Friday Open Thread: Callout Post: I Love My Friends (Let me Know if You Do Too)

Howdy Rodeo Queens and Cowbois! I bet y’all look really, really good in cowboy hats, don’t you? Or like, you can cook up a really good vegan chili. Or maybe you just know a lot of great cowboy songs. It’s probably all three, right? Yeah, I bet it is. Anyway, welcome to the Friday Open Thread! This is a place where we all gather together around the campfire and play harmonicas and sing about the Rio Grande. We also come together and share pictures and gifs and talk about what we did this week and how we’re feeling. Sounds pretty darn tootin’ cool, am I right?

image by Rory Midhani

image by Rory Midhani

This week has still been really hard for me, y’all. It seems like waves keep on coming and crashing into me and knocking me back down every time I get a little bit of footing. But one of the things that’s bringing happiness and joy and hope into my life is my friends and how much I love them and how terrific they are. So I wanted to keep this week’s Open Thread positive and full of love. Is that okay? I mean, if you’d rather talk about your week or how angry you are at OITNB, or how scared you are because of this whole Brexit nightmare, or how your first (or twentieth) Pride was, or whatever else you want to, I’m not gonna stop you and I will talk to you about that, but also compliments are nice.

There’s this thing I do sometimes on twitter where I do “Callout Posts” that are really just excuses for me to compliment my friends. In this case, Callout stands for Complimenting And Loving Lots Of Ur Tenders (thanks to Lisa de Antoni for this perfect term for friends and people that you love). The internet can be a place where it’s so easy to wallow in anger and sadness and negativity, so I like to counterbalance that. Like, it’s just really, really fun and nice to come up with creative ways to compliment your friends and it helps you to remember the good that’s in the world (the good is your friends).

Plus, it gives you an excuse to act like Leslie Knope, which, like, who doesn't want to be more like her??

Plus, it gives you an excuse to act like Leslie Knope, which, like, who doesn’t want to be more like her??

Here are a few examples of my Callout Posts from recent days:

  • Callout Post: Cecelia Kiyoko is my femme idol, brings out the magic in me and in the world and always makes me feel so incredibly loved. Plus she’s got a KILLER singing voice.
  • Callout Post: Not only is Stef Schwartz one of my best friends and a killer bass player, but she looks really, really great in a cape.
  • Callout Post: Maddi Gonzalez and Maddy Flores are two of my favorite people in the world and I love their art and their twitters and their selves.
  • Callout Post: Cecelia, Alaina Monts and Lizz Rubin helped me feel confident enough this year to finally identify as the bottom that I was always meant to be.
  • Callout Post: Elicia Sanchez affirms me as a person more than maybe anyone I’ve ever met and I love her with my whole entire heart.
  • Callout Post: Mal Blum is so freaking dreamy and just so tender that they always remind me to not let my heart get too hard.
  • Callout Post: Honestly, every time a list of “Most Influential/Important/Whatever” LGBTQ People comes out and Riese Bernard isn’t on it, I pretty much consider it invalid.
  • Callout Post: I wish that I had saved every compliment I’ve ever given in my life for Heather Hogan.

You can see my full list of Callout Posts on my twitter. It’s pretty fun and it should give you an idea of what I’m going for here.

I badly photoshopped this image for Heather last Galentine's Day.

I badly photoshopped this image for Heather last Galentine’s Day.

So now, I’d like to see your Callout Posts, bonus points if you include a picture of you and the person you’re calling out. Who do you want to send a special message to? Who do you want to celebrate? Who do you want to tell that you love them? Now let’s call each other out!

How To Post A Photo In The Comments:

Find a photo on the web, right click (on a Mac, control+click), hit “Copy Image URL” and then…
code it in to your comment like so:

If you need to upload the photo you love from your computer, try using imgur. To learn more about posting photos, check out Ali’s step-by-step guide.

How To Post A Video In The Comments, Too:

Find a video on YouTube or Vimeo or WHATEVER and click “embed.” Copy that code, paste it, you’re good to go!

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Mey Rude is a fat, trans, Latina lesbian living in LA. She's a writer, journalist, and a trans consultant and sensitivity reader. You can follow her on twitter, or go to her website if you want to hire her.

Mey has written 572 articles for us.


  1. I’m devastated by the EU referendum result. I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day. I really hoped that common sense would prevail, that my home country was better than this vile debate (and the rhetoric around immigration) made us look, that they wouldn’t do something so monumentally short-sighted. I am bitterly disappointed that in the end, it was a victory for ignorance and xenophobia.

    Everyone I know is devastated. My Facebook feed is full of anger, grief, bewilderment and fear. I’m furious that the older generations have messed up young people’s future like this. I’m ashamed of the message my country just sent to Europe and the immigrants living in the UK.

    I’m a British national and have spent well over half of my adult life living in other EU countries (currently Spain); I don’t think there will be immediate consequences for me, and I’m half Irish so can get a passport if I need to. Most UK nationals abroad/EU nationals in the UK don’t have fallback options like that and I feel awful for them. Particularly for the ones who didn’t even have a say in this referendum.

    • On reflection, sorry if this is too negative for the thread, I just know there are quite a lot of Brits around these parts.

      I’d like to extend a compliment to Europe in general. Thanks to the EU, I’ve been able to work and study abroad and learn other languages. And immigrants in the UK: I hope you know you are valuable and wanted, and I hope you’re doing OK in the face of what’s going on right now.

      • Hugs from a French immigrant in the UK. I truly value the things growing up in the EU has taught me. Loving languages, diversity of food, cultural exchanges, keeping an open mind and making friends from all over the place. I’m saddened that future British generation might not get to experience this.

      • Don’t apologize! Your feelings and fears are totally valid! This is an open space for your feelings, and I want you to feel safe in sharing them here!

    • Omg, I feel the exact same way, I’m devastated. I’m so ashamed of the country I was born to and the people who chose to vote Leave. I cried, as did a lot of people I know here. I’m frantically trying to think of options to get an EU passport, but since I don’t have Irish/European ancestry…

      There are not enough words :(

    • Sam, this is a horrible day for all of us in the EU.
      I couldn’t sleep last night and kept checking the numbers at odd hours, shaking my head in disbelief and trying to go back to sleep, trying to hold on to the thought that good will prevail.
      Good did not prevail.
      Good does not prevail.
      Good needs to be fought for, and now it’s up to us to do exactly that.
      Here’s a German hug for your British heart.

      • Danke für die Umarmung :) I agree, now is the time for progressives to unite and fight against growing right-wing sentiment and try to minimise the negative consequences of the referendum. As with Tory austerity, the most vulnerable people are likely to be the hardest hit.

    • I come offering hugs from across the pond. I’ve spent my day thus far reading articles on the referendum, and I can only imagine how it feels to be caught up in it. So sad. :(

      • I just can’t handle it all I’m so upset. I cannot understand how this has happened and how this could possibly be the right decision.

        I am clinging onto all hope that we can get a left wing party in power in 2 years as it terrifies me the idea of the self-serving, elitist, upper class Eton Boy’s club of a Tory party negotiating trade agreements and new laws and policies.

    • I am also devastated. I am a languages student, and apart from all the worldwide shit that this result has caused, I have to find, over the course of the next year, a work placement in both France and Spain. I know things probably won’t change massively in such a short time, but I’m still worried – do we still count as ‘EU Nationals’? Will we still get Erasmus funding? I honestly can’t see my future any more and it’s terrifying. I spent half of my work day arguing with my colleague (who voted to Leave) about it. She still can’t see why this is a bad thing. I’m emotionally exhausted.

      • If I understand correctly, everything (i.e. EU-related rights and obligations) stays the same until the exit negotiations conclude, which can take up to two years from the start of the process.

        I was a languages student (German) and went abroad on the Erasmus programme too. It was a great experience and I’m really sad that future generations might miss out on it. I hope you’re able to get your placements sorted without too much added difficulty.

      • As an American working and studying in France for 7 years (on and off) and having to fight for every visa I’ve been given (not nearly as hard as migrants from many other countries do, I know!), I’ve always been jealous of my British friends who could easily go anywhere they pleased and look for work without hearing, “Well… we don’t sponsor work visas.”

        I’m heartbroken for all the Brits who just lost that massive privilege. And for the Europeans like my students who have been able to count on taking a working holiday or internship in the UK to improve their English without anymore hassle than just finding the job. And for all the migrants in the UK who have been so ridiculously slandered by this campaign.

        What sort of work placements are you looking for/when?

        • I have to find two work placements/internships for the 2017/18 academic year, one in France, one in Spain (or a Spanish-speaking country), each lasting six months ish. I don’t know what sort of thing I want to do, maybe translation, but I want to be doing something where I don’t have to go back in the closet. I was thinking maybe a LGBTQ organisation or something, if anyone can think of any!

          • I’ll keep you in mind if I think of/see anything. I live in Nantes, in the west of France. It’s a very welcoming and active city with a good sized, visible gay population.

            There are a few growing international tech companies here that are really growing in UK/US markets and seem to regularly post offers for needing English speakers in various communication/marketing positions and internships. If that could interest you, they’re:

            Also, don’t hesitate to send a CV/letter to anywhere you might want to work or intern even if they haven’t announced a position. Sorry if that seems evident or you’ve heard it before, but I’ve seen some remarkable statistics on how much hiring here goes through “candidature spontanée” rather than announcements and have seen the proof in my own work experience. But I used to think that if people were hiring, they’d say so and if I sent a CV anyway then I’d just be bothering them. I was wrong!

            Try not to panic too much. (easier said than done, I know!) It could well end up that the process will take so long, you’ll have your year abroad completed before changes really take place. And even if they put it into hyperdrive, there will still be opportunities. They will take a lot more work to find and require a lot more paperwork and bureaucratic bullshit, but you can still make it happen.

          • Well, for Spain, the Federación Estatal de LGTB may be a starting point: – among other things, they have a list of LGBT organisations in different regions that you could check out.

    • I’ve been utterly devastated all day. My family spent many years living and working in Europe as teachers. I’ve grown up with friends, who were more like family, in Italy as a result. I cried so damn much this morning. I just wish the hate and divisiveness would end but there seems to be no light at the end of this tunnel. I wish I had a way out but I don’t.

    • I sat up all night watching the results as they came in and my stomach dropped when they announced that we would be leaving. It isn’t even that we are leaving the EU that has hit me the hardest though, I am so upset that the leave campaign won by exploiting hatred and fear. On top of everything else I am worried about how this is going to effect us in Norther Ireland as we, like Scotland, voted to remain and there are already talks about further referendums for Irish unification – so much of the Good Friday Agreement and the peace here was dependant on the EU. Regardless of what happens next it has become so clear how divided we are in the UK.

      • If you are a UK citizen and want to show how unhappy you are with the Brexit outcome, there is a petition on the UK gov website right now. It has over a million signatures already. I signed. I feel like I have to do something, even just as a symbolic gesture. Devastated.

    • I’m devastated and feeling ashamed to be British. And it’s pretty galling to see the leavers realising too late that they were lied to. The campaigning was vile and shameful and now millions will pay the price for years – particularly those that voted leave in desperation thinking they had nothing left to lose.

      I’m so angry that we are in this position thanks to an idiotic gamble by a man trying to quell party in-fighting and win election votes by having a largely unwanted referendum. The future feels very bleak, and I desperately hope something can be salvaged from this mess.

  2. “Callout Post: I wish that I had saved every compliment I’ve ever given in my life for Heather Hogan.” Second this motion. Motion passed.

    Also, Also, I made a joke to my coworker who would not think I was this funny if she watched as much stand up as I do, but

    “So Lori(our boss’ boss) Just told me it’s time to clean up like this is kindergarden” (it’s possible I have tiny, tiny authority issues with folks who aren’t on the floor seeing how much work I bring to everyday) “Now I’m gonna go home and say *very rude things* to my showerhead”

  3. I think for funsies i might do some Call Out Post on fb or tumblr for some dear friends, but in the meantime
    I just want to say how much i love this idea, and how i’m with you on the positvity. Don’t get me wrong – the world is dark and scary and a nightmare right now. Some things impact me less than others, given live and privilege and whatnot – shits’ fucking rough out there. And I’m on, not even month 2 of having been broke up with? Christ.
    But in this time it feels like my friend group has grown, friends i hadn’t bee Friends with in some time coming back into my life, nd me into theirs! It’s been, good. It’s been scary and heady and tiring too, because the wold sucks in many ways, but it’s been wonderful to have each other and support one another. (If, also tiring, because I’m easily tired)
    I’m worried about many folks, including myself, given the current world and climate and everything but. I dunno, it’s nice to know we’ve got friends. That we care about each other and support each other.

    • Yeah! Exactly. I really love all my friends and I’ve been reminded so much of that recently, and I really hope everyone else gets to feel that way too.

  4. I’m done with my week of crappy family vacation, touched down in my hometown a couple of hours ago and am now on a highspeed train en route to comiccon, where I’m going to reunite with a gaggle of my crazy ass friends.
    What I’m trying to say is, that I’m struggling regularly with my life choices, my incapacity to really settle, my propensity to live in my head and grow increasingly difficult over the years.
    But the good thing about being thrown into the suburbian dream vacation for a week is the realization that it would have been a nightmare for me, all of those “shoulda beens” coming to fruition, so this is a shout out to my magnificent friends, all of them very different, but all of them very, very good people.
    My family structure of choice.
    And this is also a shout out to my life, which keeps insisting on being an adventure.
    I shall continue to strive to be its hero.

    P.S.: This adventure did include me running around my hotel room in my underwear this morning at 5 am silently FUMING about Brexit while packing my luggage. It was entirely ridiculous,let me assure you.

    • I’m sorry your vacation was crappy, but excited that you get to go on a trip with friends to comiccon! that sounds super fun!

      are you by any chance a sagittarius?

    • “But the good thing about being thrown into the suburbian dream vacation for a week is the realization that it would have been a nightmare for me, all of those “shoulda beens” coming to fruition,” Holy shit, this is so… reassuring, somehow??? Your own path really is the best path to take. <3 Thanks for sharing. Have so much fun at comicon!!!!!!!

      • It was meant to be.
        Sometimes, the path keeps winding, and thank God for that.
        Good luck on your journey!

  5. Call out post: to all my students from eu countries outside the uk. You are wonderful inspiring individuals who bring depth and richness to everything we study. This is still your home and you still belong here no matter what the gutter press might say. A lot can happen in two years- stay strong and proud.

  6. Happy Friday lovelies I AM OFFICIALLY ON ANNUAL LEAVE for a week. Yay. This is my first since Christmas, long overdue ! I’ll be leaving at the crack of dawn Sunday to fly to the Pyrénées to hike for a week with my parents and 20 other people. It’s gonna be fantastic, I can’t wait !

    But today was rough. The result of the referendum sadden me a lot, making me feel like I’m either not welcome in the UK as a French citizen, or that I am but my fellow European citizens from eastern countries aren’t. I still don’t get why some people should have preferential treatment because they were lucky enough to be born somewhere while others weren’t. I’m also really sad for the future generations of Brits who will never know what it feels like to grow up in this wonderful feeling of multi-culture and unity. Yes the democratic process is fucked up in the EU, but it’s also hella fucked up in the UK… At least you get to vote for representatives for the EU (if you move your ass to the polling station). Where does it say you get to choose the House of Lords ?!!

    Also I’m once again worried about those who are most fragile and will suffer the most once again.

    Hug a friend today, lovelies. I’m going to the pub with a lovely queer person and we’ll drink and commiserate together.

    • Yes to the House of Lords thing, not to mention that with Cameron’s resignation we’ll be getting a Prime Minister chosen by the Tory party membership for the remainder of the term – yay, another unelected leader!

      Sorry this referendum has made you feel unwelcome. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be an immigrant living in the UK in the midst of the referendum debate.

    • Yeah, I’m really sorry about the Brexit vote, and really sorry that you feel unwelcome as a French Citizen.

      I hope you have fun at the pub though!

    • I hate that you feel this way. I just want to grab all my European friends and tell them I didn’t vote for this! It’s horrifying. I live in an area with a lot of Eastern European people, we voted remain. The various graphs of demographics to votes are scary and very telling. The House of Lords is stupid. The media is awful. I am so sorry you are seeing this collection of islands at its worst.

  7. My friends have been super supportive through my breakup and everyone else in town went through an earth-shattering breakup this spring too so I made some new breakup pals too, and I didn’t even really think I had more than one or two friends here but I was wrong! Summer is here and life is shaping up! My cat’s dental surgery went well but was very very expensive and I have to make some more money somehow now. I got some huge news this week that I’m really excited about. Starting to feel like I’ll be able to date again and even though the idea of having a girlfriend who doesn’t lie and deliver backhanded putdowns all the time is appealing in theory it seems terrifying in practice.

    Also I need to share this dream I had that my ex and I still lived together and were trying to get along by organizing activist events at our house for competing groups of queers and I was trying to keep track of who’d dated whom and who hated each other, and to break the ice somebody made fun of someone else’s politics at the same moment that person walked through the door for my ex’s meeting, and then it happened again three more times with other people, and it was the most stressful and gayest thing ever.

    • That dream sounds horrifying and so, so gay. Congrats on breathing fresh breakup air, you trooper you!!!!!!!!

  8. Everyone in the Lions Club cabin was / is the greatest and I miss their beautiful faces but am loving our ongoing group chat situation

    I saw a friend who has been mostly online forever for the first time in YEARS yesterday, Adrienne if you read these (which I doubt): your hair is fabulous and you’re one of the smartest, most driven people I know and I think you’re gonna take over the world or at the very least Los Angeles which, like: same thing

    I Gotta go help out my dad at the bicycle shop now, hit up a giant used book sale tonight, and go on a Canada Adventure on Sunday!

    Happy Friday Everyone! I love you all

  9. Hi y’all,

    I wanna call out my new volunteer job for being THE BEST, and truly a bit of light in these dark times. The very basic version of it is that autistic LGBT peeps come and chat, and I bring them snacks and hang up decorations. How amazing is this? (very) I also took photos at an event on tuesday! And they even look GOOD!

    Furthermore I wanna call out my friends for being also the best, and the four of us are all hanging out together in Denmark by the time of next week’s FOT, reunited at last.

    Xenophobia is shit. Being made to feel like a second-rank European is shit. It happens to my closest friend all the time. Today was extra rough for her, so extra shoutout to her because western Europeans really don’t know what it’s like and all of the southern and eastern europeans and every immigrant to the west is getting extra extra hugs from me today, you all fuckin ROCK.

    And also I need to call out Autostraddle because they have been an incredible safe space for me lately. How dare you <3

    • I hate that your friends are made to feel that way. I just want to walk round with a sign saying I didn’t vote for this. It’s breaking my heart.

      • Mine too. I don’t want to be associated with this bs. Out in town today I was looking around wondering who the leavers were and feeling betrayed by their vote. So if I feel like that having been born here, it must feel horrendous for immigrants. So shameful.

  10. Hooray for Callouts!! Thanks for doing this, @meyrude. I’ve been off the grid with work and adventures and missing the AS community. So, my callout goes to AS, thanks for creating such a fantastic queer space!!
    I’m spending lots of my time right now running, as my big race is only three weeks away!! I’m super stoked, and still trying to raise some more money (I have to raise at least $1000) so I’m considering having a little bake sale or something, we’ll see. Also, I’m currently loving my favorite radio station, KEXP, all the more, as their Midday show dj Cheryl Waters is playing an all-queer-artist themed show today in honor of pride.
    I’ll attach some pics of the beautiful places I’ve been while missing AS.
    I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

  11. Think positive? Be Positive?! Well then, just call me a Proton why don’t you?!

    I do my fair share of spreading joy and love. I kind of have to. There is enough negativity in the world so why not brighten up someone else’s day with smile. Oddly enough, making jokes and playing around is my primary coping mechanism. So even though I am depressed as balls and feel like giving up everyday, I get up, find something to smile about, put my best foot forward and try to spread so gay cheer. Nothing feels better than making someone feel better about their day. I guess that’s why I just smile and help out others even when I know I need help too. I don’t want someone to feel like they don’t matter or like this whole world is a dark place. All anyone needs is a spark to start a fire.

    Shout out to my fiancee Jen for being my reason to smile every day for 6 years! I can’t imagine where I would be without her. :)

  12. I was so full of friend-love last night– two of my new best friends who hadn’t met each other both read poems they wrote for the first time at our local poetry open mic (and said that I inspired them to do it!!) And one of them cried at the other’s poem and it was so amazing, it felt so good to be in that space together and be vulnerable and support each other.

  13. Hiya, Mey! You know, I vaguely remember watching an old black-and-white movie with a cowgirl in it when I was a little kid and that made me want take up horseback riding. However, that never happened, and my horse phase ended up being pretty short. I can’t even remember the name of the movie, except that the cowgirl had pretty, dark hair and that it looked like she wore her jeans hiked up to her belly-button.

    I like the friends theme, and I submit this as the theme song:

    Speaking of friends, here’s something a friend shared that made me laugh. I never had this happen when I play Mario Kart:

    • um, just based on your description of that cowgirl i want to see that movie very very badly.

      also, your gif made me totally crack up!

  14. i’m rapidly typing this before i fly off to get breakfast for work/work commute but i miss my camp moms(ilysm Mey&Heather) + dark arts siblings so!! much!! this world is garbage but some things are going nicely!

    i finally admitted to my crush that i was crushin on her(not a camp crush just like someone i had a crush on…i swear i’m not a teenage girl with a crush on everyone i mean sort of but not really and i’m not a girl but ANYWAY) and we’ve been talking every day?!? for a while?!? so that’s rad

    my job is really cool and pull of poc and it’s amazing and i’m out to all of them and it’s a fun time and i’m so much happier than my other poop jobs

    i’m also doing pretty well dating-wise even though it’s sometimes stressin me out!!! and then trying to meet up with other LA straddlers even though my weekend falls in the middle of the week!

    &i’m making more time to do ~witchy things~ i had an issue because my new schedule is intense but now i’ve just dedicated my mornings to it

    anyways! good things are happening and there are so many good peeps in my life and part of it is because of camp and i’m really happy about it especially because it’s changed my newsfeed for the better and made me slightly better at fb but not really but sort of


    *also ~hugs~ Mey i’m gonna craft a spell for you to hopefully make the waves crash gently




  15. How perfect that this is the topic this week, as this morning, I’m having all sort of warm and fuzzy feels for my girl bike gang!

    Last night, for our weekly ride, we enjoyed an amazing sunset, biked through the drive thru liquor store for cheap beers, did a velodrome on the roof of a parking garage, and finished up at Peter Piper for pizza and Skee-Ball. All laughs and zero bad vibes. I Iove how carefree this group is!

    I also love how that we started out of necessity, as safe and welcome place for women and transfolk to ride, but has since spun off into all sorts of non-biking relationships.

    Some work out together. Some get together to watch OITNB (maxipad slippers and build-your-own prison ramen bar included!). Some took a roadtrip to a winery today. Another bunch are going to Pride together tomorrow. Every week, I grow more grateful for this crew.

    Here are some of us at the beginning of last evening’s ride. We picked up a few more along the way, and by the end of the night, we’d doubled.

  16. Callout: My “feminist circle” of friends who met working on our collective GSWS capstone project, are all simply the most driven and reliable people ever. Not only did we all put all our effort into our project, we realized where we could have done better. And two of them and I will be helping next years class make it even better. I love making food for these lovely people! I love the support from them! I love them!
    Callout: My friend Yoshi, who I met through tumblr and our love of Lynda Barry. You always support me, you get me, you care about the things that matter to me. And most importantly you make me laugh. I hope someday we’ll meet in person.

  17. Callout Post: YOU, whoever you are… You are beautiful, you are strong, you are unique and good. I’m proud of you. You are enough.

    Have a smile from one of my dearest friends!

    • Oh, and there are also John Lewis and the other reps from the House sit-in, Elizabeth Warren (<3!), Chris Murphy (and everyone who took part in his filibuster), and Autostraddle to be thankful for. <3

  18. Oh Mey you poetic and noble land-mermaid, I have so much appreciation for your Leslie & Ann references. (And all the awesome work you do for this website!) <3
    I'm feeling lots of love for my friends at the moment too. Currently hurtling down the autobahn towards a girls weekend in the Black Forest with my crazy work besties. Sekt, hiking and spa is on the very detailed itinerary that our slightly neurotic driver sent the rest of us so it should be memorable.
    This is the first time I've really felt part of a tight knit friendship group since school and I've found it rewarding in a different way to being close with various unconnected individuals. Female group friendships seem to be so often portrayed in pop culture its nice to experience it.

  19. Callout Post: my brilliant bestie Chelsea has an A+ snapchat game and perfect eyebrows & baby bangs.

    Callout Post: my friend of 27 years, Amanda, is an incredible roller derby jammer and has run more 5Ks than I could even fathom walking.

    This week has been crazy stressful with working full-time and taking 2 grad classes but I’m finally getting my head above water! I realized I LOVE formulating research proposals and i’m currently kicking butt on a proposal to study the link between the level of biphobia experienced by bisexual women and their decision to not identify as bisexual on online dating websites. However I didn’t anticipate that this research would end up putting me into a seriously depressive funk and reopen some of my own wounds from experiences of biphobia. What can we do as a community to combat this?

    • Your friends sound really awesome, A+ snapchat friends are always the best.

      I wish i had some advice for combating biphobia in our community, that’s a tough one.

  20. I dunno who I would call out. Maybe a positive celeb for being an good possibility model? Or maybe friends? I’m not sure?

    OITNB had me crying or shouting half the season, either over the treatment of Sophia, the ending, or how fucking frustrating Piper is.

    How’s everyone’s week? I just want to sleep this week away. I am still not good at opening lines when it comes to online dating(and none of these apps, like OKC, are really marketed for making friends either). Like dino facts kind of work, but not really? Same goes with discussion on the reasons why Hasselhoff is popular in Europe. I dunno. Maybe I’ll just drink tea, eat pizza or donuts & binge my sorrows away.

    Related note a person I recently met is getting a divorce. How does one navigate that without over stepping boundaries, but still make it clear? They also happen to be poly.

    Saw this on my walk this week.

    Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend!

    • Whoa, that painting is… intense. Sadly I have no advice but good luck!!!! <3

  21. Real quick: is anyone else uh, not able to see their profile page? Mine apparently doesn’t exist anymore? :(

    All i’ve done this week was sleep. Like seriously. I didn’t even need to meet with my job coach this week (his suggestion, idrk why), & all i did was sleep. I guess i can blame it on my body’s monthly cycle plus starting a new medication (finally, lol), but at the same time it’s really weird. Like i hate when i do it, but at the same time, life is empty & meaningless, so why not sleep entire days away, right?

    I’ve been feeling really alone & like a lot of people don’t actually like me (yaay, BPD feels). Like, tomorrow is my half birthday, & i made a little event thing like weeks ago, & only a very few people have said they’re coming. Some people are like, “Oh, we suddenly have plans, sorry!” & i’m just kind of like….. i dunno. I really wanted to cancel it. It’s not like it’s anything special, & i have to ask people to bring their own drinks & food because i really don’t have the means to get a bunch myself. I changed it so it’s only going to be for maybe two hours at the most. It feels very lonely.

    But on the other hand, people keep inviting me to big events, like parties & things, & it’s overwhelming, mostly because they’re all happening on frakking July 1st. Like why? First it was an invite to a Canada Day party (you can laugh, Canadians, because we are pretty far from your border), then a birthday party, then an art show opening. And then there’s a party for the 2nd (which tbh i kinda want to go to bc these friends are known for their overwhelmingly boozy drinks & sue me but i’d like to get happy-drunk). And i just. Do i choose? Do i not? How? I don’t think i can do two events in a row. What do i do?

    I made a Redbubble account (because i’m desperate for some income), & i made this ridiculous thing:

    I ugly-laughed when i realized i could tile the image. SNOOTERS EVERYWHERE. If i had money i’d buy my own snooter tank top.

    Callout post to my amazing friend Maggie who suggested i use the snooter doodle in the first place. Also she’s been friends with me since high school, which means she’s put up with me literally for years, & continues to, even when i’m super fucking depressed (which is often), so she deserves a fucking medal.

    Oh, & i’m gonna have some illustrations in two magazines, which is neat. I didn’t get paid for them (which isn’t neat, sadly), but it’s still A Thing.

      • EEEEEEEE Mey likes my snooter! :D /fangirls

        Thank you! They’re both in witchy/pagan-y things. The one is going to be in bookstores on the 27th & i should be getting a copy before then, so that should be exciting. :) They did “pay” me in ad space, & it’s cool to add something to my CV.

    • I took a week of vacation off work to do all the fun things in my city (Austin) that I never get to do when I’m at work (and also to catch up on grad school) and somehow I ended up feeling very busy the entire time while also not feeling like I actually DID anything. And I slept a ton. So I feel you on the why am I sleeping? but also fuck it! dueling mentalities. My advice on the too many events conundrum is to choose one thing to go to and really give it your all. Pick out your outfit, spend extra time getting ready, let yourself anticipate the event, and then smile and dive all in and don’t worry about the events you’re missing. In the wise wise words of Courtney Barnett: “no one really cares if you don’t go to the party.”

    • SNOOTERS EVERYWHERE. Sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time with feeling lonely in making plans but also overwhelmed in being invited to multiple overlapping events. I came back to NYC from my parents’ house just in time to navigate Pride weekend, where I’ll have to find a balance between getting out and visible with my people and remembering I only have so much energy for crowds and money for ticketed corporate events.

      • @jonbonanchovi SO MANY SNOOTERS oh my god look i just made it a dress, too. IM MAD WITH POWER AND CACKLING OVER HERE (bc i ALSO MADE A DUVET COVER & IM SCR EA MIN G)

        Ohh yeah, that sounds super draining :s This year’s been so bad that i usually err on the side of being a hermit. Or, like, i want to be around people, but more one-on-one than in huge crowds & groups & events. Including parties that friends put on. Be sure to not wear yourself out!! Seriously.

        If only i had money to buy my own snooter i’d be partying it uP

  22. hello everyone I just finished my graduate thesis and I’m so relieved I could cry

    It hasn’t been easy and I had to fight against my low self-esteem and an anxious/harsh research advisor but it’s DONE and I’m actually proud of it.

    I hope everyone has a nice weekend <3

    (Also, @clochou and other UK residents, I think of you. I can’t believe Brexit happened either. What the fuck.)

  23. Callout to my friend Kenza, for being her own kind of badass, for having my back always, and for continuing to build a supportive friendship where we help each other navigate challenges big and small. She and I are hopefully meeting tonight at a Pride dance event after a week of us texting “I miss you boo!” back and forth while I was out of town.

  24. hi honeys,

    Yeah I am feeling the hard times as well Mey. It is hard hard times for lots of reasons. Girlfriend and I have been doing okay but having to balance being two people with a lot of feelings in the midst of hard times and how often and hard we can lean on each other.

    I’m feeling okay right now though, I had a pretty great therapy session (Friday is when I go to therapy, which is a nice end of the week thing) Ups to therapy!

    It’s Pride weekend, though I’m going to trans pride tonight and then going camping tomorrow for the rest of the weekend, which I’m a little sad about missing everything but also think it will be nice to go chill out in the woods with some sweet folks, who are also all queer.

    I’m having a hard time thinking of call-outs but have gotten a lot of mileage lately out of really trying to allow myself not to always feel the intense feelings for every second of every day, so whoever gave me that good idea, thanks!

    hope you sweethearts have an easy weekend and get some peace and rest.

    • I’m sorry you’re having a hard time <3 but yeah, therapy is great! monday is my day!

      i hope you have a ton of fun at trans pride and camping, and i hope those things recharge you!

  25. Can I callout myself for being super brave and social? I put my name on the waiting list for queer softball like a month ago, because I figured I’d never get called so it seemed like a very low-risk move. But I did! And I’m gonna do it! This Sunday! I know none of these people and very little about the playing of sports but I’m gonna not think about that and just jump in. Right? Right.

    Any advice? Any Philly people reading this who might be there?

    • I’m not a Philly person, but my advice re:adult queer softball is: have so much fun!!! My experience with any adult sports league, but specifically softball, has been that most everyone is there to just have a good time, an excuse to meet new people, and to be physically active. Sure, you may encounter a few folks that take it all very seriously, but outside of true competitive leagues, i’ve found more folks just wanting to have fun.
      Hope its a blast!

    • you can absolutely callout yourself!!! you deserve it!! congratulations for queer softball!

    • Your on the team! Yay!
      Keep your eyes on the ball!
      Spit several times during the game!
      Don’t cry! There is NO crying in baseball!
      And pat one of the players on the butt, and say “nice play”! Preferably, a player on your own team. It’s ok….its part of the game. ?

  26. Hey lovely Straddlers. I want to say hey to all the Eurostraddlers and send them consensual hugs from someone who did not vote for this nightmare. I wanted so badly for us to stay together. I have raged, I have cried, I have booked a tattoo because I didn’t know what else to do. I just feel like there has been nothing but bad news for weeks. There’s no real way out for us, I’m 3rd gen Irish so no passport option there. Read a buzzfeed article basically saying Canada doesn’t want us, it was supposed to be funny, but having just come back from getting married there it stung. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down. I just hope our future isn’t as bleak as it appears.
    So much love for the Autostraddle community, for being consistently thought provoking, and hilarious. Huge shout to my wife for doing the Harry and Hermione in the tent dance from Hallows pt 1. with me when I’m sad.

    • 3rd Generation can apply! I’m 3rd Gen and registering now! It’s pretty longwinded doc-wise and you need originals so may need to apply for new “originals” if you don’t have them. This is what you need (sorry for long winded text heavy list!)-

      Documents relating to the Applicant(Originals must be submitted):
      Full civil birth certificate (giving details of parents)
      Civil marriage certificate(s) – Church certificates are NOT acceptable
      Certified or Notarised copy of current passport or identity document
      3 proofs of address i.e. utility bills, bank statement etc.
      Documentary evidence and 2 years proof of usage must be provided for any change of name
      (e.g. Change of name by Deed poll)

      4 Documents relating to the Parent linking to the Grandparent born in Ireland(Originals must be
      Full civil birth certificate giving details of parents.
      Civil marriage certificate(s) – Church certificates are NOT acceptable
      If living, certified or notarised copy of current passport or identity document, otherwise death
      Documentary evidence and 2 years proof of usage must be provided for any change of name
      (e.g. Change of name by Deed poll)

      5 Documents relating to the Grandparent born in Ireland(Originals must be submitted):
      Full civil Irish birth certificate (giving details of parents) if born after 1864. A baptism
      certificate is accepted only if born before 1864, or, if later, with a search certificate from the
      Irish Registrar of Births showing that no civil birth registration exists.
      Civil marriage certificate – Church certificates are NOT acceptable
      If living, certified or notarised copy of current passport, identity document, or pension book,
      otherwise death certificate.
      Documentary evidence and 2 years proof of usage must be provided for any change of name
      (e.g. Change of name by Deed poll)

      • Oh wait I mean 4th-FML, Great grandma was Irish. God I’d never be able to get all that! That side of my family are terrible record keepers, plus bred like rabbits so who knows which great aunt had stuff packed away and lost it. Best of luck to you, I hope you manage it! I will pass this info on to my cousins who are more Irish than me via inlaws.

    • For what it’s worth, this Canadian would welcome you ♥

      What sort of tattoo are you getting?

      • Thank you! I absolutely loved my time there. I’m getting my family motto Dum Spiro Spero – which is While I breathe I hope across my collarbone (ouch!). I need to remind my self to be hopeful in the face of it all.

  27. I have probably the best friends in the entire world, and it took me like fucking forever to find them so now that I have they are stuck with me for literally the rest of time.
    Strangely, this is the only photo I have of the 4 of us, and like… the guy in there is cool also but he moved and so it’s really just the four girls. We call ourselves the Book Coven because we’re all librarians and a little witchy (like, actually witchy) and generally a family. We are North South East and West. We are Fire, Earth Wind and Water.
    We are the weirdos, mister.

    In order from left to right Kat, Heidi, Nate, Me, Deanie.

    Kat is the smartest person I’ve ever met in my entire life. She could literally and actually rule the world if she wanted to. She always helps her friends, whether it’s to get a job or a date or do their god damn makeup. She cares so much about so much and I fucking love her for it.

    Heidi always looks adorable. Like always. And she has this dry sarcasm that I completely adore and works so well with a group of kids in a really tough area of town. We have the whole Scandinavian descent thing in common so it’s really nice to have someone who understands your crazy family stories. She also gives really awesome hugs.

    Deanie is amazing and I love how much she loves cats. Also she always knows when the appropriate answer is “ice cream” and daydrinking with her is one of my favorite things on earth. Also she is like the definition of “how to be a good ally to the LGBTQ community” and I could not love her any more.

    • um, this is my favorite thing ever!! I love the way you describe your friends so much!!!!

  28. I call out Donald Trump. I saw the new Independence Day movie last night and noticed the large ocean size alien ship was modeled off the size of Donald’s Trump Ego.

  29. It is neat that this thread is about your friends and what they mean to you.

    Tomorrow I am spending the day with my best friend!! We haven’t seen each other in 4 months since she moved to Colorado in February.

    We have been texting, using FaceTime, and even writing letters (☺️) to keep in touch. But this is the first time I am going to see her in person. It is very wonderful and exciting.

    The perfect thing I really need given the shitty things that have been happening lately. I’ve been dealing with terrible dysphoria and then all of the violence against the LGTBQUIA+ community in Orlando and beyond has really upset me. Plus the UK leaving the EU is bad as well*.

    Hoping everyone else’s weekend is going well.

    *Admittedly, I do not know much about this issue. But I am willing to learn if someone wants to answer my questions.

  30. I mean due to my mental health issues and history of trauma and emotional abuse I have a really really low bar for what makes a good friend (pretty much literally “don’t abuse me and don’t leave when my mental or physical illnesses flare up and make my life difficult”) but!!!! My best friend/favorite person in this entire universe Eliza is the best friend anyone could ever have (she’s always around when I need her and has repeatedly called me in the middle of the night just to make sure I’m okay) but most of the year she’s at UChicago and therefore halfway across the country and that is fundamentally unfair.
    (I guess this is a callout post for the US for being so damn big?)
    When she’s away I have Adam who is basically a walking talking heat/emotional support source (and also my main alcohol provider given that he’s over 21 and has no morals) and a couple friends from various queer groups on campus but nobody could ever replace Eliza.
    (Callout post for Eliza: too good for this world and therefore inimitable)

  31. Callout to my best friends who have really been there for me in the past 2-3 months since my breakup! I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. Some people reacted in totally weird/upsetting ways (my mom literally texted me, “are you sad?” like YES MOM obviously I’m sad) but my best friends know exactly what to do and say to make me feel like my life is so much more than one relationship and that I can be happy on my own without my ex-girlfriend.

    I feel so lucky to have them in my life and it sounds like a lot of y’all have really amazing friends too. It’s a great feeling to know that you have friends who will always encourage you to be better but also never judge you when you fuck up.

    Also callout to my friends for succeeding in grad school/in your careers. We are all making it work and I’m so proud of us.

    • your friends sound super terrific and i’m really glad they were there for you like that

  32. yMy depression has been acting up this week because one of my friends hasn’t been a good one lately . I think their new friends are bi-phobic . Also I hate that the orange idiot (trump) is everywhere

    • I just read your phrase…. The Orange Idiot……perfect!!!! It made me smile ear to ear. Thank you!

  33. I don’t how I forgot earlier, but the most important callout to my best friend Chloe <3 We've been best friends since were 3yrs old! We are just two years shy of 20 years together, for which I am planning a HUGE surprise anniversary adventure!!! She's the best; there just simply isn't anyone else that makes me feels so grounded and loved. Her kitty Kirby, 14/15 yrs old, just died so I'm sending her so much love and healing vibes because she's been having a really hard year. I mean basically how dare the universe do anything to hurt this precious lovely glowing person <3<3<3 ~all the love~

  34. Yay I love your parks and recreation references Mey!
    Today I had a really awesome day! I went to a marriage equality rally with my friends and we had a great time. I brought my best friend with me and we bumped into a few of my friends from school too. I illegally married my pal Bella ? And then we went for early dinner at grilled and I got my usual child size burger. I wish we had more LGBTQ+ community events though other than pride with people of all ages. It just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
    And I’m finally on holidays so I can relax (sort of).

  35. It’s not too much past Friday yet, right..? I want to call out my chosen family/ family that chose me for being the most awesome and magical beings in the world. For some reason there is a sudden onslaught of turbulence/ shitty mojo doing rounds in my friends’ relationships and I just want them to know that they’re independent, strong humans who are going to be alright once the storm starts to fade, and that like they’ve been there for me, I’m here for them. I couldn’t imagine my life without these people.

    I’ve also been lucky enough to make some wonderful new friends in the past year and it feels like there’s an overwhelming amount of love and good things suddenly coming my way. Despite all the shit going on in the world right now, there is also good and I want to and need to hold on to that and try to cultivate that. I’ve also gone from part-time to full on hippy apparently.

    It was Midsummer’s Eve yesterday (we celebrate it on a Friday no matter when solstice actually is), which is a Really Big Thing here with all kinds of pagan traditions. I’ve recently gotten in to magic and this was the first time ever I did some traditional Finnish Midsummer’s flower magic with actual intent, and that felt powerful and empowering.

    So happy Midsummer’s celebrations everyone!

  36. this is a callout post for @meyrude for honestly, like truly being one of the greatest friends in the world! she is so kind, and sweet, and affirming, and she does classy things like drink vodka waters so she can stay hydrated AND get a lil tipsy. She has great hair, great fashion, and she is the best kind of good witch. i love you mey and i love this friday open thread theme! so much good and love!!

    • ALAINA!!!!! I love you so much!!! You’re totally the best and so perfect and thank you so much!!!

  37. I callout for no one because I don’t won’t to be a bother/am falling down to some sort of depressed nervous anxiety hole that might situationalish or part of a hormonal imbalance.
    Porqué no los dos >_>

    My birthday was this week I spent it being sick but eventually in my bed and not the floor like I did the night before. But did get lovely blue swim shirt that with my black fit swim shorts remind me of the best swimsuit evar that I grew out of and have never seen anything as awesome since sports bras started getting fancy with the mesh and piping.
    It was a 2 piece with a belt that I’d stash a toy knife in because I consumed way to much action stuff and it’s what Xena would do.

    The thing that’s making nervous-nervous is my english class.
    I have to profile something by interview people irl life and I chose “the LGBTQ community” on QPOC erasure and presentation.
    I have Real Life humans I can ask questions of but I don’t have any idea how to phrase my questions. And I have a MANNERS or a sense of “propriety” something weird that makes me very NONONONOPLEASENO about asking people questions about their self. Especially if it’s “fitting in” or standing out kinda stuff.
    I don’t like it.
    Worthy topic but interviewing people on any thing feels like the wrongest of wrongs.
    Personal-political things…it’s like being dropped from a helicarrier but are not a hulkfied person.

  38. Callout to all of my friends who have really stepped up as of late to show how absolutely loved I am. I recently underwent major surgery, and have been stuck at home for the past month after a few weeks in a hospital/care centre. So many people have stepped up to wish me well, I’ve had friends come over and hangout, watching bad movies and humouring my couch potato lifestyle. It has been a constant stream of messages from friends wishing me well and keeping me cheerful. One friend in particular–a teammate for the sports league I play on–has really been amazing. She cooked me up a giant batch of the best vegan chili I’ve ever had so I wouldn’t go hungry, and has left my presents like donuts or coffee at my front door. As far as I know she doesn’t live anywhere near me, so she is making special trips out to do this for me.

    Also a big callout to my partner. We started as gal pals but soon became “Gal Pals.” She has spending her free time lately helping me get groceries and medical supplies, as well as coming over to spend hours on the couch watching Netflix with me because I don’t have the energy yet to do much else. Tonight I’m getting out of the house socially for the first time since April, and get to spend the evening with dozens of my friends. These people have all made the difference for me in my life, and to think that only four years ago I had zero friends – we had all drifted apart or they’d moved away. That was the darkest time in my life, and now I couldn’t be in a better place. Respect and love your friends and be there for them just like they are there for you!

  39. My Call Out would be to the cis female “G”, I met, who gave me the security and understanding for me to be able to express my female gender in a loving relationship with her. The happiness to be how I really feel, and not have to pretend to be “male”, changed my life forever. Though we are not together, I will love “G” always.

  40. Call out to autostraddle, where everyone is nice and friendly and I feel super safe and at home! You’re the only queer community I have, living in a small village in a quite catholic region, and I’m very thankful that I found you.
    Call out to my cat, who has the softest belly fur and always comes to check on me when I get angry and yell around!
    Call out to the classmate who texted me at the beginning of the summer holidays to tell me overdramatically and touchingly how much not seeing me for so long hurts him, and call out of course to my other friends who are both the best and the worst people I know!
    Call out to food! I just love eating

  41. Guys I just went to my first real actual Pride thing yesterday now that I’ve moved back to civilization…and then I left after three hours because it was too damn hot outside. I dunno, folks. I was chugging water all damn day, applied my sunscreen 30 minutes prior, and sat in the shade whenever possible and I STILL ended up burnt, dehydrated, fatigued, and grumpy. I am just really frustrated with the fact that I can’t help becoming a miserable antisocial human for four months every year because my body revolts if I go outside when it’s more than 75°F. Like…I want to hang out with people, but they just want to do outdoorsy, summer stuff and I don’t want to put others in a situation where I know I’ll be bitchy and miserable because I can’t deal with heat (that, and the bulk of my friends are too body-conscious to do pool stuff, which is the one summer activity I don’t overheat during).

    tl;dr: SW Ohio should move Pride indoors because I can’t regulate my body heat.

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