Playlist: We Need You Bad As A Heartbeat So Please Don’t Go, Girl

Listen, I think we should talk. Please don’t get weird like I’m not trying to be clingy. I just have some stuff I need to get off my chest. And like, it’s about our relationship and I just hope you have the space to hear me out.

But can we like actually talk?

But can we like actually talk?

I miss you, ok? Like, I miss all the thoughtful things you have to say, the things that shed light on when I’ve misunderstood a Pretty Little Liars reference or when my online activism doesn’t reflect my activism in real life. You’re the one that points all that out and you do it in this way that makes me feel loved and respected, most of the time, and I really appreciate it. I don’t have a lot of people in my life that engage with me in that way and so I think my heart got used to you being here and sharing yourself with me, with all of us.

Also, like you’re funny as fuck and I’m funny too and when we’re funny together I think anything and everything is possible. Like, we could spread intersectional feminism, Hansen’s 33 Ways To Eat Avocados, and neon rainbow glitter to the far reaches of the galaxy while wearing matching poom poom shorts, like that could be us but you’ve stopped playing.

ipbYYBm

And it’s ok, like I know you’ve got shit to do and an appointment on Tuesday to heckle-watch OITNB and you have all these new friends that you met at A-camp but like I’m still here and I want to respect your space but maybe just drop in and chill sometimes. It’d be really nice to see your avatar and read the things running through your mind.

This is basically a Drake song that I’ve written for you, so just like imagine him rapping all of these words and I promise they sound less creepy. Look, yo, sometimes you gotta fight for your friendships and not be scared to be vulnerable. You’re worth all of my give a fucks and I’m ok with that and you should know that you’re valuable to me and that you deserve friends that miss you like I do, like we all do.

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It’s not just me. We all miss you. I know it can feel mad awkward to post your feelings in such a public space but it helps our community more than you might believe that it does. Our people want to see each other and you’re a part of that, you and your beautiful avatar and text and persona.

Now, we all know that sometimes commenting might not feel safe. People are racist, transphobic, classist, rude, and also sometimes just at a different point in their personal evolution. But as a team of Autostraddle writers, we’ve gotten much better at diving into the threads with you. We’re deleting things that are just plain disgusting and full of hate. We’re trying our best to redirect conversations that derail from the voices of queer/trans people of color. We’re elevating the voices and needs of our trans fam and recognizing/owning cis privilege. We’ve gotten better at naming white supremacy and using our voices to dismantle it.

None of us want a cookie or a pat on the back for this work. It’s what we gotta do to be our strongest as a community. And it’s not over, there’s so much learning and growing to do. There’s still so much to fight for and so much evolving to do.

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You’ve evolved with us. You’ve been the driving force in our revolution and we don’t ever want that to stop. Why not share yourself and all your growth with the world? The world needs you and so do we. We need those conversations back, right here on the site.

And like I got the whole crew together and we made you a playlist. So maybe you’ll come back and comment and leave gifs and jokes and keep the community tight and give us all the love we need to keep writing and keep doing this thing that we all do together so well.

– Gabby

clueless

We Need You Bad As A Heartbeat So Please Don’t Go, Girl

[Stream the playlist here]

Need U Bad – Jazmine Sullivan
I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy and the Family
Where My Girls At – 702
Where Did Our Love Go – The Supremes
Where Are U – Justin Bieber, Skrillex, Diplo
Where Have You Been – Rihana
Please Don’t Go Girl – NKOTB
Don’t Forget About Us – Mariah Carey
Stickwitus – Pussy Cat Dolls
What Hurts The Most – Rascall Flatts
How Come You Don’t Want Me – Tegan and Sara
Why Don’t You Love Me – Beyonce
Moment 4 Life – Nicki Minaj feat Drake
Mama’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert
Over and Over – Nelly Feat Tim McGraw
U Got It Bad – Usher
Say Something – Timbaland feat Drake
Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx
Officially Missing You – Tamia
Baby Come Back – Player
The One That Got Away – Katy Perry
Come Back to Me – Janet Jackson
Blank Space – Taylor Swift (not on spotify but v important for this playlist)
Still Into You – Paramore
Another Sad Love Song – Toni Braxton
Careless Whisper – Wham!
World Spins Madly On – The Weepies
On Bended Knee – Boyz II Men
I Miss You – Klymaxx
I Want You Back – ‘N Sync
Where Do You Go – No Mercy
Como La Flor (Live) – Selena

https://play.spotify.com/user/126201101/playlist/2Eqh5sbqNnr0GKqDBRvOGZ

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gabby

Gabrielle Rivera is an awesomely queer Bronx bred, writer, spoken word artist and director. Her short stories and poems have been published in various anthologies such as the Lambda Award winning Portland Queer: Tales from the Rose City and The Best of Panic! En Vivo from the East Village. Her short film "Spanish Girls are Beautiful" follows a group of young Latina and Caucasian girls who like girls as they hook up, smoke up and try to figure sh*t out. She also freelances for Autostraddle.com while working in the film and television industry. Gabrielle is currently working on her first novel while bouncing around NYC performing spoken word and trying to stick it to the man.

gabby has written 102 articles for us.

93 Comments

  2. Can’t we all just cuddle Instead… This attitude may be why I’m single :-D

    Thanks for the playlist!

    • i read this part of your comment as “the altitude may be why i’m single” and i thought NOOOO blame everything else on the altitude!

  3. gabbyyyyyyy <3 <3 <3

    i just opened the playlist and had a feelings explosion when bsb started singing.

  4. Love this! Especially Careless Whisper. Loving all of the drive for comments articles. What about “Don’t you forget about me” by simple minds. An 80s anthem and breakfast club classic…

    • god that’s a perfect addition. i should make this playlist collaborative and have us all add our Missing You Bad songs to it….hmmmzz…

  5. AHHHH i haven’t thought about that nelly & tim mcgraw song in 10 years (or whenever it was that song came out). i will treasure this reminder

    • Okay, you have the same name as me and that hasn’t ever happened to me on AS and now I understand why people always comment on their name twins’ comments!!

      Also I keep getting confused and being like “wait what? I never said that… did I? THose are great things I said if I did! Oh wait, nope, not me.”

      So good job! You’re repping our name well : )

  7. This reminds me of the “you don’t even go here” girl’s speech in Mean Girls. In a really good way.

    Also Why Don’t You Love Me is about my life. ;) Maybe I’ll name my autobiography after the song.

    Seriously, this playlist is epic. Thanks Gabby!

  8. I love autostraddle! You all have enriched my life in so many ways. I learn something new every time I visit!

    I miss my ex a lot today, so I don’t think I can rock this playlist right now, but I will be rocking the everything is terrible but ultimately ok one.

    • oh sugar pie dumpling, sorry to hear that you’re missing your ex. it happens to the best of us. maybe write a list in google docs of all the reasons you’re better off alone while listening to that alice deejay song mad loud and on repeat until the list is done. maybe that’ll be hella good and therapeutic?

  9. This is so adorable, such strategic gif usage too!

    Also, Gabby, I love everything you post on this site and felt you should know.

  11. Oh gosh golly, Gabby, the way you have with words.

    This playlist is epic. Slightly creepy out of context, but just perfect in context.

  12. Gabby! I feel like I maybe only got to hug you like possibly one time at camp and that is not enough!!! We didn’t even get to really talk or anything.

    So yeah, LONG DISTANCE HUG! O

  14. I’m so sorry I’ll never stray again! <3 I let my crazy schedule get in the way of my true love for AS

  18. OH! I am so sorry, AS. I will not ever go anywhere again you are my favorite and the love of my life and I am sorry. Please accept this comment as a token of my undying appreciation of your amazingness and awesometude.

  20. I need to read the dictionary to find the word for the way “U Got It Bad” makes me feel.

  21. This article actually depicts how I feel towards a real-life friend who doesn’t talk to me anymore, now I have lots of feelings.

    • yo feel free to copy n paste my words to your friend. i won’t tell anyone. lmk how it goes.

  22. Turns out Spotify playlists can be streamed from Brazil! Thank you Gabby – this playlist is amazing!

  23. This was beautiful! I actually really want to write something like this for a RL friend, so it gave me extra feels. *all the hugs for you and this community*

  24. Plus… if you don’t comment? How do the rest of us learn when we’ve fucked up? (save us from echo chambers!)

  26. oh don’t mind me, just sing-shouting “on bended knee” in my apartment and having a feelingsfest

    this playlist is a++ and you are everything, Gabby <5

    • KAT BEYHIVE!!!!

      i wish i was singing with you. this could be the real start of the bachata boi band i tried to start with Carolyn W.

  29. I’m just going to listen to “The World Spins Madly On” and cry. I think. Maybe.

  30. Thank you for this playlist; it is awesome. Also, I will never leave you Autostraddle.

  37. Don’t even talk to me about “what hurts the most” because I used to legit tear up at the Cascada version of that song. Such a great playlist all the way through!

  41. I just reread it as a Drake song.

    Y’all.

    The most beautiful Drake song I’ve ever heard just happened in my head. That was perfect.

  42. I love this but tbh, I never understood how to comment with gifs. :-( I’ll try to come back and comment more- just for you <3

    • I also embarrisingly have not figured out how to comment with gifs. I feel like it’s time to kick up my heels* and learn.

      *I was going to say bite the bullet, but that phrase kind of freaks me out so I replaced it with something that sounded fun, but maybe doesn’t have the same meaning?

  43. I liked this post so much that I started using Spotify again (omg I hate Spotify a lot).

  44. i love this playlist i love this website i love y’all i love that i live in the south now and can say y’all i love us being vulnerable abt how we miss each other on the internet.

  46. This comment is 100% in appreciation of Carmen’s booty dance gif. Seriously I didn’t even look at the playlist.

  48. THANK YOU BASED GABBY FOR THIS PLAYLIST, I especially like the juxtaposition of World Spins Madly On and On Bended Kneee back-to-back

    (it’s getting me through today!!!!)

  51. Gabby’s beautiful and ever-so eloquent words, plus this a-game playlist is too much. So much love.

  54. I’ve lurked on Autostraddle for about a year and a half now. This incredible, beautiful website has given me so much more than I could ever say. I had been waiting until I moved in August to create and account and comment to say thank you for everything but with this week of appreciation, I felt I had to speak up. And I just want to thank you for that and this playlist. So I wrote a poem? For the first time ever? I was just listening to this playlist while it happened so it seemed like maybe I could just share it here, in the safest place I could possibly imagine and with the people I’m perhaps a little too obsessed with for not actively commenting on every article (which I read). I have no idea what I’m doing but this jumble poured out of me and so here it is and even if no one sees this, I feel so much better about putting it out into the world just as you all do so courageously every single day. You all inspire me and thank you.

    ~

    I sit in a place beautiful enough to be described with all of the
    Floaty phrases of yesteryear
    But at the same time
    I feel as if there is an undercurrent
    Beneath this beauty that tugs at my heartstrings
    That demands to be addressed:
    This feeling of otherness.
    How does one begin
    Without a rhythm that comes from within
    and naturally?
    The musical cacophony of verse and feelings
    The sound of the perfect words are
    In theory
    Supposed to rise to my mind but sometimes I worry
    That there’s no one behind me
    Even me
    Especially me
    To support this natural bubbling to the surface.
    When there isn’t the confidence to speak up and out
    When your father unflinchingly says
    You have to keep your femininity
    Interrupting your fresh buzz feels
    And the words catch in your throat when you want to stand up
    and say
    Im proud of who I am
    Who I’ve become
    But then that same self consciousness whispers
    meekly
    an utterance that perhaps I am not proud.
    That these things don’t matter
    It’s not a big deal
    Or
    Is it?
    This sense of identity or a lack of a solid tell of who I could be
    Inhibits the creativity I often cite as what I am
    Most proud of.
    But how can I cite it when I’m afraid to explore it
    When the only person to speak out and say
    This is me,
    Is me?
    And the ownership of whatever this has come to be rests
    No
    Lies
    Heavy on my shoulders.
    Lies with a burden of expressive desire that is self stifled
    Because this burden of not knowing
    What to write
    What to say
    How to feel appropriately
    How to stand behind my opinions and
    Thoughts and
    Feelings that are overwhelmingly my own.
    Perhaps now that it has a name and an identity
    This self strangling of artistry
    Can begin to fade.
    As it so desperately needs to.
    And will.

  56. “Cuz I got shit to do, and an apt on Tuesday…” Ani my old friend–was this reference intentional? I was going to dl this playlist but now it’s just gonna be
    “not a pretty girl” on a loop for a while…!

  58. of course like your website however you have to test the spelling on several of your
    posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the reality however I will surely come again again.

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