Jenny Owen Youngs Is Super Gay: The Autostraddle Interview

Photo: Najva Sol

Photo: Najva Sol

In a letter published today on, Brooklyn-based singer-songwriter Jenny Owen Youngs confirmed that she is, in fact, “super gay.” Not only that, she’ll be marrying her girlfriend, Everyone Is Gay co-founder Kristin Russo, in New York over the summer.

In the letter, which can be read in full here, Owen Youngs opens up about why she’s avoided discussing her sexuality publicly until now.

“I’m writing to tell you, among other things, that I am super gay. This may or may not come as a surprise to you. If it does: Surprise! If it does not: You were right all along! Either way: Hooray!

I didn’t want to come out. I don’t want coming out to be a thing that anyone has to do.

A short list of things I’d rather be doing than “thinking about being gay” includes (but is not limited to) writing a song, reading a book, climbing a tree, dancing a jig, and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the zillionth time. Don’t get me wrong – I think it is in the best interest of everyone to strive for a greater understanding of the self. I just wish that being gay (or transgender, or asexual, or fill-in-the-blank here) was as unremarkable to the masses as being left-handed or blonde.”

If you’re unfamiliar with Jenny Owen Youngs’ music career, here’s the ten second summary: In 2005 she won our hearts with the stellar debut album, Batten The Hatches. One of its stand out tracks, “Fuck Was I,” a stirring anthem for the regretful, was included on the Weeds Vol. 2 soundtrack. In 2007 came the Take All Your Clothes Off EP which featured a brillant cover of Nelly’sHot In Herre“. In the years following came two more full-length albums, Transmitter Failure and last year’s An Unwavering Band of Light, and tours around the United States and beyond with musicians such as Aimee Mann, Regina Spektor, Motion City Soundtrack, Allison Weiss and Bess Rogers. She’s been followed by an ever-growing LGBT fan base since the debut release, which is perhaps in part due to her talent for writing gender-neutral lyrics that can so so easily be applied to various highs and lows of a lady-lovin’ life.

In the letter, Owen Youngs, who has been attracted to girls since junior high, cites her religious upbringing and church’s anti-gay teachings as an influencing factor regarding her reluctance to come out.

“I’ve come to realize in recent months that a big part of my desire to hide this aspect of myself was rooted in those dusty old feelings: that there is something wrong, something bad, something less-than about being gay. It brings me no pleasure to admit to you that I have felt these feelings…”

“Having a firsthand view of the work that [fiancé, Kristin Russo] and Dannielle [Owens-Reid] do has been inspiring, and has also made me think more critically about my decision. What kind of a message does it send to a teenager when I avoid a question about my sexuality? Whatever the answer, I’m confident that it is no longer a message I am comfortable sending.”

It wasn’t just that deep-rooted shame that drove her decision to stay in the closet. There was also a concern that has been echoed by many, many gay musicians before her – that her personal life and sexuality would become the primary focus of her music career.

“I [was] worried that the first word people would associate with me was going to be “gay” instead of “musician.” I didn’t want a non-musical part of myself overshadowing the musical part.”

Chatting with me earlier this week, Owen Youngs spoke candidly about feeling relieved, but also nervous, about her public coming out moment. (“Hopefully it won’t be a day that everyone will think I’m a horrible monster — not for being gay, but for not being comfortable.”) I’d been curious about the measures she’d taken throughout her career to keep her sexuality on the down-low, and whether it meant distancing herself from the LGBT community.

“One of the most disturbing realizations that I had while coming to this decision to write the letter is that I wasn’t supporting the things that I believed in – things that you don’t even have to be gay to support – just because I had this subconscious fear that if I talked about marriage equality then people would assume that it was because I was gay. That’s fucked. That’s no way to live and it’s super gross and one of the aspects of this that I’m most ashamed of. But I’m also psyched to be able to approach those topics now. In the past year or so I’ve become a lot more comfortable with discussing issues such as gay rights, which is cool because the alternative is super not cool.”

Our conversation turned to that concern of being pigeonholed as a gay artist, and how, when starting out as a musician last decade, she feared she may not receive the same opportunities as heterosexual artists.

“When I started playing music – I’ve been a full-time-ish musician since about 2006 – I could think of maybe 3 or 4 out musicians that were out. That kind of made me uncomfortable. I felt that if I was fortunate enough to actually start to make a career as a musician then I would get grouped in with that handful of people, in a way that in my mind I was already grouping them together, sort of like self-perpetuating ick.

So much of this information is super unflattering to me, but I was concerned [about the impact on my music career]. I was really afraid. So much of that was rooted in a pre-existing feeling that was embedded very deep in me that I, as a human being, am not good at anything, and having this anti-gay born again Christian rhetoric working alongside that… I felt that if people knew I was gay then it would give them a reason to think that I was even more of a piece of garbage than they already think.”

Religion is no longer a large part of Owen Youngs’ parents’ lives; she’s out to them and they’re super amped for her and Kristin’s wedding. Following those frank admissions about feeling a lack of self-worth, she wanted to stress that she really is fine.

“Like many people, I’ve had a lot of feelings over the course of my life. Everybody has their focal points when it comes to the things that they are obsessed with about themselves, the things that get in the way of you developing as a person and mine have been feelings of inferiority and that goes hand in hand with the church upbringing, the gay thing.”

I asked Owen Youngs whether she believed that attitudes towards gay artists have changed over the course of her music career, and whether she still feels that people place “gay” before “musician”.

“The social climate feels different now. People seem a lot more relaxed. I mean, I live in New York City and so there’s the bubble effect of being like, “yeah everyone is so accepting and everything is fine” when there are plenty of areas of America that are still very conservative. Yet same sex marriage laws are passing, it feels like there is one every month. It seems like we’re almost at this tipping point where people are starting to be chill about it.

Now tons of artists are out, casually out, and it’s totally fine. However I don’t think that we’re living in a beautiful utopia or anything – obviously some areas are more liberal than other areas of the planet but as far as the arts community is concerned, at least for musicians, there seems to be less of a stigma. I know of young musicians who are starting their careers now and they’re not in the closet, they don’t even discuss it, it’s just the way that it is. In an ideal world I’d love for nobody to ever make any sort of announcement. I feel weird having even written a thing because, who fucking cares?”

Over the summer Owen Youngs will be holed up writing songs for her next record, as well as working on a few side projects that are in development. I wondered out loud whether, now that she’s come out, we’ll start hearing gendered pronouns in her lyrics.

“That is not something that’s going to change. For me it’s not really so much about keeping out some sort of biographical details, it’s just the way that I write. I leave gendered pronouns out of the equation because I feel like there’s more room for anybody listening to the song to get inside of themselves. I have songs that are about boys that also don’t have gendered pronouns. That’s something that people often notice.”

Naturally, I wasn’t going to let her hang up without naming her favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes.

“I’ve got a handful. Anything that Joss [Whedon] wrote is one of my favorites. There are the classics, like “Hush” and “The Body” and “Once More With Feeling” are way up there.”

So there you have it. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I’m stoked she’s chosen to add her voice to our chorus.

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Crystal has written 320 articles for us.




    for real, this is awesome. it bums me out than anyone/any religion ever told jenny she was not okay exactly as she is, but i find it really inspiring and kickass that she has decided to move past that for the sake of a new young generation of queermos who love her and look up to her. i am also SO excited that she is marrying kristin russo…once upon a time i interned for everyone is gay and kristin and dannielle are two of the warmest, funniest, funnest bosses to do business with. they even sent my girlfriend a birthday card at my request!

    mazel tov to jenny & kristin on their engagement, and huge congratulations to jenny for deciding she is now comfortable enough to make this announcement. i agree with her of course, in an ideal world no one would have to come out, but we’re not quite there yet so shit like this is important.

    gonna go rock out to all her music now and do happy dances at my desk…

  2. I met Jenny when she performed at Purchase College (her alma mater) last year during an alumni show. She was down to earth and funny and quite the musician. Her music is incredible and there are few artists these days that are as good live as they are recorded. Her sexuality is not remotely related to her abilities as a musician. I hope that her coming out does not deter more conservative fans from her sweet melodies. Regardless, I am sure that listeners will find so much to admire within Jenny – as a musician and an out gay woman. She is brilliant.

  3. This whole thing speaks to me on so many levels. I have a surprisingly similar background, and being a musician, I often chalk “not talking about my sexuality” up to not wanting to, as Jenny puts it, not wanting “a non-musical part of myself overshadowing the musical part.”

    I hope she takes comfort in the fact that her story, and her desire to be true to it, have helped me immensely and encouraged me to do what I know I should have done a long time ago.

    Yay Jenny!

  4. This is the best!! I am so happy to hear this. I totally remember hearing her stuff on Pandora for the first time and then having a huge crush on her. Thanks for covering this!

  5. I JUST ASSUMED IT ALREADY. Is that weird? Like I had no idea she wasn’t out. But I def had no idea she and Kristin were a THING and that is amazing and really cute and I love it a lot.

    So congrats on your impending marriage, Jenny and Kristin, and I think you’re both pretty cool. I’m gonna go watch the Hot in Herre video with the igloo.

    • i echo all your feelings re: assuming it already / assuming she was out / having no idea she and kristin were a THING.

      i also commend your wise choice in going to watch the hot in herre video. excuse me while i copy you…

  6. congratulations JOY! and thank you. you’re not a horrible monster at all. you’ve been honest in your music for a long time. i listened to “batten the hatches” a lot in high school, which was right when I needed it – it was a little supportive environment in my headphones (‘bricks’, oh my god). i’m glad you found your own bigger supportive environment where you can be forthright in whatever way feels best to you.

    also fun fact: i don’t have a tumblr because if i did, i’d have to steal your “about me” section, and i just wouldn’t feel right about it.

  7. First and foremost, congratulations to J.O.Y. for being amazing and for coming out in a way that is pretty much as classy and thoughtful as humanly possible. I listened to Batten the Hatches on a loop when I was in high school and her work has always been super important to me, so it’s awesome when your musical heroes turn out to be strong, funny, intelligent humans along with inspiring musicians.

    Second, Kristin Russo and Jenny Owen Youngs are getting married and I have to go flip every table I can find.

  8. it’s a little awkward how excited i am about this.
    jenny owen youngs!
    and kristin russo!
    getting married!

  9. This is super super awesome. Way to go Jenny!


    “One of the most disturbing realizations that I had while coming to this decision to write the letter is that I wasn’t supporting the things that I believed in – things that you don’t even have to be gay to support – just because I had this subconscious fear that if I talked about marriage equality then people would assume that it was because I was gay.”

    Living in the closet is maddening and having to retrace steps and thinking ABOUT EVERYTHING because someone might ~suspect~ is so damn tiring. I get this 101%. It takes courage to break through that. Jenny thank you for sharing your story. Many of us can relate!!! <3

  10. I love that you asked her what her favorite Buffy episode is!? You always know the questions I really want answered!

    • can this question just be a prerequisite for all AS interviews? like maybe i should start including it in straddler on the street too…


    • OKAY I calmed down a little and took the time to actually read her letter and I teared up a little bit and I have to say that her and Kristen getting married is THE BEST THING so I am going to sorrowfully retract my marriage proposal and say MAZEL TOV instead
      I hope Jenny and Kristen appreciate these enthusiastic run-on sentences and also how mature (and attractive) I am

        • I feel you. I have mega crushes on both of them, so I am feeling very conflicted (but mostly joyful).

          Also I feel like a tool for spelling Kristin’s name wrong twice in a row, ugh.

  12. yay good job you’re gay etc! but here’s the thing. I think we need to hold our queer celebs (celesbians if you will) to a high standard of critical thinking and a couple of things that j.o.y. said in this rubbed me the wrong way.

    first, the whole “i hate the concept of coming out i just wish being gay was normal like being left-handed” pisses me off because it totally ignores the way that patriarchy is organized around compulsory heterosexuality and gender binary and all of the ramifications of those systems. it’s super assimilationist and disrespectful of everyone doing radical political work to just wish being gay was like being left handed without appreciating that in order to get there, to really get to a place where who you’re attracted to is not noteworthy, we have to radically recreate entire social systems. anything else is just assimilating to a fucked up patriarchal system. like i understand her sentiment, but just that’s not how it works.

    also the whole “i live in nyc where it’s totally normal to be gay! good thing i don’t live in those terrible conservative places” yeah, it is nice to live in nyc if you’re white and class-privileged and gender-conforming and also gay. i’ve been having a great time here and haven’t feared for my life once! but i’m also not living under a rock, and i’m aware that there have been a recent rash of homophobic attacks, including an attack by the police, perpetrated against mostly gay men of color. like seriously does she not know about those?!

    welcome to the queer family, jenny! now plz educate yourself and don’t be a basic bitch because you’re a celesbian now and your words have a lot of power.

    • Basic bitch? Really? That’s your closing statement. Bravo. Everyone really appreciated everything you had to say here. I’m sure that your comment will truly make her reconsider the way she talks about things. You really are driving home the point that coming out is hard by attacking someone who is coming out. Fantastic job.

      • I second this fully and totally. Let’s just support J.O.Y. and focus on that for a second as she steps out for the first time. Yay Jenny! C’mere!

      • yeah i’m sorry basic bitch was harsh. i do stand by what i said here though. i think it’s awesome that she’s coming out and marrying her girlfriend i do! and i don’t think my critiques of her words should take away from that happiness at all. her words did give me a lot of feelings though, so that’s why i wrote about them here.

        • We are interested in your feelings, for sure. And we don’t want to keep anyone from bringing up points relevant to the conversation. There are just nicer ways to do it, ya know? Thanks for apologizing.

          I think we all should take a moment and think about who we’re fighting against. Because it shouldn’t be each other. If you see someone in our community embodying the things you see wrong with the world, it’s probs not because they’re a terrible person. Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they’re an idiot or a walking embodiment of the patriarchy. We have all opinions. I think what we ultimately want to do is make sure that those opinions are informed…does that make sense? That might not make sense. Carry on.

        • “i don’t think my critiques of her words should take away from that happiness at all”

          I think we all- celebrities and non-celebrities alike; me, you, and everyone- could stand to take a few minutes/hours/days sometimes to think about the way our words affect reality. If our goal is that our critiques, statements, exclamations, and jokes would add to the net amount of happiness in this world rather than detract, we should be careful about the words we use to express them, lest they detract in ways we didn’t intend.

          Furthermore, “should” and “wish” are never the same as “is”.

        • i also feel like we alienate people from the community who might not be experts on the patriarchal systems of oppression you mention or know about the radical political work you admire or have gotten into the habit that social justice bloggers have of checking privilege while speaking. i felt super-alienated from the queer community when i first started recognizing my queerdom because i had no background in queer theory or women’s studies. i didn’t know the right words to say or the right feelings to feel. JOY is just a girl talking about her feelings, you know? and let’s give her positivity and love today. there’s so much more time for these other conversations tomorrow and the next day and the rest of our lives, but today let’s just be positive and supportive.

          • every single thing you just said Riese. I felt the same way when coming to terms with my personal queerdome. It was and often times still is overwhelming and alienating to navigate the LGBTQ community and its lingo/politics/privilege if you haven’t come from that kind of background.

        • you guys i legit did not mean to attack JOY. like in my brain my tone was probably 100x more playful than how 90% of you read it but that obviously didn’t convey well and i’m sorry. i originally typed this up on tumblr, and then quickly and unthinkingly put it here and obviously tumblr tone doesn’t translate well to the real world and literally as soon as i posted it i wished there was an edit button.

          the original comment wasn’t even really to JOY directly and i would feel really bad if it made her upset (honestly i’ve been super upset all day and i really wouldn’t want anyone else to be). it was more to this community in general, and making sure we hold our celesbians accountable, because their words and behavior really affect a lot of people. and at acamp i saw some extreme examples of celesbians not using their power for good (very rare though! most of the celezzes were great! acamp was great and i love you all!) and the effect that it had on people.

          so anyway, i think it’s awesome JOY came out. i also think it would be awesome if coming out wasn’t such a big deal so let’s get to that revolution?

      • omg so many feelings. most importantly, if the article made sedusa feel uneasy (and boy did it make me uneasy), she should be able to explain why without being attacked. Why wouldn’t that make J.O.Y. think? Similar anger certainly opened my eyes. “those who are angry beyond your imagination have probably been hurt beyond your experience.” I don’t think she meant to come off as angry as many interpreted (although I get that “basic bitch” may be less common and playful to you than she realized due to vernacular differences).

        the statement “I think we all should take a moment and think about who we’re fighting against. Because it shouldn’t be each other” is historically used by people with assimilationist politics telling radical people to stop creating divisions. worry about our issues and struggles first. maybe we’ll get to yours later. I’m thoroughly disappointed to have seen those words be so popular on this website, and I think they say a lot about the acceptable politics to have here. Inclusivity / safe-space, and silencing an argument for reasons other than it’s content are different things.

        at the end of day, her comment had meaningful content (productive) and some potentially unnecessary anger (which proved to be unproductive). People telling her that her comment was uncalled for or stupid without any other content are unproductive. what J.O.Y. said about nyc being a safe place to be queer is factually false for most queers in nyc, many of whom have less color privilege. telling me that J.O.Y. doesn’t know better doesn’t make her words more inclusive. It solely works to make this website less safe for all those people who are not included in J.O.Y’s world.

        I guess, in summary, I wish that autostraddle were a place where radical queer politics could be stated without everyone yelling at you for having justifiable anger, regardless of the content of your words and the validity of your feelings.

      • to me, Britanni’s comment felt so much more violent and hateful. an article about a cute white gay musician who isn’t super clued into race or queer politics made her uncomfortable? let’s attack /silence her. and this is the point of time that I take a break from autostraddle comments.

        It sounds like J.O.Y.s coming out took some bravery and was a difficult decision for her. She deserves support. She says she knows she’s in a bubble, doesn’t use gendered pronouns, makes great music, and does a whole ton of other great things. Nothing either Sedusa or I said negates that. Neither of us ever called her terrible.

        However, she opened some doors and made one mistake, and I expected and would have liked to be able to talk about it.

        • okay I’m almost done I think / hope

          Riese, I see you 100%

          everyone else, please be less quick to silence, especially those that are less privileged in some relevant way. because that is violent, whether or not it reads as angry.

        • Seriously at this point AS needs a tagline to let someone know because, “You need a dictionary,” wow, I’m going to use that in the future.

          I get that AS and most spaces cannot be the everything for everyone. When I said coming here is like going to Smith, this is an example of that. Is it a “bad” thing to say, it depends on who the person because Smith is great for some people and “this again?” for others.

          Reading this comment exchange I have a sinking feeling about this future of this place..FOR PEOPLE WHO CLEARLY DO NOT SHARE THE SAME POLITICS.

          Point: sometimes in some spaces people are not down with O.P.P. (yeah you know me).

        • Also it’s hilarious that you found the POC’s comments “violent and hateful” while trying to reprimand someone else for not being clued into race politics. Like come on. Do better, homie.

    • I think each person is entitled to their feelings about coming out and we shouldn’t hold anyone to a higher standard just because they make music. Yes, shes a role model, and she recognizes this. I really respect her for sticking to her own truth.

    • “first, the whole “i hate the concept of coming out i just wish being gay was normal like being left-handed” pisses me off because it totally ignores the way that patriarchy is organized around compulsory heterosexuality and gender binary and all of the ramifications of those systems. it’s super assimilationist and disrespectful of everyone doing radical political work to just wish being gay was like being left handed without appreciating that in order to get there, to really get to a place where who you’re attracted to is not noteworthy, we have to radically recreate entire social systems. anything else is just assimilating to a fucked up patriarchal system. like i understand her sentiment, but just that’s not how it works.”

      Okay… here’s the thing. You acknowledge that the ultimate goal is to “get to a place where who you’re attracted to is not noteworthy,” and that’s basically what Jenny was getting at, right? I too wish that “coming out” wasn’t a “thing.” It’s hard and it’s a neverending process and I regard it as a necessary evil. That’s not saying that I’m not aware that it’s our dominantly heterocentric/patriarchal culture that puts us in that position, I know that. But in a way it’s a privilege to be able to do “radical political work” because maybe you can’t come out, or maybe you’re not happy being gay, or maybe you’re just now getting used to it, or maybe you live in a super conservative place. It personally took me a long long time just to be able to put pro-gay marriage statements and links on my Facebook.

      So what I’m getting at is that I think you’re grossly misreading or misinterpreting what Jenny says. She’s clearly struggled with her identity, or at least balancing her private life with her public life. I get the idea behind saying that gay celebrities have to be good role models, but maybe not everyone wants their life to be a political statement, which right now, sadly, being gay IS seen as a political statement. So while I respect your comments and the work you clearly do to better our community, and I would love to be able to say I do the same things and am radical in my queer politics outside of the Internet (I cannot yet), I kind of feel like your comments were the equivalent of someone getting upset at a newborn colt for not winning the Kentucky Derby. And normally I wouldn’t say so, because you’re right, you’re entitled to your opinions and I wouldn’t want to silence them. But I have to say that I felt a little put-out by the comments in the specific quote I copied because I think there’s a certain smidge of privilege in what I perceived to be the idea that we should all be living these very public, radical, political existences when not all of us can afford that luxury.

      • And this is why I think this whole LMBGTBBQILMNOP thing is just so interesting because it is not a physical manifestation, unless you are dry-humping a person of the same-sex (and still you cannot make assumptions about a person’s gender) NO ONE WILL EVER KNOOOOOOW!

        I read the series of comments by sedusa as “well duh you wish this “being gay” is a non-issue because everything else about you is a relative a non-issuse!” The non-issue is J.O.Y’s (love it!) whiteness, class, and being cisgender. Reading this I was like, “Who’s this? Oh, good for her!”

        This whole thing I think at the end of the day is matter of perspective, empathy is not a zero-sum game but for some people (for reasons I understand) treat it that way.

        • Well, yeah, that is a great point, and it’s something I overlooked when I posted my reply (and not that it excuses it, but I had just gotten off from a 10 hour night shift in the factory where I work so I might have been operating at 100% emotion/tiredness levels and 0% think things all the way through levels). Yes, there is a certain amount of privilege in saying, “I wish being gay was like all these other things I am – white, cis, etc. – because I don’t like being marginalized,” because some people are marginalized and there’s no “coming out” about it, it’s just always there. You can’t “come out” as a Poc and/or a fat person, etc. I definitely acknowledge that, and if that’s where sedusa was coming from (it wasn’t obvious to me), then I concede on that point.

          But I think saying that you cannot make assumptions about a person’s gender/sexual orientation is kind of overlooking the majority of laymen who still do make assumptions, who we have to encounter every day, who we have to worry about when we “come out,” or hold hands with our significant others, or have a short haircut or wear a bowtie or whatever. If the entire world was made up of radical queer intersectional feminists, that would be another story, but it’s not, unfortunately.

  13. I legitimately thought that Kristin and Danielle were a couple. I’d watch their videos and think to myself; “they are SO a couple, why won’t they just admit it.” Boy was I wrong.
    I thought Jenny was already out? I guess this just makes things official. Good for her!

    • the first thought i had was that kristen should take jenny’s middle name and then everybody will think that her and dannielle are married and that would be really funny, or maybe just to me

    • Me too! I discovered EIG as a baby queer in 2010, and just kind of assumed that Danielle and Kristin were a couple. After reading this I thought, wow, that’s awesome that they kept running the website together after breaking up. Clearly I missed the mark there, haha.

  14. WAIT. okay. i got as far as “she’s gay” and was like, “i will make her MINE!” and then got to the “she’s getting married part” and now i just need to stop reading for a bit and sit with this mix of conflicting emotions.

    • true life my roommate responded to this link on my facebook like this:

      “wtf two dreams crushed with one blog post”

      sooooo deanne i think a lot of humans feel you on this one. so many feelings, per usual.

    • Yeah. Samesies. I literally emailed the team and was like “Everyone is in love with all the awesome people. When do I get to be awesome and in love with someone awesome?”

      Seriously where do I find these people? Are they at bookstores? I bet they’re at fucking bookstores….

      • You should definitely try the bookstores. And you totally already are awesome and will find your own J.O.Y. because I mean, Autostraddlers. who isn’t already in love with Lizz?

      • Maybe they ARE all in bookstores. I used to think they were on tumblr, but now I’ve decided those adorable tumblr queers don’t exist in real life. They just don’t! Well, ok, maybe the too-young-for-me-ones do…

      • ” ‘Everyone is in love with all the awesome people. When do I get to be awesome and in love with someone awesome?’ Seriously where do I find these people? Are they at bookstores? I bet they’re at fucking bookstores….”

        This. I ask/tell myself exactly this! Also, this is why I try to go to The Strand as often as I can. Still no luck, though.

        • I do the same thing, Triszh, and all it’s gotten me is a lot more books than I can afford

    • You know that vomity feeling you get when you find out your ex is in a serious relationship with someone new? That’s what’s happening right now. Irrationally super bummed about these amazing two people being off the market. Congratulations, etc., etc., crying on the inside.

  15. “Don’t get me wrong – I think it is in the best interest of everyone to strive for a greater understanding of the self. I just wish that being gay (or transgender, or asexual, or fill-in-the-blank here) was as unremarkable to the masses as being left-handed or blonde.””

    This is what I think too. When I came out to my friends, I did it one at a time and started the short conversation with “So this is not a big deal to me, and if you’re ok with it, I would like it to just not be a big deal at all.” I took questions for a minute, repeated that I didn’t want it to be made into a big deal, and then changed the topic of conversation. It’s worked for me so far =)

    • That’s awesome! I think the first time I came out to a friend it was with a lot of hand wringing and fear. And it took like half an hour of stuttering. But nowadays if I meet someone and they start to question why I’m referring to my girlfriend I’ll just reply with, “Oh yeah I’m gay. Can you please pass me a beer?” One day I hope I’ll just get to say, “Can you please pass me a beer?”


    • Also, I’m just so happy and proud that you’ve been brave enough to make this step, so, ok, you’re great and I totally relate to the super Christian upbringing being a source of fear at coming out. So, thanks is what I’m saying! It’s so hard to overcome that and those of us that do are dime pieces. You definitely are!

  17. Welcome to the family, Jenny! I really respect her decision to come out on her own time and say what she did. It was vulnerable and real and I love her even more than I ever did before.

    Brb going to go listen to JOY on repeat forever now.

  18. This makes me so happy! I remember when I first became a fan of her music I hoped she might be gay! I’m so happy for her and Kristen! Happiness all around!

  19. I don’t remember how I came across her first album waaay back (pretty sure I bought her indie release on cdbaby? in 2005/2006) but I’ve been a huge fan ever since. Back then I was still struggling with my own sexuality, and something about her music spoke to me. I’ve met her at shows a few times and I kind of always wondered/wished/hoped she might be a part of the family. Her words of coming out, and her engagement, make me so happy!

  20. Oh man, I love Jenny AND Kristen. Jenny’s music and the Everyone is Gay vlogs were huge presences in my life the year I really came to terms with my sexuality. Also, totally relate to that religion stuff. Sometimes I still feel illegitimate in my gayness because I was always told it was a choice when it was mentioned at all. It just wasn’t an option. So me being gay sometimes feels like I read a Choose Your Own Adventure book an instead of going with an already written ending, I wrote my own and it’s scary.

    But the most important matter is did JOY ever make out with Regina Spektor?

  21. I remember reading about her 2 or 3 years ago, and I swear it was on here somewhere, but I can’t find the relevant article. Anyway I listened to her music and immediately bought her first two albums. If the third one had been out then, I would have bought it too. At the time, she wasn’t out obviously, but it was noted that she had a pretty good sized lesbian following, and pronoun neutral songs were probably part of that. But anyway, the point is, her music was love at first listen for me and I’m super glad that she’s super gay.

  22. Oh, this makes me so happy. Owen Youngs is one of my faves. And they are GORGEOUS together!

  23. Trying to come to terms with this. Just singing to self over and over:

    Love grows in me like a tumor,
    parasites bent on devouring its host.
    I’m developing my sense of humor,
    ’til I can laugh at my heart between your teeth,
    ’til I can laugh at my face beneath your feet.

    Skillet on the stove is such a temptation;
    maybe I’ll be the lucky one that doesnt get burned.
    What the fuck was I thinking…

  24. she’s so cute and they’re so cute together and i don’t know what to do with myself help

  25. I have no words, but this is everything to me! As someone who is struggling it’s things like these that give me hope. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  26. I never knew how happy two strangers I have only briefly met getting married could make me. I found everyoneisgay and joy around the same time, right when I was first coming out, and in fact, because of kristin’s and dannielle’s musical friends, people like jenny, allison weiss, bess rogers, ingrid michaelson, dan romer, and of course, kristin and danielle, are all tied up together with my coming out experience in my mind. It seems right that kristin and jenny should be in love. I just want to forget the politics of marriage and coming out and advice websites for a second. Two people we all love love each other. Indeed, nothing could make me happier.

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