Boob(s On Your) Tube: Look At These Bisexual Badasses on “Orphan Black” and “Wynonna Earp”

So much TV happened when we were up on the mountain for A-Camp! I’ll be honest with you: I haven’t watched Person of Interest yet, even though I know what happens, because I’ve only been home 48 hours and I have a terrible cold and a lot to catch up on and I want to at least not have a fever when I end up hurling my television out into the street. I need the strength! I’ll watch it tonight, though, for real, and write up something for you tomorrow. Thank you for being patient with me. Look at all these bisexual babes that came out while I was away.


Wynonna Earp

Fridays at 10:00 p.m. on Syfy

way-haught

Lord knows I love a slow-burn, but I confess I love the part where everything combusts even more. Waverly and Haught finally got there last week on Wynonna Eerp, and it. was. marvelous. After throwing up every wall she could think of between herself and Nicole, Waverly cracked and stormed into the sheriff’s office and shut all the blinds and crashed herself into Nicole so hard they stumbled back onto the couch and kept on kissing and panting like something out of a fan fiction. I mean. Y’all. They kissed for like a good two minutes. In between which Waverly confessed that she’s always wanted to skydive and swim with sharks and eat weird food, because she likes to be scared, but when the thing she’s scared of the most is the human lady right in front of her, it’s a little too real. Adorable-sexy is my favorite kind of sexy, and these two are perfect at it. This TV season has been a goddamn misery so when Waverly’s like, “Maybe you should stop talking” and Haught’s like, “Maybe you should make me” I almost swooned out of my seat and into a puddle of tears on the floor. (Okay, that’s exactly what I did.) Waverly is the bisexual representation we need in the world. She’s none of the tropes, all of the glory.


Game of Thrones

Sundays at 9:00 p.m. on HBO

yara-greyjoy

Yara Greyjoy is on her way across the world to find herself a Dragon Queen and lend her some ships in exchange for some fire so she can get the Iron Islands back. First, though, she and her sailors stop by a brothel and she reveals to us all that she’s a gay lady. She does this by kissing a woman and engaging in a little nipple play before pep talking her brother, Theon, and then bouncing to “fuck that one’s tits off.” Yara isn’t technically the first queer woman on GoT, but she’s definitely the first one I could see marrying Daenerys.


Orphan Black

Thursdays at 10:00 p.m. on BBC America

sarah-manning

Look, Delphine’s not dead. There’s no way they’re trotting out her name like she died and then trotting out her name again like she’s alive in back-to-back episodes if she’s really dead. There’s no way. We’ll talk about this more after this week’s episode, but I refuse to believe now (as I have refused to believe all along) that Delphine “Straight Hair, Don’t Care” Cormier died in last year’s finale.

Oh, also, Sarah Manning is bisexual, pass it on.

(I’ll write more on this after Thursday night’s episode. There’s a lot to process and I need to work my way out of this Nyquil haze.)


Scream

Mondays at 11:00 p.m. on MTV

audrey

Scream is back! Remember last year when I had to stop watching when the show literally sawed that guy in half and then the next episode they showed him getting sawed in half again? And not like the way people do in a magic trick, but like long-ways they sawed him down, like down the middle from a standing position. Well, I managed to get through the first two episodes of this season without anyone getting split open like that.

Noah is on the trail of Piper’s accomplice from last season, and since that accomplice was Audrey, she’s creeping around in the dark and in the forest and in the swamp using voice modulators and other scare tactics to try to get Noah to stop digging around. It’s not really working. The police also suspect that Audrey’s doing dirty dealing. Their plan is real dumb, though. They try to trick Audrey into stabbing one of them by triggering her PTSD. It’s some Rosewood-caliber bullshit. I hope she gets another girlfriend soon. Like a bullet-proof one.


Rosewood

On summer hiatus on Fox

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Oh hey, TMI cheated on Pippy with a dude and then broke off their engagement. Classic!

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 883 articles for us.

31 Comments

    • My thing is, if they had to go with (a STUPID STUPID) cheating plot, they had a much better opportunity to do so when Pippy’s ex was hanging around a few episodes ago. Pippy and her ex-girlfriend had well established history and chemistry, the ex had already made her intentions clear. And they could have avoided the entire hurtful “Lesbians kiss men” trope. It was the better option of a terrible situation.

      Instead they went with the grossest lowest denominator possible.

      And now Pippy has quit the practice?? So they seemingly used the lie of “lesbians kiss men” to also write out one of the very, very few (if not only) queer black women on network tv?

      So yeah, I was only a casual watcher this year, but I doubt I will watch next year at all.

  1. Is Sarah Manning really bi, though? I mean listen, nobody would be happier than me and I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but I felt like what we saw just fell into the “hooks up with whomever’s game when she’s completely shitfaced” category of sexual orientation. I think the jury’s still out on that one.

    • I’m going to go with all the clones being bisexual. I’m pretty sure sexuality is mostly nature (genetics) and no one was surprised about Cosima / Delphine. So I’m guessing the others had same sex relationships at some point.

  2. Heather – Thank you in advance for the promised Person of Interest recap tomorrow! I legit started typing up my thoughts during training today so I would be ready when the time finally came. Feel better and you are forgiven!

    Also – I’m very much enjoying the recaps of Wynonna Earp. Afraid to get involved in another sci-fi show with queer women at the moment though, so not actually watching yet.

  3. When Yara’s fleeting moment of lesbian topping happened, Waffle was like, “Call Heather Hogan. That needs to go in Boobs on Your Tube!” I am ready for a real lesbian couple on GoT. One day? Maybe? It’d be nice? In the meantime, I got a kick out of Yara’s Iron Island sexual shamelessness.

    • In the books she is Asha wears a concealed blade between her breasts that she calls her suckling babe and claims to be married to her axe.

      MARRIED TO HER AXE.

      I got such queer undertones from that and the fact a regular bedpartner of hers is Qarl the Maid a beardless man who embraces that epithet rather be shamed by it.

      But if you look into the Ironborn culture and see the phrase “finger dance” it is not what you think it is.





      *It is an axe catching game.*

  4. Asha/Yara Greyjoy getting all up in that girl’s titties marks the VERY first time I’ve thought to myself, that Game of Thrones sex worker is about to get off. It was a good thought.

  5. – To top of “Wynonna Earp”‘s feelings, Willa’s back, and the skinwalker was a Native American woman.
    – It looks like Audrey is going to get another girlfriend, and also a boyfriend. Relax, it looks more like a polyamorous relationship, then the bisexual cheats on X with X trope.

  6. I think I fell off my chair cackling when the Yara thing happened. Actually did not expect since there are all of 3 lesbians on tv right now. So great, now I want Yara for the Iron Throne. I am easily swayed ahaha

  7. Also worth noting that while Emily Andras, one of the executive producers of Wynonna Earp, did not sign the Lexa Pledge, she did reference it in a recent interview and promised that Waverly and Nicole are both going to, at least, make it out of this season alive.

    Meanwhile Jon Nolan et al. continue the tried and true trend of waving away what they did on Person of Interest as being “not counting as negative because they did it so well.”

    • At the beginning of the season I was so ready to defend the death of either Root or Shaw because I actually genuinely thought they would do the story justice.

      This though? It wasn’t done even remotely well. Root died saving Harold when it was his own stupid fault that Samaritan had tracked the team down. She died off screen, alone, and the way they revealed that she’d died was… I just don’t even have words for it.

      Root deserved a lot better than this.

      • There’s so many things to be angry about, too.

        They went out of their way to court LGBT viewers – again.

        The post-episode interviews have Nolan defending himself by saying he didn’t realize lesbian death was going to be a huge controversy this year, but it doesn’t matter because he did it *different*. (Also: a trope is only a trope if it’s bad? What.)

        They killed her literally twenty four hours after she was finally reunited with Shaw.

        Root’s supposed “transcendence” is a sham that completely flies in the face of the themes of the show. It destroys Root’s characterization as well as the Machine’s. Root has always valued computers more than people until now, when she finally has people loves. They spent four and a half seasons building up the Machine’s personality, its identity, establishing it as a character in its own right, only to wave that away completely. And if an autonomous machine can just adopt a person’s identity if they die, how does their death mean anything then? Everyone is relevant to someone, but it really doesn’t matter, because you can just replace them if they die.

        And now Shaw still thinks she’s stuck in another simulation, but this one’s worse because Root is dead, and I’m so upset. Hasn’t she suffered enough? Haven’t we?

        • This legit was *not* different. In the slightest.

          At all.

          I’m just so angry and hurt over it.

          Chris Fisher even invaded my dreams last night to assure me the story was fine.

          Dude, inception is not cool!!

          Wow, this was a ramble and a half.

  8. The ‘sex worker’ has a slave tattoo (as explained last season by Varys) under her eye. So Yara might be gay, but she’s also a rapist and can we just not? (being abusive to her brother’s also just…no)

  9. Is there a reason you didn’t examine Clarke from The 100? She’s an interesting and wonderfully complex bisexual character. Would have loved to have seen her included.

  10. The conversation that WayHaught had outside the sheriff’s station and in Nicole’s police car made me self-destruct from cuteness overload. That “you’re a lesbian, not a unicorn” line was just too much.

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