Vapid Fluff

No Filter: Imagine Yourself on This Date with Lena Waithe

By

Instagram has been a whole thing this week. All of my friends went to SXSW and I stayed at home thinking about buying $26 organic cashews with Kristen Stewart. As for the queer celebrities, they’re all still out there doing whatever.

In other news:

Listen, they’re just… dating now. I don’t make the rules, I only enforce them.

Sarah Paulson is not a frequent Instagrammer, and I respect her for it, but I would quite literally watch her read the phone book for hours if I had the chance.

View this post on Instagram

Missed twice @ellenpage

A post shared by Emma Portner (@emmaportner) on

Ellen Page and her wife Emma Portner are tragically terrible at walking and kissing and I spent this whole video concerned that one of them was going to walk into a signpost or something. WATCH THE ROAD.

Just some cute dudes in a hammock.

This week, Teddy Geiger’s thirst traps go artistic.

View this post on Instagram

Gay wad.

A post shared by 🌈 G A B Y D U N N 🌈 (@gabyroad) on

This is Gaby Dunn, she’s gay.

Sometimes I look at the amazing stuff Jasika Nicole makes and think, wow, I wish I could take the time to learn how to make my own clothes and shoes. Much like Gaby Dunn’s financial advice, though, I generally end up just wishing she would do it for me. (PS: Gaby, let me know when you’re ready to do my taxes.)

View this post on Instagram

I’m deep in the galaxy rn making this hoe for you all

A post shared by miss king (@kingprincess69) on

King Princess went to SXSW to do some really gay stuff and she also posted this really gay picture.

View this post on Instagram

“ Fuck that Mercury “ 📸: @alanaoyam

A post shared by Lena Waithe (@lenawaithe) on

This is what it would look like if you went out for green beer with Lena Waithe, I mean just in case you ever happened to imagine yourself dating Lena Waithe. I don’t know your life.

View this post on Instagram

Rita’s skin looks fragile but plump. I’m afraid if I touched it my finger would sink into it like frosting. She’s tiny, diminutive. Her nails look fake. They’re very real. Her voice carries and fills a huge soundstage with no problem. When she’s sitting in chair waiting to go on set, she folds her hands in a very odd way: fingers interlaced, both hands resting on her collarbones. Her rehearsal clothes are partiality chosen for the frigid temperatures that comedy stages are kept at. 55 degrees is the norm for a multi camera show with a live audience. Rita is always cold so she dresses in swaths of cashmere fabric draped over all white matching sweatsuits. Sparkling clean white Reebok tennis shoes. A hat. Always a hat or a turban or a head wrap or a wig if it’s show time. Never just her real hair, which is white and gray in very short, and covers her head like a soft cap, the kind you’d put on a newborn to keep its head warm. She’s so little. I feel afraid when I see her walking around the set; she’s 86. Sitting next to her is hard: I want to pull her into my lap and squeeze her so that she knows I love her. Delectable. Marvelous. Rita uses words from another time, from the beginning of her career in Hollywood. She’s the first Latina I saw on film. She won an Oscar for the role of Anita in West Side Story. I thought she looked like my mother, with her olive skin and her little brunette bob. She’s taller on film and on stage. Something happens to her when she knows that there’s an audience watching. she grows. She fills up the space in a very surreal way. She becomes a magnet for your attention. you’re in love with her suddenly, you don’t know or care why. But you need to watch her, you need to see what she’s doing. The camera loves her. Your eye is magnetized to her. You can’t figure out why you find an 86 year old lady sexy. I was squatting on the floor talking to @gloriakellett and Rita came and stood by me and my head came to her hip and she reached down and scratched my scalp for a solid minute. I barely breathed. I wanted her to stay like that forever. #saveodaat

A post shared by Stephanie Beatriz (@stephaniebeatriz) on

Rita Moreno is a goddamn treasure and I shall not rest until One Day At A Time is revived, if only for more of Stephanie Beatriz’s charmingly surly character.

Kehlani is just never having this fucking baby ever, I guess.

Related:

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 456 articles for us.

10 Comments

  3. As I was reading through these I was mentally cataloging all the thirsty gay comments I was going to make, then I got to Stephanie’s post about Rita and now I can’t breathe. Oh, my heart.

    Reply to This Comment

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!