Haters Are Fake News: More Internet Haikus

three jumping gray dots
what mysteries do you hold
i hope they’re gentle


they’re doing the wave
gray dots are working the crowd
they can feel your ache


notification
red encircled white number
your ten-year-old face


another alert
blue encircled white number
one-forty well done


pulsating red rings
there’s no one new around you
it’s time for a move


green circle we’re live
gray circle we’ve gone absent
what’s outside feel like


colors, numbers, shapes
they’re still keeping us engaged
forever children


iconic duo:
your ex and netflix account
real love never dies


when you hide their posts
then find out they’ve unfriended
*white guy blinking gif*


comforting to know
‘hey girl’ memes are still around
some things go untouched


george takei the brand
dictating what goes viral
taste of real power


moms love george takei
teenagers love george takei
man of the people


“first post in a while”
that new instagram alert
feels like a soft neg


saddest short story
a blinking pizza tracker
modern baby shoes


it’s gonna be may
will never not be funny
haters are fake news


sometimes i’ll right swipe
based on instagram handle
there’s power in names


where’s our mallory
has she left us forever
i’m cold and afraid


re: digital ads
what is glossier’s budget
like three trillion or


lol OMGYES
“closing the orgasm gap”
y’all wild for this one

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 205 articles for us.

18 Comments

  1. OK yeah can someone tell me what OMGYes is? Is it for straight women to learn about how to come and then teach their boyfriends? What is an orgasm gap? Is this 1950 or is sleeping with men just that bad?

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