Feature image via Kulfoto.com
I’m finally over my breakup and I think I’m going to be okay.
- Eating garlic whenever I want.
- Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
- Reading in bed with the overhead lights and music on after midnight.
- Making whatever plans I want for the future.
- Celebrating the holidays with my family.
- Always waking up in my own room in my own bed with clean clothes nearby.
- Never having to send a “just checking in” text.
- Showering alone.
- Showering in under seven minutes.
- Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.
- Not feeling guilty for getting behind on a TV show.
- No one has to know I eat a bagel for literally every meal.
- I can dress/cut my hair however I want without worrying about twincest.
- Wearing my comfy period underwear not during my period.
- Getting to use the “15 Items or Less” checkout line while grocery shopping.
- Drinking the whole pot of coffee myself.
- At least when I have to throw out gross leftovers that have inevitably been forgotten, they’re mine and I can think fondly about when I ate them in the first place
- The only bladder I have to wake up for is my own
- I can talk to cats and dogs in a baby voice without judgment
- Shamelessly being in the spotlight and taking fashion shots alone whenever I’m dressed up
- Being able to say things like, “Maybe I’ll never have kids” without it being a discussion.
- Being able to quietly be in a bad mood without it being a discussion.
- Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.
- Farting in bed at night.
- Farting in bed in the morning.
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