Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle

  • About
    • About Autostraddle
    • Meet The Team
    • Advertise
    • Press
    • Events
    • Contact
  • Shop
  • Sign in
    • Register
    • Lost Password?
  • Support Us
    • Buy Our Merch
    • Become an A+ Member
    • Give Us Money
    • Shop Our Affiliates
  • Issues
  • A+
    • All A+ Posts
    • The Autostraddle Insider
    • S L I C K Erotica
    • Into the A+ Advice Box
    • Some Answers to Some Questions
    • Sex Diary
    • Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend
    • Excerpts From My Secret Diary
    • Annual Report
    • Personal Essays
  • Television
    • All Television Posts
    • 2020-2021 LGBTQ Television Guide
    • The L Word: Generation Q
    • The L Word: Generation Q recaps
    • The L Word
    • To L and Back Podcast
    • Recaps
    • Boobs On Your Tube
    • 202 Dead Les/Bi TV Characters
  • Arts+Pop Culture
    • All Arts + Pop Culture Posts
    • The 200 Best Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual Movies Of All Time
    • I Watched Classic Lesbian Movies
    • Film
    • Books
    • Vapid Fluff
    • Fashion/Style
    • Music
    • Comedy
    • Theater
    • Visual Art
  • Sex+Dating
    • All Sex + Dating Posts
    • Lesbian Sex 101
    • How To Have Lesbian Sex
    • How To Be Gay
    • NSFW Sunday
    • Shibari 101
    • Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey
    • Anonymous Sex Toy Reviews
    • View From the Top
    • Bottoms Up
    • Poly Pocket
  • Politics
    • All News + Politics Posts
    • COVID-19
    • This Is Not The Church of Social Justice
    • The Resistance
  • Community
    • The Autostraddle Yearbook
    • Roundtables
    • Herstory
    • First Person
    • Queer IRL
    • The QTPOC Speakeasy
    • Advice
    • You Need Help
    • Events + Meet-Ups Hub
    • Queer Girl City Guides
  • Columns
    • Year Of Our Lorde
    • Come Vibe With Me
    • Straight People Watch
    • The Dyke Kitchen
    • For Your Consideration
    • Things I Read That I Loved
    • Queering Disability
    • Find Your Fit
    • Queer Horoscopes
    • No Filter
    • What I Wore
    • Butch Please

Life

  • Food and Drink
  • DIY / Crafting / Food / Home
  • Health + Athletics
  • Travel
  • Business + Work

Geekery

  • All Geekery Posts
  • Drawn to Comics
  • Queer Your Tech
  • Saturday Morning Cartoons
  • Notes From A Queer Engineer
  • Gayme Corner
  • Video Games

LGBT Culture

  • Politics + Activism
  • Herstory
  • Marriage Equality
  • Coming Out
  • International News

Our Best Work

  • Greatest Hits
  • Ranked By Lesbianism
  • Epic Lists
  • Research/Investigations
  • Personal Essays
  • Longreads
  • Photo Essays
  • Shopping Guides
  • Listlings Without Commentary
  • Serious Business
  • Playlists

Etc.

  • Things I Read That I Love
  • This Business Of Art
  • The Way We Were
  • Events
  • Video
  • Lists/Top Tens
  • Calendar Girls
  • Hot 100
  • Autostraddle Merch

Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle

  • Support Us
    • Buy Our Merch
    • Become an A+ Member
    • Give Us Money
    • Shop Our Affiliates
  • Issues
  • A+
    • All A+ Posts
    • The Autostraddle Insider
    • S L I C K Erotica
    • Into the A+ Advice Box
    • Some Answers to Some Questions
    • Sex Diary
    • Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend
    • Excerpts From My Secret Diary
    • Annual Report
    • Personal Essays
  • Television
    • All Television Posts
    • 2020-2021 LGBTQ Television Guide
    • The L Word: Generation Q
    • The L Word: Generation Q recaps
    • The L Word
    • To L and Back Podcast
    • Recaps
    • Boobs On Your Tube
    • 202 Dead Les/Bi TV Characters
  • Arts+Pop Culture
    • All Arts + Pop Culture Posts
    • The 200 Best Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual Movies Of All Time
    • I Watched Classic Lesbian Movies
    • Film
    • Books
    • Vapid Fluff
    • Fashion/Style
    • Music
    • Comedy
    • Theater
    • Visual Art
  • Sex+Dating
    • All Sex + Dating Posts
    • Lesbian Sex 101
    • How To Have Lesbian Sex
    • How To Be Gay
    • NSFW Sunday
    • Shibari 101
    • Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey
    • Anonymous Sex Toy Reviews
    • View From the Top
    • Bottoms Up
    • Poly Pocket
  • Politics
    • All News + Politics Posts
    • COVID-19
    • This Is Not The Church of Social Justice
    • The Resistance
  • Community
    • The Autostraddle Yearbook
    • Roundtables
    • Herstory
    • First Person
    • Queer IRL
    • The QTPOC Speakeasy
    • Advice
    • You Need Help
    • Events + Meet-Ups Hub
    • Queer Girl City Guides
  • Columns
    • Year Of Our Lorde
    • Come Vibe With Me
    • Straight People Watch
    • The Dyke Kitchen
    • For Your Consideration
    • Things I Read That I Loved
    • Queering Disability
    • Find Your Fit
    • Queer Horoscopes
    • No Filter
    • What I Wore
    • Butch Please
  • More
    • Life
      • Food and Drink
      • DIY / Crafting / Food / Home
      • Health + Athletics
      • Travel
      • Business + Work
    • Geekery
      • All Geekery Posts
      • Drawn to Comics
      • Queer Your Tech
      • Saturday Morning Cartoons
      • Notes From A Queer Engineer
      • Gayme Corner
      • Video Games
    • LGBT Culture
      • Politics + Activism
      • Herstory
      • Marriage Equality
      • Coming Out
      • International News
    • Our Best Work
      • Greatest Hits
      • Ranked By Lesbianism
      • Epic Lists
      • Research/Investigations
      • Personal Essays
      • Longreads
      • Photo Essays
      • Shopping Guides
      • Listlings Without Commentary
      • Serious Business
      • Playlists
    • Etc.
      • Things I Read That I Love
      • This Business Of Art
      • The Way We Were
      • Events
      • Video
      • Lists/Top Tens
      • Calendar Girls
      • Hot 100
      • Autostraddle Merch
  • About
    • About Autostraddle
    • Meet The Team
    • Advertise
    • Press
    • Events
    • Contact
  • Shop
  • Sign in
    • Register

      Lost Password?

Support Autostraddle

lesbian dating

A dispirited-looking woman holds her chin in her hand as she sits on a couch and looks off into the middle distance
Advice

You Need Help: I’m Queer, Kinky, and Monogamous — Will I Be Alone Forever?

You need to find ways to happiness whether you remain single or whether you find your ultimate kinky monogamous life partner.

By Vanessa| February 9, 2021 | 16 Comments
Sex + Relationships

How to Honestly Tell When It’s Time to Break Up

Sometimes it takes an outside perspective and an objective read on what’s going on to tell whether it’s healthiest to separate — which is why our team is here to tell you from experience when it’s time to go.

By the team| January 21, 2021 | 22 Comments
Sex + Relationships

What We’ve Learned About Dating & Relationships During the Pandemic

“As a broody, miserable bastard, I’ve obviously spent some time pondering past relationship failures and wondering what a functional relationship would look like for myself in the future.”

By the team| January 21, 2021 | 17 Comments
two women holding hands laughing w the text "i'm not feeling it tbh" overlaid on top
Sex + Relationships

Call It Off: A Very Subjective Primer on Breaking Up with Someone You’re Casually Dating

How are you supposed to end things with somebody you’re seeing casually or have more of, idk, “a thing” with? Well, no one really has that figured out, but here are some ideas for how to break things off with the person you’re seeing casually based on the nature and length of your relationship.

By Rachel| January 20, 2021 | 19 Comments
Two women embracing in the sunset.
Sex + Relationships

Yes, Virginia, Queer Women Can Casually Date: Here’s How It Works

If casual dating is a thing you want, you can do it! I believe in you / us / our ability to not get married on the third date.

By Vanessa| January 20, 2021 | 17 Comments
Sex + Relationships

25 Questions to Make Conversation with on a First Date

A relatable icon for adult dating is Real Women Have Curves’ Ana García bringing index cards of conversation topics to her first date.

By Rachel| January 19, 2021 | 31 Comments
Two women pushing ice-cream cones on each other's noses and laughing, background is a pattern of various beverages
Sex + Relationships

How to Go on a First Date That Doesn’t Suck

Be who you are just as hard as you can. Also, be on time.

By Carolyn Yates| January 18, 2021 | 37 Comments
Sex + Relationships

Direct Communication Rules, Ghosting Sucks, Let’s All Say What We Mean

You may be wondering, do I really have to communicate directly about EVERYTHING? In short… yes! Well okay, in slightly longer: almost always yes.

By Vanessa| January 14, 2021 | 41 Comments
Sex + Relationships

A Very Sensible, Queer Guide to Sending the First Message on Dating Apps

14 first messages that will have you burning up your matches list (with queer pop culture references!).

By Kayla| January 13, 2021 | 64 Comments
Sex + Relationships

How to Successfully Flirt With the Babe of Your Dreams on Instagram

Any app is a dating app if you have confidence and a good selfie. Combine that attitude with Instagram’s many features for actually getting to know what someone is like and connecting with their life, and you’re halfway to adopting a cat with someone or just sucking their face off, whichever you’re looking for.

By Rachel| January 13, 2021 | 8 Comments
Sex + Relationships

How to Choose Dating App Photos That’ll Have Babes Swiping Hell Yes

You want to look like your best self: fun, hot, interesting, and lez be real, it doesn’t hurt if you look like you might actually send the first message.

By Vanessa| January 12, 2021 | 32 Comments
A blonde woman in a white T-shirt and jeans is trapped inside a cardboard box.
Advice

You Need Help: Your Partner Won’t Give You Space

She’s isolating you from the things that make you a capable, confident, well-rounded person, and when you adhere to her rules, you’re enabling codependency.

By Ro White| January 5, 2021 | 4 Comments
A brown-skinned person's hands with manicured nails hold a smart phone, scrolling through Lex posts.
Sex + Relationships

Dating Download: Three Lesbians Try Lex and Get Sexy With Words

“The first months of Lex were frenzied and horny and I loved it so much. Even if I didn’t match with anyone I loved the energy. Now it’s people talking about longing and dread and looking for roommates?”

By the team| November 30, 2020 | 23 Comments
A woman in Victorian period dress sits writing a letter with a fountain pen
Sex + Relationships

In Pandemic Times, I’m Having a Digital Victorian Gay Romance

COVID-19 turned our relationship long-distance. We’re getting through it with Jane Austen and love letters.

By Shelly Jay Shore| November 11, 2020 | 10 Comments
A seated woman holds a mobile phone loading Tinder
Sex + Relationships

Every Opening Line I’ve Received and Sent on Tinder Since the Pandemic Began

“How are you liking all this social distancing? It’s cool that you write for Autostraddle”

By Drew Gregory| October 15, 2020 | 15 Comments
A hand of a white person with short, red-painted nails is holding a smartphone out in front of them; a whimsically illustrated pink menu that asks "Who are you interested in? Women/Men/Nonbinary and more"
Sex + Relationships

Dating Download: Three Lesbians Try the XO Dating App So You Don’t Have to

Dating Download is a new ongoing series where Shelli, Dani and Drew try out the latest or most overlooked of dating apps so you don’t have to. Today they’re giving you the full download on XO.

By the team| October 7, 2020 | 15 Comments
A Black person with loosely curled hair wearing quirky green-framed glasses, a septum piercing and a bright pink turtleneck looks off to the side nervously while tapping their mouth in a thinking gesture
Advice

You Need Help: Is It Okay to Date My Ex’s Friend?

No matter how cautious we try to be, we are going to hurt people. The question then becomes: when is it worth it?

By Drew Gregory| October 6, 2020 | 3 Comments
a triptych featuring three queer people in sexy situations - frame one is a girl laying back with her arms behind her head and a book on her chest, frame two is a person on their knees, holding up a puzzle piece with their butt in the air, frame 3 is two hands with painted fingernails, one of the hands has on a finger extender
Sex + Relationships

Love After Lockdown: 7 Hot Dates to Make Things IRL with Your Pandemic Crush Post-Quarantine

You and your cyber cutie have probably gone from simple sexting to full-on virtual sex and maybe have seen each others toy or two – but what about exploring something to use together once it’s safe to meet up again? Wet for Her is low key making it hella easy to mix online shopping with your IRL play.

By Shelli Nicole| September 5, 2020 | 6 Comments
A collaged image of photos of four Autostraddle staffers - Drew, Shelli, Kayla and Kamala from L to R - posing in outfits with a stylized pink lens flare
Fashion/Style Sex + Relationships

7 Hot Queers and Their Go-To First Date Outfits

The best advice for a first date is always to be yourself; obviously you’re also interested in being the hottest, most unforgettable version of yourself. A good first date outfit does both.

By the team| September 3, 2020 | 18 Comments
Sex + Relationships

Is That a Secure Attachment or Are You Just Happy to See Me: All About Our Attachment Styles

“Wow I’m making myself sound so fucked up! I promise I got 30 whole percent in secure attachment.”

By the team| August 19, 2020 | 10 Comments
Advice Sex + Relationships

You Need Help: When Is it Love?

I’m not saying this word doesn’t hold meaning — I’m saying the opposite. This word holds so many meanings.

By Drew Gregory| August 18, 2020 | 2 Comments
1 2 3 4 … 17 Next Page →
You Are Powerful - Over the past two and a half weeks, over 2,256 of our readers have given to our fundraiser or joined a+. Every person who chips in makes a difference. Will you help us out?

Join A+ Starting at Just $4 / Month!

400! Over the past two and a half weeks, over 400 of our readers have joined A+. A+ members get perks and bonus content, but they also keep Autostraddle here and 99% free for all. Will you join?

Affiliate of the Month

wet for her logo

Wet For Her is an online sex toy retailer that's a welcoming space for queer women and the folx they love — celebrating a diverse range of bodies, genders, and orientations.

shop Wet For Her →

Support Autostraddle While You Shop!

Illustration of shopping bag surrounded by sparkles. Text reads Visit the Affiliate Marketplace

kickback some of your amazon purchase to us!

From the Archives

  • Where Oh Where Are the Single Black Lesbians?

    Where Oh Where Are the Single Black Lesbians?

  • Sister Spit’s New Generation of Queer Poets & Rebels: The Autostraddle Interview

    Sister Spit’s New Generation of Queer Poets & Rebels: The Autostraddle Interview

  • Everybody Should Come Out, Or Not

    Everybody Should Come Out, Or Not

Latest Comments

  • JCF On “Batwoman” Exclusive Clip: Ryan and Sophie Sitting in a Bar, P-R-O-C-E-S-S-I-N-G "Lil ol’ me not looking at this article until after the ep— I guffawed out loud at “Crow-phie”. Damn, Ryan,…"

  • Jay On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "But I really NEED to know where I can find this pizza slut mesh top… its VERY IMPORTANT!!! Who has…"

  • PJLorens On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "I feel like the movie Warm Bodies (2013) might be the missing link in this conversation! (Just fyi looked up…"

  • ExceptForBunnies On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "And now off to the basement where there’s the Pieces of April soundtrack lying around somewhere."

  • Gamezalley On Top 7 Style Blogs for The Aesthetically Oriented Queer "Hello… Thanks for the sharing your article with us… I hope your next article coming out soon. Dubai Game Store"

  • Chloe On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "I should have guessed the pull quote was from Archie lmao"

  • Deli Twotone On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "All dudes are Whomst’es really."

  • Ten On The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021 "That entire whomst conversation is gold, and by gold I mean my A+ Gold membership is worth it just to…"

Support Us

Latest Posts

  • The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021

    The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 77, February 2021

  • Come Vibe with Me: Simple Sunday Goodbyes

    Come Vibe with Me: Simple Sunday Goodbyes

  • NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Calling All Size Queers

    NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Calling All Size Queers

  • Editor’s Notes: On Black History Month 2021

    Editor’s Notes: On Black History Month 2021

  • Everything That Matters Is Stuck in the Back of My Throat

    Everything That Matters Is Stuck in the Back of My Throat

Upcoming Meet-Ups & Events

Submit to our Community Calendar →
View More Meet-Ups & Events →
1 2 3 4 … 17 Next Page →
Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle Autostraddle

Our Network

  • Community
  • Store
  • A-Camp

About Us

  • What is AS?
  • Meet The Team
  • Press
  • Advertise
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us

Follow Us

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Instagram
  • RSS

Copyright 2009 - 2021 The Excitant Group, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Comment Policy

99%

99% of our readers don’t financially support or are not A+ members. Still, thanks to the people who support Autostraddle, we’re almost to our fundraising goal! Will you help us out?


Become an A+ Member
Give thru PayPal
Explore Fundraiser Perks

Close Popup

AUTOSTRADDLE IS RAISING FUNDS FOR 2021 LEARN MORE →