1. Pocket Pusher
2. Qwerty master
3. No Mangeles Clippers
4. Shoulder Pad
5. Home Manicurist
6. Butterfingers
7. Exclamation Points
8. Lost Pen Cap
9. Bind… James Bind
10. Pokewomen
11. Mashed gams
12. Broadband
13. Hashtags
14. Dine-and-dashers
15. Nipsee Hustle
16. Nail files
17. Toaster strudel
18. Rotary telephones
Add your own below and then let’s all agree to start using the best one.
Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.
Brittani has written 329 articles for us.
We’re fundraising for 6 more days so that Autostraddle can survive as long as possible. We need your help!
Ha! I submit… Diva cuppers.
But I would not object to being called a rotary telephone.
Could we call lesbian gamers…button mashers?
I thought it was Rumble Pads
“Hey there sexy Button Masher, wanna come back to my rumble pad?”
(said by no one ever, until the next time I get drunk and try to hit on the nearest cute nerd girl)
fannypacker
deep sea diver
it’s pokewomen, the search is over
I wanna be the gay-ay-est,
woman there ever was.
To date them is my real test.
To wife them is my cause.
I will travel across the land,
Searching far and wide.
Each Pokewoman to understand
The power that’s inside
Pokewomen, (gotta date them all) its you and me
I know its my destiny
Pokewoman, oh, you’re my girl friend
In a world we must defend
Pokewomen, (gotta date them all) a heart so true
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I’ll teach you
(Po-ke-wo-man!) Gotta catch ’em all
*sung with utmost enthusiasm*
That’s a comment award if i ever saw one
Seconded!
Snapbackers
Pita Pockets
Hummus Hunnies (Sorry, I had Middle Eastern for lunch today)
Fingerbangers
Foresters (Or Outbacks, Imprezas or any other Subaru vehicle)
SNAPBACKERS!
Yesss to snapbackers. Definitely applies to most of the lesbian population in Melbourne Aus.
I drive a Forester. In sensible shoes.
THESE ARE THINGS YOU SAW IN AND AROUND YOUR DESK YOU LOON.
Jesus.
This is TOO FREAKY! I was JUST reading a fanfiction from all the way back in 2012, and in it Brittany called Santana a toaster strudel. Like literally not even a minute ago I was reading this thing.
See here! I have proof!
“Have fun freezing your asses off,” Santana called after us.
“Good luck becoming a toaster strudel,” I shouted.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Santana called back.
“Yes, it does.” It totally did. Because toaster strudels were delicious.
– I’ll Teach You To Dance, Chapter 24 by monochromeheartbeat
I want everybody to call me a forester. always.
What about a LumberJane?
lumberjane? …not for me-
I’m a tree hugger, not a tree cutter! forests are my friends.
oh, and cars…
Halifax Pagers
Carpet Cleaners
The softballers
Pink Lunchers
Pushing Portias
(Bella)Swan Divers
Kitty Sitters
K.Crew
Jeanjacketeers
Also:
Seahorses
Ponytails
Dogwalkers
Trapper Keepers
Two Pocket Folders
Neon Kitties
Dolphin Riders
Inspired by Feminist Lisa Frank
Bushwackers
Tulip pots
Laptops
LAPTOPS OH MY GOD
Spelunkers
I already use this one, though.
The elderly people in my family have coined the phrase ‘from the other side of the bus stop’ … LOL
Kale fluffer
Honey spelunker
Touch typist
Mauvist
French tip clipper
Can-Do Camille
Wet-nosed window washer
Vag-abond
Touch typist!! Omg that just works!
I would love to know the origins of Kale Fluffer. I like it. I think I know but I can get sort of dense with obvious jokes.
Also Wet nose Window Washer is the best. I can validate that ;)
Mauvist?! Marry me!
Lmao! Dine-and-dashers ;)
#17 is to go with your toaster oven.
From the theories of medieval straight people… Thigh-fencers and coffin-bangers.
“Home manicurist” might be my new favorite euphemism.
I vote for toaster strudel because Gretchen Weiners.
Cat whisperers.
Love this.
This one’s just a variation, how about Pussy Chatter? Perhaps better if you’re not from the US.
I’ve just started saying “she plays roller derby” whether or not said lesbian actually does. Universally understood!
birkenstockers
merkinrockers
professional softballers
the ministry of magic
OMG, Cat Whisper for the Win
My cousin self-identifies as a “Betty-boinker”, which is perfect.
Theres nothing about scissoring :) but jawsome list!
I’ve personally always referred to myself as a ‘little Dutch boi’.
Pink Pastels