Ready Or Not, The Final Season Of Glee Is Coming For You

Once upon a time, the world was Dark. Oh, Light existed, of course; there has always been Light — but it was scarce and closely guarded. One day, as if from nowhere, a Princess rode into the Darkness astride a gleaming unicorn, brandishing a torch of First Light. “I am not afraid of the Dark,” she proclaimed, “and neither should you be! Come to me, children! My flame will keep you safe!” And so the children gathered around the Princess and glorified her name. They sang her songs. They wrote her stories. They gifted her with golden statues. For truly she was a source of Light, and truly they had been too long in the Darkness.

As time passed, other Lights found their way to the children. Timid Light that seemed to promise something brighter. Flares of blinding Light that burned up hard and fast. Flickering Light that grew steadfast.

“Princess,” some of the children said. “May we have Light over here? Our Darkness has been complete these many years.” The Princess teased these children with her Light, pretending to hand it over to them but snatching it away at the last second, laughing as if they should have known it was a joke all along.

Other children asked for Light, and the Princess burned them. When they cried out, she scolded these children. “Did I not bring Light into your Darkness?” she asked. “This is the price you must pay!”

And still to other children, the Princess gave the Light of a single match. When they asked for Light as bright as their companions’, the Princess chided them. “Am I not the Giver of Light? It is mine to decide where and when and to whom I shall bestow my gift! You are selfish for asking, and if you do so again, I will take even your match away!”

The Princess used her Light to set precious things aflame, and when the children begged her to stop, she scoffed at them. “I am not burning anything,” she said. But she was, and the children knew it.

So the children, scarred and weary from the Princess’ callous way with Light, sought out new sources of Brightness. Some wandered far. Some stayed near. And they found the Brightness. It was scattered, but it was there.

Many years later, the children heard some news that startled and surprised them. The Princess was planning to leave Minority Valley. “I didn’t realize she was still here,” some children said. “Good riddance,” others chimed in. Yet many children could not quell their curiosity. Yes, the Princess been cruel at times. She had also been obtuse; purposefully so, it often seemed. But she had brought Light into the Darkness, and even though the world was lit quite well now, and growing brighter every day, the children decided to visit the Princess one last time.

Would she soothe them, or would she torch them? They did not know. They only knew they needed to see for themselves, if any comfort or joy was left in her Light.

Or, if moving pictures are more your thing:

Yes, queer lady folks, it is true — Glee is finally coming back for one last go-round. Everything I say after this is going to be a hardcore spoiler, so if that’s not your jam/you don’t want to know how to gird yourself for season six, you’d better skedaddle. Glee‘s writers and actors and producers have been raining down spoilers from Twitter and Instagram like poison snow from a cloudless sky for months now.

The final shebang kicks off with a two-hour premiere on January 9th and wraps with a two-hour finale on March 20th. What’s happening in-between? Well:

brittana-wedding

+ Santana and Brittany are getting engaged and possibly married.

+ Probably they will be getting married alongside Kurt and Blaine.

+ Even though Blaine kicks off the season dating Karofsky, apparently.

bieste-6

+ Coach Bieste will come out as transgender and begin to transition.

+ Unique, however, will not be around at all.

+ Because the New New Directions of McKinley High are being replaced by some New New New Directions.

+ Due to Rachel and Kurt ditching their New York dreams and moving back to Ohio to take over their former Glee club.

+ But really, the original gang will be back for a lot of the season, apparently, because season six’s official promo pics dropped today, and they only include the Old New Directions, minus Quinn.

glee-s6-promo-pics

Fox originally ordered a full final season of Glee, then chopped the order down to 13 episodes, then pushed the 13 episodes back to the midseason, and now here we are. Riese and I will be co-recapping season six to keep each other sane. Stock up on booze and body armor. The Princess rides for the very last time in less than three weeks.

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Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 835 articles for us.

23 Comments

  1. Wait, is the Coach Bieste thing real? Wasn’t like, a huge part of the character about how even though they were masculine, they still wanted to be treated like and seen as a woman? Maybe I didn’t watch it right?

    That’s kind of garbage that they’re replacing a trans woman of color with a white trans man. And also notable that they keep having cis actors play trans characters.

    And obviously, a trans man can be gay and want to be told he’s beautiful and stuff, and that’s fine, but I thought it was more than that and the character straight up wanted to be seen as a woman. And obviously people can change or whatever, I just thought that Coach Bieste’s most honest moments were about how they wanted to be they way they were and still be seen as a woman. I don’t know, the last time I watched was when Demi Lovato wore that awesome tux and sang The Supremes.

  2. That was a sensational description of the Glee experience.
    Since it’s the last season I’ll be back to hate-watch and read the recaps just because I used to be so into britanna… I went to see the movie, tried to get tickets to the live show and everything.
    Then that whole “I kissed a girl” episode happened and the powers that be were totally awful to the fans. After that terrible AfterElton article praising the writer of that episode I gave up on Glee.

  3. See, Glee has always been incredibly important to me. It made me realize that I was gay and it made me feel okay with it and it also gave me the strength to come out. I’ve been watching it since between season’s 1 and 2, and it means a lot to me.
    I would never stop watching it because of sentimental value, but sometimes (a lot) I feel like it’s just getting ridiculous.
    I’m looking forward to Brittana, and I’ve always loved Rachel (I will continue to miss Quinn though!) and when I thought I was straight I really only cared about Klaine so I’ll be happy when they get married, but the whole Karofsky thing? Makes no sense. Also I really liked the New New Directions, and they hardly got any real closure. How long was the time skip? Have the New Directions all graduated? How does Glee expect me to care about a whole group of new characters in 13 episodes when I can hardly manage to care about the storylines of the originals?
    Also the Coach Beiste thing is totally out of no where.

    • Glee helped me realize that I was bisexual! It’s very sentimental to me too because it’s one of the first shows that I’ve watched all the way through since the very beginning. And it spoke to my feelings of being different/loner/loser/underdog, especially in middle school and in grade school too. And I adore the music – the great arrangements, the variety of styles, oldies and musicals. The gay characters and storylines just ended up being the icing on the cake for me. So this show is deep in my heart. I cannot ever fully get over it (emotionally), even though I tried this summer by falling head over heels in love with a new show. I’ve already started tearing up watching two promos for less than one minute and looking at all of the cast pictures!

  4. This makes me feel a lot of feels. I also started drinking the rest of my birthday scotch as soon as I walked in the door from work, so I may be feeling the feels more feelingly because of that.

    Anyway. Glee. So strange. So many feelings.

  5. “Coach Bieste will come out as transgender and begin to transition.”

    WAIT WHAT? This seems completely out of left field given everything we have been told about Bieste up until this point.

    And don’t even get me started on Blaine dating Karofsky. Just WTF.

    Why do I get the feeling that this last season going to be even worse than True Blood’s final season. A season I refuse to watch and want all DVD releases of it to be burned in front of Alan Ball’s estate.

  6. The most interesting thing about that promo was the new (and much improved, imo) Cheerios uniforms. Good lord.

    I have no hope of season 6 being anything other than terrible but I will be watching anyway because I’ve been in this thing since the beginning and I just can’t quit it. Sigh.

  7. Hi Heather,

    Love seeing all of your PLL recaps back in full form. I think you should do an article comparing Ryan Murphy to Ilene Chaiken. I feel like they both created something so wonderful that impacted so many but then they were always “mad” at the fans for loving what they made. Their megalomania is what I think got the shows made in the first place which were both “groundbreaking” and no one believed in them and they broke down all the doors but then it was like they almost enjoyed hurting the fans every week because we loved the characters and storylines as much as we did. And these final seasons for both shows seem so similar. It might be fun to compare all of the different ways both show runners created beloved shows and also crushed dreams and made us cry and run for the hills. In closing, Tibette and Brittana forever…nice to know that my love created a ship even if Ryan ran it straight into a ‘berg. Sigh. See you on the flip side, may #booradleyvancullen live forever. xoxo

  8. I would rather watch Peter Pan Live on a continuous loop for all of infinity than get any moment of enjoyment out of the last season of Glee. But you know I’ll be hate-watching it like everyone else, probably overcome with rage. And I’ll prolly cry at Brittana’s wedding. I already hate myself.

  9. What a beautiful story at the beginning, Heather. This fable is a true work of art and summed up the situation perfectly. I read somebody somewhere online say that Glee’s motto should be “If it ain’t broke, break it”, and this statement could not be more true. I think this season will only be half good because they’re finally listening to the fans over the past year and using some of their wishes and ideas for the storylines (thus why I think we’re in part getting something as great as a Brittana wedding).

    I can almost guarantee that I will be crying during the Brittana wedding. I just can’t believe that the first lesbian couple I really watched on TV and fell in love with have gone all the way from best friends who love each other but can’t figure out how to be together, to getting married! I can’t state enough that I never thought the day would actually come where I would see a Brittana wedding on Glee. So maybe some dreams do come true.

  10. At times I want to watch that promo, and then I remember how much I can’t handle That Song anymore and how meta it is to think about Rachel Berry/Lea Michelle sing the song Idina Mendzel/her estranged mother/coach/possibly idol in both lives and then yeah. Mind in a loop.

    Also- these spoilers sound like the writers have been reading too much crackfic. I want Quinn to come back in the last ten minutes of the series, slap Rachel across the face as a hello, kiss her breathless, then take her by the wrist and drag her ass out of there because really, giving up all the shit you’ve accomplished over six years of your life to be the Glee teacher for the town/school you hate is pure bullshit. The trans poc might have been smarter than everyone else and left before all of these characters got forced into making poor choices but damn. Faberry better be endgame.

    Huff. /endrant

    • Co-signing all of this. It’s unbelievable that Ryan Fucking Murphy and Lea would willingly destroy Rachel’s character. I think that is what kills me the most – the greatest disservice to essentially the lead character is too much.

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