). The only time they’re not together is when one of them is in the shower.

Mel asks Dayna how long she would wait after getting married to have kids. Dayna wants a really big wedding, one that not only she and her future partner could never forget but her guests, too. Okay, so yeah, she’s that type of girl, which is no shade from me! I wanted a big wedding, too. But I didn’t until I was with the person who I wanted it with…if that makes sense. I think sometimes people hinge all their hopes and dreams on a hypothetical huge wedding where it doesn’t really matter who the other person is. I was always drawn to the idea of a big wedding, but it was always going to depend on whether the person I was with wanted it too and whether I thought that fit our relationship’s style and needs. ENOUGH ABOUT ME. Mel is indeed opening every so slightly up to the idea of marriage, if she had the right person. I’m starting to feel like Marie isn’t that person for her if that’s the way she’s talking about it here.

Pilar + Kyle

Okay, yikes, we have something serious happening here. Kyle and Pilar return home to the apartment, and Pilar is crying and apologizing. Kyle explains to the camera that they were out dancing and Pilar wanted to kiss, and Kyle said no, but then later in the night Pilar started making out with her and Kyle didn’t stop her. It’s difficult to get a grasp on exactly what happened given that it was all off camera, and it becomes more muddled and confusing in the episode to come, but basically it sounds like there was some boundary blurring or crossing, and now they’re both trying to figure out how to proceed.

This is also when I recall that 60% of this show is People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch. We indeed get one of those scenes here, with Pilar and Kyle on the couch chatting about what happened. Kyle doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Pilar feels guilt because everyone seems to think it’s so easy for her going through this process. She feels stupid. Kyle doesn’t think her boundaries were being respected. She says Pilar had been saying a lot of things the night before, and Pilar says it was because Kyle said she likes words of affirmation. “So you’re like playing the game?” Kyle asks, and Pilar takes great offense at this. She doesn’t feel like she was leading Kyle on or playing any type of game. She says Kyle is pinning something on her that was mutual, painting it in a weird way. She walks out.

Again, I’m having trouble discerning everything here, especially since they’re both speaking kind of vaguely and because we didn’t see the evening out in question. Episode five delves into it some more, so let’s go ahead and move right on along.

Next: Ultimatum Queer Love Recap: Episode 5

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