Queer women have been making movies since movies have existed*. Trust me, I’ve watched hundreds of movies by and about queer women. But film culture at large has been slower to recognize these women in the ways they deserve. Yes, this means awards and restorations and scholarly respect. But it also means the fun stuff! Criterion releases! Mondo posters! Rides at Universal Studios!
Unfortunately, I do not have the power to commission the Mondo Desert Hearts poster of my dreams, but I do have the power to make a personality quiz that tells you which queer woman filmmaker you are! Think of this as a personality quiz that comes with film recs.
*While her personal life is far less explicit than say Dorothy Arzner a few decades later, I ascribe to a queer reading of first ever narrative filmmaker Alice Guy-Blaché.
the “i hope you’re in therapy” note at the end of my result (i’m chantal akerman) is a timely reminder that i should probably be in therapy. thanks drew!
Us sad gays need to take care of ourselves! <3
Yeeesssss!! Played for Nicole Conn and got Nicole Conn!!
Weirdly, I don’t remember that much straight-woman-chasing in her films…I guess I just assumed that because everyone wore high-waisted jeans and cried during sex they were full blown lesbians?!
Ha! Well, we can debate their sexuality, but she does love a good “oh no I’m married to a man and have never even considered kissing a lady but I want to kiss that lady!” storyline.
last week penguin, this week Alice Wu and I love it! description always fits, thx!
awww <3 aren't we caring people? :)
Alice Wu! The quizzes always think I am kind and sexy as hell – love it!
Is that what getting Alice Wu means!?! Cool!
I’m here for this !
Celine Sciamma! Time to go do some hauntingly beautiful chanting by a bonfire and manifest Adele Haenel falling in love with me I guess!
The Wachowskis! Everything I ever wanted omg
Sorry, I’m not going to play w/ that “required” astrology question. As I said on the T-shirt question, “You Do You”, but am not into stars-control-our-fate stuff.
Holly fuck I got Cheryl Dunye. I’m honored.
Kelly Reichardt! I’ve only seen Certain Women but I think you’re onto something with this quiz…
lol at the first question being about astrology — and my answer being, “well, i don’t care or know what the stereotypes assigned to each sign are so i’ll just say she’s the same sign as me” and MY SIGN ISN’T EVEN AN OPTION. Nobody wants their crush to be a Cancer????
sorry i couldn’t finish this quiz drew lol
APPARENTLY NOBODY WANTS A LIBRA EITHER
I AM LITERALLY DATING A LIBRA RIGHT NOW!
This wasn’t a judgement of the eight most desirable sun signs… it was just the eight signs I corresponded to the filmmakers. But I’m realizing I should’ve had a “don’t care” option. lol
DREW what i wanted was a “libra” option
surely you can relate
Yes, pls!! So us astrology-nonbelievers aren’t erased :P Had to make a random begrudging guess.
Libra ! Libra !
Desiree Akhavan i win
Same! I’m like wow, I’m hot, I want to make out with me
I also got Desiree. Love this for us.
I’m an outdoorsy gay – that is absolutely correct. The cute mini cottage and the last romantic country home really made choosing hard! I have never had oysters but I don’t think I’ll like them.
What I really hope when my crush talks about their horoscope is that she does not believe in them. That would be the best option for me.
Kelly Reichardt! I looked up the list of movies she’s made and I haven’t seen any of them but I trust this quiz 110% so I will add them to my list to watch.
That was supposed to be 100%, I don’t know if I’m THAT into this quiz because it got the dog thing wrong, I am apparently the only outdoorsy gay who doesn’t like dogs
I’m also an outdoorsy gay who’s not really into dogs. I don’t hate them – they’re not pigeons – but I would never get one as a pet.
I answered as truthfully as possible (I mean, no Libra pffff) and got Alice Wu ! Super stoked.
If I ever met her in real life I’d definitely follow her around so, if you can’t date them, be them !
I have avoided learning anything about astrology thus far, but I Googled what the signs are like just so I could take this quiz
That’s gay research, it’s practically science.
I got Chantal but my important point is, I didn’t know that Kelly Reichardt was queer!
This year, or in general? Because that drastically changes a lot of my answers.
Oh heck ya Disiree Akhavan! I was secretly hoping for this so this is a sign that the universe does listen
Its a pretty helpful for me. Thanks for the post. Also, check this one Clash of Clans Mod APK if you are a game lover?
I did this being like “yeah, there’s no way this one is going to be accurate” but then I got the wachowskis and the answer was like “you like fantasy and also your online friends and like to stay at home and are definitely kinky” and I feel very called out. also, jupiter ascending is a fantastic movie and one of the bits on the inspiration board of the medieval fantasy movie I’m going to make someday when I have a billion dollars
listen i love the quizzes and appreciate the work that goes into making them…
next time plz an option to skip the questions that require you to know things about astrology?
Me: Let it be Céline let it be Céline let it be Céline.
Got the Wachowskis though and the description is spot-on. Kinky fantasy nerd? Me. Although I am a stereotypical grandma in a young nonbinary person’s body when it comes to tech stuff.
Alice Wu! I’m happy with that and indeed the description fits me
Fun fact, that second house (the futuristic looking one) was designed by an architect that is currently designing my mom’s workshop (they are friends), so this was a cool unexpected coincidence :D
Hah, I was definitely wearing my Queer as Fuck autostraddle shirt while taking this. I don’t really watch movies so I have no idea who any of these people are, but the Wachowski sister description works!
Thank you for including an “I don’t know who these people are” option! I find myself (increasingly) in need of those on internet quizzes
Alice Wu!!! I’m so happy!
“ You’re Céline Sciamma!
Romantic and confident with an artistic flare, your life is one of quiet drama. You like to keep your feelings inside, but when you do open up, it’s magic.”
YEEES I love Céline Sciamma! And this description is incredibly accurate 💚
Why isn’t there a vegan/I don’t eat seafood/just plain no option for the oyster question? I turned vegan at 16 and have never tried one.