So much TV happened when we were up on the mountain for A-Camp! I’ll be honest with you: I haven’t watched Person of Interest yet, even though I know what happens, because I’ve only been home 48 hours and I have a terrible cold and a lot to catch up on and I want to at least not have a fever when I end up hurling my television out into the street. I need the strength! I’ll watch it tonight, though, for real, and write up something for you tomorrow. Thank you for being patient with me. Look at all these bisexual babes that came out while I was away.
Fridays at 10:00 p.m. on Syfy
Lord knows I love a slow-burn, but I confess I love the part where everything combusts even more. Waverly and Haught finally got there last week on Wynonna Eerp, and it. was. marvelous. After throwing up every wall she could think of between herself and Nicole, Waverly cracked and stormed into the sheriff’s office and shut all the blinds and crashed herself into Nicole so hard they stumbled back onto the couch and kept on kissing and panting like something out of a fan fiction. I mean. Y’all. They kissed for like a good two minutes. In between which Waverly confessed that she’s always wanted to skydive and swim with sharks and eat weird food, because she likes to be scared, but when the thing she’s scared of the most is the human lady right in front of her, it’s a little too real. Adorable-sexy is my favorite kind of sexy, and these two are perfect at it. This TV season has been a goddamn misery so when Waverly’s like, “Maybe you should stop talking” and Haught’s like, “Maybe you should make me” I almost swooned out of my seat and into a puddle of tears on the floor. (Okay, that’s exactly what I did.) Waverly is the bisexual representation we need in the world. She’s none of the tropes, all of the glory.
Game of Thrones
Sundays at 9:00 p.m. on HBO
Yara Greyjoy is on her way across the world to find herself a Dragon Queen and lend her some ships in exchange for some fire so she can get the Iron Islands back. First, though, she and her sailors stop by a brothel and she reveals to us all that she’s a gay lady. She does this by kissing a woman and engaging in a little nipple play before pep talking her brother, Theon, and then bouncing to “fuck that one’s tits off.” Yara isn’t technically the first queer woman on GoT, but she’s definitely the first one I could see marrying Daenerys.
Thursdays at 10:00 p.m. on BBC America
Look, Delphine’s not dead. There’s no way they’re trotting out her name like she died and then trotting out her name again like she’s alive in back-to-back episodes if she’s really dead. There’s no way. We’ll talk about this more after this week’s episode, but I refuse to believe now (as I have refused to believe all along) that Delphine “Straight Hair, Don’t Care” Cormier died in last year’s finale.
Oh, also, Sarah Manning is bisexual, pass it on.
(I’ll write more on this after Thursday night’s episode. There’s a lot to process and I need to work my way out of this Nyquil haze.)
Mondays at 11:00 p.m. on MTV
Scream is back! Remember last year when I had to stop watching when the show literally sawed that guy in half and then the next episode they showed him getting sawed in half again? And not like the way people do in a magic trick, but like long-ways they sawed him down, like down the middle from a standing position. Well, I managed to get through the first two episodes of this season without anyone getting split open like that.
Noah is on the trail of Piper’s accomplice from last season, and since that accomplice was Audrey, she’s creeping around in the dark and in the forest and in the swamp using voice modulators and other scare tactics to try to get Noah to stop digging around. It’s not really working. The police also suspect that Audrey’s doing dirty dealing. Their plan is real dumb, though. They try to trick Audrey into stabbing one of them by triggering her PTSD. It’s some Rosewood-caliber bullshit. I hope she gets another girlfriend soon. Like a bullet-proof one.
On summer hiatus on Fox
Oh hey, TMI cheated on Pippy with a dude and then broke off their engagement. Classic!