25 Reasons I’m Finally Starting to Enjoy Being Single (Besides Sleeping Around)

Feature image via Kulfoto.com

I’m finally over my breakup and I think I’m going to be okay.

IS BATHING ON HER OWN SCHEDULE

  1. Eating garlic whenever I want.
  2. Sleeping in the middle of the bed.
  3. Reading in bed with the overhead lights and music on after midnight.
  4. Making whatever plans I want for the future.
  5. Celebrating the holidays with my family.
  6. Always waking up in my own room in my own bed with clean clothes nearby.
  7. Never having to send a “just checking in” text.
  8. Showering alone.
  9. Showering in under seven minutes.
  10. Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.
  11. Not feeling guilty for getting behind on a TV show.
  12. No one has to know I eat a bagel for literally every meal.
  13. I can dress/cut my hair however I want without worrying about twincest.
  14. Wearing my comfy period underwear not during my period.
  15. Getting to use the “15 Items or Less” checkout line while grocery shopping.
  16. Drinking the whole pot of coffee myself.
  17. At least when I have to throw out gross leftovers that have inevitably been forgotten, they’re mine and I can think fondly about when I ate them in the first place
  18. The only bladder I have to wake up for is my own
  19. I can talk to cats and dogs in a baby voice without judgment
  20. Shamelessly being in the spotlight and taking fashion shots alone whenever I’m dressed up
  21. Being able to say things like, “Maybe I’ll never have kids” without it being a discussion.
  22. Being able to quietly be in a bad mood without it being a discussion.
  23. Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.
  24. Farting in bed at night.
  25. Farting in bed in the morning.

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Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 261 articles for us.

87 Comments

  1. ells

    23. Learning to rely on myself for emotional support.

    … is such a big one. like everytime I’m newly single I’m like “ahhh how will I cope by myself” but then after a while I’m all “hell yeah I totally knew I was a badass independent woman who can look after her own life and be totally cool about everything”

    its empowering!

    • This one is sooo important! Having been single for nearly 3 years, it’s a journey to discover this by yourself FOR yourself.

    • Yeah, my first break-up really sucked for the main reason that I’d been awkward and insecure and knowing someone else found me attractive was a huge self-esteem boost. Which is alright, only so long as you realize that in the event of a break-up, you can’t let that self-esteem coming crash down around you. (especially if it actually turns out to be an incompatible-orientation situation and the person doesn’t actually find you attractive in the way you thought, as turned out to be the case for me)

      • double_whammy

        wow so basically you just told my life story

        and by “my life story” I mean what’s been going on with me recently, especially that stuff about self-esteem

        how’d you deal with it? I mean, my first break up was months ago and I’m still not feeling any better :/

        • I’m finally letting go after a year (and two rebounds, suffice to say). It takes a lot of hard work and tears and anger and probably numerous watchings of mushy romance movies and or disney, followed by inordinate amounts of questions and finding their stuff in your things.
          But then one day you just pack all of it up in a box and then move on, even if you’re not ready, because you are the most important person in your life- you do you, as we like to say here.

  2. FreakyClean

    LMAO #10, I SO know what you mean!!!

    That is all. :)

  3. Some things you mentioned such as #5,7,8,10,11,14 and 20 shows you were kind of in an oppressive relationship. A normal relationship shouldn’t be like that. A lot of lesbians don’t know how to give their girlfriends some space. Being in each other’s face all the time is no good, it is the fastest path to boredom.

  4. terracottatoes

    i’ve come back just for a moment to appreciate the inclusion of number ten

  5. cassandra

    HAHA, # 10, 24 & 25 make it for me!!

  6. #1 is especially important if you are a broke-ass student and the garlic bread at your local cheap pizza place is really really good

  7. Lili

    Hahahahahaha, YES @ #10!!!

    However it’s actually impossible for me to take a shower in under 7 minutes, alone or with someone.

  8. D

    As a hopeless and complete introvert, getting my personal time back makes me wish we’d broken up sooner. Very hard to be in a relationship with a 24/7 people person, especially when every ‘I need some time on my own’ is understood as being something /way/ different to just ‘I need three hours without talking to anyone’, and every lull in conversation means to her ‘I’m mad, sad, bored or some strange mix of all three’.

    Also, finally getting to watch the movies we went to without having to miss major plot points to make out with her. Sure, it’s fun, but can we save it for when Scarlett Johansson isn’t on screen kicking ass?

    …actually, looking at it this way I can see why she broke up with me.

    • Yay introverts! I completely agree; I’m the only introvert in my family, so I have lots of experience with crazy hardcore extroverts and can’t ever imagine dating one.

      And this: “every lull in conversation means to her ‘I’m mad, sad, bored or some strange mix of all three’.” I can’t stand behavior like this, but I often find with someone who is THAT extroverted, it’s good to address this directly – even if they’re just a friend or acquaintance or coworker. Extroverts are used to having society revolve around them (at least in an extroverted society like the U.S.), they don’t realize that there are some people who actually need and enjoy time to themselves. Pointing out that you do, that it’s not because you don’t like them or don’t like people but just need time alone to “recharge,” can be helpful and I’ve found people usually react well to it.

      • Yes! I’m a massive extrovert, but for some reason most of my good friends are introverts. I don’t mind, but I need things to be explained to me…like when people say they need some quiet time, I want to know if it’s a three week camping trip to the nullabor, or half an hour in a different room. It’s super stressful when you are trying to be a good friend, but have no idea how. Communication is a wonderful thing.

      • I’m an intense extrovert but somehow I’ve ended up only dating introverts in my life so far – it does create some disorienting moments on occasion, but dang it is good for developing communication skills and learning to not assume that I automatically understand other people’s needs. I agree 100% with Rose on addressing it directly – I don’t always know how to support the introverts in my life, but I’m always happy to learn.

    • Happy1

      I’m a total introvert too. I need a lot of alone time. A lot of it.

  9. Is it terrible that I did most of these things while I was still in a relationship? Or is it awesome?

    • Christine

      I guess no one can claim that a clean asshole is a dealbreaker, so let’s go with Awesome!

    • Yeah, I was gonna comment on how I do a lot of these things despite being in a relationship. It’s a reflection on both how much my girlfriend must love me but also on how shameless I am about just about everything. (It’s like, pooping is so important, why on earth wouldn’t you talk about it with someone you’re dating? :P)

    • Heather

      AGREED! For better or for worse, my gf and I have no boundaries when it comes to letting it all out

  10. Yes. My relationship is starting to look like I can do all of these things AND be in a relationship. Things CAN be great :)

  11. Yes! Seeing as it’s the first time I’ve been single in three years, it’s both tough and wonderful. I really love eating the equivalent of a head of garlic a day so #1 resonates with me.
    Being able to sleep in whatever position I want is amazing, it was a little lonely at first but then once I started sleeping so much more comfortably it was mad worth it.(To be fair I live in New York and only have a twin bed in my tiny ass room so that’s probably why it’s a big deal to me haha)

  12. I hope my theoretical future partner is okay with the fact that I will continue to eat onions, and garlic, and beans. Beans are cheap and good for you. I don’t care if I’m a little gassy. Hopefully it’ll just warm the bed up anyway, am I right?

    ALSO SERIOUSLY the idea of always showering in tandem makes me cringe. Yes sometimes it’s cute and/or sexy but honestly I enjoy the alone time.

    • Yeah, if anything I would say avoiding garlic is more when you’re first dating someone. I can’t imagine being in a long-term, serious relationship with someone who doesn’t like me consuming the many oniony, garlicky foods I like, or foods like beans and soda that are delicious but make you gassy.

      Showering together sounds like more of an occasional sexy thing, but yeah, I could never make a habit of it.

    • Marika, I wouldn’t judge your choice of onions, garlic, and beans. Those three things are yuuum…especially together! Then again, I might be a bit biased because they’re pretty much a staple in all Filipino cooking (or at least they are in my family). Also some of my best thinking and problem solving happens when I’m in the shower. If tandem showering is happening, that doesn’t happen. And I need for it to happen.

      So I guess what I’m trying to say is, ‘Dear theoretical future partner, please see the above list. In particular, pay attention to #(s) 1, 2, 8, 10. I like the middle of the bed and #10 is very also important. Just sayin’… Love me xx’

    • I HATE SHOWERING IN TEAMS. I like to wash and NOT touch walls/shower curtains. I’m nowhere near germaphobic but something about shower surfaces make me cringe inside and out. Also waiting at the other end of the shower, freezing my ass while watching you enjoy the hot water just… no. doesn’t do it for me sorry.

      • Clare

        THANK YOU. I can’t abide touching shower surfaces, walls, curtains. Especially being a student, this house isn’t mine, I share this shower with 4 others, it is certainly not clean enough and I’m going to shower with flip flops on whether you laugh at me or not. Something my ex didn’t grasp well. I think we showered 3 times together in the year we were together, I did not cope. Also stressing was her weird shower routine or lack thereof. Bad memories, I like my alone time so much and especially in the shower.

        Great article anyway, so many truths.

  13. Nebenwirkungen

    I also don’t like showering together, it’s too narrow in the cabin!!! But I could do 10 besides her, anyways… not enough space.

    also #19: I can add talking to yourself aloud without shaming yourself for it.

  14. Kincowie

    Now either Americans are slimmer than Brits, or have bigger showers or I am doing this relationship thing wrong.

    Like *always* showering in tandem?

    Nope. Those 15-20 minutes of steamy goodness first thing belong to me, and noone gets to share it with me, except whatever radio comedy I am streaming down iplayer that morning.

  15. FemShep

    The only time I ever have to fart is when I’m in my girlfriends bed… :)

  16. Bel

    I love, LOVE everything about this list!!!

  17. Eskim0

    Meh by the time you do your medical internships you’ll be to busy to have a girlfriend. The good thing is that you’ll have plenty of time to flirt with the nurses.

    • CP

      Considering my gf is an intern right now, this is disconcerting….

    • Kincowie

      It’s all about the Emergency Department (/A&E/casualty/ER) for queer nurses. It was probably my most lesbian friendly (and I do mean *friendly*) workplace.

      That and primary care where 2/3 of female docs were gay. But then there were only 3 of us…

      • Eskim0

        I totally agree! I don’t even mind being on call in the weekends. However their white nurse uniforms tend to trouble my gaydar. Most of our gay doctors are ortho-surgeons though, such a cliché ;)

        • Kincowie

          Ah Orthopods. With their athletic ways and skillful powerful hands.

          And knowledge of all kinds of power tools, vibrating and otherwise.

          Every lesbian’s dream girl

      • Homo. gaypian

        The anesthesiology department at the hospital I work is almost entirely gay.

  18. Red

    I feel oh so very very fortunate and grateful that I can do all this whilst being in a relationship. Love my mrs! :)

  19. We need to realize that the right partner will and should allow us to be ourselves without judgement. We have to learn that we can’t go into a relationship thinking that we can change people and vice versus. The only ones that can truly make a change is ourselves.

    Like I always tell people, ‘you do you’ and we’ll be cool.

  20. Ri

    “No one has to know I eat a bagel for literally every meal.”

    Me too….and if my girlfriend figured out just how many bagels I really eat, I think I would feel a bit ashamed.;)

  21. Yay! you, and great list. I’m impressed with your ability to shower under 7 minutes, I’m a shower lingerer.

  22. As a perpetually single person, I take a lot of this stuff for granted. Although I do already stress out about how awful it’s going to be to sleep in the same bed with another person, as I have Restless Leg Syndrome, a condition that sounds completely made up but is actually totally, pathetically real. I mean, my dog doesn’t seem to mind, but an entire other person might.

    • I have a friend who can’t stop moving her legs when she’s sitting (especially in class)/lying in her bed. I don’t mind sleeping next to her and most of the time I don’t even notice because I’m used to it. Don’t worry, it’ll be okay!

    • I have restless arm syndrome. i don’t know if that’s a real medical thing, but I swear I have it and it’s the worst.

      • Mo

        Oh no, it’s real. My ex had it and drove me absolutely nuts when I slept with her.

  23. So much of this, man. So much.

    I just really like not having to answer to anyone for what I choose to do with my time. sometimes I just really need to spend two days in my room chainwatching Deep Space Nine

  24. I WAS going to add that one of the best parts about being single (and roommateless) is being able to walk around naked all the time. But then I remembered that I did that when I had a girlfriend too. So, moral of the story….you do you I guess?

  25. m

    Hey, commenters, don’t be judgy about Lizz’s past relationship! Lizz, I have no idea what the context of your breakup was, nor what the relationship was like. Thanks for sharing what you’re getting joy from post-relationship. You’re right, you WILL be ok!!

  26. S

    what do we do if we are bored? bored with routines in life…bored of fighting after someone…bored of being single and on the lookout….bored of complexity…bored of simplicity. what next?

  27. LeTiss

    farting in bed anytime really. gold

    that and eating garlic. relationships ruin these pure bliss doings

  28. Here’s my version:

    1. The ability to be the only one horrified by my increasingly resonant and long farts.
    2. Wearing the bright-ass red lipstick that I like, instead of the subtler pink lipstain that she liked.
    3. Busting out the low cut shirts and shorty shorts, because she told me that I looked cheap in them (and was sweet about it, and bought me stuff that she thought I looked nice in, but still).
    4. Not worrying about finding a job in Portland, which is way stuffed with people with my qualifications for the field I’m interested in.

    Uhhh, that’s it. Got dumped pretty recently and its still an open wound.

  29. HOLAA!

    Being single is amazing! People really shouldn’t be afraid of it. Utter freedom until something magical comes along. LOVE IT.

  30. Ann

    We just broke up and everything is the worst. I need to read this list over and over until it’s memorized.

  31. J

    My lovey-partner and I just went over the list together and figured out we can only not do 5 of things listed: 3, 15, 17, 18, and 21.

    WE FART IN BED ALL THE TIME. Thats not even only after moving in together. We were trading farts for burps around two weeks in. I’m fortunate for having a magical relationship.

    If someone has a list this long of things they can’t do, maybe the person they are with isn’t making the “healthy non-oppressive lifer/longtermer/’the one twinkle eye drops’ awesome” cut.

  32. Marianna

    Ahh, still in that ‘I actually really miss all these things still’ phase :( OK, self pity over. Love this list.

  33. Leila

    “10. Actually getting to wash my asshole in the shower.”

    LOL… WHAT?? What kind of relationship was this where you couldn’t wash your ass? I don’t get it, would love to understand!! :D

  34. I’ve been single for almost 2 years (the longest I’ve been single in my life) and just recently have I been able to appreciate a list like this. I didn’t think it was possible, but I do actually enjoy being on my own, most of the time. The whole getting-your-self-esteem-together thing really resonates with me. :-)

    Although, if I’m being totally honest, I think the ideal situation is being in a good relationship while getting to do nearly everything you want to do. ;-) Ah, a girl can dream, right?

  35. This could be one of the funniest, truest, most uplifting lists I have come across in quite some time. Bravo!!

  36. I’m in a relationship and I can do pretty much all of this… except maybe #22, but that’s slowly improving :-)

  37. I love this article. #23 reminded of something a friend said to me, she was saying how she *can* cope with being alone, but feels like life is *meant* to be shared. Now, I’m not entirely sure how to react because it seems like she’s always relied on other people for comfort, like she’s always been insecure (I’m not crushing, I swear!) anyway, I think #23 is totally important, just wondering what people think about those folks who are all like “Being single is OK, just not for me!” because it always feels like a back-handed comment saying that being single is second-rate.

  38. I think I farted four times while reading this article and comments. Bliss.

  39. This…. post….. has…… so…. much….. win!!!!!!!!
    I kept on grinning from ear-to-ear XD

  40. Kju

    tbh #8 (Showering alone) is something that I realized I like regardless. Showering with other people is gross and sex in the shower is just nasty

    #10 Is the main reason why I think showering together is something you just do for fun. If I really need to get clean you gotta get out.

  41. x

    This was exactly the kind of content I was hoping to find when I searched Autostraddle for “single”. ?

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