Listicle: If You Give A Vegan A Cover Song

Once, when I lived with my totally baller friend Batia and was newly vegan, we (well, she) thought about how funny it would be if a band made up of radical vegans was so humorless and vindictive that they rewrote popular songs to avoid even a mention of an animal-derived food product. That band still does not exist, but there are a lot of song titles waiting for them if they ever do. What are your ideas? (Thanks to Laura and Lizz for numbers 7-9.)

photo credit: Teatime by House of Sims

1. Murder is Murder (“Meat is Murder,” The Smiths)
2. Agave (“Honey,” Mariah Carey)
3. Cigarettes and Chocolate Silk (“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk,” Rufus Wainwright)
4. Neutral Soymilk Hotel (Okay, this one is a band and not a song. Sorry.)
5. Peaches and Soy Creamer (“Peaches and Cream,” 112)
6. Veggie Burger in Paradise (“Cheeseburger in Paradise,” Jimmy Buffet)
7. Sorbet (“Ice Cream,” Sarah McLachlan”)
8. Soymilkshake (“Milkshake,” Kelis)
9. I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Soy Sausage (“I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Weiner”)
10. Tempeh and TVP (“Chicken and Meat,” Das Racist)
11. Slow Like Brown Rice Syrup (“Slow Like Honey,” Fiona Apple)
12. No Almond Milk Today (“No Milk Today,” Herman’s Hermits)
13. Nondairy Queen (“Dairy Queen,” Indigo Girls)
14. Holiday Field Roast (“H.A.M.,” Jay-Z and Kanye West)
15. Faux Fur Coat (“Rabbit Fur Coat,” Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins)

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Rachel

Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1141 articles for us.

22 Comments

  2. vegenaise – smashing pumpkins
    big vegan cheese – nirvana
    almond milk ice cream van – glasvegas

  3. My tofu shake brings all the bois to the yard and damn right, it’s better than yours.

  6. “Satan Gave Me A Vegetarian Lentil Taco” (“Satan Gave Me A Taco” by Beck)

    -Tofu (anything by Meatloaf)

  10. Not exactly relevant, vegan “cheese” in French is referred to as “Fauxmage” which is awesome.

  12. When I sing along to King of Carrot Flowers pt 2 by the Neutral Soymilk Hotel, I sing it this way because I’m not only vegan, but atheist too!

    “I love you beans and rice. Beans and rice, I love you, yes I do.”

  15. I think perhaps ‘Plant Collective’ (Animal Collective) is great just for the sheer amusement of their song ‘Grass’.

    ‘Wild Agave Pie’, The Beatles (Wild Honey Pie)
    ‘Pleather’, Tori Amos (Leather)
    ‘Eat that Tempeh’, Charles Mingus (Eat that Chicken)

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