‘Am I OK?’ Is a Coming Out Story That Belongs in the 2010s

This review of Am I OK? was originally published as part of our Sundance 2022 coverage. Soon after the festival, it was purchased by Max only to sit for two and a half years due to Max’s restructuring under David Zaslav. I’m very happy for the cast and crew that the film has finally been released after Max realized they had nothing this year for a Pride slate. I do not believe any movie — especially a queer movie — should be buried even movies I dislike. I have, however, decided to republish this review unedited, because the pivot away from queer media by executives like Zaslav inspires me to demand more from our work, not less.   


If Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne’s directorial debut Am I Ok? had been released in 2015 it would have been sweet and mediocre — in 2022 it’s insufferable.

Dakota Johnson plays Lucy, a 32-year-old painter and masseuse receptionist whose primary relationship is her co-dependent friendship with Jane (a charming Sonoya Mizuno). She never dates and doesn’t know why until two major events occur in her life — Jane announces that she’s moving to London and Kiersey Clemons starts working at her spa.

Lucy realizes she’s a lesbian and begins to spiral in all the expected ways. She feels embarrassed it took this long, timid on next steps, and generally overwhelmed. She’s relied on her friendship with Jane to fill the spot where romance could be but now Jane is leaving and it’s time to move on. It’s time to move on to Kiersey Clemons’ character Brit who has been flirting like she might want to make out.

Making an indie romcom that’s actually about friendship hasn’t been a novelty since Frances Ha (2013) ripped off Girlfriends (1978). Making one of the women straight and one of them gay hasn’t been a novelty since Life Partners (2014). Combining that with a coming out story hasn’t been a novelty since Almost Adults (2016). And as far as it being a coming-of-age movie about a woman in her 30s, the only thing the canon of lesbian cinema has more of than actual coming-of-age movies are tales of delayed discovery.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with a movie being formulaic and cliché. Not every queer movie needs to break new ground. But when a movie stars Dakota Johnson and hits the same story beats as so many other movies, it can’t get away with being mediocre. It can’t get away with just having a solid cast and a good soundtrack. It can’t get away with writing so bad from longtime Ellen Show writer Lauren Pomerantz that it feels like revenge against Johnson for ruining her former boss’ career.

It’s not just that the script has less laughs than 30 seconds of a Notaro stand-up special. It’s also an absolute mess on a character and structural level. Every plot turn feels contrived — drama for drama’s sake — and the characters feel less like people than like lists of stated personality traits deepened only by good performances. The movie wants us to believe Jane is controlling — they say this explicitly — but we don’t actually feel that. The way the movie gives examples— like with her saying to eat a certain muffin — feel like additions suggested by a bad screenwriting class rather than true representations of those qualities.

Clemons’ character, especially, is totally baffling. Of course, a first gay crush being filled with confusion is realistic. But the ways Brit is confusing feel twisted for plot convenience rather than grounded in real experiences. Brit is not a person — she’s a charming series of conflicting plot devices that help Lucy on her journey.

If I seem particularly harsh on what is ultimately a harmless 86 minute Sundance dramedy, it’s because so many other queer women movies deserve the press this will inevitably receive. It’s because this movie is not only dated in its plot but in its inclusivity. The only scene we get in a queer space takes place in a mythical LA lesbian bar populated by only one person who is masc of center. Everyone else is femme. Everyone is thin. The first time a fat person is on-screen is toward the end of the movie and he’s mocked for the way he’s shoving food in his mouth. The film also repeatedly connects lesbianism to vaginas. Which, look, it’s not unrealistic for a straight woman and a newly out cis woman to be hyper-focused on genitalia. But maybe we don’t need any more movies with characters where this would be realistic. Or maybe we could cut those lines because it’s not like anything else in this movie was grounded in realism.

It’s great that since the early 2010s — when this movie should’ve been made — white filmmakers have learned to not have all-white casts. But placing talented actors of color into poorly written parts surrounded by an almost all-white production team isn’t really changing anything. This movie is still indicative of gay cinema’s most regressive instincts.

Sometimes when I’m assigned to cover a movie, I request that somebody else take over. I know my voice isn’t always needed in the response to a film. But this is the first time I considered doing that not because of marginalized experiences I lack but because of marginalized experiences I have.

I can imagine a lot of cis women — especially cis women who look like Dakota Johnson — really enjoying this movie. I can imagine this being a breezy good time for people who don’t cringe when vaginas are equated to womanhood or fat people exist only to be mocked. Or I can even imagine this being a meaningful film for women whose experiences mirror Lucy’s — and who haven’t seen a lot of other lesbian films.

I know that Am I OK? was not made for me. And that’s okay. I’m glad Lauren Pomerantz got to tell her story even if she didn’t do it well. I just wish more of us got the same opportunities to tell our stories. I wish the dozens of queer films released each year weren’t still overwhelmingly about cis white thin people without disabilities.

But I shouldn’t blame this one movie for those frustrations. And if you’re like me and don’t respond to this one, just know there are so many more movies than the ones starring famous actors. You don’t need to limit yourself to the queer cinema that trends on Twitter. Some of our stories are being told — some of us are even doing it well.


Am I OK? is now streaming on Max.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 627 articles for us.

81 Comments

  1. Ugh, I was hoping for this to be good even though I found the synopsis underwhelming because I’ve got so much goodwill toward Tig. For anyone who’s dying for this kind of story I guess rewatching One Mississippi is probably a better idea even though it doesn’t center on Stephanie’s experience.

    • Thanks for this review. I’m a fan of Tig (and the whole Handsome Pod Squad), but this movie was so dull, implausible, and unfunny. This seemed like a warm diet soda of a queer movie or, more like a queer movie made by straight people for straight people.

      I’m also annoyed that they made the two black characters the sources of heart break and the Asian friend a cliché “Tiger mom”.

      Also, where is Lucy’s family? A big part of the strife of coming out is around expectations. She is so isolated, I can’t imagine who she’s meant to be hiding anything from all these years.

      With all that said, I’m still glad it exists. I imagine it might just the movie for some folks out there. It just 100% was not for me.

  2. As someone who reads a lot of lesbian romance novels written by middle-aged white cis ladies, I feel like I’m going to enjoy this a lot, I’m impervious to bad writing or contrived plot devices to create drama for drama’s sake when it comes to sapphic content.

    • I thought it was a fun little movie. Was it the best?No. But I came out at 32 in LA too, shared the process with my straight best friend and roommate, met another cis bi woman like me, one who allowed me to be bi-curious and who already knew she liked women… we chose each other eventually and got married. My friendship didn’t make it. I love movies where you keep the friend too. :-) I enjoyed it, what can I say. It’s a weekend movie, in pijamas, no expectations, holding the wife and sharing bowl of popcorn. Sometimes life is simple and the simple movie is good.

  3. I’m actually genuinely thrilled by how ruthless this is. Gay cinema is grown up now. Let’s get down to brass tacks and expect better. I’m glad you didn’t get someone else to cover it.

    • Big agree—I was really excited to see this film and I definitely still looking forward to it, but I will for sure be watching with a more critical eye for representation thanks to this review. The variety of diverse perspectives is one of my favorite parts of reading stuff on Autostraddle, and it’s a huge part of why I come back here over and over again for queer media reviews. Thanks for sharing, Drew!

  4. Having watched this last night, I would say that I agree with Drew that there are a lot of plot contrivances and thin characterization but it wasn’t enough to make me regret watching the film. Did it make me want to just rewatch One Mississippi? Kind of. I wonder if the script would have been better if it was written by Tig and/or Stephanie. But it was ultimately a pretty light movie, and I’m always here for more movies about friendships between straight women and queer women since one of my best friends is straight. Caveat also that I’m South Asian American, so I have largely given up on seeing myself in any kind of media, which makes watching a movie about a thin white woman more tolerable.

  5. this is too bad, since we know they’ve got One Mississippi-level storytelling somewhere in there!

    i actually don’t hate the idea of continuing to tell stories of people who come out in their thirties — hello, it’s me, and when I was coming out at thirty, I couldn’t find a lot of those stories that weren’t either unwatchable (see Erin’s old retro reviews) or about predators, like Loving Annabelle. So much seemed to be about teenagers! I’m sure they were out there, Drew, you would know better than me, but I didn’t find them when I needed them, pre-2016.

    all of which is to say that the last thing we need is another unwatchable one! and tig, as we know, can be a really poignant storyteller. here’s hoping for a better next effort, i guess!

      • True, but Roger Ebert was also a cishet white man, and therefore was allowed to get away with it, while sadly it seems even in this space Drew is being attacked for not being “one of the nice ones.” 😞

        I miss the old days when the AS comments section used to be one of the only safe spaces on the internet. Trolls are the price of growth I guess.

        • I don’t think all queer movies have to go out of its way to represent everything. This sounds like a basic cis centric sapphic affair and that’s not a mortal sin, it’s not unrealistic that the vagina would be a central component of certain lesbians identity. I think that’s fine.

          It’s just a shame it sounds like an average direct to DVD movie, but like I said in an earlier comment, I will probably enjoy it. I’m very basic.

    • This is such a good point. I also, selfishly, want more stories about older queer folks and people who don’t figure themselves out in their teens or even their twenties. I’m also disappointed to hear that this isn’t a good telling, because I was hopeful.

  6. Returning to the comments to say that Drew is not being mean and people need to learn how to accept that a critic may have a different opinion of a movie than they do! It’s 2022, we don’t have to blindly endorse movies just because they’re queer anymore, we can and should demand better. A media critic’s job is to engage thoughtfully with the material and interpret the themes/artistic choices for a wider audience. I actually quite enjoyed the movie and I thought Drew was more than fair in her review.

  7. People did call Roger Ebert mean, but they also celebrated it because he was deliciously, wonderfully, entertainingly mean. There are even multiple books that collect his harshest reviews. This review has the harshness, but not necessarily the panache and humor of the best bad Ebert reviews, but I still like it. We are not obligated to like all queer art just cause it’s queer!

  8. “… writing so bad from longtime Ellen Show writer Lauren Pomerantz that it feels like revenge against Johnson for ruining her former boss’ career” oh my god Drew this is brutal 😂😂😂🔪💀

  9. Yeah this is certainly a harsh review at times but that’s something that critics are allowed to do. Drew even acknowledges that it is harsh. You’re also allowed to like it and disagree with everything in the review. I knew when I saw this movie coming out that Drew wouldn’t like it for the exact reasons stated in the review but I like reading these reviews cause they challenge my very different opinion.

  10. You didn’t like the movie and expressed your opinion, totally fine.

    I’m a little concearned about this idea that this movie “shouldn’t be allowed to exist” ’cause it takes space from other movies that you personally prefer…

    • I interpreted Drew’s review very differently. I didn’t read anything that implied that this movie shouldn’t exist. In fact she clearly states that she’s glad it exists, she just wishes it were better and that other, less mainstream films got the same level of attention.

      “I’m glad Lauren Pomerantz got to tell her story even if she didn’t do it well. I just wish more of us got the same opportunities to tell our stories.”

      • I generally enjoy Drew’s sharp critical eye, particularly as it relates to the latest season of Gen Q. She is clever, astute, and entertaining to listen to.

        That said, I haven’t seen this movie, so perhaps it’s premature to react or respond to this critique. But I am rubbed the wrong way not by Drew’s critical assessment of this film in the canon of queer cinema, but by this all or nothing view of media that seems to be developing, particularly within publications like this one. This idea that EVERY piece of content must include the complete spectrum of human life and lived experience because it is queer. That’s simply not possible, for starters, but more importantly, it’s detrimental to storytelling. I’m often so distracted by new projects that seem to care more about checking boxes than conveying earnest and authentic experiences, that I can’t even begin to watch these series/films. For example, The Sex Lives of College Girls, Shrill, or the worst of all, And Just Like That—very different shows but all are trying so desperately to include one of every kind of person and every kind of experience, that it ultimately feels forced, cringey and falls flat. It dilutes stories rather than enriching them.

        I’m a firm believer that every story is not for every person. And I actually really value that about films and tv. I love diving into a film that feels like home for one reason or another, and I can just as easily turn my back on those that don’t. That’s kind of the beauty of media and stories.

        So all is to say, I could care less if a fat person is in a movie or not, if the full spectrum of queer people are in a film or not. I don’t align with the full spectrum of queerness myself, so I’m not always drawn to queer media that doesn’t line up with my vibe and interests. And that’s fine, I’m sure they are wonderful for the people who do align with those stories. And I’m glad they exist in the world none the less.

        But man, I’m deeply tired of this specific type of critique. Stories do NOT need to represent everyone, even if they are queer stories. And it’s unfair to expect that because it is a queer film it must now encompass all of queerness.

        Let’s leave that assessment out of critics.

        • But that’s not my critique at all. I actually agree with you that a poor attempt to include everyone is worse than a specific well-told story.

          My critique is that IF you are going to focus on people (and narratives) we’ve seen a lot then it’s more obvious when you’re work is worse than those other films.

          I gave a glowing review to Girl Picture, another movie at Sundance with a queer love story between two cis white thin girls. Because it was actually good.

          One thing I will say is that even when a film does not include everyone I still think there’s no need to actively exclude people with transphobic language and fat jokes.

          • That’s fair, I see your point that a more “mainstream” well-trodded storyline should be done well if you’re going to bother to invest in it.

            And I also deeply agree that we’re beyond employing any variety of “other” as the butt of the joke for a lazy laugh. That’s always stings.

            Appreciate your thoughtful response and I see what you’re saying.

    • Surely if anything this movie proves you and me are not being erased, most queer media caters to you, me and other cis lesbians. Drew deserves to have her opinion, and you are allowed to disagree but it sucks when people whine about being erased because 100% of the space isn’t being taken up by people like you.

      • It saddens me to see my opinion reducing to whining. The age old way of diminishing a woman’s value by reducing her voice.

        All lived experiences have value and I am not saying Drew’s opinion isn’t value I am saying that by reducing this film to the opinion of, if you like this you are part of the problem.

        It seems as though I would be contributing to the “Terf” agenda if I enjoyed this piece of entertainment.

        I would love for a space to be 100% for me but as I woman I am well aware the likelihood of this happening is very slim.

        We are to get quiet, compliant and happy to just be there.

        • You said you used no disrespectful language but your first comment’s opening sentence is definitely disrespectful. You could have skipped that.

          Also, did you miss the last 3 paragraphs where Drew indeed notes that some people might enjoy the movie, and that’s fine? It’s also fine for us as a community to note when media about us is falling short…I love watching trash reality shows, AND at the same time I can note how they forward harmful stereotypes about plenty of groups. I certainly wouldn’t recommend a friend watch the shows I watch without that context – and with that context, why not enjoy? Both things can exist at once.

          It’s weird that you seem to dislike a critic…being critical. It’s disrespectful that the first thing out of your mouth in response was about that critic’s body. So don’t play the card about “the age old way of diminishing a woman’s value“ when you quite literally started this conversation with trying to reduce a woman’s opinion by commenting on her body.

  11. I’m sorry to say that I lowered my expectations as soon as I knew Dakota Johnson was the lead 😬. I respect your criticism and writing so much bc you have a way of expressing what I am feeling, and you bring receipts!! Seriously you are, imo, the foremost queer cinema expert and I look forward to everything you write, whether I agree or not! ❤️❤️❤️

  12. I like that on Autostraddle Drew’s review and an article with the title „Tig Notaro and Dakota Johnson are making the lesbian- falls-for-a-best-friend-rom-com you’ve been waiting for“ can live in friendly coexistence. I enjoyed both.

  13. i agree with basically every part of this review, but somehow this one charmed me anyways. it is truly laughless, but i think i was having such a good time watching it that i just forgot it was even supposed to be a comedy? embarrassingly i watched it twice before my Sundance viewing window ended 😵‍💫

  14. Thanks Drew for reviewing this for me so that I don’t have to watch it. I find most things that Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allyne are in are annoying, mediocre and without entertainment. I was hoping that you may contradict my impression, but nope. Thanks for the heads up.

  15. Having read this review as an extremely straightforward description of the facts, with a bit of information on the writer’s own lens (which is… how a review works?), I find the comments calling it mean and harsh to be fascinating. I wonder if part of the discrepancy stems from different communication styles?? Drew is always so eloquent and specific in her thoughts on media that I feel I can trust her completely despite having a different lens from her – as such, I have not moved on from life partners as my comfort movie in the ten years it’s been out so I am still very excited to watch this AND to have this perspective in mind while I watch it.

  16. After reading this review and then some of the comments it’s easy to se a pattern of people defending the text and people thinking it’s to mean.

    I have a similar background as Drew, a BFA in screenwriting and a BA in filmstudies. And have seen a lot of queer movies (not as many as Drew though ;) ). So I usually don’t have a problem with a mean review. And I have followed Drews writing through the years and really appriciate it because it challenges me a lot and gives me new perspectives. But this time I need to speak up.

    For me the thing I reacted most to and felt a bit offended about in this review is not the critisism of the movie. It’s the harsh comments about this story not being relevant today and how it doesn’t tick the boxes of being inclusive and diverse. For me this is exactly why this film is important and most likley also to A LOT of women. Because it is relevant and we exist. I am all for diversity but don’t cram it all in, in every film and experience because someone will always be left out anyway. It shouldn’t be either or. It should just be stories that feel true.

    Dakota Johnsons character Lucy sums it up when she says that she should have figured this out by now, that she feels to old at 32 to not know her feelings and what she likes. And this I can relate to so much. I am pushing 40 and haven’t figured it out yet. I am not a part of a queer community and my queer friends live in straight relationships. For younger people in my city it feels like the queerness is just part of their everyday life. Like they don’t need queer spaces because they find each other anyway. But that has never worked for me. I’ve tried dating apps but most women here are “looking for fun”, are “curious” or in an open relationship and they are very few to start with. So it’s not easy to just be out. We have Pride in this city but it’s most for straight people showing that they are accepting allies.

    It feels like the queer community has come so far now that there’s no place for the so called late bloomers, unless its a lifealtering leaving your husband and children thing. Most films today tell us that no one wants and old clingy baby dyke. Or a virgin. And everyone should be sexpositive and open and so on. And that can be terrifing. How do you even start dating when your (in)experience is not welcome?

    This review felt like it was telling me to go back to the closet because if I am not already out living my queer life there is no place for it. Maybe it would have been about 15 years ago. But now I should now better.

    That’s not what I would have expected from this site.

    Of course it’s not a fantastic movie by all means. But you know, a Martin Scorsese flick can be a fantastic movie in all measureable ways and still be boring as hell. Am I OK? is not that kind of movie. It is not trying to be a masterpiece. Why bash it so hard for what it isn’t insted of seeing it for what it really is, and probably will be for many queers. It’s a lot better than most Hallmark movies.

    So this time I just want to say to you Drew – it’s time for you to check your queer privilige. I know you meen well, but it is a lot to live up to.

    • I did not think that Drew was at all critiquing the experience of being a late bloomer in her review. She literally said, “I’m glad Lauren Pomerantz got to tell her story even if she didn’t do it well. I just wish more of us got the same opportunities to tell our stories.”

      On that note, I also think that it comes across as more than a little tone deaf to tell a trans woman to check her queer privilege given today’s political climate and lack of positive representation.

      • In any other context I would totally agree. But on this site and in this review she is a well regarded writer. A good writer. She is an important person in THE queer community, not just a queer community. Regardless of beeing trans or not. Not every queer person is that lucky (and I mean that as a good thing!). So it was a bit harsh and maybe even more than I thought (english isn’t my first language, but I guess you already figured that out).

        Todays political climate is awful. Couldn’t agree more.

  17. It is way better than most lesbian movies. Maybe one day we will have more of really good movies.
    And, it’s not really only mine opinion, but I’m not interested in movies with fat, ugly and masculine looking women. It’s not what cinema was, is and hope will be about.

  18. This review is why I love this website so much because it shows how far we are trying to go and how far we can go in terms of queer cinema and the fact that we are at a point where we don’t NEED to love everything thats even just a bit queer. I did enjoy the film I feel like it was silly and DJ plays awkwardly charming with a mix of existential crisis well I feel like on the spectrum of queer media this felt nice to see a film that was not tragic or insanely heavy and instead dealt with the very real oh shit moment of realizing you are queer past highschool or college age and having to come out DJ played the gay panic with KC well and although I agree with bits of the review and of course to each their own and everyones view is valid and needed In the end I had a smile on my face for a good portion of the film and it felt nice to see something that was just easy plus it only solidified my want for Molly Gordon and Megan Stalter to star in a film together!

  19. Well, the irony of irony is that we didn’t get a movie like Am I OK? in the 2010s and we wouldn’t have gotten a movie like Am I OK? in the 2010s. Instead, we got Life Partners and Almost Adult, which are demonstrably way worse movies than Am I OK? If you can’t see that, you have no business reviewing lesbian movies.

  20. I’ve never been one to mind grammar, but this article seems to have really needed some sort of proofreading.

    “I do not believe any movie — especially a queer movie — should be buried even movies I dislike.”

    “It can’t get away with writing so bad from longtime Ellen Show writer Lauren Pomerantz…..”

    “The way the movie gives examples— like with her saying to eat a certain muffin…”

    “But maybe we don’t need any more movies with characters where this would be realistic.”

  21. I liked the film BECAUSE it was an ordinary, average and normal presentation of the character’s coming out journey and everyday life aka it mirrored many people’s day-to-day lives, which let’s face it, is for the most part ordinary, average, and normal. Not everything needs to be a PSA opportunity and platform, and frankly I’m proper sick and tired of people ragging on a piece of media because it didn’t tick all the inclusivity and diversity boxes.

    As for the film not being relevant for the times now – how is it not? There are heaps of people just figuring things out in their 30s, stuck in some dead-end job, not sure what they want to do with their lives, and falling out with their best friend. This film isn’t going to win an Academy Award but I believe it resonated with some audiences because they could relate to bits and pieces of it. I think your review was unnecessarily harsh and biased.

  22. Tu texto me entristece. Me parece más lleno de envidia , y tu lo mencionas, por no poder contar “tus” historias y que otros puedan contar “sus” historias. La envidia es la principal causa de tantos problemas en este mundo. Tienes razón quizás no debiste tampoco reseñar esta película. Y solo reseñar esas que si son para ti.

  23. Man this movie is so bad. I feel like I’d be a lot more forgiving of it being such a specific, singular story if it was good (not that those critiques aren’t valid, because they obviously are)

  24. I kind of agree with some others that mentioned the harshness of the review. I don’t think this movie attempted to accomplish anything other than to be a light weight gay rom-com. IMO, it succeeded in that. It was actually a relief to see a gay film where nobody dies, nobody is a homicidal maniac, nobody is a conniving roommate/classmate/criminal, etc. The characters were charming enough. I don’t think I’ve seen Dakota Johnson play a more suited role since The Lost Daughter or Persuasion. (Sorry Madame Web!) If I had the power in the movie industry of say a Jodie Foster, I’d be pumping these kind of movies out to our community a la Tyler Perry. The LGBTQ+ community is funny, we deserve more laughs.

  25. lol yeah i hated this movie for so many reasons but this tig cameo is mildly funny. i agree w what you wrote about and then some – the south asian appropriation of yoga being one. haven’t finished it yet but also how is jane getting on lucy for ordering the same thing at the diner when jane orders the chinese chicken salad and green tea all the time. that storyline with brit brit was bull shit shit. kiersey clemons deserves better. also that friend fight was so contrived. the characters were so annoying and stale.

  26. This review is spot on. I just finished the movie and had to see what Autostraddle wrote about it because I watched alone and didn’t have anyone to debrief with about how terribly boring, silly, contrived, and lacking of representation it is.

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