Anonymous Sex Toy Review: The Poet

Over the last few years, sex toy companies and stores have asked us to review their toys in exchange for, you know, their toys. Today we’re reviewing The Poet, a suction sex toy, by Smile Makers.

“Air pressure” or suction sex toys are all over the place now, with popular brands like Satisfyer and Womanizer dominating the sex toy market. But just because these two companies are becoming queer household names, it doesn’t mean we should ignore smaller and newer companies popping up. Monopolies are bad for the economy, but also our bedrooms.

Let me introduce you all to The Poet by Smile Makers. This toy is covered in super velvety silicone and sits on top of your clitoris, leaving plenty of room for penetration if desired. With three different interchangeable “mouths” to suction over your clit, it ensures that — unlike other suction sex toys on the market — the mouth piece will actually fit around your anatomy. It also has pressure sensors, meaning the harder you squeeze, the stronger the vibration gets.

From the get-go, I dug this toy. The packaging is so cute, and the gender-neutral language was immaculate. The toy itself is egg-shaped — like a really large egg. The top of it peeks into some sort of nipple, the only aspect of the design I didn’t understand. But whatever, I can roll with it. We love nipples in this household.

I liked how the three different mouth bits were not a perfect circle — they slope, and there’s lots of surface area around the opening to create a suction. And! That suction! It’s great!  The air pressure is thumpy and strong, and here’s the best part: when this suction sex toy is against your body, it’s surprisingly quiet. If you’re new to suction sex toys, they have a reputation of being loud, so they’re probably not the toy you’d reach for if you have roommates. The Poet, once the suction is made, isn’t whisper-quiet, but it’s definitely an “inside voice” vibrator compared to the Satisfyer. As with many toys, all of this goes out of the window in the bathtub, where the sound somehow feels increased underwater. Apologies to my neighbors.

The Poet has five patterns that my play partner and I found quite enjoyable! Patterns aren’t usually our jam, but these were fun! But Smile Makers mostly advertises The Poet’s pressure technology. Squeezing two of the sides makes the vibration stronger, and letting go makes it softer. If you enjoy edging, this might be a great toy for you! Squeezing the sides and then suddenly letting that vibration drop was a great experience. What was not a great experience was trying to keep it on the high-vibration mode. I had to squeeze the sides and hold down the button, which is asking a lot of coordination from me when I’m trying to come!

That was the most distracting aspect of this suction sex toy. Having to take it off a body and fiddle with the controls definitely took me out of the moment. I do wish there were a separate button just to increase the strength. Without that option, I have to use two hands to change the strength or just keep a death grip on the toy, neither of which I enjoy.

Smile Makers is creating some really interesting toys. While I’m personally not thrilled with their decision to not be stocked in sex toy stores — which, to me, indicates that there is something wrong with sex shops — the education, visuals and designs of their new products are really smart, and I’m excited to see what else they’ll develop.

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  1. Intrigued by the toy, disappointed by the respectability politics. By all means get vibrators into corner drugstores, but no need to malign sex shops in the process.

    • Agree! Big box store book departments don’t (shouldn’t) diminish the value of my local specialty bookshop. Same goes for sex toys.

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