Kristen Stewart to Star in “On the Road” Movie: ‘Hipster’ Head Explosion

KRISTEN STEWART:

Luanne Henderson, Neal Cassady's First Wife

Kristen Stewart, Sam Riley and Garrett Hedlund are signed on for Walter Salles’ long-anticipated big-screen adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. This remake has been eons in the making. We’ve been planning to hate it with all of our elitist literature-loving souls, because it will obviously not be as good as the book (and because prior adaptations of this material haven’t been so kind for example the movie Neal Cassady starring Tate Donovan as Neal Cassady portrayed Jack Kerouac’s raucous, intoxicating and manic best friend as a nervous, insecure and basically accidentally charismatic idiot with none of the Signature Infectious Neal Cassady Energy reflected in Kerouac’s prose BUT I DIGRESS), but we have changed our minds. WE CAN’T WAIT

Garrett Hedlund will play Dean Moriarty (Neal Cassady) Kristen Stewart will play Dean’s on-and-off wife Marylou (Luanne Henderson). Sam Riley will play Sal Paradise (Jack Kerouac). Marylou has affairs with both Sal & Dean in the book.

From “The Women of the Beat Generation”:

LuAnne Henderson, once described by Jack Kerouac as “a nymph with waist-legth dirty blond hair was as adventurous as Neal… with Neal at the wheel of the stolen Hudson, they raced at top speed on a spree of grifting, begging, borrowing and stealing gas and food. She thrilled to every minute… LuAnne wasn’t just along for the ride, she was an equal participant, loving both Beats until the day Neal dumpd her and jack at the corner of O’Farrell and Grant in San Francisco with no money and nowhere to go.

On The Road cast: Kristen Stewart, Sam Riely, Garrett Hedlund

Filming begins this summer in San Francisco, produced by Francis Ford Coppola’s Zoetrope Producitons.

In ‘news’ that we’d rather not believe, Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattison have “confirmed” to Oprah Winfrey that they are dating.

CHELY WRIGHT:

From The New York Times, Chely Wright Comes out, Testing Nashville’s Tolerance:

By the time the country singer Chely Wright appeared on “Today” Wednesday morning, the secret was out. This minor star of the 1990s and early 2000s was coming out as a lesbian. During her early years in Nashville, “I knew that I needed to hide this to achieve my dreams,” she told the host Natalie Morales… Ms. Wright’s high-profile declaration casts a spotlight on the world of country music, which has historically had little room for differences. Ms. Wright’s dissent from the genre’s talking points — often conservative and religious, though rarely blatantly homophobic — arrived in tandem with the release of her memoir, “Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer” (Pantheon), and a new album, “Lifted Off the Ground” (Painted Red/Vanguard). But the impact of her story is really more powerful on country music’s monolithic image than on her own image.

Meanwhile, Nashville is literally FLOODING, with serious damage done to the Grand Ole Opry House and the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. Country music stars are hosting a Live Telethon in Nashville to Raise Money for the Flooding featuring Vince Gill, Naomi Judd, Alison Krauss, Darius Rucker, Phil Vassar and former American Idol contender Bo Bice and will benefit the Red Cross, Salvation Army and the Second Harvest Food Bank.

THE LYNCH:

The Lynch can do no wrong, even in high school when: “I had an affair with my teacher and it was really an amazing, mind-blowing experience. She was older and I was crazy about her and it was great – really wonderful.” (@3AM)

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS:

Neil Patrick Harris picks his top 10 hotties in anticipation of the AfterElton Hot 100. (@afterelton)

BRITTANA:

We have now confirmed for the 500th time that Brittany and Santana will not be girlfriends or friends with benefits, just close friends with exciting flirtations:

Vanity Fair: O.K., let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Britt’s flirtations with Santana. One word: hot. Where is this going? Is it going to head more toward B.F.F.s or F.W.B.s?
Heather Morris: Probably more of the B.F.F. side. What I’ve been told is, we’re not that type of television show. It’s funny to play with, but we’re not going to go in that direction.

CHAZ BONO:

Chastity Bono has now officially become Chaz, going to court yesterday to change his name. (@busy buzz)

SWEET HEAT:

Our friend Andrea at lez-behonest has something to tell you about:

Lesbians are you ready for sweet heat? We Are! Well before sweet heat we want you all to know about Tomboyz Quarterly Sweet heat Miami Summer issue which features everything you want to know about Miami Sweet Heat, with exclusive interviews with artist such as Trina, there’s also an article in the magazine featured by lez-behonest.com, this magazine is dedicated to the lesbian community and it has everything every lesbian wants to know! Also don’t forget Trina, B.Scott and a few other people will be at Miami Sweet heat hosting and attending parties this year, for more information on sweet heat goto www.sweetheat.miami.net! See you there!

Also you should buy your tickets now for Lesbian Attack Gives Back, which takes place on May 22nd in Los Angeles!

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2683 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. “What I’ve been told is, we’re not that type of television show. It’s funny to play with, but we’re not going to go in that direction.”

    What type of television show would that be? One that gives fair and equal representation to all types of high school kids? Or one that hires minorities for non-speaking roles only?

    Stay classy, Glee.

  2. I’m not smart enough to figure out if the dead “Oprah” link was a literal interpretation of “which we’ll choose to ignore.” or a legitimate accident.

    Either way, I’m also ignoring it. I mean DID Y’ALL SEE THOSE PICS FROM THE LACOSTE PARTY?

    …or any other picture she’s ever been in?

  3. I think Kristen may be dating Robert. One problem though – anything out of Ted Casablancas’s mouth is worth nothing. The guy always gets hyped for any man or woman dating what he thinks is a hot man and he has done countless confirmations about Robsten. The guy has no inside information and is a well known joke as far as gossip. Reading the story one knows immediately it is bullshit – not them dating which could be happening but the thought that Oprah would play that game. Bullshit. That is Ted’s game. You know what really disgusts Ted by the way. Hot women liking women. So much so that he was contacted by GLAAD and got angry that his problems with lesbianism and female bisexuality were questioned. He was known for being openly hostile that Lindsay Lohan had fallen in love with a woman and was actually the longest denier of the romance among the gossip scene.

    http://bialogue.livejournal.com/26683.html

    Yes, the guy tries to defend his hostility towards bi women by saying he is bi because he once dated a woman with young.

  4. By the way those confirmations are always pretty much worthless because everything Ted says is worthless. And again this is from someone, me, who thinks Kristen and Robert may be dating.

  5. Thanks for mentioning Nashville’s flooding. There are lots of people here who have lost everything and things are still pretty bad downtown.
    By the way, if folks want to give funds to help restoration work they can do so via the Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee at http://www.cfmt.org.
    P.S. I’m a little worried about this film adaptation of On The Road. Am I the only one? I mean, Kristen Stewart is super hot and all and I’m glad to not have to go solely to Twilight movies to see her, but I’m not sure about this.

    • I’m very nervous about this film. I fucking love K-Stew and think she should appear in every movie ever made from now on. Howevs I love On The Road a whole lot more, so my heart’s going to hurt if the movie / her performance is anything less than perfect.

  6. i just feel like a movie of on the road doesn’t even make sense? like, what happens in it is not actually of primary importance, what made the book was kerouac’s crazy/beautiful/benzadrine writing, and the movie will not have that in it. that said, KSTEW 4EVS

    • yeah, i completely agree, it’s going to be weird not to have lines like “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn”. errggg i don’t know how to feel.

    • Right.

      Because he wrote this (and the movie won’t have this in it):

      “…And Dean told Carlo of unknown people in the West like Tommy Snark, the clubfooted poolhall rotation shark and cardplayer and queer saint. He told him of Roy Johnson, Big Ed Dunkel, his boyhood buddies, his street buddies, his innumerable girls and sex-parties and pornographic pictures, his heroes, heroines, adventures. They rushed down the street together, digging everything in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptive and blank. But they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’.”
      -Jack Kerouac, On the Road

    • Yeah man, how come no one says anything about that photoshoot RPatz did for some magazine where he’s like I hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas.

      ISN’T THAT CONFIRMATION ENOUGH? M I RITE M I RITE?

      • Yes, yes you are. His photoshoot was with two naked women, and his reaction was to be uncomfortable and say he’s allergic to vaginas.

        Not that being lecherous would be a preferable alternative, but there has to be a way to hang around naked people in a professional environment and be respectful – no trying to seduce them or insulting their genitalia.

        And yes – full on homo.

  7. is it weird that i thought that the brittany-santana thing was talking about britney spears and santana the guitar player dude and was srsly confused for a good 2 minutes

  8. The fact that Kristen is dating Robert gives me a major happy. He stole my hair and I’m just as pale, so I’m thinking I could be her next boifriend. <3
    Kristen, if you read this: It's time to stop biting your own lips and nibble on mine instead. 😉

  9. Yes, I’m with Mo on this — thanks for mentioning Nashville’s flooding! We kinda at this point need all the coverage/attention/aid we can get.

  10. Agreed. On the Road shouldn’t be made into a movie. And Kristen Stewart? Her image is completely incorrect. The movie should be made as a sincere and true representation of what a piece of art the book is. It shouldn’t be made into a big hype about actresses for people who don’t even care about the book!!!

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.