Let’s be real. Shopping for baby stuff is fun. The tiny clothing! The colorful board books! The neverending options for toys that light up and play (not-annoying-at-all) music! So fun!
But it’s also a freakin’ minefield of pink and blue and low-key rape culture and snore-inducing gender norms. Like, just UGH. As a queer mama to a little firecracker of a one-year-old, I know how hard it is. So I’ve done the hard work for you of finding some badass gifts for your kids or to scandalize your conservative family at your holiday gathering of choice. Behold!
Statement Onesies for Babies Who DGAF About the PatriarchyAhh, the onesie. I just recently had an epiphany when I realized that bodysuits are actually onesies for adults. Anyway, this angry liberal feminist killjoy onesie will send the clear message that this baby is not here to deal with patriarchal bullshit. If you’re into a fuzzier, cuddlier feminist message, this cats against catcalls graphic onesie is just perfect for a baby who is not f*ckin’ kitten about street harassment. Wildfang made this simple Lover + Fighter onesie for the little one who believes in the power of love and the power of fighting for justice. Or maybe you need a gift for a baby who’s a hardcore SJW already like that gets straight to the message. Intersectional Rosie is here to say that we all can do it! (Yes, I’m aware this is a t-shirt, not a onesie. It doesn’t come as a onesie. Just go with it.) If the baby you’re shopping for is just kind of real aloof, but also has claws sharp like switchblades, consider this feminist fox look. I need this one as a grown-up onesie, I think, but if you’re a baby who just wants to make sure the world knows where you stand on dealing with offensive cis opinions, this “I have no patience for your transphobia” onesie is perf. And finally, the gender traitor onesie, which is a personal favorite of my little dinosaur.
The Library is Open for Babies Who ReadBooks are always a good gift for a baby, no matter what age. My baby loves This Little Trailblazer: A Girl Power Primer! The illustrations are colorful and fun and the majority of the women included are WOC, so that’s cool! You’ve probably heard of A is for Activist, but did you know there’s a counting book by the same author, Counting on Community? If you don’t have a little one, you may or may not be aware that bell hooks is writing board books for little kids. Skin Again is a great place to start. I really love that hooks doesn’t dumb down the politics of skin even as she makes it accessible to growing minds. Waffle actually turned me on to Introducing Teddy: A gentle story about gender and friendship, a story about a trans teddy bear girl. It’s a great book both to model for cis kids how to be a supportive friend when someone comes out as trans and for trans kids to show a story where a trans girl comes out and is treated with love. I Dissent: Ruth Bader Ginsburg Makes Her Mark is the children’s book about RBG that you didn’t know you needed. If you already love RGB, you’re going to love her even more after meeting her as a young girl. Every bookshelf needs Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History because they sure as shit aren’t going to learn about these brilliant women in their history classes. Worm Loves Worm is another Waffle pick. This one’s about two gendernonspecific worms who fall in love and get married and when their friends ask, “Who’s going to wear the dress? Who’s going to wear the tux?” they answer, “Who cares? We’re in love!” Yes, it’s very cute and so sweet that your Trump-loving cousin may not even realize it’s about gay marriage. Another should-be-classic for any kid’s library is Malala’s Magic Pencil, a story about Malala written by Malala herself. The illustrations themselves are worth the price and the story will inspire young people to pursue their dreams.
Seriously, F*ck Your Gender Reveal PartyI have for you here a selection of prints and apparel that would be a great gift if you want to be a feminist killjoy about someone’s gender reveal party. But it’s the holidays, so maybe just respect other people’s (silly) decisions and give these cute gifts to a queer and/or trans parent who’ll really appreciate them. These three prints by FabulouslyFeminist are perfect for a baby’s nursery. Choose from “Gender Self-Determination,” “Gender Roles? I Don’t Give a Fluff!”, or “Stop Equating Genitals with Gender.” Wildfang is at it again with their “The Future is Fluid” onesie for the parent who is just not going to answer the question, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Really I just want this “Cinnamon Rolls Not Gender Roles” tee for myself, TBH with you. Lastly, in lieu of an “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl” onesie, check out this rainbow “babe” shirt for your gender reveal!
Badass Toys for Brilliant Little BabesBabies probably shouldn’t play with this Frida Kahlo amigurumi until they’re old enough to not choke on the eyeballs, but it’d be a cute decoration for their nursery. Finger puppets are super fun for little babies when an adult wears them and brings them close to their face during a play session. When they’re older, kids can reenact the women of the SCOTUS collectively screaming into the void. I don’t know why this box of farm veggies seems gay. Like Baby’s First CSA. Or Baby’s First Lesbian Commune. I don’t know, it just feels gay to me. These periodic table building blocks are great for babies of any gender, but especially for girls to get a head start on STEM. This official Wonder Woman silicone teether will keep slimy baby mouths occupied while quietly indoctrinating them into the ways of the Amazonians. Finally, if you need to be really, really careful about your queer gift-giving, this rainbow stacker doesn’t scream “HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA,” but the agenda is stacked right in there. Shh. Don’t tell your Aunt Patty.
Thinking of buying gifts from the Autostraddle Store?
To get your deliveries in time for the holidays make sure to place your order by
Dec 13th—UPS First Class*
Dec 15th—USPS Priority Mail/UPS Ground*
*These dates are for domestic orders–we have no guarantee for international orders, so get ‘em in early heartstrings! ♡