Abby Wambach Barbie: 15 Gay Barbies She Can Invite To The Dreamhouse Potluck

by riese with some help from rachel

Today a very big thing happened in the world of girls and dolls: an Abby Wambach Barbie has been unleashed upon the universe and is surely primed to Make a Difference in the lives of so many young people who deserve heroines.

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But who will Abby Wambach Barbie invite over for her first Gay Ladies Potluck at the Dream House? We have some ideas!

1. Leanne

gaybarbie2

This is Leanne! Leanne is the lead guitarist in an all-women pop-punk band, Three-Beer Queers, and a children’s librarian by day. Her favorite karaoke song is “Desperado” and she can’t wait for you to try her new lentil dip!

2. Kristen Stewart

kristen

This is Kristen Stewart. She’s in a bad mood.

3. Rosie O’Donnell

Friend of Barbie or friend of Dorothy?

Friend of Barbie or friend of Dorothy?

This is Rosie O’Donnell. She finds Tom Cruise attractive, but not in a sexual way. She loves arts and crafts, Broadway musicals, and Advocating for Youth. Donald Trump hates her, but he can die in a fire.

4. Melody

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This is Melody; she’s a diehard roller derby fan and has been more into Demi Lovato than you since she was in Camp Rock. She goes thrifting every weekend and runs Black & Pink card-writing events once a month.

5. Cat Cora

cat-cora

This is Cat Cora! She’s a chef but when she’s not making omelettes, she’s making sweet lesbian love to her wife, raising her creatively named sons, or presiding over that very expensive Cat Cora restaurant in the Virgin Airlines terminal at SFO. Abby needs salmon with Satsuma-Habanero glaze for 15? Coming right up!

6. Haley

gaybarbie3

Haley is gluten-free… but she’s such a good cook, you won’t even notice! She knows more about comic books than anyone you’ve ever met and she’s friends with all her exes and also all of your exes.

7. Ramona

laptop

This is Ramona. Ramona’s usually pretty busy and it’s hard to tear her away from her work — or from the Google Campus in Palo Alto where she spends her workdays. But she’s promised everybody at the potluck she’ll put her laptop away for at least three hours, and definitely won’t be checking her phone! This gal is ready for Jell-O shots!

8. Joan Jett

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This is Joan Jett. She’ll take the gig.

9. Nikki

This is Nikki. Nikki gets really into Pride, like REALLY into it, and always remembers to bring snacks and sunscreen and extra bottles of water for everyone and so it’s not a big deal that she wants you to wear rainbow face paint every year. All of her pet fish are named “Nikki” and she’s getting her Masters in social work.

10. Melody

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This is Melody. She lives on a womyn’s commune upstate where she presides over the livestock with a firm hand and a strong voice. Melody’s fresh-picked cherries are ALWAYS the hit of the potluck!

11. Kristy McNichol

kristy

This is Kristy McNichol. She’s your root.

12. Alex

pinstripe-power

This is Alex. She never met a blazer — or a broad! — she didn’t like. When she’s not carefully orchestrating the careers of her high-powered Hollywood client list or giving instructions to her assistant regarding the property in Palm Springs, you can find her at The Abbey, looking around to see who else is at The Abbey.

13. Roxy

gaybarbie4

Roxy is really down to earth despite being featured on street style blogs all the time and getting followed around by Pitchfork photographers; she fosters pit bulls and always remembers to bring something vegan to the potluck even though she isn’t vegan. Has an terrible tattoo of a shamrock from a drunken night in college but totally owns it.

14. Christie

barbie-soccer

This is Christie! Christie has been in a bit of a funk since Abby’s retirement, but when she heard about the potluck, hope rose through her chest and filled her heart and shins with love. Christie would never pass up a chance to play some pick-up ball with her #1 hero. Don’t worry folks, she’ll bring Gatorade!

15. Julia

ken-doll

This is Julia. She loves dressing dapper, treating her lady like a queen, secretly crying at movies, and bringing enough craft beer for everybody. She’s always looked up to Abby, and can’t wait to meet her in person at the Lesbian Barbie Meet-Up!


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Profile gravatar of Riese

Riese is the 35-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2419 articles for us.

50 Comments

    • *is overcome with nostalgia when bra was younger…*

      “Melody (#10) I swear to god if you use peas instead of avacado to make the gauc… I’m not going to feature your farm on my farm to dish special!” -Cat Cora

      “first of all, I did that once and everyone loved it!”-Melody(#10)

      “omg stop lying you crunchy spring butterfly, anyway do you have the order of my raw honey ready?” -Cat Cora

      *little bra continues to play*

  1. For a second, I thought there was an all-lady punk band I’d never heard about and then you broke my lil gay heart. I think this might secretly be one of those personality tests: which gay barbie would you hit the town with? Read and find out!

    Also, how are none of these Barbies named Katy? I find this statistically improbable.

    This is amazing, you lovely people and your lovely queerdo brains are amazing. Don’t ever change

  2. My Pet Doctor Barbie would have loved been gal pals with some of these ladies back in the 90s -she wouldn’t date Kens, because you know, she wanted to focus on her career…

    This takes me back to when I inherited a bunch of Barbie magazines from my neighbor, and the best thing in it was the fotonovela, I wish we had a Dreamhouse Potluck edition: The adventures of Barbby Wambach and her Queer Crew.

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