Top Ten Gayest Muppets

There is a Muppet Movie happening. It will come out in 2011. Is this news? Several months back I took a stand against reporting news stories that are not actually news stories, but I am too excited about the Muppets movie to stick to my own guns. In celebration of this event, we are going to count down the gayest muppets, because this is a gay website, so.

Top 10 Queerest Muppets

Constructed with help from The Muppet Wiki, aka the most amazing website on earth.

+

10. Catgut, The Muppet Show

Catgut wore a leather-jacket, sang the blues, played the trumpet and was thrown out of her home for “befriending the rats,” which she reacted to by getting super dramatic and laying down in a graveyard waiting for her friends to find her. Her voice is described as “husky.”

+

9. Honeydew & Beaker, The Muppet Show / Muppet Movies

Riese: which muppets seem gay to you
Rachel: who are the two male scientist ones who are always together
Rachel: def gay
Riese: beeker
Riese: and the other guy
Rachel: maybe gonzo is pansexual like tinkerbell

+

8. Janice, Muppet Show / Muppet Movies

Janice is bisexual, we can tell. Also, she’s the long-lost twin of our Business Advisor Brooke Levin, as demonstrated below (also you can see that Nat Garcia is just like Animal):

+

7. Skeeter

We could be wrong about this one, but she has some serious dyke potential.

+

7b. Link Hogthrob

If people complain that Skeeter is two years old or something and we’re somehow destroying the universe by including her on this list, we will default to 7b:

Link Hogthrob is a Bear. I know he’s a pig, but if you know what a “bear” is, AND I THINK YOU DO, you will know what I mean. Who knows what’s underneath the sexy spacesuit he wears to sing his songs. He even hosted a recurring segment called “Bear on Patrol” on The Muppet Show. JUST SAYING.

+

6. Gay Roger

+

5. Guy Smiley, Sesame Street

Guy Smiley is like the Ryan Seacrest of The Muppets. And much like Ryan Seacrest, it doesn’t even matter, really, if Guy Smiely is actually gay.

+

4. Mokey Fraggle, Fraggle Rock

Mokey Fraggle from Fraggle Rock is an environmentalist who always wears a robe sweater and beads. Hobbies include painting, poetry writing, and being the “den mother” of the other fraggles. Mokey is “very emotional and concerned about others.” She also enjoys gardening, participates in the “Emergency Flower Defense League” and lives with her “best friend,” who is athletic and likes sports.

+

3. Bert & Ernie, Sesame Street

Duh.

2. Bobby and Samson, “Tinseltown”

BOBBY AND SAMSON ARE ACTUAL GAY MUPPETS. They were gonna make a whole show about it! You can watch the pilot episode of Tinseltown on Logo’s Alien Boot Camp. They like sleep in the same bed and have an adopted son named “Foster.”

+

1. Esmerelda Fitzmonster

Esemerelda Fitzmonster is our in-house muppet. Esmerelda is a lesbian muppet, even though Carly often uses the wrong gender pronoun to refer to Esmerelda, just like Jenny did to Max. Esmerelda loves The L Word and gets really upset when we talk smack about Ilene Chaiken.

+

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2741 articles for us.

47 Comments

  1. I SO ship Mokey and Red. It’s not even funny.
    Also, I had a very awkward conversation with my mom’s ex’s family at Christmas about whether Bert and Ernie are gay.
    My repeated comment: “Yes, but WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER? What is the difference between that and any straight couple on the show?”
    They completely ignored me like 8 times and continued the debate about whether it was too “inappropriately obvious” or whether they could be brothers or friends or just roommates. *sigh*

  2. This totally made my afternoon! It was Jim Henson month at the Siskel in Chicago and I caught (almost) every film/collection of shorts.

    I’m excited. If Gaga and Kermit sing ‘Rainbow Connection’ I will die.

  3. This is my favorite post of all time. The only way I’d ever go back to school is to get a PhD in MUPPETS.

    I always like to say Esmerelda and I were cut from the same felt.

    Did anyone else think that the whole Dr. Teeth gang was a bunch of weirdo pansexual hippies? I always did.

  4. The most vivid memory I have of my early childhood is watching Elton John perform “Crocodile Rock” on the Muppet Show. Like that seminal experience, this post fills me with joy in a super-queer way.

  5. Pingback: World Spinner

  6. You all should have been to the Judy Party in Brooklyn in December. It’s a queer dance party with a monthly costume theme. This time, it was muppets! Like, there were queers dressed as muppets dancing, making out with one another. This is what makes Brooklyn amazing.
    Here’s the slideshow in the Voice.
    http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/the-muppets-take-judy-32069939/
    I was dressed as Beaker. It was hard to be subtle about checking people out, what with having four eyes.
    http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/the-muppets-take-judy-32069939/6/

  7. Statler and Waldorf are sorely lacking from this list, imo. An older couple of men attending the theater regularly with one another? I feel like that’s clear writing on the wall.

    • Not for the whole the whole broadway-is-for-gays thing (I think NPH proved that wrong already), but just the whole general vibe from them. They’re personal heroes of mine, and I hate to think of them getting lumped into a heteronormative category.

  8. Pingback: Le Top 10 des Muppets les plus queer! | Yagg

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.