Quiz: What’s Your Summer Olympics Event?

On your marks, quiz fans, because the race is on to discover which is the Olympic event for you!

Don’t worry, this is not an actual race (wow, how stressful would a timed quiz be?!) and unlike real sports you get unlimited do-overs. It really is the taking part that counts!

Note: this quiz will just be covering events from the summer games, so before all you Tonya Harding fans start waving your crowbars around, rest assured that we will be back with a winter version next year!

What's Your Summer Olympics Event?

Your Olympic event starts next week and you’re feeling a bit rusty. You need to get back in shape with a training montage! Pick your training montage soundtrack:(Required)
You’ve made it to the next round of competition and found out your opponent will be your ex! How will you deal?(Required)
You are in desperate need of an accessory to keep hair/sun/sweat out of your eyes. How about one of these?(Required)
Please could you pick a film. Thanks!(Required)
After a routine drugs test, your sample has been flagged up because of abnormal levels of…(Required)
Where is your off-season training location?(Required)
In your opinion, who is the greatest athlete of all time?(Required)
You are so amazing at your sport that you have your own officially recognised signature move! What’s it called? (Feel free to provide a description of your move in the comments)(Required)
Pick a (American) Gladiators event:(Required)
Who's your dream sponsor (aside from Subaru)?(Required)
Oh no! You’ve picked up a sports injury that’s going to keep you out of your next competition. What’s the injury?(Required)
Your sports injury from the last question has ended your career as an elite athlete! Pick a new job:(Required)
Your BFF has baked you a birthday cake - what a star! Pick your cake:(Required)

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Sally lives in the UK. Her work has been featured in a Korean magazine about queer people and their pets, and a book about haunted prisons. She never intended for any of this to happen.

Sally has written 81 articles for us.


  1. Beach Volleyball
    This is good, as it allows me to go to the beach, and even a little into the water, without actually being deep in the water.
    (I have severe Thalassophobia.)

  2. Real Tonya Harding stans know she’s not defined by the actions of the shitty men in her life! Also it wasn’t a crow bar. Also I got beach volleyball.

  3. i’m a gymnast! by the by i am still waiting for some female gymnast to show up with visible tattoos (the men have a TON)

    • Vanessa Ferrari has the Olympic rings on the back of her neck! It’s visible when her hair’s up.

        • Actually, Rebeca Andrade has two small tattoos, one really cute flower behind her ear, and another one on the back of her neck. I am admittedly thirst-watching this Olympics and checking out everyone’s tattoos.

  4. Gymnastics, it’s so funny to me because as a kid I as so obsessed with women’s gymnastics and I look at it now and I’m like, yeah I was gay!

  5. Soccer! Considering that I willingly woke up at 4am this morning to watch the semifinals, that’s accurate. Love me some soccer gays.

  6. Fencing! En garde!

    I wasn’t sure if the boob-touching cake would throw the results off but I couldn’t not pick it

    • I am v glad you went with your boob-touching instincts but still got your desired pointy stick outcome!

    • I deliberated for a while because it’s such a gay sport, but it’s been so in and out of the games I opted for some old stalwarts instead!

  7. I feel so seen as a no-sports-person. I am not an artist myself but I do love me a nice sculpture at a weirdly specific modern arts exhibition at a first date where I am going to completely alienate the girl with unnecessary knowledge

  8. ha! got archery. am archer and also very pleased with this result and also this quiz (are all the photos in the best athlete question serena williams?)

  9. Basketball! I’m the least athletic person in the world but I guess the quiz knew how tall I am?

    Also I would love to know what the search terms were to find the cake pictures (“gay sports cakes”?) and how hilarious the runner-up cakes that did not make it into the quiz were.

    • This is an excellent question!! Initially I wanted the cakes to all be cake disasters because it would be less obvious what the sports were, but other than a very amusing horse doing the splits and a couple of others, these were pretty tricky to find!

  10. Sculpture! My mom is an artist, so I can always try and see if I’m a chip off the ol’ block, and if that chip can be aesthetically pleasing enough to win gold. Or at the very least win gold leaf.

  11. I filled this out on the way to football (soccer) practice and got gymnastics.

    Not much of a leotard fan but maybe I will use this as an excuse to work on my overhead kicks haha.

    An enjoyable quiz once again, thank you

  12. My Olympic event is sculpture. I am not surprised. I would actually start watching the Olympics if that was still a thing.
    And I really want Renée Sintenis’ haircut.

  13. I’m sorry no one shared their signature move ! Mine is The Bonobo Grip.

    The Bonobo Grip is a sly move that has my opponent in any floormat competition banging on the mat yelling Yes ! Yes ! YES !

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