24 LaCroixtails to Keep You Hydrated and Tipsy

for food lists

LaCroix. Made in Wisconsin and admired by Midwestern housewives and hip queer women everywhere. Maybe you are both? This is your time to shine, you hip Midwestern queer mama!! It’s fizzy, it comes in over 20 flavors, and it’s basically water! You can get it at your local Whole Foods, and they’re the perfect size to stock in a tote bag or backpack for a long day ahead. Honestly, after a long day in the office, talking to Barb about her weird foot thing and Bill from accounting about his kid’s tee-ball team, nothing is better than cracking open a can, hearing that satisfying fizz, and taking that first big gulp. The people have spoken and they’re saying that they want their water bubbly, readily available, canned, and in 20 flavors! Not only do the people want LaCroix, they want it mixed with booze. They call them: LaCroixtails. Did you ever think your water could do so much?! I didn’t, but frankly, I’m so glad to live in a world where it can.

I’ve scoured the depths of Pinterest to find you some refreshing LaCroixtails to remind you “LaCroixs before Bois” this summer. Grab your gal pals, grab a back porch, grab some booze, and get to drinking! Lastly, many of these cocktails are named things like “lite,” “skinny,” or “slender.” I highly encourage you to ignore those titles and live your best life at whatever size you feel like! LaCroix is for the people and by the people! No sizeism allowed here!

Red Wine Berry Spritzer

01 red wine
Coconut Mojito

02 coconut mojito
Skinny Sparkling Blueberry Mojito

03 skinny sparkling
Blackberry Fizz

04 blackberry fizz
The Apricot Blossom

Skinny White Wine Spritzer

05 skinny white wine spritzer
Sparkling Sundown

06 SparklingSundown
Cherry Lime Sparkle Cocktail

07 cherry lime
Slender Rosemary Grapefruit Fizz

08 slender rosemary
The Razzy

Skinny Piña Colada

09 skinny pina
Apricot Bellini

LAC WHITE WEDDING Graphic Recipes
Summer Spicy Paloma

11 summer spicy paloma
The St. Peach-Pear

Kiwi Watermelon Cocktail, Blackberry Cucumber Refresher, and Cantaloupe Ginger Beer Cocktail

12 threesome
Cucumber Refresher Mocktail

13 cucumber
The Faux Driver

Peach-Apricot Lillet Blanc Fizz with Cardamom Sugar

14 peach apricot
La Corixzy

15 la corixzy
La Piña

Strawberry Lime Rosé Sangria

16 strawberry lime
Coco Plum Fizz

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Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 324 articles for us.

11 Comments

  1. These all sound amaaaazing.

    I recently found a bottle of Bonny Rose Orange Peel Whiskey and fell in love with the package design. Problem was, I know so few flavored whiskey cocktails that I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Decided to mix it with Schweppes Black Cherry sparkling water (I only wish LaCroix did cherry) and a touch of Angostura bitters for Old Fashioned Spritzers – we’ll see how it goes.

    • This is my exact impression, too! (Apparently, the West Coast is/was a flavored seltzer wasteland — my former roommate bemoans the fact that she has to order cases of Polar from Amazon because she can’t find any in SoCal.)

  2. Thank you for including a couple mocktails for us non-alcohol drinking folks. Also, I love how inclusive the intro was: you can be a midwestern housewife AND a hip queer person, and no sizeism allowed. This is the reason I love Autostraddle so much, because even the posts about drink recipes are super badass and progressive, and I just want to say how AMAZINGLY refreshing it is to have this safe-space on the internet. I appreciate you! Also, I’ve loved reading everything you’ve written so far, Alaina! You’re a great addition to the team.

  3. I just moved to a new town and found a grocery store that sells La Croix for hella cheap. My lady and I love cocktails and we are going to make SO many of these this summer. Viva LaCroixtail!

  4. For those of us who live the broke queer life, I’ve definitely seen cases of LaCroix at Grocery Outlet for hella cheap. Limited flavors and they won’t always have it, but good if you’re too cheap for places like Whole Foods and despise them on principal.

  5. NorCal Margarita.

    2oz 100% agave tequila
    half a lime, squeezed (so, 1-2T or so of lime juice?)
    4-5 oz of either orange or pampelmousse (if you’re fancy)lacroix fizzy H2O
    garnish with salt,
    serve on ice

    You’re welcome.

  6. Also, for people like me who are on a budget, the H.E.B. (if you’re in texas) and Wegmans (if you’re in the promised land) have their own brand of fizzy water that is literally the exact same thing for half the price. Also, Trader Joes has this spindrift seltzer has a grapefruit version that has a little bit of real fruit juice in it (so it has some calories but not a lot) that might be EVEN better in this cocktail than the lacroix.

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