10 Adorable and Terrifying Things My Girlfriend Said While Playing a Post-Apocalyptic Lesbian in Fallout 4

Santa brought Stacy and I a PlayStation 4 for Christmas, and also he brought us Fallout 4, because nothing says “holly jolly season” like wandering around in a post-apocalyptic wasteland with a British robot in a bowler hat. Fallout 4 is the first RPG (role-playing game) Stacy has ever gotten into, and the first shooter game she’s played since GoldenEye 007 back on her Nintendo 64 in high school. It’s also the first video game she’s ever played that includes gay romance options. In Fallout 4, you can play as a lesbian lady, a bisexual lady, a generally queer-identified lady, a lady in a polyamorous situation, and more. It’s so nonchalantly queer!

If you’re unfamiliar with Fallout 4, the concept is pretty simple: You wake up from a cryogenically frozen sleep and work your way out of a bomb shelter in 2287, 210 years after a nuclear war. You’re in Boston. Everything is wrecked. It’s time for adventure!

codsworth

“I perfected Mary Berry’s mini pear pie recipe while you were in your sleep stasis, ma’am.”

Watching Stacy get captivated by a video game has been as fun for me as actually playing a video game. Here are my ten favorite things she’s said while falling in love with Fallout 4.

10. “In my settlement, women are in charge of defense and also careers in science. Women doctors only. Men are in charge of crops. The Red Rocket matriarchy ultimately believes in equality, but it’s only been 200 years since the patriarchy was destroyed; there’s still a real #EndOfMen ethos around here.”

9. “I’m coming to bed in a minute. I just need to finish a quest to get the ballistic weave from this guy so I can wear my plaid shirt as armor.”

piper2

“Jenny Schecter, huh? Yeah, I know who killed her. But that information’s gonna cost you.”

8. “The Brotherhood wants to destroy the synths because they think synths don’t have souls. I guess no WALL-E DVDs survived the nuclear holocaust.”

7. “Huh, I guess Magnolia has three charisma checks. I’m romancing her. I’m romancing her. We’re going on a date? Wait, why did the screen fade to—oh, we’re doin’ it! She’s voiced by Lynda Carter, did you know that? I just had sex with Wonder Woman.”

6. “I’ve got two girlfriends now and they’re following me around my settlement and being passive-aggressive with each other. Cait wants to quest with me, but she hates it when I do anything nice. Piper wants to quest with me, but she just wants me to stand around and pick locks all day. We need to adopt some more dogs.”

wonderwoman

“Hang on, let me get my lasso.”

5.”That guy? Oh, he street harassed me so I killed him.”

4. “I got some leather pants to go with my plaid shirt. And this hat. And this vest. And these aviators. I may die of radiation exposure but I’ll do it looking gay as fuck.”

3.”I wish this game would let you adopt cats, too. I’d go around and find every cat in the Commonwealth and adopt them and I’d build houses just for them in my settlement with cat posters on the wall and if anyone was mean to the cats, I’d use my flame thrower on them.”

cait

“Now I’m in a poly triad and I’ve adopted ten stray dogs.”

2. “Unlike TV shows, no lesbians die in this game, motherfucker!”

1. “Ultimately, of course, I will choose Piper over Cait because Cait is a full Slytherin and Piper is more of a Hufflepuff like you.”

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Heather Hogan

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior editor who lives in New York City with her wife, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Heather has written 1718 articles for us.

89 Comments

  5. This was a great article. FO4 was the first Fallout game I ever played and I really loved it. Basically the only issue I had was that you were forced to start the game married to a man. I also played basically the same way your GF did, except I ended up romancing Curie instead of Piper.

    • Yes, I also hated starting the game married to a man. Let’s just say my character wasn’t too hung up on him once she awoke from cryo sleep.

    • I totally get this problem with the hook, and the whole baby having thing. But in my head canon Future Fifties IS STILL THE FIFTIES and your man you’re married to is a queer cammo arrangement(I had a lot of fun making him look like a preppy young gay)

    • I read that if you picked the male character you could change his character to female and then you’d start off married to a woman. :)

  10. #5! I shouldn’t be worried that my response was a very vehement “I’M SO JEALOUS,” right?

  12. More of this please! Lesbians and video game jokes are what I live for :p Also now I have no choice but to get Fallout 4. Kudos on the solid advertising, otherwise I wouldn’t have known how gay you could make it.

    • It is available for PC but not the cheapest thing in the world. Prices seem to range from $40 – $60.

    • Start with “Fallout: New Vegas”. That should be cheaper, and there are several lesbian and bi companions in that too. One of them is Felicia Day.

        • I liked “Fallout 3”. It’s well done, and the story is good. That being said, I don’t remember anything queer in the game. You should also be able to get the GOTY edition fairly cheap which comes with several DLC, and all of the bug fixes. In fact, I’m waiting on 4 to come out with it’s GOTY/Gold/Ultimate edition before I buy it.

  16. Holy hell this makes me want to play! The fact that I haven’t played a video game since Mario 3 is a handicap, but, seriously, I wanna have sex with Wonder Woman too!!

    • Once you’ve played Mario 3 — the greatest video game in history — you are prepared for whatever comes next, in real life or inside-a-TV life.

    • Maybe it’ll encourage them to make whatever Elder Scrolls game comes next into the gayest RPG in history!

      • I’m 95% sure if the LGBTQ machine decides that’s what we want, we can make it happen. I’m surprised more franchises haven’t realized we want representation so badly that we’ll buy whatever they’re selling if it’s got queer folks in it.

        • Aela is awesome. I also wish you could have married Vex from the Thieves Guild, but we can’t have everything. =)

        • Aargh. I was trying to marry her too but for some reason it wouldn’t work. Stupid bugg in The Silver Hands-Quest I can’t fix…

  19. Has your girlfriend come across the cat house in the commonwealth? If not, I think she should definitely try to find it.

    • Yes! She told me about the cat house! It made her really excited and also sad because she couldn’t just bring them back to Sanctuary Hills and take care of them.

    • They need to add pets in Workshop if they won’t do cat companions, haha. I want cats roaming around Sanctuary Hills.

  20. I love this game. FYI, the first DLC comes out tomorrow. There are at least two more to be released in the coming months.

    • Far Harbor (3rd DLC) is going to be amazing. The first two seem kind of weak, but customizable robot companions will be entertaining.

  22. I’m writing this from my office bathroom because I couldn’t contain my laughter and looked crazier than usual laughing alone at my desk. I want to play Fallout with you guys so badly now.

    I didn’t know that you could get your lady lovin on in Fallout 4. When I figured it out I was on the phone with my brother discussing why I think the Sole Survivor saving her son is a bad idea, when I maxed out Cait’s affection. My brother got quite the commentary ending with:
    OMG WE’RE KISSING!!! GIRLS CAN KISS GIRLS IN THE COMMONWEALTH!!! I NEED TO GO FIND PIPER.

    It was maybe a bit extreme but I spent forever trying to make out with my female companions on SWTOR, so this was almost as big a deal for me as when I actually kissed a girl for the first time.

      • You’ve got to max out affection and the whole I’m in love with you line of conversation is red so it could backfire but if it all works out yup you can smooch your lady friends right on the lips.

  23. Oh this reminds me of things!

    When I first met my gf she told me she was into gaming and I went to her house to watch her play. I have solidly not been into anything since N64 so I didn’t know what to expect. She opened up Fallout and the first thing I saw was this female character running around an apocalyptic world in this bright yellow trench coat. She had modded all of the clothes.

    She has recently gotten me into Skyrim only because I could play as a cat human. Instead of fighting I go around collecting flowers and calm things like this. She also told me that you can’t die during the intro where the dragon attacks.

    I did.

    • Also, instead of fighting dragons she just walks as close to the perimeter of the game as it actually allows so no one sees her ever.

    • My facourite ever Skyrim quest was one where I got drunk, blacked out, and then ahd to go around apologising to people for the mess I made. It was awesome. If you are less into fighty stuff, go and get drunk and talk to people in taverns.

  25. Those are great! I love the Fallout games, and I’m glad you and your girlfriend are enjoying FO4. =)

  26. Every time I try to buy the game at GameStop they never have it! These are the experiences I want. I am so glad you can have more than one live interest, unlike a certain game I know.

    • I do wish there were more than 2 female companions though. I’d be good with 3. But still, it’s awesome.

  27. Daaaaamn Heather.
    You have some serious hufflepuff mojo; making me feel better with just an article. Thanks for making me feel so much better.

  30. FO4 is the bomb. especially on PC, the mods one can download are just glorious. [Danse, one of the companions can be turned into Buzz Lightyear.]

    Cait’s my fave though, i have a similar backstory to hers [former addict, abusive parent.] so her and i get along very well.

    • I like Cait more than Piper in a lot of ways. Piper is too idealistic, can’t deal with any non-perfect reactions. But I hate that Cait dislikes every single nice or selfless thing. So I went back to Piper.

      • I loved Cait, but it was too weird for me (Cait) to date a Cait. Piper’s a sweetheart though.

  31. “She’s voiced by Lynda Carter, did you know that? I just had sex with Wonder Woman.”

    That alone has convinced to buy it off my wishlist the next time Steam has it on sale. :D

  32. You can start with “Fallout: New Vegas”. It’s got an ultimate edition on STEAM for $20 with several DLC. It’s got several queer companions, and you don’t have to start out married to a man.

    Here’s the companion played by Felicia Day. She’s a lesbian.

  34. ALSO GUYS, THE LINDA CARTER THING IS A ONE TIME DEAL! ITS NOT YOU, IT’S THE STAGE!! But one of my coworkers was like, bringing her gifts and stuff, wondering what he did wrong and why she won’t go out with him again. It was precious.

  36. Great commentary! It makes me wanna get back to playing fallout 4. I got sidetracked with school and didn’t have a chance during spring break because I was too busy getting drunk and restoring order in New York in Tom Clancy’s the Division.

  40. Got to love Bethesda! In skyrim your female character could marry a woman!

    But I think EA Games was one of the first. I remember playing The Sims (3?) like 12 years ago and having same seks relationships, with children. Not as exciting as what you can do in Fallout 4 of course..

    • You could have same sex relationships from Sims 2. But you couldn’t be Polyamourous without people getting jealous, even though aspiring to be in love with 10 people at once was a thing. I loved the Sims. And also Skyrim. And…I spend too much of my life on computer games.

  42. No matter which I pick, Xbox or PS4 (THAT’S RIGHT, I’M STILL UNDECIDED), Fallout 4 is hardcore on the top of my list.

  43. 4) is actually exactly how I play. I was like “I can wear plaid, oh I don’t care if I die I’m wearing plaid” I apply this in as many games as possible.

    I was going to restart DAI today but I may play fallout 4 now…

  45. I’ll have to start a third play through now so I can create a feminist utopia. Why I hadn’t thought of that before, I’ll never know.

  48. I am so bummed that my computer can’t run Fallout 4 (as if I have the time to play it, but maybe one day in the margins I’ll have some time).

  49. We just bought this game because I’ve been raving about this post for days and my partner was finally like “okay okay fine.”

    Thanks!! <3

  50. Most of my settlers have just been female by luck. Also, one day a female settler turns up wearing a trilby and flannel. I swear there must be a lez algorithm somewhere in this game.

    Also, the haircuts. Short and undercut hair both have good looking options, which wasn’t the case in Skyrim and I didn’t expect from a game set in the faux-50s. You too can be a future queer rockabilly!

    • It’s set in 2287. 1950s culture continued in an alternate history and future until 2077 when nuclear war devastated the planet.

      My wife and I may or may not have been obsessed with this franchise for ten years. ;)

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