It’s been a banner year for sad white girls and those who love them (inasmuch as it ever is for the latter group). We worked out our feelings about a hot priest and/or grief with Fleabag; we joined a book club and read some Sally Rooney we still haven’t really totally processed; and there were a lot of very strong albums in the Sad White Girl creative space to vibe with while eating parmesan crisps in bed and watching Bon Appetit videos. Which one defined your 2019? What does it tell us about the year to come? Waiting with bated breath to hear about the sad white girls I forgot about in the comments.
Are you getting divorced? Did you just get divorced? Are you pursuing a career as a divorce lawyer? Not sure of the specifics for you here, but wow does this album have some Big Divorce Energy. Maybe you’ll be in the laundromat listening to this when you get the news that Ellen and Portia are divorcing? Did you just watch Wildlife and that’s what I’m getting here? The signs are unclear.
This year feels chaotic for you! Not necessarily in a bad way. Friend surprise sleeping on your couch for three months! Surprise bruises! Changing up your brunch order! Feels like you might break someone’s heart this year but also your hair will really go to fantastic new places.
There’s something you know you need to do and you’re really dreading it, and will spend all year putting it off and avoiding it and that will really only hurt you in the long run by dragging it out, but you know what, that’s fine. We all have a process. You will have some small domestic victories, like finally figuring out how to make the one burner on the stove that the pilot never lights on work consistently. Maybe you realize partway through the year you’ve started wearing all black and you know what, that’s fine too.
Lana del Rey
Norman Fucking Rockwell
At several points this coming year you may think “maybe I should take a social media break, for my own wellbeing,” and I am here to tell you you should probably listen to that instinct. If you get a new pet with someone you’re dating or living with this year you’re just gonna have to figure out the custody situation later when you two separate. That’s basically always true for all of us, but just thought a reminder would be good.
I suspect you’re already great at journaling, but this might be a year for less of that and more of doing stupid shit out in the real world and forgetting to even write it down. I’m sorry about any weird family stuff, that sucks. If you’re growing out your hair, be patient.
Sometimes we have to go through periods where due to the confluence of life circumstances you are violently, unmanageably horny and yet our interpersonal prospects do not rise to the occasion. This may unfortunately be an experience you undergo at some point this year. If so, remember it really is the timing, and not you, and your destiny still contains getting railed/railing someone as you deserve. Maybe pick up a strenuous hobby, like hammering railroad ties or kneading bread dough. A good year to get some tattoos if you don’t have any or maybe go tattoo celibate if you already do.
You will continue to post memes on instagram about trimming your nails and hope your crush responds to them. Most of your houseplants will still die, honestly you should probably give up worrying about it and maybe switch to plastic ones. Don’t hook up with your ex. Good year for thrifting for you.
Heard It In A Past Life
Honestly 2020 may turn out to be alarmingly chill — it holds possibilities like you getting into a very normie hobby you find enormously soothing, maybe scrapbooking, and getting some really solid if unsurprising work done in therapy that leaves you well prepared to handle challenges with increased resilience. For instance, when your soul-sucking former hookup reaches out midway through the year, you may realize you genuinely have no interest. Congrats!!