Female Comics: You Can Be A Douchebag, Just Don’t Talk About Douche Bags

The other day, TV columnist Brian Lowry decided to take a break from his normal job of reviewing shows and making observations about the state of television and instead rant about how much he prefers looking at a pretty lady tell cute jokes to listening to her swear and make “dirty” jokes. In his article about Sarah Silverman’s new Comedy Central special, We Are Miracles, he for some reason forgot to talk very much about the actual special and instead spent 500 words crying about a world where women “try to be as funny as men” by telling jokes that he finds inappropriate.

I’m not exactly sure why Lowry thinks that he’s in a position to be offering a comedian of Silverman’s stature this kind of patronizing advice. Perhaps he thinks that his career writing about television has left him more knowledgeable about comedy than someone who has more than twenty years experience as a stand-up comedian and actress. Or perhaps he thinks that he knows better simply because he is a man and she is a woman. If only poor Sarah Silverman had heard Lowry’s advice earlier in her career. Then she could have avoided her critically acclaimed standup movie, years spent as a featured player on SNL and Mr. Show, three years as the star of her own eponymous show, an Emmy nomination and an Emmy win, roles in movies like School of Rock, Rent and Wreck-It Ralph and a spot as one of the most well-known and successful female comedians of the 21st century.

It’s also a shame that other female comedians who tried to be “as dirty as the guys” weren’t able to hear this advice at the beginnings of their careers. I mean, imagine if Joan Rivers had been able to clean up her act early on, maybe she would even have a TV show at the age of 80 and be considered one of the greatest stand-up artists of all-time. If Roseanne Barr had only known, maybe she could have had a nearly decade-long tv show that won her both an Emmy and a Golden Globe. If only Melissa McCarthy had been able to heed this advice; maybe she would be the star of a successful TV show, multiple blockbuster movies and an Emmy winner and Oscar nominee.

Joan Rivers via NY Daily News

Joan Rivers via NY Daily News

Now, just because I’m defending these women’s right to make crude jokes doesn’t mean I’m a fan of theirs personally. Many of the most popular female comedians achieved their success on the backs of misogynist, transmisogynist and racist jokes. Super successful comedians like Chelsea Handler, Roseanne and McCarthy have long histories of making fun of trans women in their projects (and sometimes in their real lives.) But where this kind of humor might turn many women off, this kind of anti-woman humor usually helps to endear these comedians with male crowds. It makes them seem like they’re “one of the guys,” like they’re “cool girls” who can relate to dude humor. Apparently this endearment isn’t enough, though, if the same comics acknowledge the existence of tampons.

For as often as I hear men complain about women making period or poop jokes or swearing too much, I never hear them complain when women make jokes at the expense of other women’s appearances or behavior. I wonder if there’s a reason for this? Perhaps something to do with sexism? Men who say things like this think that they want a woman who is tough and dirty, who isn’t “prissy” like “those other girls,” but as soon as she talks about her own body, they run for the hills. They really just want a woman who will prop up their own manhood by talking about how they’re not like “other girls” and how in fact, those other girls are stupid or ugly or bad.

Talking about whether or not women are as funny as men is one of the most boring conversations you can have. So have we moved on to talk about which kinds of comedy women should be allowed to do? Sex jokes, poop jokes and jokes about normally taboo subjects like rape, abortion and racism are for some strange reason considered to be “male humor.” When a woman makes these kinds of jokes, she’s “trying to be one of the guys.” Who do straight men think that they’re having sex with? What do men think women do in the bathroom? Do they think that women don’t get raped, have abortions or notice racism?

Maya Rudolph trying to be as dirty as the guys in Bridesmaids

Maya Rudolph trying to be as dirty as the guys in Bridesmaids

It’s as if Lowry has never heard a woman swear before. It’s strange how he thinks that it’s not okay for Sarah Silverman to make rape jokes, but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with them overall. As Beejoli Shah points out, Lowry often praises comedians like Louis CK who has one joke about masturbating during the September 11th attacks and another where he talks about the n-word while actually using that word in addition to other slurs. So it’s pretty clear that his problem isn’t with comedians who have a large repertoire of jokes that are meant to shock or even disgust their audiences, or who use observations about bodily realities or repulsive parts of human nature for comedic value. He seems to have a problem with someone who looks like Sarah Silverman doing it. Surely there are other comics who more heavily rely on “dirty” and “shock” humor. Why isn’t Lowry writing about how Daniel Tosh or Matt Stone and Trey Parker will never find mainstream success?

It’s a strange world where men think that “dirty jokes” belong squarely in their realm, yet the jokes they are most disgusted by are ones that women tell about their own bodily functions. It’s time for critics like Lowry to grow up and realize that they aren’t in charge of what kind of jokes women want to tell. It might also be time to ask people like Lowry why they’re so concerned with jokes about poop but don’t seem fazed by jokes that are racist, homophobic, cissexist, ableist — jokes that rely on things that are ACTUALLY gross. Lowry finishes his article by saying how sad it would be if Silverman never breaks out of doing “Comedy Central roasts and the occasional special” but he’s worried that “that’s about as much mileage as can be expected from her act as presently constituted.” The inaccuracy of this statement would be concerning if it weren’t so funny. If Sarah Silverman wants to tell “dirty” and “inappropriate” jokes, it doesn’t mean she’s “trying to be as dirty as the guys;” it just means she’s trying to be as dirty as herself  — and succeeding because of it.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Mey Rude is a fat, trans, Latina lesbian living in LA. She's a writer, journalist, and a trans consultant and sensitivity reader. You can follow her on twitter, or go to her website if you want to hire her.

Mey has written 572 articles for us.


  1. I had such a violent reaction to this guy’s column when I first read it. Holy shit. How does Variety keep a guy like this on their payroll? It’s not even that he has a controversial opinion; it’s just shoddy criticism – sexism veiled as criticism, even.

    I posted the article and my thoughts on Facebook, and interestingly, a lot of my friends totally missed the point and commented about how they dislike Sarah Silverman and think her comedy is 50 shades of inappropriate. I’m not a fan of hers personally, but I will defend her (and other comics like her) when the discussion about them is so blatantly sexist and misogynistic.

  2. I stopped reading Lowry’s article once it was clear to me that he didn’t even do any fact-checking or research to base his argument on. It was solely based on his own insecurities like my diary when I was an ignorant 12 year old goth (no offense to preteen goths, people.) Sounds like this guy needs a Livejournal or better yet… a Deadjournal.

  3. Thank you for this. Didn’t realize there was an idiot this big with a column(well I did, but not this particular one). I agree, how can he get away with saying such shit like that. You think a petition to get him fired for being a sexist, be a good idea?

    As for Sarah she is pretty solid, as is the others mention here. But, they also need to be called out for making transphobic comments, I think.

  4. “For as often as I hear men complain about women making period or poop jokes or swearing too much, I never hear them complain when women make jokes at the expense of other women’s appearances or behavior. I wonder if there’s a reason for this? Perhaps something to do with sexism?” YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

  5. I bet the documentary The Aristocrats (about the famous joke) would give this guy a heart attack. I don’t think it’s funny and couldn’t even finish it, but there’s a good number of female comedians participating and holding their own with male counterparts.

  6. My roommates and I were sitting around one day, and one of their boyfriends was over. We brought up poop, and he ran out screaming like a little kid: “Girls don’t poop!! Gross!!!” Newsflash: any girl who says she doesn’t poop is full of sh*t.

    What I hate most about what Lowry is saying is that conventionally pretty women shoudln’t tell dirty jokes, but that women who are not conventionally pretty are allowed to say whatever they want because theyre already turning him off. Ugh.

    • “any girl who says she doesn’t poop is full of sh*t”

      Literally. That must be doing an awful number on her bowels =\

  7. This guy is an idiot. She’s had HOW many comedy specials, a TV show with several seasons, PLUS you’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t know who she is… Yet he talks about her like this is her debut on the scene and she could actually benefit from something he has to say. Pretty sexist AND egocentric, imo.

Comments are closed.