Letter From Your Editors

Hello it’s us full of love for you and also for these things:

1st: KaeLyn and $1 coffee // Heather and Stacy // Riese and Carol // Sarah and eucalyptus // Kamala and pen
2nd: Drew and The L Word // Carmen and her body 🎉 // Dani and her drama // Laneia and her phone // Rachel and coffee
3rd: Casey and Whitey // Meg and tarot // Malic and blanket // Nicole and Mya // Rachel CL and boob mug

Last week our new Senior Staff team — Kamala, Laneia, Sarah, Carmen, Rachel and Riese — shared physical space for the very first time. We chose Las Vegas, because it’s cheap to fly there and stay there. There was boxed wine, of course, and half-empty LaCroix cans and sharpies piling up around The Breakfast Club puzzle I’d picked up on sale at Target because it had a cute box and puzzles are great. But this wasn’t like the other times we’ve gotten together to work collaboratively and plan out the year ahead among ourselves. This time we were together to learn how to be better together! We did some training with a Dare to Lead facilitator (who graciously gave us a significant discount so we could afford to do it), picking up skills on how to, you know, rumble with vulnerability, deliver tough feedback and recognize daring leadership and generally just communicate more honestly and effectively. We then worked with an anti-racism trainer — looking at how white supremacy surfaces in our workplace culture, policies and practices, analyzing the communities that compose Autostraddle and making concrete plans about how best to expand them. We’re doing the serious work of assessing how we’re doing and how to do it better.

So much of what we do, what we’ve always done, has felt like fumbling around in the dark of that bedroom we launched in, and it was fortifying and helpful to actually spend some time face-to-face. It’s hard to build a workplace culture with people you never actually see, communicating almost solely over Slack or email. We’re hopeful that the tools we learned and plans we made will become apparent in the coming months. Thank you once more for supporting us through it all!
Our 11th birthday is next month and we will be VERY hype about it and we think you should be do. We’ll be really pushing to get new members!

We hope you enjoyed this month’s A+ content! Bailey’s incredible essay Nuggets, Milkshakes, Nosebleeds: Love After Heartbreak, Into the A+ Advice Box #10, 2019 By the Numbers: An A+ Member Exclusive and Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #28.

Hope to see y’all at our birthday party!

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Sarah / Carmen

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From January 2020

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. TruckSlutsMag Is Making Trucks Gay and Reclaiming Rural Queer Culture, by Lauren Parker
2. The 100 Best Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Sci-Fi and Fantasy Shows of All Time, by Valerie
3. The L Word: Generation Q Episode 106 Recap: Loose Ends, by Riese
4. The L Word: Generation Q Episode 108 Recap: Lapse in Judgement, by Riese
5. The L Word: Generation Q Episode 107 Recap: Lose It All, by Riese
6. The L Word Generation Q Episode 105 Recap: Labels, by Riese
7. “The L Word: Generation Q” Should Change Its Mind About Trans Actresses Playing Cis Characters, by Drew
8. Queer Horoscopes for January 2020: In Which We Get Down to Brass Tacks, by Corrina
9. Meet the Queer and Trans Women Taking Over Professional Wrestling, by BJ Colangelo
10. Winter 2020 TV Preview: Where To Find All The LGBTQ Women & Trans People on Your TV, by Riese / Natalie / Heather

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Carmen: HELLO TEAM!!!!! I love all of your faces! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I’m going to attempt to make an astrology joke? I think it’s very Cancer of me to watch Mary Lambert’s “She Keeps Me Warm” music video on Valentine’s Day in the middle of a work day just so I could feel my heart clench and cry a little. Is that how it woreks?
Cancers can have a little cry, as a treat.

Shelli: Is this real Portlanders?

Archie: Is this just a dating app that takes into account driving times??
Sarah: I don’t understand the concept…
Drew: Maybe it just tells you if your roommates are interested in a messy – but convenient!! – fling

[following a discussion of the A+ annual report]

Vanessa: Is my instagram rly one of the most clicked out links?!?!?!
(Also I think in the sex & relationship post header graphic it says 2018 instead of 2019)
Lots of late night feedback from me, sorry
THANK U RIESE AND SARAH FOR PUTTING THIS TOGETHER IT IS EXTREMELY FASCINATING
Drew: Wow Vanessa your instagram beat “The Duke of Burgundy on Netflix”
Not gonna lie a little disappointed in our readers that they chose that of all the movies!!
Vanessa: MY SLUTTY INSTAGRAM PROFILE IS FLATTERED AND OVERWHELMED
all my thirst trap work rly paid off i guess
drew if you were to tell our readers to pick one movie
which would it be
Drew: Well Duke of Burgundy also was just taken off Netflix so I think I’m allowed to say Princess Cyd
Netflix’s offerings of lesbian-directed lesbian cinema is pretty bleak so I guess I won’t blame our readers too much on second thought
Vanessa: i’m like CONSIDERING watching a movie on the train tmrw
probably not tbh
but it’s UNDER CONSIDERATION
Drew: Oh wow well do you have Hulu because there’s better stuff on there
Gonna move this to DMs lol
Vanessa: drew, lol
do i have ANYTHING
remember when i assumed all movies were on netflix
Drew: Also for the record I don’t think Duke of Burgundy is bad, just not like THE choice I’d make anyway
Vanessa: and was like alarmed and dismayed to not have instant access to almost famous?
anyway yes see u in the DMs xoxo goodnight everyone
Drew: Actually you specifically should watch Daddy Issues and I’m also saying it in Freeform because I think it’s probably the best queer woman movie remaining on Netflix in a post-Princess Cyd world and maybe other people need suggestions
God no wonder so many people like Duck Butter when the other options are Below Her Mouth and A Perfect Ending
Vanessa: truly couldn’t love u more
Drew: Really hijacked this moment of acknowledging your fantastic Instagram to rant about movies
Vanessa: haha rly on brand for both of us tbh
Heather: oh wow this is like if both of y’all’s brands were distilled and mixed together into a fine cocktail

Rachel: just want to share how fucked up it is that this isn’t actually about ghosts, which seemed really possible for the first 50 words or so

Heather: they sure do say the word ghost a lot for a thing that doesn’t actually involve one single ghost
Rachel: not even like a pity ghost
just one, as a gesture
Heather: it’s the least they could do

Carmen: Also.Also.Also: Young M.A’s Making Sex Toys Now and That’s All You Need to Make It Today
Also.Also.Also: Young M.A Becomes a Sex Toy Tycoon, Takes “Be Your Own Brand” to the Next Level
Riese: i think getting “strap-on starter kit” in there would be good since i think that specifically is something a lot of people seem to want in their lives
Carmen: ooooh! I thought those words would get us banned on social so I was avoiding them. I like them too!
Also.Also.Also: Young M.A Is Making a Strap-On Starter Kit. This Is Not a Drill.
Also.Also.Also: Young M.A Is Making a Strap-On Starter Kit, Never Been a Better Time to Be a Baby Gay
Riese: Also.Also.Also: Young M.A Is Making a Strap-On Starter Kit. This Is Not a Drill (Or Is It)
Carmen: hahahhahaaa!!! I love it! thanks
Riese: get it
drill
sex
Carmen: I DID GET IT

Drew: Sorry can we go back to the Lopez’s genderqueer lesbian musical in Paris written by Amy Herzog??
It’s like they saw my twitter feed and were like you’re singing Girltrash? Oh sweetie you deserve so much better

Heather: siiiiigh: ‘The Conners’ to Offer Live Oscars Commentary on ABC (EXCLUSIVE)
Riese: oh good!
i was thinking like
ehhh do i really wanna… watch the oscars? without commentary from The Conners?
so this is a huge relief
i will sleep well tonight secure in my knowledge that all buzzy moments will be addressed by The Conners
Heather: yes i wish they’d make it an entire thing. the conners live commentary on the state of the union, the conners live commentary on the iowa caucus, the conners remember that time jane lynch said wine cave people shouldn’t be shut out of democracy
Carmen: The Conners are doing live commentary for New Hampshire.
I know you were joking heather, buuuut…..
Heather: NO! EXPECTO PATRONUM!
Riese: I’m sorry if this brings up old wounds for anybody here, but doesn’t it seem a little fucked up that we’re getting Conners commentary on The Oscars despite getting literally ZERO Conners commentary on the Super Bowl? Considering that you know, this is like…. America??

[re: the straight gay marriage article]

Kamala: omg i’m horrified!!
at straight people
these are hilarious
Laneia: they are absolutely fucked
the time for being straight is over as hell
it’s sad for them but they have to go

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Christina, Writer

Instagram: christina_gracet
Twitter: C_GraceT

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?

Sandwiches are possibly my favorite food, now that I think about it? I have a real fondness for a classic club, they are hard to fuck up and always hit the spot.

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I went on a date with this dude who was, I think, the most boring man in the world? We got coffee and he spent the whole time telling me about his passion — which was real estate photography. Just…photos of empty rooms? It was baffling and honestly it speaks to the kind of cis men I used to date and then complain about how much I hated dating….turns out dating was not the problem!

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?

Eartha Kitt, Audra McDonald, Allison Janney and Toni Morrison. Eartha would have a TON of fun gossip, Audra just feels like a good person to have over for dinner, like she’s the one who would pay attention to what kind of wine you like and bring two bottles of the best version out there? I have been in love with Allison Janney for years, and Toni would drag me about all my insecurities about writing but in the way that your soul just craves sometimes. I think the five of us would vibe well.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?

Catherine Zeta Jones, Chicago, 2003. That smirk in All That Jazz ruined my life. In the best way possible.

What’s your #1 turn-on?

A raspy voice. I will lose my mind.

What’s your #1 turn-off?

Lack of moisturization. Lotion is for everyone!!!

FROM THE “TO L AND BACK” GROUP CHAT

Carly: I have done it
Are you ready for the best screenshot?

Porter 2020!
Riese: HAHAHAHA
Oh wow
Carly: This is my favorite thing
Riese: What an epic ep
Carly: Ive taken many screenshots this season, but this is my favorite
Riese: Thats a framer
Carly: Yup!

Lauren: Ill take a 12 month calendar of Bette screaming in all caps
Carly:

Wow this episode has so many good moments lol
Riese: Max is in love with Tim
Carly: Thank god Peggy Peabody is back
thats the only think that makes this episode at all watchable
Riese: A breath of the freshest of airs
Peggy Peabody

[…..]

Riese: the s3 finale is wild
Random French girl, skiing, Peggy Peabody running off with a nun
Carmen’s family in ski outfits
Lauren: LOL great perf for [our episode 312 guest] Kelley
Carly: Who is that musician Carmen books for Shane’s bachelor party
Riese: God-des and She rapping about eating pussy
Carly: YES
hahahahah
Riese: Unbearable truly
Lauren: That is a VIBE
Riese: Cause for divorce
Lauren: I shrivel into a raisin when that comes on
It pains me
Carly: Wow I forgot that God-des and She ever existed
Oh man
This’s gonna be fun

[….]

Lauren: Guys just so you know
I literally DIE every time you record these ads
Carly: Lololol
Lauren: Like hearing you say the cheesy lines
Carly: Hahaha
Lauren: I literally cackle
Carly: We are not professionals
Lauren: HAVE I MENTIONED [CLIENT] IS AMERICA’S BEST VALUE MEAL KIT
Carly: We r dumb
Lauren: Think of it like this
One meal
Is the cost
Of a coffee
The drama
Ugh you GUYS
Too good
Carly: I’m dying
I love that you love this
We’re really performing for you
When we record this
Riese: Truly yes it’s technically for the client
but it’s mostly for you

What We’ve Been Reading

Rachel Charlene Lewis: The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar and The Other’s Gold by Elizabeth Ames

Casey: My Art is Killing Me and Other Poems by Amber Dawn and Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey

Vanessa: Boys of Alabama by Genevieve Hudson

Malic: Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown

Jehan: Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde

Kamala: Vera Kelly Is Not A Mystery by Rosalie Knecht and Dare To Lead by Brené Brown

Sarah: Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer and You Were Born for This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

Meg: Before and After the Book Deal: A Writer’s Guide to Finishing, Publishing, Promoting, and Surviving Your First Book by Courtney Maum

Drew: Fledgling by Octavia Butler

Riese: Such a Fun Age, by Kiley Reid

Dani Janae: In Full Velvet by Jenny Johnson

Carmen: Daring to Lead by Brené Brown and Dominicana by Angie Cruz

Laneia: How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan

ONE GREAT MUG

Welcome to a new segment we’re trying out called “One Great Mug” — in which an editor will share a photo of a mug they love. A story about the arbiter of caffeine and/or warmth that gets them through the day.

Ok. So I know we were technically supposed to pick “one” great mug, but honestly I have been working hard collecting for like the past six months on what I consider to be the perfect Black & White collection, which means I absolutely had to cheat  just a little — family doesn’t leave family behind, after all.

From L to R, we have: the Women in Hip Hop Hall of Fame, queer women with naked butts, Queen Bey, and Hamilton. Of all of them, I must say, naked butts is definitely my fav. I got it as a Christmas present last year from my God sister (who’s also very gay. the whole crew is gay). This 8oz mug serves up my Friday morning hot chocolate just right, reminds me that I’m loved, and always makes me smile! PLUS BUTTS! — Carmen

Cee Webster Shift-Reload-Retro-Reading

This month we said goodbye to our knight in shining outfits, Cee as they are moving on to new projects and we’re bringing on a new tech team. Although Cee is best known for, you know, BUILDING THE ENTIRE WEBSITE, they also wrote some things while hanging around this little spot. 

Cee with Mailperson Maggie at A-Camp 2017

So You’re Allergic to Cats? (2016) – Cee has like three cats and yet they are allergic to cats! This is one of many impressive facts about Cee.

Shibari 101: Let’s Talk About Japanese Rope Bondage (2018) – This remains one of our most popular posts of all time! It’s also been a VERY popular activity at A-Camp, led by — you guessed it! — Cee.

Button-Up Shirts 101: Terminology, Fit Facts, and More (2018) – I’m always impressed by people who know all the vocabulary around this stuff and if you read this piece, you can be one of those people I am impressed by! Wild.

This Is How We Do It: Knife Skills Are Life Skills (2016) – This is NOT about knife play but about how to use a knife in the KITCHEN, Dylan.

Impact Play 101: How to Successfully Spank and Slap With Your Very Own Hands (2018) – There are a lot of 101s here I am realizing but anyhow, impact play is super-fun but can also be really dangerous if you’re not doing it right. Here is Cee, telling you how to do it right. You’re welcome!

Happy Black History Month, Love Autostraddle ✊🏾

It’s the end of Black History Month and I’m so proud (hi! It’s Carmen here!) of the work we curated this month!

In case you missed any of the series, here they are again. Happy Black History month, I hope you take some time today to do a little reading!

Black Queer People Writing Ourselves Into History: An Autostraddle Master List

Me and You, My Mama and Her Hot Comb Too

Black, Queer, and Here Without Apology: The History of BLK and Black Lace Magazines

Eight Black LGBTQ Poets to Give Your Flowers To Right Now

The Quiet Lesbian Biography of Lorraine Hansberry

The Invisible Addicts: Addiction and Treatment in Black LGBT Communities

Ain’t I A Bottom

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

You Need Help: Is It Possible to Repair a Relationship After a Consent Misstep?, by Christina

I know so many of us are hungry for more realistic and compassionate info about how to handle the reality that serious harm is caused in queer relationships, AND that that harm isn’t always intentional or something we want to end a connection or community over — this was such a smart, grounded and useful look at how to approach the possibility of healing and moving forward from harm.

The Invisible Addicts: Addiction and Treatment in Black LGBT Communities, by Dani

I’m always wanting more thoughtful and in-depth writing about addiction, especially writing that centers the experiences of addicts, and Dani’s writing and thinking are always so great for this; I always walk away from her work with something new, and you can too!

The Utopian, Queer Promise of Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend”, by Z Kennedy-Lopez

Deeply loved this as a person who cannot understand why we weren’t all talking about Honey alongside Mitski, Angel Olsen and MUNA.

The Quiet Lesbian Biography of Lorraine Hansberry: In Her Words, and From Those Who Knew Her, by Natalie

It’s maybe impossible to articulate how much we have to learn from the life and work of Lorraine Hansberry — just getting to access her lists is, I think, a major creative gift — and Natalie has one of the minds and perspectives I respect and value most; this article is such a blessing.

Extra! Extra!, curated and led by Himani

I’m so grateful to Himani for taking the initiative to revisit and revamp Autostraddle’s politics coverage — we know there’s more than anyone, including us, can really process right now, so we’re working on a format to give you a grounding on some of the most important stories to our communities from a variety of voices and experiences within the team.

BONUS:

The Real Stars of New York Fashion Week Were These Dogs and Cats and Pigs, by Heather

Did you get to read about Heather going to the New York Fashion Week Pet Fashion Show? TGIF; you deserve it.

Gospel That Slaps

[re: discussion of the rapture]

Heather: the first chapter of danny’s book is about the rapture and it’s so perfect
“I was roughly as afraid of the Rapture as I was of being the last person in the house who left the basement at nighttime and had to turn the lights out before I went up the stairs – it felt variously real and ridiculous depending on how close I was to being alone.”
Laneia: jesus god
Himani: Ok forgive my ignorance
What is “the rapture”?
Laneia: !!!
“an eschatological concept of certain Christians, particularly within branches of American evangelicalism, consisting of an end-time event when all Christian believers who are alive, along with resurrected believers, will rise “in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air.“”
Heather: oh wow i never envisioned people being raptured in their corporeal form like that! like their actual bodies being sucked up into heaven by a straw!
i always thought of it more as apparating
Laneia: it’ll be like a sky vacuum!
Drew: Looks fun!
Laneia: drew we won’t be vacuumed though, we’ll just be watching
Drew: Oh yeah of course
For so many reasons
Himani: Ah thank you for the explanation!
Laneia: of course! it’s the only thing i even remotely know about evangelical christianity i think
Heather: I bet you also know all the lyrics to “our god is an awesome god” even though you don’t think you do and cannot remember the last time, if ever, you heard it
Laneia: !!!
i do for sure know the words to father abraham
Heather: a classic!
RIGHT ARM LEFT ARM RIGHT FOOT FATHER ABRAHAM
Jehan: There’s a version of our god is an awesome god with Kirk Franklin that I think that low key sounds like gospel trap light
Carmen: OMG JEHAN I JUST CAME HERE TO SAY THAT
It’s the only version of the song I really know.
Jehan: Hahaha
I’m still here for the beat! Just a musical interlude, no lyrics necessary!
Carmen: 100% just took a dance break because of this conversation
It slaps
Shelli: Hello I’m here to say that’s also the only version of the song I know!
Dani: Lol also hear to confirm it’s the only version I know
Heather: I wish it was the only version I knew

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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Join AF+!