Screaming/Not Screaming

Wake up on your back feeling like you're mid-scream. You're screaming louder than you've ever screamed, but you're not. You're silent. You can make a whimpering sound, you think, so you try it. It comes out sounding like the last dying moan from a pile of sourdough that hasn't been baked yet. You're aware that someone is lying next to you in bed, but who? Do they have a head or is it a large turnip root still covered in dirt? You can't be sure. What are eyeballs? If you saw a set of eyeballs right now, would they see you too? You're still screaming/not-screaming but now it also feels like a cackle mixed with underwater mermaid practice. Who is lying next to you?? Ask her. "Megan? Megan is that you?" She doesn't reply so you're sure it's a cardboard box but what's in the box? Should you get up to pee? What if you never come back? What if the hallway isn't empty? How many times can you think about stars before you're not allowed to think about them again? Can you end a star's life by thi...

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Laneia is the Executive Editor and founding member of Autostraddle, and she thinks you're fucking rad. She's 36, has two kids, two dogs, one Megan, some personal essays and a lot of emails in her inbox. More at LaneiaJones.com.

Laneia has written 778 articles for us.