Maintaining the balance between “I like you and think you’re cool to hang with and sometimes bang” and “we’re dating” is tough, but these gifts will help you out.
There is safety in distance, a whole lot of it — distance lets us be different version of ourselves, or to reveal parts of ourselves we haven’t shown to the light before. It allows us to be bold, and take risks.
Ease the sting of distance with these mostly practical (but yes, some are sappy… DISTANCE IS HARD, y’all) gifts.
Here’s how a 33-year-old queer, polyamorous, white, trans woman living in Chicago who’s married and has a long-term girlfriend does poly.
Do you have to go to your homophobic asshole cousin’s wedding? How do you tell your more-than-friends friend that you’ve slept with her ex? Is 22 too old to still be as pure and virginal as the driven snow? Get in here and find out!
“First comes Twitter, then comes Snapchat, then comes texting nudes to a complete and total stranger.” Patty-cake to that one, kiddos.
So you want to break up? Don’t be mean. Be honest.
“…there’s a value in extending the period of time in which the way you build a life together is directed only by what’s in your heart and guts and brain, not by leases and legal documents and bill payments and shared sofas.”
Be a Taurus. If that’s not your sign, figure out how for it to be your sign.
“I want to make out with my bestie. I love her dearly, but I don’t think I’m in love with her—I don’t want to be in a whole relationship thing with her or anything.”
We started to turn the top/bottom dynamics in our sex life into 24/7 dominance/submission. It was highly negotiated, mutually consensual, and extremely hot.
Spend time alone and exalt in your own company. Make your own decisions and order your own dinner and dream your own dreams.
Studying abroad or going long distance isn’t a death knell for a relationship, but I’m hearing something else in your question.
Before you can find someone who wants what you want, you have to say no to everyone who doesn’t.
“Am I in denial? Should I view this as a total dealbreaker? What is a girl to do?”
This happens to a lot of us — like, a lot a lot of us. And we’ve got to laugh it off, what else can we do? I mean, it’s likely to happen again.
“My goopy brain instantly convinced me that this event would singularly make or break our relationship and that if it went poorly it would be my fault. But I swallowed my anxiety and said yes. Then I immediately started thinking about my outfit.”
“I’ve been disabled for as long as I’ve been a woman, gay and, y’know, alive. So I don’t even know how it’s possible to “see past” something so fully baked into my experience. Instead, I need you to work a little harder and understand disability as part of my value rather than a caveat on it.”
Sometimes the girl you have a crush on has an open girl/boy/boifriend and you’ve never even thought about non-monogamy before. Here’s how to start.
“I’ve been thinking recently that queer time for me is a self-declared snow day. A chance to stay in bed and explore ourselves unhindered by the outside world. A chance to exist, to play — free from the hetero pillars of career, marriage, and lineage.”