OPEN THREAD: Your Internet Friendsgiving Extravaganza

HOLIGAYS 2017 / AutostraddleIt’s Thanksgiving in the US! This holiday contains multitudes; it’s a morbid and colonialist memorial of genocide, it’s an intense period of time with family we may or may not get along with, it’s a whirlwind of food and travel. For some of us we may be spending it alone; we may be working during it or dreading working Black Friday tomorrow; maybe you need to try to put your cat on a plane! My prayers for you if so. For some of us this day is a big deal in some regard and for some it means nothing; all of those people and everyone in between are welcome in the open thread! Whether you need a distraction from a tense holiday or someone to hang out with as you eat a turkey sandwich alone, we’ll be here for you all day! Stay for a while, have some apps, check out our sweet holigay toolkit and make a friend.

Personally, I did Thanksgiving on Sunday; I spent it with my mom, brother and his girlfriend, who had Sunday as their only day off (luv u service industry pals!). I actually love doing holidays on the “wrong” day; it’s so much more chill and all the stores are open! Today I have nothing to do but lounge around in my soft pants and chat with you. I was going to watch the parade but have been informed that it starts at NINE A.M. which seems frankly RUDE and so I’m holding out hope for a Criminal Minds marathon. What are you doing today? Where in the world are you? Any cute outfits or pets you want to show us? Is there like a sport you need to share your feelings about? I’m all ears!

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Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1142 articles for us.


  1. Hi Rachel! I hope you’re enjoying your day at home!

    We’re celebrating with friends and family on Saturday, so today is a free day. I’ve done laundry, dishes, and finances. I’m debating about cleaning. But right now I’m taking a break and listening to a music mix on youtube that includes mal blum, Julia Nunes, and other Autostraddle favorites. The leaves need to be cleaned off of the roof, but there will time for that later.

    My life is feeling pretty well balanced, but I still have the debate about how much down time to take/enjoy while I can. It is good to be nice to myself.

    • thank you! i am! that mix sounds so perfect, i’m inspired to listen to the same! i’m glad you’re experiencing balance, i know it’s a constant process!

  2. Hello! Thank you for opening this thread!

    My initial plans to co-host Thanksgiving again with my friend fell apart because she got dumped and lost her interest in hosting or cooking for anyone. Totally understandable.

    As a back-up plan, I’m going to a fancy restaurant for a “super traditional” Thanksgiving meal with a coworker and their friend. It’s a fixed-price event, so I can show up and see how much turkey and pie I can eat before they close the kitchen and/or kick us out.

    At the moment I’m following the Vikings-Lions game online because I think the Vikings will play in the Super Bowl this year.

    I’m thankful for all my friends who have encouraged me to be more open and put about my identity, especially now that I’m not in my NYU grad school bubble anymore where everyone seems to be queer and/or highly supportive.

    • what a good thing to be thankful for! i’m so glad you have that <3. pls let us know how much pie you were able to eat, i’m ready to be impressed

  3. I’m housesitting for my parents while they visit my brother several states away for Thanksgiving. So no family for me this weekend, which, while kind of makes me sad, I’m overall ok with. Being home alone means I can blast Dessa as loud as I want and nobody is around to complain.

    I work later so I wouldn’t have had much of a Thanksgiving anyway.
    Um. Tomorrow I’m hosting a Friendsgiving and I’ve never really cooked a big dinner for people before? I’m not doing a whole lot myself though. Chicken instead of turkey. Fancy green bean casserole recipe I found on Bon Appetit. Brownies. Maybe some mulled wine.

    I really dislike verbalizing thankfulness because it puts me in a vulnerable place that makes me deeply uncomfortable. But I’m very grateful for Autostraddle and the community that has been built here. Y’all have really helped me continue to survive this, the Darkest Timeline. So, thanks. Keep doing you.

    • mulled wine!!! i’m jealous! this sounds so good. i understand completely about verbalizing gratitude and it means a lot that you feel that way about AS. thank you for being here and showing up and making us part of your life and your holiday today, so grateful for you always <3

  4. I ran the Turkey Trot 5k this morning, which was a pretty big accomplishment for me. I’ve never been a runner, or even really athletic at all, but I decided that I wanted to do this 5K and then… I did it? Not gonna lie, I thought about backing out but my best friend held me accountable and was here today to cheer me on and I’m so proud of myself.

    Today I *thought* my brother was going to be visiting from halfway across the country but it turns out I got that mixed up and he’s actually coming on saturday. So instead I’m crashing a friend’s dinner. I did my big Friendsgiving last weekend with some friends from A-Camp – we all gathered from various states and made a ton of mostly vegan/vegetarian food and just hung out which was lovely. I’ll share with y’all what I shared with them, which is that I’m thankful for good friends and for Autostraddle for bringing us together!

    • That’s so impressive! I’ve never run a 5K in my life and am so impressed when people do. I’m so jealous of your a-camp friendsgiving! show us photos!

  5. My 15 year old cousins are all 6 ft and more in height. The girls have shaped eyebrows and contoured cheeks, the boy smoked the turkey and has his post high school 5 year plan already.
    The creepy older boyfriend of one the girls from last year is not here this year checking me out while cuddling her like a lover and is not in her life. His ass is grass. The sisters know they’re before misters not after
    Still kinda want to give them screwdriver talk.

    No one is gloating about Trump or even mentioning anything political so I’d count this day pretty okay.
    The turkey was fucking awesome and I’m real proud cause I taught that boy how make apple pie. Look at him now making the star of the meal. *wipes a tear* They grow up so fast.

  6. Hi guys! I’m tired from a day of family and now that dinner is over I’ve gotten more quiet. I’m preparing myself for Black Friday tomorrow. It’ll be my first Black Friday working in retail and it’s bound to be quite the event. I’m pre exhausted. Overtime is encouraged this week but I haven’t been motivated much to go past my usual work hours. To be honest I can’t wait to leave this job, hopefully once the holiday money season is over. Any good holigay movie recommendations?

  7. Hello!

    I’ve always spent thanksgiving myself instead of going home due to school or retail work. This is my first year having off Thursday-Sunday, but I like the tradition of having the day to myself. Got up to watch the parade, now I’ve got a tofurkey roast and green bean casserole in oven. Later I’ll be putting my credit card to work online shopping for new work clothes. It’s a good day!

      • They’re really good! Except not the ones with stuffing already inside, those are gross. But I make the Quorn brand ones a few times a year.

  8. Hi I’m hiding from my nine year old cousin and feeling kinda guilty about it. Before today I would have told you that all children are better than adults at conversations, and I would have had my lived experience backing me up, along with the fact that I literally chose working with children as a career, but I was wrong. If I hadn’t babysat some school-agers who were really cool and interesting last weekend, I could have said, “whoops I guess nine year olds are the worst”. But they’re not the worst. My cousin is just really annoying, and I am a trashcan of a human for voicing this opinion in a public forum.

    Also we already ate dinner. It’s 5 PM. It ended at 4:30. I want to leave but I think it would be frowned upon.

    A few years ago, my Uncle Chris stopped coming to Thanksgiving, because he didn’t feel like it. I miss my Aunt Diane (his wife). But also I want to know exactly how old and ornery I must be before I can start pulling bs like that.

    • children are people too and sometimes people are annoying! it’s okay. i am also excited to find out how old we have to be to pull that kind of thing, i hope we get a notification in the mail soon

  9. Most of my extended family is dead (I usually meet the very extended ones by going to the funerals of nearer ones who connected us) so we had a small group for Thanksgiving. My mom and I finally rebelled and didn’t do turkey, so dinner was actually pleasant food-wise and this year we managed to avoid the interference of a busybody guest who always tries to help and we’re too nice to say “Please get the hell out of our kitchen and stop touching our things” because we got everything done faster than we would have with turkey and dressing and all. I even got to invest a lot of time this morning in making a chocolate cake from scratch, which I almost never get to do.

    The racism and sexism were also fairly minimal at dinner, so not bad at all. I wonder if we can keep this up for Christmas. I’m still pulling for Chinese food instead of the traditional stuff. Or, like, French toast.

    • Honestly, French toast for Thanksgiving sounds amazing. Especially egg nog French toast. I know what I’m doing next year…

  10. I haven’t commented on an open thread in so long but tonight I’m feeling lonely and a little odd and melancholic so I wanna give it a go again! Hello! I’m in the Netherlands, where thanksgiving is not a thing, even though at the current rate of americanisation it probably will be within the next 5 years. I spent half of yesterday having a huge mental breakdown while doing a fairly public job, which was highly embarrassing, and everyone got worried about me, and in response I’m giving myself tomorrow off. I normally juggle full time studying with volunteering, board membering, a dumb cleaning job and when at all possible activism, oh, and also, way too rarely, eating bagels or doing kinky things with my girlfriend??? IT’S TOO MUCH! So tomorrow I’m doing:

    – swimming
    – painting my nails black
    – eating an oliebol (
    – eating curry leftovers with a friend

    I hope all the USAmericans are having a radical Thanksgiving! Thank you Autostraddle for being a comfort to baby gay me and also current me, who is an older, more tired gay.

    • “more tired gay” lol. Your day tommorow sounds excellent, all four things! And now I know about Dutch donuts. :) :v

      • They are SO GOOD! If you ever visit the low countries definitely do it in winter time so you can pick up some of these deep fried bad boys at a little stand.

        • Heheh I would love to do just that! I hope you enjoy them tomorrow; maybe post some pictures here if you feel like. :)

    • oooo, Netherlands. That’s cute! Doing kinky things with your girlfriend sounds awesome! Be kind to yourself, hope you have a great day off.

      • I’m so curious what the “that’s cute” is referring to. The country? The giving myself today off? (Hello again everyone it is friday morning here now!) Anyway: YES the kinky things are awesome, and YES I will do my very best to be kind to myself! Thank you! :)

    • I’m sorry we’re getting our filthy paw on your country.

      It would be a travesty if fried dough pastries started to follow the trend of doughnuts here which is making them out of a soy flour blend. :(

      • We DID just get a Dunkin’ Donuts here a month or so ago (which… ngl, they’re good, I’m not… displeased) but I think the soy flour trend has yet to catch on! What the hell is soy flour?

        (Also, I can’t be too mad about Americanisation here… we’re doing it to ourselves, and anyway, this country was one of the most brutal, horrible, violent and exploitative colonisers in the world and STILL benefits from colonisation every day, so I have no right to complain about having to endure the sudden presence of halloween parties.)

    • WHISKEY and GRAVY how did i not know about this? so blessed that you’re sharing. happy thanksgiving!

  11. Happy thanksgiving everyone! I’m working this holiday, and missing the friendsgiving that’s happening tonight. So it’s not the most traditional holiday this year. But We’re going to celebrate more when I’m off work next week so I’m looking forward to that!

    • i’m excited for your celebration! i hope work isn’t too stressful and you get a chance to rest and relax soon.

  12. I’ve spent all day writing a 5pg paper about the use of the word ‘colonization’ in an essay. yay grad school. also irony.
    I am almost done! So close! like 3/4 of a page left, I hope I can finish by dinner time and then just watch a movie or something. It’s been a hell of a week for me and I just want it to be over! Today is somehow the best day of the week so far?? and yesterday was my birthday.. but it kind of sucked and I was sad about being alone. Truthfully, I just can’t handle people very well this week so maybe it’s best that I’ve been alone.

    • happy belated birthday! i’m so excited for your week to be over and i hope your weekend it so restorative and good!

      • Thanks! It’s starting to look up already, with 5pgs done and about 25pgs left! Plus seeing my bestest best friend tomorrow!

    I literally couldn’t eat anything, I couldn’t touch my food and I felt physically ill. When I actually said the words, I briefly lapsed into something akin to a dream-state. But I did it. I’m out. And boy, let me tell you it was anticlimactic. My most LGBTphobic uncle just asked when I decided to be gay. But that was it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  14. How’s everyone’s week going? Mines has been pretty good so far. I’m at a relatives house, who I like, with my mother. I’m bringing Malbec wine and vegan roast over. This morning I had a quiet-ish hike in Malibu. It was 78 in Malibu, so summer weather & really beautiful. I’m thankful for my family, the good part of the lgbtq community, autostraddle, and my friends. Happy celebrate indigenous people day!

    Had a nice Sunday brunch, which was really nice & refreshing. Trying to spend more time around lbtq people for my health & it working well. From my Sunday walk.


    Thank you for viewing & reading my post! Have a positive holiday and weekend.

    • these photos are so beautiful oh my gosh! having a solo hike in malibu sounds perfect, and definitely like something to be thankful for. thank you for sharing!

      • No recipe as it was those boxed kinds you get from Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. One was the tofurkey brand holiday ham roast, which comes with a really good maple syrup caramel glaze, the other was Trader Joe’s brand vegan turkey loaf. The Tofurkey one was what people liked more, they said it had the right flavor to it.

  15. I wasn’t at all looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner with my mother and sister. But I made it through, and now I’m going to get completely and utterly smashed. Good times!

  16. Happy Thanksgiving to all you wondrous straddlers out there

    I am by myself today. I was supposed to fly home, but alas I am moving in a few weeks so I decided the time/cost wasn’t worth it. At least that’s what I told my parents. If we’re really being honest, it’s also probably partially because I just don’t want to be around my trump-supporting family members right now, even my dad (who calls him self socially liberal but really will defend trump on almost anything).

    I had a coworker invite me to her thanksgiving with her husband and friend, but I at it was just better to stay at home with my pre-cooked thanksgiving meal, star wars, and super mario world on my SNES classic. And let’s not forget the wine.

    Not a bad day, but it is a bit lonesome so I’m glad I came in to see what all you wonderful people are up to. :)

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

    Also. Justice League Question… but it IS kinda spoilerish (kinda/not really but I don’t want to take any chances)…. sooo scroll down.
    *************JUSTICE LEAGUE SPOILER ALERT DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO******************************

    Is anyone else as pissed about what they’re trying to do with Batman and Wonder Woman as I am?

    I mean COME ON.


    • I’m not sure what they’re doing but in the 90’s and early aughts WonderBat was shipped and had some tender moments in uh the Justice League cartoons. So if that’s what it is there’s precedent even if this Bat is more Murderbat than Batman.

      Not going to watch the movie until someone can confirm for me whether or not Joss damsel-fied Wonder Woman like he did Black Widow.

  17. UPDATE this was the worst Thanksgiving! Wow I’m so sad! I’m home now (apartment, live alone) and am just. Taken aback by how profoundly fucking sad I am. I don’t really wanna get into the details but, wow. Just wow.

  18. Someone made a comment about my “virginity” at the table and my Mom grabbed a knife saying “SHE BETTER BE A VIRGIN.” That is a condensed version of the story. It made me so angry. I am really annoyed by my Mother holding onto a false concept. She has told me I would be kicked out the house if I had sex. Sex and no housing, but she wants me to stay and live with her pretty much until I get married. I have so much anger. When I move out, I am going to have to tell her some things or else we cannot have a relationship. She pretty much said I needed to live in the house or I would forever live in debt and now she wants me to live by her sorry ass standards.
    School is making me want to commit suicide. I never feel good enough. I just need some support. And I desperately want to be touched and cuddled.

    On another note: I might have a date this weekend.

    • Oof that’s so hard! Sending lots of good vibes. Do you have access to a therapist? Good support can be so, so essential in a situation like that.

      • No, that cost money. And where I live is very isolated it is 45 minutes or more into the city where good t

      • No, that cost money. And where I live is very isolated it is 45 minutes or more into the city where good therapists would be.

  19. I spent the day sitting with the family of my sister’s work friend . Listening to them express opinions that go against everything I believe. I deserve a god damn medal for the restraint I showed.

  20. I had to stay home for Thanksgiving yesterday due to me getting a REAL BAD CASE of bronchitis, which like 0/10 do not recommend. I feel a bit better today after going to an urgent care and getting antibiotics and steroids and an inhaler and cough medicine but still feel mostly like a zombie with poor lung capacity (but breathing is mostly pain-free now so hey improvement!).

  21. my thanksgiving this year has been quite lovely — last year my girlfriend and i went to visit my family, half of whom had just voted for trump, and it was the first time i brought her home and it was…stressful and upsetting, to say the least. but this year we stayed in oregon and drove to the lesbian commune i used to live on and spent the day with chosen family and it was so relaxing and nice. and we had chocolate pecan bourbon maple pie! bless.

    also this long weekend i am working on grad school applications, which @internrachel has hella kindly been helping me with, AND i messed up a couple of my autostraddle duties and rachel has ALSO saved my ass in those cases. so in short, bless chocolate pecan bourbon maple pie and bless rachel.

    also sidenote, rachel, i misread this and thought when you said you spent your holiday with your brother’s girlfriend you were referring to your own girlfriend and i almost all-caps-texted you so fucking fast. but then i slowed down and gathered the facts and went back to editing my essay.

    <3 i love you all. the end.

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