LaCroix. Made in Wisconsin and admired by Midwestern housewives and hip queer women everywhere. Maybe you are both? This is your time to shine, you hip Midwestern queer mama!! It’s fizzy, it comes in over 20 flavors, and it’s basically water! You can get it at your local Whole Foods, and they’re the perfect size to stock in a tote bag or backpack for a long day ahead. Honestly, after a long day in the office, talking to Barb about her weird foot thing and Bill from accounting about his kid’s tee-ball team, nothing is better than cracking open a can, hearing that satisfying fizz, and taking that first big gulp. The people have spoken and they’re saying that they want their water bubbly, readily available, canned, and in 20 flavors! Not only do the people want LaCroix, they want it mixed with booze. They call them: LaCroixtails. Did you ever think your water could do so much?! I didn’t, but frankly, I’m so glad to live in a world where it can.
I’ve scoured the depths of Pinterest to find you some refreshing LaCroixtails to remind you “LaCroixs before Bois” this summer. Grab your gal pals, grab a back porch, grab some booze, and get to drinking! Lastly, many of these cocktails are named things like “lite,” “skinny,” or “slender.” I highly encourage you to ignore those titles and live your best life at whatever size you feel like! LaCroix is for the people and by the people! No sizeism allowed here!
The Apricot Blossom
The St. Peach-Pear
The Faux Driver
Coco Plum Fizz