The reader’s digest version: People in charge: “Hunky dory,” Gay lady: “Swimmingly,” Gay guy: “Ehh, pretty good,” Republicans: “Danger Will Robinson!,” Gay soldiers’ organizations: “Please sir, I want some more.”

Happy Labor Day, we got you these infuriating screencaps of the Department of Defense’s “online inbox” to survey soldiers on a “possible repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.” It’s a good thing you have the day off because all we feel able to do is “lie in bed and mourn the soul of America.”