“I feel like people started enacting these borders around it and categorizing it, and that felt so bad and wrong, and the antithesis of everything that it should be. Then, some people also really conflated it with the idea of being genderless or agender, and I’m like, “No…” I feel a lot of gender feelings! I don’t know what they are, or what they mean, but they’re there.”

We’ve got 29 gorgeous questions and like 100 answers, so if you need help and you asked for it, you might find it in here. Casual hookups, breakups, threesomes, gender uncertainty, dating a co-worker, letting her down easy and so much more!

What does a lesbian look like? Until a few years ago, mainstream culture was pretty sure they knew the answer to that question, even though they didn’t. The Autostraddle Roundtable tackles passing, why people can’t understand that lesbians can have long hair, and the relationship between gender, style, and sexuality.