The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 2

We begin the episode dramatically where we dramatically last left off. Magan is essentially begging Dayna to walk. She doesn’t want to do this. She isn’t built for this. “You committed to this,” Dayna says and then, correcting herself when she realizes that sounds too much like she’s talking merely of their contractual obligation to the show, “You committed to me.” She convinces her to stay. Hope this doesn’t come back to bite her!

More Dates

And I shall walk you through them.

AJ + Marita

AJ really likes Marie! And Bridget! And Marita! AJ is having a wonderful time going on so many dates! She compares Marita to like when your mom tells you not to touch the stove and it really makes you want to touch the stove. I’ve never really understood that mentality, though I’m starting to feel like AJ might have a significant Sagittarius placement in her chart. On their date together, Marita opens up about her former pop star aspirations, which were cut short by self-esteem it sounds like. Everyone made fun of Rebecca Black, you know? What if she ended up the next Rebecca Black? (For the record, Rebecca Black is a cool as hell bisexual musician now, so there are worse things to be.)

Marita also opens up about her scars on her chest that she has always had. She used to hide them, but now she embraces them. AJ thinks that’s hot as hell. Agree! We love self-confidence, and this isn’t really a show that delivers it in troves.

Pilar + Kyle

Pilar received an ultimatum, and Kyle gave one, you’ll recall. Pilar explains she broke up with Haley at the four year mark, because she couldn’t bring Haley back home to her family. They got back together and have been together for a decade now, but the situation with her parents is still fraught. Kyle admits family stuff is hard. Even in her situation, where she knew her parents would be fine with it, she couldn’t bring herself to tell them out loud and instead sent them an email. (I let my parents find out on Instagram and by working for Autostraddle.com.) Pilar wrote a letter and left it on her bed. It did not go well. Pilar cries and says she feels as if she has been playing it safe and is ready to not. She’s jumping right into risks by inserting herself between a couple! She’s still weighing both Kyle and Bridget as options for The Choice!

Pilar + Bridget

But the vibe feels more romantic with Kyle than it does with Bridget, who is too similar to Pilar. They both feel that way. Bridget is cool with the idea of Kyle ending up in a trial marriage with someone similar to her though, because that would just be further reassurance that it really is her she wants to marry and not just the concept of marriage. I can see the logic…I think.

Bridget + AJ

Bridget, who used to be a Red Bull girl — sorry, Wings Team Ambassador — feels more of a romantic connection with AJ, who on their date together says quote “I’m big on smell.” She loves fragrances! Not only is she drawn to certain fragrances, but she also is turned on by someone telling her she smells good. She asks Bridget if she sleeps naked or clothed. I gotta say, I’m consistently bewildered by the questions people choose to ask on these speed dates. I wrote this last season, but these would be my first questions:

1. Are you a top/bottom/switch?
2. What is your job?
3. Do you want kids?

Mostly, I am shocked no one really talks about their jobs.

But sure, yeah, no, what do you wear to sleep, that seems like an important question to ask a potential lifelong (three-weeks) partner.

They also discuss how many times a week they like to have sex. AJ is cool with a couple times a week. Bridget would ideally like every day, but she knows that’s hard. Bridget says it’s important to talk about sex because she wasn’t really raised to do so. AJ’s mom, on the other hand, has always been very forward and candid about sex! This shocks Bridget to her core, and same.

Britney + Mel

On a cute date at a brewery, Britney and Mel further bond over both being entrepreneurs. Again we have another ultimatum receiver (Mel) and giver (Britney). Mel reiterates how scared she is by the very concept of marriage. The vows! She’s scared of the vows! There is, however, a discernible reason for this. Mel almost died when she was born, and she has lived with chronic pain ever since. A lot of things about her life feel outside of her control, and she feels certain she won’t live as long as whoever she ends up with, which complicates her feelings about long-term partnership. She doesn’t usually open up about this stuff, so her connection with Britney must be meaningful.

Mel + Dayna

Now on a date with Dayna, Mel finally asks one of my questions: Are you a top or a bottom? Dayna is neither. She is vers. Mel asks outright if it bothers her to be on a date with an ultimatum receiver, and Dayna very boldly declares that she feels like Mel actually does want to get married and will be open to it with the right person. I too can determine if someone I’ve just recently met wants to get married better than they themselves can. Just kidding! I can’t do that! Because that is absurd!

Mel asks Dayna if she feels like she’ll lose independence by getting married, and Dayna is like no! And that I actually do agree with, but please do not think that me agreeing with Dayna is about to become a pattern. What do people think happens when you get married? This show really makes me wonder. In my experience…all it really changed was that now I call my partner “wife” or “husband”, and that’s very fun to do! And also we have (marginally) better legal protections. That’s it!

Magan + Haley

Magan does NOT trust The Process (“The Process” on this show refers to, well, just the premise of the show). Dayna has convinced her to stay, but she’s struggling to let go and be present. But she’s going to try!!!!!

And then, lo and behold…is Haley perhaps chiseling away at Magan’s Process-resistant exterior? I can see Magan’s walls coming down on this date, during which Magan discusses being a personal trainer who wants to take the MCAT and Haley discusses being a food scientist who loves her meat thermometer and food scale. They are talking about jobs! One of the questions on my list! Haley asks the other question on my list: Do you want kids? Yes, Magan wants at least two kids. They’ve found a difference, Haley doesn’t think she wants to have kids. Regardless, Magan is finally having fun! And I love that for Magan!

Cocktail Party

It’s time for everyone to hang out at one big awkward cocktail party. The Choice nears. Tensions and pressures are high. To prepare, Mel spritzes herself with SIX PUMPS OF COLOGNE? Baby, that’s too much cologne!

At the cocktail party, AJ tells Marie she feels like there’s something they can offer each other. Weirdly vague, but okay. Marie can imagine a life with AJ, who is her top choice at the moment. I have a feeling she’s going to need to get in line?!

Mel and Britney are getting snuggly on a couch, and Britney shares she’s Caribbean and won a twerk contest at carnival. Mel would like to see it. I do think it would either be really smart or really stupid for all these Orlando gays to partner-swap, depending on how it all ends. A trial marriage with someone who lives in your city could lead to a great and long-lasting friendship (or something more). It could also lead to a lot of drama every time you go out to the sapphic function.

Now it is time for the first major Confrontation of the season: Dayna confronts Mel to be like WHY AREN’T YOU TALKING TO ME????? Dayna feels like Mel acts differently one-on-one than she acts in these group settings. (My guess is Dayna saw Mel cozying up to Britney on the couch and did Not Like That.)

“You give me like trust issues,” Dayna says. “I feel like you’re playing games.” This seems like an extreme over-reaction to have toward who is essentially a stranger, but the real kicker and probably best quote of these first few episodes comes next: “I will run your food truck into the river,” Dayna tells Mel, as in, do not fuck with her. Alrighty then! Seems like a good note to start a fake relationship on!

Magan then makes some sort of attempt at inter-masc drama by trying to turn AJ against Mel with her. “I just don’t think she has good intentions,” Magan says of Mel. She thinks she’s moving too fast with girls. AJ kind of agrees, though not quite as adamantly. Magan, just admit you don’t like seeing Mel with Dayna. This doesn’t have to be a whole Thing.

Marita and Bridget have a conversation, in which Bridget realizes the connection Marita describes with AJ is exactly how she has been feeling with AJ. How many people are having this deep connection and romantic vibe with AJ?! This isn’t a game, I guess, but if it was, Bridget would be very good at playing it, because once she realizes AJ has many too viable options for The Choice, she decides to lock in a more certain prospect and immediately seeks out Ashley, who up to this point has barely received any screentime, and effectively locks her in. Smart!

Marita and AJ link up again, and AJ thinks they can take over the world. “Our exes brought us here, they knew the risk,” AJ tells Marita.

Bridget tells Pilar she doesn’t know what was real and what was a performance re:AJ. AJ is indeed our wildcard this season. Let’s see what happens in The Choice.

The Choice Begins

We only get a little teaser of The Choice at the end of this episode, and it’s kind of exactly what you would expect: multiple women choosing AJ.

Gathered round the lesbian tribunal table with Joanna Garcia “I’m Not Gay” Swisher, The Choice begins. When asked how her week has gone, Bridget passes on the question. AJ shares she immediately bonded with Bridget, who she describes as “the most feminine prince I’d ever seen.” Bridget is going to stop her right there. She’s not here to be the “authenticity police,” but she doesn’t feel like AJ is being authentic. She wishes she had gotten to know the real AJ. This is all very shocking to AJ, who is more used to the other women telling her how much of a connection they feel with her and nothing by way of critical feedback. Bridget has grown frustrated that AJ was doing and saying all the same things to the other girls. “We are all compatible in some shape or form,” AJ says as some sort of defense. Bridget reiterates she isn’t trying to villainize AJ; she just thinks the intensity and physical connections AJ formed with multiple girls were misleading.

I’m sure Magan is eating all this up.

Britney is not surprised, which I actually find to be the funniest part of all this. She’s like, yeah, that’s AJ, she has charisma, of course multiple of y’all fell for her, that’s my GIRL.

AJ now pivots to saying what she likes about Marie, who feels very giddy and honored by all of this. Marita, AJ shares, scares her to death but like in a good way, you know? AJ loves Marita’s over-the-top romance and feels like she doesn’t get that from Britney. Okay, but you get HOUSE OWNERSHIP from Britney!!!!! (Do I sound too 33-years-old here?)

Marita chooses AJ. Marie also chooses AJ. Who will AJ choose? KEEP READING.

And be sure to comment below so we can DISCUSS EVERYTHING about these first three episodes.

On the next page: Ultimatum Queer Love Episode 3 Recap

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