Boob(s On Your) Tube: The Lesbians Are Gearing Up For a Showdown on “Black Sails”

Welcome back to your twice-weekly queer lady TV roundup. Get your feelings out now because something is going to happen on The 100 on Thursday night that’s gonna make you literally explode if you have any feelings in reserve.


Jane the Virgin

Mondays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.

luisa-susanna

If it’s any consolation, things aren’t going so well with Rose and Peggy Carter.

Everyone has recovered just fine from Sin Rostro’s death*, except for Luisa. Michael and Jane even use her murder as an all-night springboard to rekindle their romance. Actually, a lot of things are rekindled in “Chapter 35.” Michael and Rafael’s rivalry. Rafael’s feelings for Petra. Rogelio’s romance with Xo. And Luisa’s relationship with falling off the wagon. Yep, after nursing Susanna back to health, Luisa lifts some vodka from the Marbella’s bar and gets sauced. Jane finds her and drags her to her room and begs her to call her sponsor, but it’s Susanna who shows up at her door. She convinces Luisa to go back to rehab because she’s got to move on from Rose and reconcile with her brother and fight her addiction, and on the other side of it, Susanna can take her out on a real date. It’s a very sweet moment. The shock and softness on Luisa’s face when Susanna says that to her. I want them to go so much deeper with this relationship. I need it to be more than two minutes per episode. They promised me. They promised!

* I don’t think she’s really dead.


Younger

Wednesdays on TV Land at 10:00 p.m.

Maggie has been pretty absent these last two weeks on Younger. I thought for sure the writers were going to dig in and explore her relationship with Lauren more; I was even convinced they were going to bring back Maggie’s first love for some love triangle drama. Alas! There are four episodes left in season two. Cross your fingers it ends as queerly as it started.


Black Sails

Saturday on Starz at 10:00 p.m.

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Hello, it’s me.

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OG Alison DiLaurentis?!

Eleanor is finally back on Nassau and it’s playing out just like the fan fiction I’ve been imagining in my head since the end of season two! I am bonkers for a story where two Slytherin women are in love and they’re each doing their cunning and crafty things to get on top of the game, but it’s the same game and so they’re having to be cunning and crafty with each other, while also wanting to make out with each other. That’s what’s happening with Eleanor and Max now that she has arrived to help Woodes Rogers bring the Bahamas under British rule. She’s working an angle to stay alive and get back some of that power she lost when she was sold out to stand trial in England, and Max is working an angle to maintain the power she gained when Eleanor left.

They both make a lot of dramatic entrances into rooms and pubs, and it’s a glory to see these stupid men being forced to acknowledge the intellectual formidability of these women. The truth is that the island is never going to bend to the British without both of them, and everyone knows it. In addition to commanding the attentions of rooms full of dudes, Max and Eleanor spend a significant amount of time both gazing at and side-eying each other.

Anne’s the wild card. She’s on the loose now with instructions from Jack to take the gold they stole from the Spanish and run for it, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicions she’s coming right back to the thick of it on Nassau. That’s three — count them, three! — Slytherin babes doing machinations.

I can’t wait to see who ends up on top.

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 854 articles for us.

9 Comments

  1. I have a theory about why Anne, Max, and Eleanor can’t be on the same side, and what will happen when they finally are.

    Eleanor: Let our powers combine. Intelligence!
    Max: Cunning!
    Anne: Capability!
    Eleanor, Max, Anne: Go, Marvel!
    Captain Marvel: By your powers combined, I am Captain Marvel.
    PS – I’m a nerd. Sue me.

  2. I don’t think Luisa’s ever had any sort of sustained happiness on this show, which really sucks when you ship Luisa/happiness. I’m just waiting for something horrible to happen, like finding out that Rose isn’t dead when someone discovers Susanna’s body.

    • That’s why I’m so into Luisa x Susanna? Like she seems genuinely interested and sympathetic to Luisa, and (as far as we know) has never used her or ignored her feelings like Rose and Rafael have. I will be so crushed if Luisa gets her heart stomped on again, especially after a relapse.

      • I was sold on LuisaxSusanna during the scene where Luisa asked if Susanna was using her crush to get Luisa to trust her, and Susanna said yes. How long had it been since someone had honest and straightforward with Luisa instead of manipulating/gaslighting/infantalizing her? The smile on Luisa’s face showed that she appreciated the honesty, too.

        But Luisa apparently can’t have nice things, so I’m just waiting for something horrible to happen to Susanna.

        • I’m pretty sure the show’s endgame is Luisa rebuilding her relationship with Rafael and finding happiness in love with someone who isn’t a murdering psychopath. (Go Susannah x Luisa!) It’s a telenovela, and happy endings for everyone are necessary.

          That said, I’m sure Rose isn’t dead and will pop back up to complicate things in the meantime.

          I’m conflicted about Luisa going back to rehab, because I think it will be good for her and her character, but I don’t want her to disappear from the show, even temporarily, again!

  3. I have found Max intensely frustrating since the episode where she basically gave herself to be raped by the entire beach. She didn’t gain very much by it and kept bringing it up to blame Eleanor. Even the elderly madam told her to knock it off. I hate blaming her and she is really admirable in so many other ways, but that really made me doubt her reason.
    Team Eleanor/Anne.

    Also I really want Flint to have a love interest who isn’t a ghost. And preferably male. Flint/Silver would be amazing, but is never going to happen.

    • I don’t think it’s fair to say she “gave herself to be raped”. She didn’t know that what’s Vane’s men had in store for her, she certainly didn’t enjoy it and had no choice but to endure it because it wasn’t a situation that she could rescue herself from.

      I think her issue with Eleanor was the initial betrayal of Eleanor refusing to leave with her because ultimately Eleanor’s ambitions on the island were more important than their relationship, IMO. She obviously thought she meant more to Eleanor at the time than she did and hurt feelings is what led her to make the stupid decision to put her trust in the wrong person that landed in her the lap of Vane’s men in the first place. By the end of that experience, she came to the conclusion that she should be a lot more like Eleanor in her machinations and focus on gaining her own power on the island. I think the Max we see today is steadfast in her belief that she is never going to go back to being the whore with no agency that she was before and that informs a lot of her current decisions.

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