Julie wants me to say, “Nothing brings you to comedy.” I guess she means, we were always funny and attracted to funny people so that’s why we are here. And that it wasn’t necessarily a choice. We were born this way. Now she wants me to say, “YES BITCHES, BRANDY WAS BORN THAT WAY.”

“Life-ruining news is like great gossip, it must be shared immediately, and with as many people as you can possibly reach. So here I am.”