I keep forgetting what happened on this weeks episode of Pretty Little Liars, so obviously it wasn’t too noteworthy. I do know that a bunch of people finally spoke their minds, including but not limited to my roommate who had never seen the show before.
My Roommate: Why do they have to say the word ‘lie’ so much in this show? Like, we get it.
First, Emily told Aria about the creepy pictures of her sleeping from last week. Instead of sneaking over to his house, breaking in, stealing stuff and getting in to more trouble, she just asked him about it.
Remember, if you ever have to confront someone about stalking you, make sure to do it while wearing a super cute Marc Jacobs shirt. That way, when you go missing, everyone will remember what you were wearing when they talk to the police.
|Marc By Marc Jacobs Mouse in Da House Tee
If the Marc Jacob’s price tag is too high for you, REALLY? ANN TAYLOR? I GOT MINE AT CHICO’S!
After doing a little wink wink nudge nudge about how in style dark red purses are, they agree Mike should see a therapist/hair dresser.
Oh, Also it’s college fair day! If I remember anything about high school everyone must have been crowded around the Mount Holyoke booth. Obviously Ezra and his ex fiance are there for Holis because those two and Aria’s dad are the only three professors there. Also how is Ezra a professor? Does he even have a masters degree? Why is he dressed like Harry Potter?
Ezra’s ex-fiance, like Aria’s mom and therapist, is also wearing a dark colored blazer.
I think the message here is clear. It’s autumn and you’re an adult female in Rosewood: if you don’t have a blazer get the fuck out the club. Notice how Aria’s not wearing a blazer? I think they’re trying to tell us something.
|$113.99-Jones New York (plus)||$59-Urban Outfitters||$188-J. Crew|
Aria was scared off by all the blazers and skedaddled away to make nice with Jason. Jason claimed the pictures were taken by Allie and he just developed the film.
My Roommate: This doesn’t make any sense in terms of photography. Do they have any idea how long it takes to print that many photos? If you developed a roll and saw that it wasn’t something you wanted you would just stop. This is stupid.
Regardless of how stupid that explanation almost definitely was, on the other side of the school (how big is this school?!), Hanna tells Emily that Ashley gave her a massage gift certificate. This leaves me wondering where the hell is my massage gift certificate? I would even settle for a Groupon. I think Hanna’s fashion sense must be rubbing off on Emily becau– Oh wait. Nope. She’s still in jeans and a T-shirt.
Seriously? With a big ol’ heart on the front? Do less. Advice: if you’re over the age of 14 and your shirt has a heart in the center, you’re doing it wrong. I mean…uh… you are a beautiful individual snowflake and you do you. But maybe consider a nice horizontal stripe in the future.
On the other hand, I also don’t know what the hell Hanna is wearing, but I’m kind of really into it. While I’m confident I would never wear this Miha modal/silk blouse in my real life, it sort of rocks anyways. Getting lots of volume up top looks awesome when you tuck it in to a high waisted pair of skinny jeans or pencil skirt. Also the glittery feather thingys add a lot of cool movement. Thingy is a technical term.
|Miha Embellished Necklace Top
Also, I just need everyone to know that this color is called “Gothic Grape.” That’s basically the best color name I’ve ever heard of. I want to go out and buy 100 dark purple shirts now. I’m sure my enthusiasm would be endearing if it weren’t so indicative of my susceptibility to advertisement.
Emily and Hanna both immediately cut out of the college fair; Hanna to go to her bridesmaid dress fitting and Emily to go her massage. Hanna tries on a hideous dress, but look how cute Mona looks? I think I recognize her shirt from Urban Outfitters but I’m not positive. One thousand dubloons will be awarded to anyone who can identify Mona’s shirt.
Apparently Hanna’s step-sister to be already has at least one thousand dubloons because she’s dressed in every current style all at once. That’s right, all of the styles. Wearing more than two really trendy things is a fashion don’t. The only person allowed to do that is Barbie in the 90’s.
According to Mona, that Rebecca Minkoff bag is totally sold out this season. Wrong! As an exclusive to Autostraddle readers and anyone else with Google, this purse is indeed still available!
|Mini M.A.C. Clutch
Somehow Mona gets them both roped in to spending the rest of the episode going horseback riding.
Some other stuff happens involving losing some horses and Hanna’s step-sister to be being a crazy crazy, but the important thing is:
Emily, on the other hand, has a lovely massage. That is, right up until she realizes that A was massaging her for like five minutes without her knowledge. Awesome.
Obviously lesbian-in-a-robe is a classic fashion archetype, right? Why isn’t there a lesbians in robes tumblr? There should be greater recognition of all that lesbians have done for bathrobes. I feel like this is a good moment for a montage. Intern Grace?
Hm, I feel like I’m missing someone… Perhaps someone dressed absurdly? Obviously it’s Spencer who’s still hot on the “What happened to Alison” trial. Hasn’t she noticed that everyone else has stopped obsessing about Ian and started obsessing about normal high school stuff– like themselves?
Hey everyone, what do you think of Spencer’s shirt?
In case you can’t quite tell, she’s wearing a Canadian tuxedo with an open shoulder shirt and
a captain planet belt. I like open shoulder shirts, but with the buttons, the collar and the denim? Do less. Spencer, your friends just want to help you. Bizarre blouses won’t bring you closure. Maybe next time try a simpler cut-out shoulder shirt.
What was Spencer doing rooting through all of Ian’s old stuff? Something to do with digging up a secret Jenna doesn’t want her to know.
My Roommate: You would think they could have given her cuter sunglasses.
Truer words have never been spoken. My guess is that Jenna doesn’t want Spencer to find out the big enormous huge gigantic epic secret about Ian, Jason and that other guy. Just like any good TV show, the key to big secrets are always found in yearbooks.