SEASON THREEEEEEE :air horn noise:
— SYFY (@SYFY) July 22, 2017
Friends! How excited are you?! I’m very excited! Our weird little show got renewed for the third season, as announced at San Diego Comic Con, and I couldn’t be happier. I genuinely didn’t believe they’d make the announcement either way until after the season aired, and it feels SO GOOD to be able to go into the rest of the season without the possibility of cancellation looming overhead. The amazing thing is, this show is fueled by fandom. Syfy is starting to realize the power of the people who show up on the internet to support shows, and is putting their money where their mouth is re: their new brand slogan: It’s a fan thing.
And even as we talk about this episode, it’s no surprise Syfy wanted to keep this gem around. This was possibly the funniest episode of the series to date. The first 80% had me laughing pretty much non-stop, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. But then, to remind us that we’re still in Purgatory after all, a tidal wave of feelings swept over us.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Wynonna and Dolls kick off “Everybody Knows” by storming the castle that is the Gardiner residence. The Widows are pretending like Mercedes and Beth were locked helplessly in one room and have no idea what their pesky little brother has been up to. They’re stiff and unfeeling about the whole situation and Wynonna doesn’t recognize her friend at all. She goes so far as to prod at Beth’s shoulder to see if she has a Peacemaker wound but Mercedes interjects and gets Wynonna and Dolls to leave before Wynonna checks out her shoulder, too. Wynonna is still suspicious, but leaves with Dolls after assuring them they’d be watched at all times…as a security measure, of course.
On the way back to the car, Wynonna gets woozy, which makes Dolls nervous. Wynonna insists that she just needs some yogurt, but he wants her to have her demon-hunting permission slip signed by a doctor and calls Doc (saying “code rainbow”) before taking her back to the homestead.
Once they’re alone, Widow Mercedes and Widow Beth know they’re running out of time to complete their nefarious plans, since Wynonna is onto them. Mercedes considers the rotten severed head of Constance Clootie and Beth wonders aloud if the Stone Witch could help them, but Widow Mercedes says since they can’t hurt her, they can’t trust her, which would be a weird way to talk about someone if they were well and truly gone. They throw her head into the fire for good measure, but I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last from her.
They still need to find the last seal, after which time Widow Beth says their “love” will “burn bright and true.” Which…isn’t as comforting as it sounds like it should be. And probably has something to do with that husband they’ve mentioned.
Meanwhile somewhere in a dusty barn, a boy wakes up a cobweb covered cowboy called Reeves and says he found the man they have been looking for. Reeves tells the boy to mark the man for execution, and that man is Doc Holliday. According to the boy, he has been “decloaked.” (More like de-Clootied amiright.)
At the homestead, Waverly and Jeremy are nerd-riffing about their Widow theories while Wynonna satisfies her yogurt craving.
They know the Widows are looking for the third seal, but they don’t know why. They know the Gardiners are involved, but they don’t know how. And Waverly has translated some text that says, “let thee rise,” which doesn’t bode well for my husband theory.
Doc and Dolls come in then, bringing with them a doctor who looks a little bamboozled. When she gets Wynonna alone, she admits she’s feeling a little bamboozled; she’s just been whisked away to the middle of nowhere by a kind of cop and a cowboy. She asks Wynonna if she’s being held here against her will but Wynonna assures her she just has some over-protective right-hand men.
The doctor asks Wynonna a series of questions, forcing her to face the reality of her situation for a longer period of time than she’s comfortable with, and when the doctor senses this unease, she assures Wynonna she’s not here to judge her. Which hits Wynonna square in the chest, since she hasn’t even stopped judging her own self yet.
Wynonna asks about genetic testing and the doctor says she’d just need blood samples from her and the father, but she’s not doing it in a farmhouse with a mystical murderboard in the main room.
Outside the bedroom, Dolls is making Jeremy’s whole day by telling him he’s taking the little scientist on a stakeout. Doc hangs back, coughing, which makes me very nervous, and I don’t think it’s just because I’ve spent four and a half seasons nervously monitoring Cosima’s lung activity. A cough isn’t just left in a take accidentally, especially not if the character in question notoriously had tuberculosis before making a deal with the devil for longevity.
Waverly sees Doc hanging around and assures him he doesn’t have to look so worried; Wynonna is strong. She tells him to take a walk, because standing outside the bedroom door isn’t helping anyone.
Doc takes her advice and goes outside, where he finds the boy from earlier. The boy asks him if he’s really THE Doc Holliday, sounding like a fanboy, but when he apparates, Doc realizes he isn’t here for a selfie. Doc faces off with him, though hesitates because he’s not about to pop one off at this teenager. The boy isn’t there to fight though and instead brands the back of Doc’s neck, warns him he’s been marked for execution, and poofs away.
Inside, Waverly has gone inside to check on her sister and Wynonna is rolling around on the bed in hopes her feelings won’t be able to land on her and tells Waverly the doctor wanted blood samples from her and the father. Waverly asks why she looks so weird, surely Doc doesn’t mind needles? He seems willing to do whatever Wynonna needs. The issue isn’t getting a blood sample from Doc though…it’s knowing for sure if Doc is the one she should be getting blood from in the first place.
At first Waverly is pretty chill, like “okay fine then who?” but as she imagines Doc’s reaction when he finds out she starts to panic. She paces back and forth while Wynonna tires to assure her he was the one who said there were no strings between them and Waverly’s eyes bug out of her head like NO ONE WHO SAYS NO STRINGS THAT MANY TIMES ACTUALLY MEANS NO STRINGS. Wynonna informs her that she is super not helping.
Waverly takes a breath and assures her sister she’ll be there for her anyway, even stand by her side while she tells Doc to help diffuse the situation. But then Doc walks in and Waverly decides THIS is a situation one could nope their way out of so she does just that and disappears before Wynonna can stop her.
Wynonna and Doc decide now’s a good time to remind everybody that it’s not all fun facial expressions and sarcasm up in here. Wynonna thanks him for his note, and Doc takes off his hat and asks if Wynonna is okay, admitting he doesn’t know the protocol these days, but he’ll be exactly as involved in all of this as Wynonna wants. “No more, no less.” He just wants her to be healthy, and he chokes up as he adds, “as close to happy as possible.” Which shows, to me, that he knows Wynonna better than most, to not be casually wishing her something that feels unattainable to her right now.
Seeing his earnestness, she loses her nerve about telling him he might not be the father, so instead says he’ll need to do a blood test, which he’s happy to oblige.
Before he leaves, he places a hand on her belly and meets her eyes, making her feel that much shittier when he leaves.
Waverly is waiting for him in the front yard, hoping to talk to him before he storms off, but he’s not in the mood to chat right now. Torn between her friend who she imagines is pretty damn upset and also the fastest gunslinger in the west, and her pregnant sister who also isn’t exactly chipper, she calls Nicole for backup.
Just a little check-in on Black Badge Buddies: Dolls and Jeremy are watching Beth sweep her porch with one of those brooms that are useless for actual sweeping but handy if you’re TRYING to look like a witch, when Jeremy finds a patch of lace from one of the Widows’ dresses. Dolls decides they should use it to reverse engineer a vaccine for their paralyzing freeze breath situation and they head back to the station.
Wynonna is heading out of the homestead when she runs into Nicole. She tells her Waverly isn’t there, but Nicole isn’t there to see her girlfriend. She’s been put on Wynonna duty.
Wynonna says that’s fine but then she has to come with her on her errands, specifically her errand that involves going to a bar a little ways out of town.
Waverly has followed Doc to Shorty’s and is a little alarmed to find him cleaning every gun in Purgatory. She has no way of knowing Wynonna didn’t end up telling him, and since he had huffed off she didn’t bother asking, so our sweet, well-meaning Waverly, in trying to be supportive and tell him that he’s still family even if he’s not blood-related (something I think she should remind her own self) and the look on his face tells her she fucked up. She fucked up bad.
Quite different scene from Shorty’s, the bar Wynonna took Nicole to is hopping despite the early hour, and it’s a strip club. But not just any strip club: the long-anticipated Pussy Willows.
And Wynonna wasn’t just a patron of this place…she worked there. And went by Aphrodite. IT’S SO MUCH TO PROCESS.
And we’re not even done with the fact bombs. Luckily, Nicole is drinking from both her own beer and Wynonna’s for-show beer to help her process it all. Because also what’s true is that Wynonna came here a few months ago and slept with one of the bartenders.
Nicole is already tipsy at this point, making cute jokes and adorable faces. Top-shelf stuff. Nicole assumes they’re there to tell this guy he might have a little bartender on the way but Wynonna laughs at the simplicity of that plan when surely there’s a way they could do this without having to have any difficult conversations. Her plan is to take shots with the bartender, steal his DNA, have it tested, and hope it works out that she never has to talk about her child’s parentage again. Nicole approves of this plan. Did I mention she’s drunk?
Their plan has a bit of a kink in it though, because at that moment, the bartender pins a rowdy patron to the wall and his eyes glow red… Wynonna’s potential baby daddy is a Revenant.
Wynonna gags at the realization she had sex with a Revenant and instinctively goes to take a swig of beer, which Nicole swoops in and takes for her.
Nicole asks how this happened and Wynonna reveals that the night she went out to try to forget the whole got-kidnapped-and-tortured-by-Jack-the-Ripper thing, Shorty’s cut her off and Doc tried to take her home but she wasn’t done yet so she came to Pussy Willows. She wanted to be touched, wanted to feel in control of her body again, and the bartender was cute and nice and they had fun. It helped her feel better, gave her that swagger she had the next morning and everything.
And then, something interesting happens. Nicole says that if Wynonna is an Earp, and the bartender is a revenant, the baby is…Waverly. Now, she says Waverly because her girlfriend happens to be calling at the moment, but I don’t think that can be ignored.
Nicole answers the phone, “Hey cutie,” and tries to ignore the daggers Wynonna is throwing with her eyes. Waverly wants to know where the heck her girlfriend and sister have disappeared to, and Nicole is torn; she can’t lie to Waverly but she doesn’t want to get axe-murdered by Wynonna.
Waverly parses out that they must be at a strip club based in the style and volume of the music at this hour and Nicole gets out an “Aphrodite made me do it” before Wynonna takes matters into her own hands and dunks Nicole’s phone into one of the beers. Nicole isn’t mad though; it was the only solution, clearly.
And I want to take a moment here and praise this whole scene. Melanie Scrofano was amazing as always, but Katherine Barrell was funnier than we’ve ever seen her. The timing and snappiness of their back-and-forth, their facial expressions, everything, was just so well done and fun to watch, and was a shining example of what makes Season 2 so special. I thought everyone was great in Season 1, from the fun to the serious, everyone always blew me away. But then this season it was almost like Melanie Scrofano came in and said, “Hey guys just so you know I was actually holding back a little last season, and I’m ready to show you what I’m REALLY made of” and doubled-down on her awesomeness, then she went to her costars one by one, scene by scene, and raised the bar a little. And every single one of them rose to the occasion.
Everyone somehow seems even stronger this season is what I’m saying, even though I wasn’t aware that was possible. I think part of it also has to do with what Kat said in her interview on the Tales of the Black Badge podcast, which is that the writers are now writing to the actors and their strengths. And everyone across the board, it being the second season, has a better sense of who the characters are.
Aaaanyway, Wynonna is going to quick-waddle out of the bar while Nicole swipes a glass from the bartender but before Wynonna can even get off her stool, the bartender comes over to say hi.
The bartender’s name is Jonas and they have some drinks together and Nicole is full-drunk now talking about flood prep which is the dorkiest cutest thing ever. Wynonna wants to leave but Nicole is determined to get this shot glass so she asks for more peppermint schnapps.
But then things take a turn when Jonas makes his eyes do that Revenant thing and says he knows she’s there to kill him.
While all this is going on, Dolls goes back to the office to find Doc doomsday prepping all of the weapons. Guys I think it really shook him to be paralyzed and helpless while Waverly was also paralyzed and helpless. Dolls tries to tell him there was nothing he could have done, but Doc isn’t in the mood to be comforted.
Jeremy interrupts then to say he has a way to make the venom vaccine but he needs extra hands to do it. While they’re mid-experiment, Dolls realizes Jeremy is actually doing a binding spell, and interrupts him, so they end up inhaling the vapor they were supposed to capture in a bottle. So the binding spell worked…on the three boys. Hilarity shall ensue.
Back at the bar, Nicole is peak drunk, doing that whisper-shout drunk people think is quiet, saying she left her gun at home.
Jonas switches now from the charming bartender to the crude and creepy asshole he truly is, revealing himself as easily as showing us his glowing red eyes. He walks around the bar to get into Wynonna’s personal space and when he sees her stomach he says he hopes she just got fat, earning him an elbow to the throat. Nicole also at the same time found a gun she keeps in her sock (something I don’t actually understand the logistics of but hey she’s the police officer) and shoots out the lights, giving them time to get away.
Back at the station, the cobweb bandits show up and Reeves tries to hang Doc right there in the office. No pomp, no circumstance, just some rope and a pipe. But the thing is, Doc is bound to Dolls and Jeremy right now, so when he goes up, so do they. Jeremy then does the bravest thing he’s ever done, which is throw a stapler at Reeves to try to save his main man, but the stapler floats right through him. Reeves gets all bold now, and starts to say that “nothing from this earthly world can” but then Dolls punches him right in the face. Which is a VERY interesting development. Alien dragon???
Outside Pussy Willows, Nicole is telling Wynonna that she should drive, and Wynonna is telling Nicole she’s a cute drunk, when Wynonna remembers something. And this was another one of those perfectly played Scrofano moments, because Wynonna says, “Abort! Abort!” then does this cute little gasp and apologizes to her belly.
Anyway the reason she said that is because she realized they can’t leave yet; Jonas knows she’s pregnant, and she can’t have the whole Revenant population knowing.
Jonas runs out after them talking creepily about how they started a new race and how they’re Adam and Eve and Wynonna’s like, “I prefer the Adam and Steve version actually,” and pulls out Peacemaker.
And then he…runs. Between her belly bump and Nicole’s drunkenness they’re sure they’re going to catch him, but Waverly swoops in just in time to hit him with a car door.
Drunk Nicole tells Waverly she’s pretty but Waverly isn’t here for compliments she’s here for answers!
Nicole slurs out the situation for her, complete with hand motions, and they decide to put Jonas in the trunk.
Meanwhile the boys are still being haunted by the cobweb bandits, and it’s revealed that the warrant on Doc is because he slept with someone he wasn’t supposed to (twice), which Dolls grumbles a lot about. Jeremy finally can’t take it anymore and runs out of the building, inadvertently bringing Doc and Dolls with him.
But Reeves had backup.
The girls drive out to the middle of nowhere with Jonas in their trunk and try to figure out what to do with him.
There are a few things at play here: Jonas might be Wynonna’s baby’s father. Jonas is a Revenant. Jonas will tell the other Revenants (and maybe other things that go bump in the night) that Wynonna is pregnant and that’s dangerous. Wynonna is supposed to kill Revenants. But Stupid Earl implied there might be a way to break the curse without her having to send all the Revenants to hell.
(Side note, Nicole seemed alarmed at the idea that one of the options on the table was to pull this man they just did shots with out of the trunk and shoot him in the head. She hasn’t really been part of this side of things yet, and she doesn’t quite get it.)
Wynonna decides to start by talking to him, give him a chance to get out of a one-way ticket to hell.
Reeves and his cobweb bandits lead Doc, Dolls, and Jeremy out to the woods and Doc tries to get his friends out of the execution but they’ve been deemed accomplices. Dolls steps forward and tries to diffuse the situation by standing up for Doc, calling him loyal, fearless, his brother. And listen, on most shows, if there’s no women in a scene, I tune right out. My brain clocks it as time to refill my cup or check Twitter. But this show! Not this show. This show decides to give me Feelings by letting men express their feelings about their friends.
Dolls claps Doc on the back and discovers his brand, which Jeremy points out looks like a marshal star, and all of a sudden Dolls’ eyes light up with recognition. This handsome mustachioed fella trying to murder them isn’t just any cowboy, he’s THE Bass Reeves. For those who don’t know, he was the first Black deputy US marshal from the late 1800s. And Dolls. Is. PUMPED. Reeves was a hero of his, and Dolls uses this plus his status as a deputy and technically pulls rank, saving Doc and allowing Reeves and his crew to finally rest in peace.
And as soon as the cowboys are gone? JOY.
It’s the actual cutest. They’re all so happy! And they worked together! FRIENDSHIP!
Okay so out in the field, Wynonna and Waverly have Jonas in a monkey-in-the-middle type position, and Jonas, knowing he doesn’t have the upper hand, starts rambling. He says that there are rumors of a Revenant and a human making a baby once before, and then the camera cuts to Waverly, because obviously she’s wondering what we’re wondering…is that Waverly’s deal?
Jonas starts talking about the night Wynonna came to Pussy Willows, being grosser and grosser as time goes on. Waverly HATES hearing him talk to and about her sister like this, and says as much, like the Brave Little Toaster she is. But Wynonna is just standing there, taking it, as if she thinks she deserves it, as if she believes it. When he calls her a whore and it’s clear he’s not going to tire himself out, Wynonna calmly says that it must be frustrating, how the world has moved on without him and his sexist opinions. Wynonna looks at Jonas with a new resolve and says she’s going to raise this kid to be good and strong and she says everything he’s not, but what she might not realize is that it’s also everything she is.
And so, without further ado, she shoots him dead.
Waverly goes to her and Wynonna says she’s going to be a single mother, and Waverly calls her a superhero, and Wynonna says, quite literally, “Same damn thing.”
While she’s holding her sister, thinking both of the baby and herself probably, she asks tentatively what this baby is. And Wynonna gives her the only answer she knows for sure: Ours.
Back at the station, Dolls asks Doc why he thinks Reeves was suddenly able to find him, and Doc says maybe he should check in on the Stone Witch. (Maybe. I assumed he meant the Stone Witch but who the heck knows.)
Doc tucks Jeremy in (!) and shares a drink with Dolls (!!) and it’s the cutest and I love it.
Back at the Homestead, Wynonna says she booked an ultrasound so they’re just going to have to do process of elimination by testing Doc instead. Waverly tells her then that she accidentally told Doc but Wynonna figures it was going to come out anyway, and it’s not like she warned her sister she didn’t go through with it. But no matter, this baby is an Earp no matter what. Just like the two of them. She then calls her sister Auntie Waverly, prompting her to burst into tears.
And then Waverly says two things. “I don’t think I’m your sister. Or even an Earp at all.” Which broke my WHOLE HEART because BABY GIRL. Even if you’re not biologically related, Wynonna is still your sister!
And I know she’ll realize this and I know she’s just struggling to figure out who she is, but the thing is, her and Wynonna have already been changing what it means to be an Earp and making it their own. Their father, from what we can tell, was not the greatest dude, and he died when they were young. So they Earp differently than anyone’s Earped before, their Earpiness has flavors of Gus and Curtis in it, with a dash of Shorty and a touch of Nedley. And now the Earp family includes Doc and Dolls and Nicole and heck even Jeremy, and maybe it will include Rosita someday. Family is what you make it – sometimes that includes blood relatives, sometimes it doesn’t. Family is about loving and supporting one another; and maybe sometimes fighting but always making up and learning and growing and laughing. And no one knows that better than this fandom. And that’s why I’m beyond excited to be doing this for another year with you.
See you next week, when Wynonna finds herself in a situation that causes her to ask the age-old question, “WHEN am I?!”