I Got High and Watched Gay Nature Documentary ‘Queer Planet’

As I said recently when I preached the gospel of Perri the squirrel, I love watching nature documentaries while high. So when Peacock announced their new queer-focused nature documentary Queer Planet, I knew what I had to do.

From the person who high watched such classics as Saving the Gorillas: Ellen’s Next Adventure, comes another nature high watch. But this time Ellen has been replaced by narrator Andrew Rannells and gorillas have been replaced by the entire planet.

Unlike past high watches, I took an Indica edible this time. Unsure if that impacted my commentary.

I have taken my edible and I’m eating Quadratini wafer cookies (tiramisu flavor) and plantain chips. Let’s do this.

Okay wow I’m already emotional. Andrew Rannells is saying the word “love” as big horned sheep hump each other. And I really do think Andrew Rannells really was such a good choice for this? I love him because of Elijah even if his recent Broadway show was baaaad.

I am a little annoyed that the screener isn’t in HD… like it’s a nature documentary! Why aren’t they sending it to critics in 4K? Or at least 1080p.

Hot queer scientists hot queer scientists !!!!! Wow I didn’t realize this was going to be a horny high watch. I thought it would be more wonders of nature. But maybe hot queers are wonders of nature?

Omg Penguins defecate every five to seven minutes??

I listened to the You’re Wrong About on the gay penguins, great episode

It’s kind of fascinating how we’ve decided penguins are cute. I think they’re majestic.

28% of penguins are gay?? 28%?? That’s amazing. I’m going to think about how the penguins are shitting all the time when we see them standing around being gay. Brave bottoms.

Got distracted reading a deep dive on the ethics of safaris. Back to the movie.

Omg gay male lion throuple!! Omg is this what Barry Jenkins Lion King movie is going to be like? Omg the gay lions are fighting the hyenas.

Giraffes?? Oh hell yeah

This giraffe moment where the two male giraffes are head butting into fucking is so two guys on the same football team vibes.

They have such big necks

Monkey monkey monkey. I’m starting to cry. Ice monkeys. I love them so much they’re so happy in their hot springs omg

The last time I did mushrooms I saw a video of a monkey drinking a Gatorade and I burst into tears because I thought it was so beautiful.

Director of the Vagina Museum is talking about the monkeys you all have to watch this documentary

These lesbian monkeys are called mycocks okay trans girls

Okay apparently it’s spelled macaque

I want to go to the macaque spa

One of the scientists said animals can be bisexual or pansexual. I wonder how they distinguish that.

One of the scientists made such a good point about dinosaur penises. We don’t know what they looked like. I’ve never thought about that.

The Sexual Habits of Adele the Penguin is the name of an old document?? Real La vie d’Adele vibes there wow.

Flamingos are always looking around and ogling and I really relate to that. Like even when I’m just idk going to the grocery store I do unfortunately look to see the hot people there.

Omg flamingos are seasonal monogamists. I know people like that. Relationship to relationship always in love with someone new.

Bonobos are doing great. So much sex. Wow they’re really showing us graphic video.

God I should watch the new Planet of the Apes. Is that still in theatres?

Ferrets have sex toys??? Omg

Ugh they’re doing a whole section on Darwin now bring back the fuck monkeyssssss

Wow these horny lady birds are so funny good for them

I didn’t realize seahorses were such flops! They’re described as quiet and clingy??

Okay their dances are really cute though.

All women spotted hyenas have penises??? This is so cooooool. “Pseudo phallus”? Yeah that’s what I have.

I wonder how they decide like this is the female but she has a penis instead of this is the male but he has a uterus.

Hot scientists in this doc… if you’re reading this… my instagram is @drewburnettgregory

Most ants die virgins ! Lmaooo sucks (unless they want to be virgins in which case I support them)

She just said naked mole rats look like penises but remember when there was one on Kimpossible??

If it’s too warm the turtles all become girls and I do think for humans in the summer time like lots of genders become girls. Does that make sense? Only people who want to. But I think summer has more girls for humans too.

Living in the Great Barrier Reef must be so fun. Fish city!

Oo I should watch Aquaman 2 after this.

Finding Nemo is trans????

I can’t tell if this coral reef montage is real or edited and it’s creeping me out.

Five genders for lizards? Damn. Oh no are guys going to start identifying as blue throated and yellow throated.

Just remembered I’m watching Aquaman 2 after this I’m so excited.

Is it embarrassing to say I didn’t know mushrooms mated?? I thought they were like plants. Wait do plants mate?? I thought plants made their own seeds?

Omg I would have loved detaching my genitals upon falling in love.

Mucus trapeze !

Wow plants do have sex! They’re teaching us about it! I love learning!

Aw ending with the queer humans at the Rocky Mountain Rodeo is so cool.

Wait back to the sheep.

Back to humans. Weird they should’ve grouped the two human parts together.

This is really sweet. I’m high enough to go full liberal rn. Well not full let’s be real but just a little sprinkling of love is love is mucus trapeze.

That was fucking great.

Aquaman time!

NOTE: Unfortunately, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was bad bad instead of fun bad. I do not recommend it even while stoned.

Queer Planet is now streaming on Peacock.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 545 articles for us.


    • My experience on psychedelics has been more “wow we really are all monkeys drinking Gatorade.”

      Oh and another time my friend and I gave names to all the face cards in a standard deck of cards.

  1. Hmmmm, perhaps instead of watching Aquaman you should have followed up by reading my article on queer ecology *on this very website* https://www.autostraddle.com/queering-the-wild/ Less abs, more queer life, laughs, and lesbians?

    No but seriously I *do* have a real question about this program that kinda relates to my piece bc I always want to love nature docs and then always get suuuuuuper turned off by the narration. This seems promising, but does it do a lot of “See, nature is gay too! It’s cool, guys. Be cool.”? Or is it more nuanced than that? Or maybe you were too high to discern this, or maybe your sudden conversion to liberalism already answers my question…

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!