Autostraddle Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry and ALSO Hot Girls Girls Girls

HELLO WORLD! We apologize for Epic Fail Monday when, in addition to our brief outage, which hopefully you are hearing about for the first time and which was Brooke’s fault, Alex and I were on an airplane flying cross-country (from Los Angeles to New Stork City) surrounded by a cacophony of screaming & hollering children and accidentally only posted one post. In our defense, we did change the title of the post mid-way through the day, which made it FEEL LIKE two posts!

For unrelated reasons, I spent most of the flight sighing loudly and pulling my eyeballs apart and/or not-sleeping with my eyes closed and head resting tenderly on Alex’s laptop case.

Anyhow, we’ll tell you all about our trip soon, it will be better than those slide shows other people’s families subjected you to in the 80’s. We also spoke to two actual humans who actually auditioned for The Real L Word Los Angeles and at any given night out were in immediate proximity to at least 4-5 cast members from any season of A Shot at Love and/or Gimme Sugar.

Here’s a photo of our little gang from Los Angeles, where I was v.busy and no, obviously that martini is not Haviland’s, it belongs to the thug in the orange hat Brooke:


Oh right. Because my brain hurts too bad to actually finish any of the posts that were supposed to go up today, instead I am going to give you the Top 10 Autostraddlers of All Time. Hopefully an intern can turn these things into links for me tomorrow.

Top Ten Autostraddlers of All Time
According to Us Right Now


10. The Blackout Sex Scene from Episode 510 of The L Word (NSFW):



9. This Photo by Frederico Erra



8. Angela Chase Thinks Deep Thoughts on Her Bicycle:



7. Ellen Von Unwerth is the Mistress of Autostraddling

Naomi Campbell

Naomi Campbell


6. Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider

Tomb Raider 0051


5. Drew Barrymore on Ellen Page:



4. Autostraddle Rodeo Disco:



3. The Girls Who Made Out at the Beach Volleyball Game


2. Natalie Portman in Closer



1. The L Word Shane and Carmen Lap Dance


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Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]

Riese has written 2893 articles for us.


  1. I figured Misty May was a top. P.s. I know I’m about 3 decades late commenting on this, but I can’t sleep and I heard that this website called autostraddle could cure insomnia so I decided to rifle through old articles like your girlfriends text messages. I hate that btw.. don’t do that. I don’t worry about that, though, because I don’t have text messages, or a girlfriend, or fingers. Is it morning? Am I drunk? Papa can you hear me?

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