So, formspring is pretty neat, huh? Here, Valleywag already described it for you in a post on their website, entitled “Formspring.me: The Sociopathic Crack of Oversharing“:
The newest sweet, cracklike, habit-forming oversharing platform combines the powers of Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook, and mainlines them right to your face. It’s called Formspring.Me, and like crack, it’ll destroy your life. It’s evil, fun, and addictive. And we have one.
Formsping.Me should come with a warning label you have to check off before you use it: BEWARE. WILL CAUSE LINGUISTIC, INTELLECTUAL, AND EMOTIONAL DIARRHEA. Here’s how it works: there’s a box, and you put questions in it, and the person using it answers them.
Laneia and Riese both sport very busy formspring accounts, accessible via our tumblr account. People utilize formspring to tell us how awesome / worthless we are, to complain about various elements of the site (that’s what the contact form is for fyi!) or share judgments regarding the constitution of our characters, to ask us questions about ourselves, offer us food, talk crazy and to ask for our opinion on various aspects of their personal lives.
Because life is busy and we’ve been running this ship about ten men short for a month or so, we’ve fallen terribly behind. So we thought:
Why not just make an “advice column” of these delightful inquiries so that everyone, and not just 16-year-olds with Naomily-themed tumblr accounts, can witness the glory.
Some of these are questions/answers that we already answered because they seemed like things you might “find interesting,” but most of these are new unanswered questions.
Do you have better advice? You should share that in the comments probably.
Do you think that people need to know that I/you are gay? I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t look ‘stereotypically gay’ and don’t know how to bring it up, and I feel like it makes people feel awkward, not from homophobia but just because it is hard to respond to it.
Riese: You don’t need to bring it up
You don’t need to say a thing
My advice would be: just don’t lie
So, recently i’ve been having a lot of sex with people I don’t necessarily love (romantically) because I enjoy sex and i crave physical contact and emotional closeness (or the illusion of) am i slut? is this only going to make me feel worse in the end?
Laneia: I don’t think you’re a slut. But it doesn’t matter what I think.
I can’t say what you will feel like in the end.
Chances are, this will eventually hurt. A lot of things eventually hurt.
“Doesn’t red wine give you a headache?”
“Yeah, eventually. But the first and middle parts are amazing.”
Hi, I tried to go to your Astrosaddle site to get advice on my lesbian horseriding date next week, but it is down. Can you help me? I am a 28yo piscean, she looks like a libran leaning toward virgoan but that might just be the squint.
Riese: This happened to me once too. Now I’m 28. Born on the cusp of Libra and Virgo. Birthday coming up, in fact. And I asked myself, how many years have I asked for a pony? You know? Basically every year. So where is it? It might just be the squint.
Do I need to be able to love people who I should?
Laneia: You are only able to love the people who you love.
So I’m a girl who likes girl, but is rarely (if ever) recognized as liking girls. I mean, I’ve been out four years now, and people are stil all ‘wtf, since when are you gay’? So, uhm, do you have any advice on how to look gay (without going butch)?
Riese: You could try:
1. Hitting on women
2. Lucky Dog Leather or another leather wristcuff
3. Gay-associated t-shirts: Autostraddle T-Shirts will be for sale this week! Also Free City, tegan & sara, or anything riese sells on ebay for the next three weeks
4. Put an autostraddle sticker on your car
5. Make out with girls
6. Alternative lifestyle haircut
Because I like more ‘masculine-identified women’ who are generally Very Obviously Gay, I find that I’m able to ‘indicate my sexuality’ by staring at them intently with eyes that say ‘I’m buying what you are selling.’
it happens a lot that girls tell me “i wish you were a boy. i would so date you”. how do i respond to something like that? worst is when i like them and they say that : (
Laneia: Show me these girls.
I will punch them in the throat.
In your brain, you should respond, “These girls are dumber than they look.”
In your heart, you should respond, “Hmph. Whatever.”
In front of their face, you should respond, “Hm, yes. Too bad you aren’t gay.”
i need to come out to my dad before my bffs wedding in two weeks, which both my parents and my gf will be attending. my dad and i love each other very much, but we never really talk, and we see each other infrequently. how awful is the e-mail come-out?
Riese: HM! I feel like Emily Post/E.Jean.
If you anticipate a homo-friendly response, I’d say you just email him and say you’re bringing your girlfriend and you hope he likes her. It’s like 2010 so really it’s very heteronormative for any parent to ever expect their kid to bring home opposite-gendered partners. you can tell him i said that. ‘heteronormative.’ i bet he’ll love you no matter what, especially b/c of the big words.
i told this girl i like her we have gone on several dates and we spend all night talking but she still wants to see other people what should i do?
Riese: See other people
i dont know if i can ask you advice, but i sure as need some. its your typical “girl likes STRAIGHT girl” crush. i’ve fallen so hard for her. how does this even work? how do straight girls even start to consider being with another girl….?
Laneia: Um, ergh, al;skdfjasldk.
I think girls consider doing things that they hadn’t previously considered doing (skydiving, yoga, scissoring) when they trust the person they’re doing it with. You should be relevantly straightforward about what a queer you are, but don’t hit on her. Be her friend. Like, really just be her friend.
Worry about taking her shirt off later. I feel like if you do this correctly, there will be a ‘later.’
Of course, there is the distinct possibility that I am wrong and you should just ask her out.
dear laneia, I like this girl who has never liked anyone before. I tease her saying that she’s asexual because of that. but she says she’s open to trying boy or girl. but i’m like 99.9% sure she’s asexual. thoughts?
Laneia: If she says she’s not asexual, you should be 99.9% sure that she knows herself better than you do. I recommend moving forward in a way that reflects your trust in that.
I was raised in a very restrictive religion. I myself am atheist, but there are still a people from the religion that associate with me. I feel very limited in my speech, actions, everything. What do I do? I’m going to fucking face punch someone.
Riese: Maybe go to a gym of some kind and punch things, I think that’s how they did it in Rocky. Then maybe try to focus most of your energy on your friends and associates who let you be who you are, or at least don’t expect you to be like them. Just remember that. Nobody’s way is better. We’re all fucked/brilliant.
what do you do if you love someone but they take you and your emotions/feelings for granted? what do you do if your girlfriend doesnt ask you if you’re okay when you’re crying but just asks if you took your medicine?
Laneia: I’m making a really sad, uncomfortable face right now. This situation sounds kind of terrible and not good. I would say ‘talk to your girlfriend about this; be honest about your feelings,’ but sometimes that doesn’t work.
I feel like I need more back story.
I want you to leave her.
That seems like a knee-jerk reaction. Riese would have smarter things to say about this.
When she cries, I can hold her until she stops and kiss her until she smiles, but I can’t fix it, because she won’t tell me why. I don’t know why I’m asking you this, but you seem good with words. I am not. Please?
Laneia: I think she’ll tell you when she’s ready. Sometimes people don’t want to be fixed. Sometimes they just want to be fucked up and crying and in the arms of something calmer.
Riese: Does she leave clues or shut doors? Does she want you to say the things she won’t say or ask questions to invite answers or does she want you to just do what you’re already doing. I think you should take care of your heart first, or maybe ask her to write you a letter on paper or use words like ‘depression’ or read books and talk about the books. listen to music and talk about it or go see movies and talk about them. she’ll say things and you’ll listen to your heart and do what you can do. she might just want to cry and so you could hold her while she does that. that would be a nice thing to do.
How do you go down on a girl?
Riese: first you should get her comfortable, like get her a sandwich or file her nails, or both, and after the sandwich maybe bring her a lemonade and a joint, which you could smoke together to enhance the mood. Make sure it’s a really good sandwich. Ideally the meat should’ve been cut at the deli, not in a factory somewhere. You catch my drift?
then you do things with your mouth, hands, chest, fingers, face, and you say things and you move your body in a certain way, whatever way it is that will get her to take her pants off or let you take her pants off. it’s more romantic if you toss them aside and maybe laugh a little like “oh, we are such silly animals full of sex and lust.” then when her pants are off you’re pretty much ready to get stared, and just go ahead and go down on a girl.
“If you are over an ex-girlfriend and you know you no longer want to be with them. How do you you let go of the pain they put you through, meaning how do you fully move on from someone?
you put it in a box
or a book
or a day
and you just leave it there.
do you want to go back and get it? pick it up and roll it around in your hands?
but what if it misses you? what if it needs you?
no. leave it.
one day you’ll accidentally come across it and realize you’d forgotten that you’d put it there. it’ll look different. it’ll feel different when you push on it. you’ll show it to other people and they’ll say, ‘oh yeah. i remember that. i remember it being bigger.’ and you’ll say, ‘mhm. but i think we were just smaller.’
Why it is still scary to hold her hand? and kiss her in school? and tell my friends? and my parents? who all accept and love us? why am i still ashamed when people whisper they didn’t know i liked girls? why do people call me brave when i have no courage?
Laneia: Maybe you’re just not into PDA? I mean, that’s possible. Maybe you’re embarrassed because her presence as your girlfriend confirms that you have smushy gushy electric feelings in your heartspace and sometimes those feelings come out via your vagina / mouth / fingers and like, whoa, that’s a lot to confirm all at once.
When I first came out, I was so so SO embarrassed by my hands. Every single time I looked down at my hands / fingers I thought, “JESUS H. CHRIST THOSE GO INSIDE OF GIRLS.” Does this make me sound crazy? Maybe. But like, IT’S A SEX THING. ON THE END OF MY ARM. UNLIKE OTHER SEX THINGS, WHICH ARE LIKE, HIDDEN, FOR THE MOST PART.
I mean, good grief, it’s just a lot to deal with.
I think it’s brave that we hold doors open with our sex things, personally.
how do you deal with your fibro, slash how did you deal with it when you were first diagnosed? is there an effective way to manage or treat it?
Riese: i delt with it at first by taking celebrex & elavil and exercising and sleeping more. i don’t take celebrex anymore. but i do exercise 4-5 times a week. it gets bad when i’m stressed out or haven’t slept. to deal with that, i smoke pot and lie on the carpet. also move move move. stretch and walk and jump and run in place. ideally i get 8 hrs/sleep night, but i can’t these days. actually i think i manage it by opting out of regular life. gah
Any advice for a lesbian who doesn’t feel like she fits into gay world?
Laneia: You will find a place to be you.
Stop viewing the world as ‘gay’ or ‘[whatever].’ View the world as ‘THE WORLD.’
Get comfortable with the idea that The World is here for everyone.
Wherever you are – geographically, emotionally – might not be a place where you can thrive, and that’s pretty normal. We aren’t all traipsing around in daisy fields, 69ing our BFFs and eating vegan lasagna. Most of us are, in fact, not entirely unmiserable. But! You have two choices:
1. Acknowledge / make the best / make a plan to make it better / follow through with plan.
2. Acknowledge / wallow / think of nothing better / do nothing better.
I feel like you’re going to want to yell at me about this. I am willing to talk.
my gay cousin is dying of aids. the family pretends it’s not aids because if they accept that then they’ll have to accept that he’s gay. i don’t know how to reach out to him, and i’m really fucking sad about it. i feel that as a fellow gay i failed him
Riese: are you ‘out’? if you’re not ‘out’ then it doesn’t matter, this man knows from secrets. so don’t let that get int he way.
sit down beside him and maybe put your hand on his leg, or something, and ask him how he’s doing “with everything.”
your facial expression should say ‘i understand how you feel and i know how much this hurts and i think you deserve love and honesty’ even if it’s not true. just keep giving him that facial expression until it’s true, no matter how many minutes/years it takes
So I play on a softball team & I have a crush on one of my teammates. I’m 20 & she is 40. Is that too big of an age difference? Also, I have no idea if she likes me, but she says that I do cute things. (idk if she is just saying it b/c I’m 20)
Riese: A lot of young women date older women because you know there are really just not enough lesbians out there to get picky about age. Just um, don’t pretend like age is just a number. It isn’t. The question is if you can handle everything that comes with age not being a number or whether you’d rather not have that kind of relationship.
Do things ever fall into place/work themselves out/happen when they’ll happen? When should I stop waiting and just fucking do something?
you should always just fucking do something
the only things you should let ‘happen when they happen’ are weather and orgasms
Q: If i’m attracted to both men and women, does that make me bisexual? how do i know i’m not “just horny”, as one of my friends put it?
Riese: because if you were “just horny” and heterosexual, you would just want to have sex with ‘guys,’ and if you were “just horny” and homosexual, you would just want to have sex with ‘girls.’ i’m in a really bad mood today, so i might take this back later, but i think your friend needs to get Iced.
i’m not technically overweight but i could lose 10-15 pounds and have extra rolls everywhere.. and i feel really self-conscious every single moment of the day. how can i get over my body anxieties? i feel like i won’t be attractive to any girls ever
Riese: if a girl i liked gained 10-15 pounds
i would have ~0 feelings about it
i like all the parts of your body
every single part! all of the parts!
i don’t know you but i bet you are beautiful
act ‘as if’ until it’s not an act anymore.
So. Very serious. When you figure out you’re a les… And you have all these awesome friends, straight friends, but they don’t get it… What happens to your relationships with those friends?
Riese: You will sit bitterly at their rehearsal dinners, drunk, sneering, making rude comments about inequality like prop-8-induced-Tourettes. Other than that everything will be the same.
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