A Gay Girl’s Guide To Fall 2013 Television

It’s been a delightful summer for fans of girl-on-girl television: we had returning lezzers on Pretty Little Liars and True Blood, brand-new lezzers on The Fosters, a lesbian clone on Orphan Black, a gay extravaganza on Orange is the New Black and bit parts for queer characters on The Killing, Ray Donovan and Mistresses. Unfortunately, the fall television landscape pales in comparison when it comes to lady-lovers.

We’ve got a lot of lady-fronted projects, though, although whether or not they’ll be any good remains to be seen.

Fall 2013 Television: Here’s What’s Going On

Sundays

The Good Wife

CBS, 9:00 PM
Premieres September 29th

goodwife

It’s The Good Wife’s fifth season, and everybody’s wondering what’ll happen next for Alicia and Cary’s plan to ditch Lockhart/Gardner and start their own firm. Others are wondering what’ll happen next for Kalinda w/r/t making out with girls — and there’s good news on that front! Juliet Rylance is joining the Season Five cast as Kalinda’s new love interest Holly, “a whip-smart Assistant State’s Attorney who shares a past with Kalinda.” Also of interest to women who love bossy women: Stockard Channing will reprise her role as Alicia’s Mom.

http://youtu.be/jo_UZh-YPU0

NEW! The Masters of Sex

Showtime, 10:00 PM
premieres September 29th

masters-of-sex

It’s the story of a lovely lady who was associated with a very lovely man, and the two of them decided to start doing human sexuality research, and that’s how they became The Masters of Sex! Based on the true story of sex research pioneers William Masters and Virginia Johnson, this show stars Lizzy Caplan as Virginia, “a club singer-turned-orgasm-expert.” History! Sex! Women’s sexuality! Feminism!

http://youtu.be/JqwahKjI2bg

Our Verdict: Lizzy Caplan, women’s history, and sex research? We’re in.

NEW! The Witches of East End

Lifetime, Sundays, 10 PM
premieres October 6th

witches

Based on the books by Melissa de la Cruz (I assumed it was based on The Witches of Eastwick, but I guess I’m behind the times), The Washington Post gives this lady-laden program a “C,” describing it as “it’s almost as if “True Blood” tried to conceive a demon baby with “Bunheads.” Seems about right.

Our Verdict: Will almost definitely be terrible.


Mondays

NEW! Mom

CBS, 9:30 PM
premieres September 23

Allison-Janney-and-Anna-Faris-of-Mom

We’re supposed to be really pumped about this show, because it stars Anna Faris, and Anna Faris is a lady. It also features Alison Janey, and we all love Alison Janey. But every time that laugh track elbows its way into my earspace, I ask myself, “is this show really for me? Or is it for people who aren’t total bitches and therefore can tolerate laugh tracks?”

The premise is that Anna Faris’s character, Christy, is a newly-sober single mom of two, and her mother (played by Janey) is a recovering alcoholic, and Christy is dating her boss at the restaurant where she waits tables. Also her teenage daughter is rebellious. The New York Times admits that Mom is both “wittier and sweeter” than the new FOX show Dads (a Seth McFarlane production that follows two Dads who move in with their sons) as well as “genuinely provocative.” Why is this show so much better than Dads? “Moms behaving badly aren’t a new thing, but on a prime time show, it still feels a little transgressive. Men who act like boys, on the other hand, are so familiar that they’re almost retro.” There you have it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlVG3EY35os

Our Verdict: This really could go either way.

NEW! Hostages

CBS, 10:00 PM
premieres September 30

Toni-Collette-Tate-Donovan-Quinn-Shephard-and-Mateus-Ward-in-HOSTAGES-TV-Series-600x428

This show seems expensive. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and billed as a “high-octane suspense drama,” it’s on my radar ’cause Toni Collette is involved, playing a “premiere surgeon thrust into a chilling political conspiracy when her family is taken hostage by rogue FBI Agent Duncan Carlisle.” The L.A. Times marks the show as CBS’s bid to do drama like cable does drama, with “dark, character-driven entertainment,” quoting executive producer, writer and director Jeffrey Nachmanoff describing the show as “Downton Abbey meets 24.”

http://youtu.be/3zMy9Xd6txg

Our Verdict: Expect a carefully constructed television program that will grab you whether you want it to or not. Much like a hostage-taker! Hahahahaha.


Tuesdays

NEW! Lucky 7

ABC, 10:00 PM
premieres September 24th

lucky-7-tv-show

Seven co-workers at a Queens gas station play the lottery every week and then one day they win and then their lives turn upside-down! If you’ve been missing sweet sweet Vera Burr from Bomb Girls, you’ll be excited to reunite with actress Anastasia Phillips in Lucky 7 — she plays single Mom Leanne Maxwell. The Washington Post says “it’s basically a caper disguised as a drama, and we could use a caper on prime-time TV.” Isiah Witlock Jr. from The Wire also stars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKZifrUKXJk

Our Verdict: Initial reviews are relatively strong, and it could be a nice break from the procedurals and high-concept thrillers clogging up most major network’s hour-long drama slots.

Chicago Fire

NBC, 10:00 PM
Premieres September 24th

ChicagoFire_UPF2012_P

Chicago Fire, a fantastic program about, I assume, fires in Chicago, should be on your to-watch list because there’s a lesbian character named Leslie Shay. Yup. That’s all I got.

NEW! Ravenswood

ABC Family, 8:00 PM
premieres October 29th

Ravenswood-Season-1-Official-Trailer-

Caleb, Hannah’s lesbian boyfriend from Pretty Little Liars, heads up the ensemble of this new PLL spin-off, which revolves around “the curse that plagues the town of Ravenswood.” If it’s anything like Rosewood, I imagine that curse is that the victims of said curse learn absolutely nothing from their mistakes and also never go to class.  Also starring is tall drink of water Britne Oldford, who you may recognize from the failed US edition of Skins or the second season of American Horror Story.

Our Verdict: Will probably be more of the same, but we’ll give it a chance.

NEW! Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D

ABC, 8:00 PM
premieres September 24th

sheild

“Leave it to Joss Whedon to co-create a smarter superhero drama, one that geeks out over conventions as often as it skewers them,” says Entertainment Weekly. “Look it’s Ming-Na Wen in tight black leather!”, says us. No but seriously, this Avengers spin-off is definitely one of the fall’s most eagerly-anticipated offerings.

Our Verdict: Watch it.

The Mindy Project

Fox, 9:30 PM
Premieres September 17th

haircut courtesy of phresh cutz

alternative lifestyle haircut courtesy of phresh cutz

Season Two of this honestly quite funny little program returns with cast members Anders Holm, Chris Messina and Chloe Sevigny joining guest stars James Franco and um, Kris Humphries? Glenn Howerton of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia will be joining the cast as Mindy’s new love interest.


Next: Thursday night’s jam-packed with goodies (and Glee), Rebel Wilson makes her American prime-time debut and American Horror Story has a lot in store for Season Three.

Wednesdays

NEW! Super Fun Night

ABC, 9:30 PM
premieres October 2nd

superfun

This show, about three nerdy friends who stay in every Friday night who are inspired to switch it up and venture out into the big bad world when Wilson’s character develops a crush on her co-worker, has been given a coveted time slot after Modern Family. It’s exciting to have a sitcom with a not-svelte lead, and Rebel Wilson automatically wins everything, but Defamer’s not optimistic, lamenting that “ABC network development employees are openly discussing throughout the industry how bad the dailies are coming in” and threatening that the show is most likely to “undo all the love you previously had for Rebel Wilson.” IMPOSSIBLE.
http://youtu.be/pg1RtDr-cHE

Our Verdict: pleasebegood pleasebegood pleasebegood

American Horror Story: Coven

FX
premieres October 9th

coven

The third season of American Horror Story will once again star lesbian actress Sarah Paulson and the legendary Jessica Lange, and executive producer Tim Minear claims that this season will have “very strong feminist themes” and “a big theme of oppressed minorities” as well as “a lighter tone.” Furthermore, he testified that “the fun quotient is higher this year, and we’re embracing a sort of velocity and fun with the series this year. I think it might be a little more welcoming to an audience.”

As usual, there will be a lot of time-hops within its with-focused New Orleans setting, this time mainly focused on the 1970’s and the 1830s.

Lange will play witch royalty Fiona, Sarah Paulson plays her daughter Cordelia, Angela Bassett has been cast as the New Orleans’ leading Voodoo Queen and Kathy Bates will star as socialite/serial killer Madame Delphine LaLaurie. Coredelia is the headmistress of Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies, which Entertainment Weekly describes as “like an all-girls Hogwarts…  a safe haven for young witches since 1868.” Gabourey Sidibe, Jamie Brewer, Taissa Farmiga and Emma Roberts are featured as the school’s four remaining students, and Farmiga’s character Zoe apparently can kill people with her vagina!

The rest of the cast includes returning actors Frances Conoroy, Evan Peters, Alexandra Breckenridge, Dennis O’Hare and Lily Rabe.

http://youtu.be/BlSnhM-tIqA

Modern Family

ABC, 9:00 PM
September 25th

modern-family

This season, Mitch and Cam might stop bickering and being bitchy and manipulative towards each other long enough to get married! Yay! No but really I like this show and am eagerly anticipating its hour-long premiere.


Thursdays

Glee

Fox, Thursday, 9:00 PM
premieres September 26th

glee-rides

Despite the recent tragic death of young star Cory Monteith, Glee is forging forwards this fall with its fifth season, set to debut September 26th with an epic two-hour Beatles-themed premiere. There’s a lot to be excited about — notably, the introduction of Demi Lovato as a love interest for lesbian heartthrob Santana Lopez — and a lot to fear, now that a show notorious for its clumsy “issue episodes” intends to incorporate Monteith’s death into its story for its October 10th Finn Hudson tribute episode. (Plus you can’t help but wonder how emotionally heart-wrenching filming has been for Lea and Monteith’s other friends in the cast.) Regardless, you’ll definitely want to stock up on kleenex for Rachel Berry’s rendition of “Yesterday” in the premiere.

Sneak Peak:
http://youtu.be/ttwOCvDY1ck

Season Five Teaser:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W48XjIuDWEY#t=34

Season Five Promo:
http://youtu.be/iDQtb9mH7xc

Grey’s Anatomy

ABC, Thursday 9:00 PM
premieres September 26th

Which mediocre show you used to love and now don’t really like but still watch because Lesbians will you be watching Thursday nights at 9PM?!

NEW! The Crazy Ones

CBS, Thursdays, 9:00 PM
premieres September 26th

crazy-ones

I don’t hate this show so far, which stars Buffy the Vampire Slayer as an ad exec at an agency owned by her father, played by the great Robin Williams. Plus, it appears that Kelly Clarkson shows up for at least the first episode. It feels funny and fresh and light-hearted — but the fact that it’s scheduled right before Two and a Half Men worries me considerably.

http://youtu.be/pWEL-FqBW0o

Our verdict: I’d totally watch this if it was on Mondays, but there’s so much good shit happening Thursday nights it’s unlikely this one will be on our to-do list.

NEW! Welcome to the Family

NBC, Thursdays, 8:30 PM
premieres October 3rd

family

In this new sitcom, Mike O’Malley (you know him as Burt Hummel) and Mary McCormack (you know her as being fierce and looking hot with a holster) star as Caroline and Dan, the parents of a wild teenage daughter (played by Ella Rae Peck) who just got knocked up by her valedictorian teenage boyfriend, Junior. Caroline and Dan immediately clash with Junior’s Dad Chuey (played by Ricardo Chavira) and Mom Lisette (played by Justina Machado, a.k.a, Rico’s wife from Six Feet Under). The Washington Post has predicted that it will be this season’s “quickest and most punitive cancellation.” The jokes mostly fall flat and are mostly delivered as unnecessarily cruel snark between near-strangers, relying on lazy stereotypes about race relations and teen pregnancy.  Anyhow, the pilot’s already up on Hulu for you to decide for yourself!

http://youtu.be/HaersTXk5Nc

Our Verdict: No thanks.

NEW! Sean Saves the World

NBC, Thursdays, 9:00 PM
premieres October 3rd

Sean Saves the World

Stars Sean Hayes as a single gay Dad and the gay guy from Reno 911 as his boss! It seems not bad and also immensely better than The New Normal. Obviously if this show flops, it will be treated as the ultimate evidence that gay doesn’t pay on prime-time television, which’ll be fun for the whole family. Scheduling this sucker opposite Glee seems like a death wish, but then again who still watches Glee. (me)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPAp6U7_rAg

Our Verdict: Will watch it on Hulu the next day while washing dishes, probably.

Scandal

ABC, 10:00 PM
premieres October 3rd

scandal

Creator Shonda Rhimes has said of the premiere, “We’re going to dive into a lot of things at the beginning of Season 3. The first episode, much like all of our other episodes, does that thing where you think the show is going to be about this and then they answer something very quickly and then they move onto something else.” Unfortuantely that’s about all I can tell you, because I’m like five episodes away from finishing up Season Two and cannot risk spoiling myself in the name of writing this description.

Parks & Recreation

NBC, 8:00 PM
Premieres September 26th

Parks and Recreation- Season 6

Season Six’s premiere will see Leslie and her crew taking a trip to London for her to receive a woman-in-government award, where she’ll meet a bunch of ladies who will make her feel shitty about how mean everybody is to her in Pawnee. Orphan Black‘s Tatiana Maslany is set to guest star in two episodes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq-aJ4vyfBo


TBA

Killer Women

ABC

MARC BLUCAS, ALEX FERNANDEZ, TRICIA HELFER, MICHAEL TRUCCO, MARTA MILANS

This show will see the reunion of two very tall Cylons with great bone structure! Yup, that’s right, the actors behind Caprica Six and Samuel Anders are in the ensemble cast of this program, which’s yet to release a premiere date but has concocted this trailer to get your hopes up:

Seed

The CW

seed

This is the only new show with a lesbian character, as far as I can tell, and it’s not actually even a new show — it’s a Canadian comedy The CW has picked up for the 2013-2014 season. According to The Toronto Star: “The show stars Adam Korson as bachelor bartender and sperm donor who becomes an overnight father and begins relationship with the families of three of his children: a laid-back lesbian couple with a 9-year-old son, an upper-class family with a rebellious teenage daughter and a neurotically hopeful single mother-to-be.” As of yet there are exactly zero hints about when this show will cross the border into our hearts, but in the mean time, any Canadians have an opinion about it?


What are you looking forward to watching this fall? Do any of you love Nashville as much as my girlfriend does? Let’s talk it out.

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75 Comments

  1. i don’t even care that they are shamelessly trying to rip off mad men aesthetics and failing

    LIZZY
    FUCKING
    CAPLAN
    ORGASM
    PIONEER

    also brett dier, who played ye olde questionable love interest for gladys and spoiled corbett child on bomb girls, is in ravenswood. i know this because i still follow all the bomb girls cast twitter and he uses his like that goofy 16 year old boy you thought would make a safe beard in high school.

  2. Well I’ll watch Masters of Sex and Lucky 7 (for Anastasia Philips) and anything moderately interesting that involves lesbians.

    Seed is funny. There were a few jokes about the lesbian couple that I thought missed the mark but overall I recommend it.

  3. If Ravenswood is “more of the same” that’ll be a good thing in my book. More lesbian/bi characters than you can shake a stick at! Hope they have some gay guys too.

    I don’t know where you got the fantastic show rec for Chicago Fire. It’s only so-so in my book. And Leslie Shay has tons of potential but really, she was terribly under used and had a mind numbingly stupid storyline for the last part of the season.

    • CHICAGO FIRE HAD A CRAZY-EXGIRLFRIEND-TAKES-REVENGE-THROUGH-FALSE-RAPE-ACCUSATION PLOTLINE LAST SEASON

      CAPS BECAUSE THAT IS THE WORST PLOTLINE IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY AND I AM VERY ANGRY AT BEING TRICKED INTO WATCHING THAT SHOW

    • Yeah, Chicago Fire is horrible and I really only watch it because I enjoy complaining about it and watching things combust. I enjoy the rescue scenarios but hate every. single. plotline. Also the only time Leslie Shay is on screen outside of work is when she’s wearing see-through pajamas and reiterating the fact that this show was written exclusively for and by men.

  4. Ahem. WHERE IS LOST GIRL?? I’m definitely chomping at the bit for November to get here omg, All aboard the Doccubus love-train.

    Also, I haven’t watched Glee since like, 2009 but I have such a HUGE LADYCRUSH on Demi and so I will definitely be watching this season. For Demi.

    I’m also a little scaredy-cat when it came to watching American Horror Story which my girlfriend and housemates adore, but I actually might watch this season! Witches ftw! (if it’s not too scary. *cowers*)

    The Mindy Project is adorable and I love it and I need to watch more of it.

  5. I’m so excited for Shield! I have been waiting for so long for this. (okay not that long but still) I also highly recommend Elementary when it comes back on for season two. Lucy Liu plays a fierce version modern version of John Watson named Joan and she steals the show. Plus there is a trans character played by an actual trans person. (She only had one appearance, but will be back this season)

  6. The second season of ‘Arrow’ premiers on Wednesday, October 9. I’m kind of excited for it! I liked it way more than I thought I would, and it’s actually on the cusp of moving from a guilty pleasure to a regular pleasure for me. Plus, I just found out Bex Taylor-Klaus (who played the adorable baby dyke Bullet on ‘The Killing’) is going to be guest starring.

  7. Agents of Shield is about the only new show I’m looking forward to this year, it’s a lackluster line up. I’ll check out Super Fun Night but after that Defamer article I don’t have much hope for it. At least Good Wife and Scandal and Elementary and Parks and Rec will be back.

  8. So that trailer for Super Fun Night was really frustrating and a bit angering. Mind, the entire premise puts me off anyway. – lol a bunch of not-conventionally-attractive women always stay in because they can’t get laid – just isn’t a fun premise for me. And then only venture out to get laid…WTF!

    And then pretty much every single joke in that trailer rests on the fact that Rebel Wilson is fat. ‘omg lol, Rebel Wilson’s character tried to seduce her way into a club but of course that didn’t work cuz she’s fat.’ and ‘omg lol Rebel Wilson is nude with ridiculous underwear on.’

    Actually, to be honest, I’m not a huge Rebel Wilson fan. I know she bills herself as not caring about her weight…but to me, making a whole bunch of fat jokes about yourself is the exact opposite of ‘not caring.’

  9. I managed not to watch Glee at all in Season 4 and I thought I was free with them breaking up Brittana but ugh… Santana getting a Demi Lovato girlfriend and the fact that the premiere is a Beatles episode might draw me back in. DAMN IT RYAN MURPHY! At the very least, I’m gonna have to see that Beatles thing just to know if it’s a trainwreck or not.

    (Don’t they realize they’re playing with fire with this though? C’mon, us Beatlemaniacs are STILL fiercely divided over Across the Universe…)

    That show with Lizzy Caplan sounds right up my alley, though. PLEASE LET THIS BE A HISTORICAL DRAMA THAT ACTUALLY IS BOTH GOOD AND GETS ENOUGH OF AN AUDIENCE TO STAY ON AIR. I need something during the fall when I’m waiting for Mad Men and trying to resist the temptation to watch Downton Abbey illegally (I never succeed…)

  10. Ayyyy the glorification of Masters and Johnson is going to make me break out in hives. In reality they didn’t do anything groundbreaking, used their research to strengthen the institution of marriage, and had AWFUL unscientific inaccurate methods.

  11. There were whispers that one of the main characters (not Rebel) from Super Fun Night might discover she’s queer?

    Everyone should watch BROOKLYN 99. Premieres tonight. So many people of color (even a gay one!) and Chelsea Peretti. It’s from Dan Goor and Michael Schur (creators or Parks and Rec).

    • After suffering through Dads (which was truly fucking terrible, yet I did not change the channel…) I was pleasantly surprised with Brooklyn 99. I was definitely expecting hot boots lady to be gay, not the captain. All in all I thought it was a pretty cute show.

    • I just watched Brooklyn 99… I haven’t genuinely laughed so much at a tv show in a long time. I love that actor who plays the new Captain, I even watched that Navy (?) hiding on an island show last season because of him.

    • I liked Brooklyn 99 a lot, but I found it really irritating that the two female detectives seemed to mainly be there for the male characters to lust after. I was enjoying the chemistry between the two leads until they brought out the old “if he wins the bet, she has to go on a date with him.” Hoping they move away from that in the future.

  12. My take aways from this were:
    1) Anna Faris is old enough to have a teenage daughter? Fuuuuuuuuu-
    2) Sofia Vergara is the executive producer of the Texas show? weird. I REALLY love Six though, so maybe I’ll watch like, an episode.

    I’m looking forward to Revenge. It’s so ridiculous but I really love Emily VanCamp’s face, and she outed herself as Amanda!

    • Oh man Revenge is usually so lovely and cheesy fun, plus fantastic bisexual representation with Nolan, but occasionally they make serious missteps? It feels like all the writers are great and educated except for one weirdo who was in charge of Takada and the Regina/Charlotte storyline… super problematic. That being said, I am so excited for next season!

      • Yeah the Takada story line was weird and confusing… perhaps they’ll clean it up this season?

        I hated the Charlotte storyline ugh, like what was the point? To make rich lesbians look like insane closeted assholes?

        I love Nolan, even though he’s currently a bit busy for a love life being accused of being a terrorist and all, I hope his bisexuality comes into play again.

        • I just feel like the whole character of Takada is one giant stereotype, which is weird since the other people of color on the show are generally well-rounded and developed. And man that Charlotte storyline was so annoying! Mostly because every character just conflated Regina being into Charlotte with Regina being crazy and manipulative.

          Nolan is so great! For a while I was wondering if he was going to hook up with Jack. I mean, I secretly want Nolan and Emily to be together… we’ll see.

  13. How can you not mention the last season of How I Met Your Mother. NPH is excellent as always, Cobie Smulders is just adorable, and who can forget Alyson, Jason, and Josh who add their own charm and brilliance.

  14. You guys, I want to start watching American Horror Story SO BADLY, especially this season because who can turn down “strong feminist themes” and an all-girl witch school, but I normally avoid horror like the plague because I really value my sleep. Is it hardcore horror, or just creepy and unsettling? More importantly, will I be able to sleep after watching?

    • season two is pretty hardcore (in my opinion and I watch a ton of movies and run a horror blog) but season one is really mild.

      I feel like if you handle season one really well then most likely you will be able to go on and watch season two but it will be more unsettling.

      I’m not going to lie, in season two I had to pause it a few times and gather myself. I had to pull myself out of the narrative because it was overwhelming.

  15. There’s not much I’m interested in this season. Definitely going to check out Agents of Shield because Joss Whedon. Also will probably give Hostages a try because of Toni Collette. I missed Sleepy Hollow last night but I heard good things about it (no queer characters that I know of, but does have a black female lead). And I’ll watch Ravenswood because I’m sure it’ll cross over with PLL.

    Other than that, I’m one of those people who still watches both Glee and Grey’s Anatomy. I will see those two through to the bitter end.

    • I am here to strongly encourage everyone to watch Sleepy Hollow! In terms of representation, three of the five main-ish characters in the first episode are PoC, and the main character is a badass woman of color. In terms of storyline, it’s all supernatural-y drama with a healthy dose of snark and is just super fun.

      It’s like Supernatural but without being, y’know, hella problematic. So there’s that. PSA over.

  16. Chicago Fire is an excellent show, but my opinion may be clouded by how gorgeous Monica Raymund is.

    I hate Glee so very much, but omg…cannot wait to hate-watch for Santana with Demi.

    And finally, I maintain that Grey’s got good again and I’ll watch til it’s dying day.

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