The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 9
It’s ULTIMATUM DAY!!!!!! Okay, full disclosure on this particular recap: I always find this to be the most boring episode of the season. It’s usually pretty easy to tell what’s going to happen, and things get sooooooo drawn out, and I’m sorry, but there’s only so many prepared speeches on love I can listen to? I’m here for the drama! So we’re going to run through these things pretty quickly, because in my opinion, the episode should have been half the length it was.
Haley + Pilar
The most interesting thing about these two’s Ultimatum Day comes before the actual proposal, when Haley meets up with Magan for a closure conversation. Haley doesn’t think Magan is being honest about their trial marriage, and Magan says that after processing she has realized she wants different things (aka Dayna). Magan says all she wanted in her trial marriage with Dayna was space from Haley but that Haley couldn’t give her that and therefore OWES AN APOLOGY TO DAYNA. I’m sorry, in what WORLD does Haley owe an apology to DAYNA???????????
Haley doesn’t want Magan in her life in any capacity, and Magan agrees swiftly to this arrangement, as it’s also likely the only way to make things work with Dayna which is now her priority.
And with that out of the way, Haley and Pilar eventually meet up for their grand decision. Haley is in a white strapless dress, and Pilar is in a black ruffle dress. They look very cute as our resident femme4femme couple. Pilar asks Haley to marry her, and Haley says yes! They FaceTime Haley’s dad to tell him, and he’s thrilled. Haley shares with the camera that falling in love with someone else never changed the way she loved Pilar. Okay, again, sounds like a poly thought, but what do I know! Haley and Pilar are engaged.
AJ + Britney
Britney is in a red off-the-shoulder dress looking stunning, and AJ is in a maroon velvet jacket looking very handsome. I never really had any real doubts about these two, even when AJ was acting kind of wild in the lead-up to Choice Day. I think she’s just flirty, and that’s okay! AJ proposes to Britney, who says yes and cries. They seem very happy, and the proposal seems to have come from the heart.
I wrote this verbatim in my episode notes: Britney sees the value in ultimatums. That’s great. I do not.
AJ and Britney are engaged.
Ashley + Marita
As a reminder, Ashley issued the ultimatum to Marita, but it ultimately comes down to Ashley making a decision about whether to propose. Leading up to it all, Marita reflects on how badly she wants romance and on her trial marriage with Britney, where she felt like she was treated well. (We flashback to Britney handing her…a fork…the bar is low!)
Marita wears a white lacy dress, and Ashley wears a black polo shows and work slacks, and the outfit seems a bit casual for a proposal. And well, that’s because she isn’t here to propose. She reads a love letter to Marita, but she also follows it all by saying she doesn’t know if she can go through with a marriage. They barely got through three weeks together! Marita hasn’t been happy.
Ashley feels she’s holding her back. Marita says that if Ashley had proposed, she would have said yes. “But then you took it away, so,” Marita says. They share a very uncomfortable hug before parting ways. Marita cries in the van; Ashley cries crouched next to a tree. It’s sad, but it’s correct! The fit is so bad! Ashley and Marita are broken up.
Bridget + Kyle
These two are both in some stylish suiting, though Bridget takes off her blazer because she seems hot and nervous. She has a silk sleeveless top on underneath. They’re both in chunky loafers: Bridget in black and Kyle in pink. I know I’m focusing a lot on the fashion for these two, but that’s kind of all they offer! Kyle asks Bridge to marry her, and Bridget says yes. Kyle is very excited to be a fiance since it’s a gender neutral term. Bridget and Kyle are engaged.
Dayna + Magan
Before their proposal, Dayna also meets up with Mel for some closure. Dayna re-read the letter Mel wrote her, and she thinks it’s the most beautiful letter anyone has ever written for her. Dayna had forgotten how real everything was. NOT THAT MUCH TIME PASSED, GIRL????? What is this short-term memory!!!!
Mel says Dayna felt very safe to her, but Dayna doesn’t have the capacity to open her heart to someone else when she’s in love with Magan. “I’m going to love you forever,” Dayna says. Okay. Mel is taking this as the last time they’re going to talk to each other, and Dayna asks if she doesn’t want a friendship with her. Mel does not. She’s not trying to hurt her. Dayna thinks Mel is lying, because Dayna’s favorite thing in the world is telling other people how they feel, especially when they tell her something she doesn’t like to hear.
Mel admits to Dayna she got Marie a ring but is scared of making the wrong decision. Dayna asks who Mel is doing it for, and Mel says it’s for Marie. Dayna tells Mel she shouldn’t marry her just for Marie. She tells her she needs to figure out what she actually wants. This is technically good advice from Dayna, but I am allergic to giving her too much credit.
Now Dayna and Magan are meeting up. Dayna is in a strapless booby red dress, and Magan is in a maroon suit. They’re doing the same color scheme as Britney and AJ, but I am not rooting for them the way I was rooting for Britney and AJ!!!!!
I do feel a need to continuously remind people Dayna and Magan have only been together 1.5 years.
Dayna reads a letter she wrote to Magan, and Magan reads a letter she wrote to Dayna. I’m usually a big fan of the lesbian letter writing arts, but this show is making me SICK of it. Magan proposes to Dayna, and Dayna says yes. Dayna also pulls out a ring from her cleavage and proposes back. I guess we’re doing this. Magan and Dayna are engaged, and I’m losing it.
Mel + Marie
Mel is in a gray-green button down and slacks, and Marie is in a one-shoulder long white dress. Marie is feeling pretty calm, and who knows how Mel is feeling since as she herself points out it changes by the minute!!!!! Mel first joke-proposes with a Ring Pop and then with a real ring. Marie says yes. Nooooooooooo! Mel and Marie are engaged.
Let’s discuss! And read my recap of the reunion!
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Kayla! I am DYING to read your reunion recap. Amazing work thus far…can you imagine if we got this kind of insight on the show from an actual queer host?! Dare to dream. Truly, I am reeling right now at the fact that there were engagements beyond Haley/Pilar and Britney/AJ…
Oh gods, I didn’t know a reality television show could make me dry heave. I’m actually low key a little scared for Magan? Like, the oddest thing I see not mentioned anywhere is that she is not out to her very strict Lebanese parents but she quite literally went on a Netflix reality television show? Even in the best of the best situations there would still be a non-zero chance that somehow someone in her family found out that she was on it no? She just seems not very good at thinking things through and that reflects in her behaviour and her relationship with Dayna. And that’s not a criticism of her, it’s why I’m so worried. Going on this show was the worst possible idea for her in every way and it is very obvious that in her little bubble with Dayna it is Dayna spinning her way into making every and all decisions. I just hope that Magan can break away from Dayna, especially after seeing Dayna’s behaviour in the footage.
I’m so stressed out I don’t know how I’m going to deal with the reunion
SO ready for the reunion recap. This is bonkers!
Marie!! Noooooooooooooo
The situation with Dayna and Magan is coercive control and is miserable to watch. It kills me that no one really pulls Dayna up on her controlling, manipulative and mean-spirited behaviour. Seeing how relaxed and happy Magan was with Haley versus how brittle, defensive and closed off she is with Dayna is heartbreaking. Yes, Magan is an adult and has her autonomy but that autonomy is being very seriously impeded by Dayna and I do really see Magan as a victim in all this because she quite literally doesn’t know any better. Imagine, actually imagine, living in the Dayna spin world every single day. Imagine never getting to express your own emotions without Dayna telling you “well actually THIS is how you feel”. It would break you and it’s clearly broken something in Magan. If society/Netflix took emotional abuse as seriously as physical abuse these episodes would come with a fucking warning about how Dayna’s behaviour is not ok. I’m so upset they got engaged. I hope they never get married.
Also Mel and Marie …..lorde….Marie is a chump and Mel is an even bigger chump. Marie was so desperate for a ring she accepted that weak ass proposal? From the world’s least reliable, chaos loving and dishonest person? Couldn’t be me….
– All the times people in this show said: “The biggest decision of my life” – that would have been a bingo in my bingo game of this show. Or when people say it will change their lives forever. Maybe, I don’t know what their lives are like! But it is also possible that a wedding changes something for a couple of years until they get divorced and then the other person is not really a part of their lives anymore. I’m also confused that people said the decision about the trial wife would be the second biggest decision of their lives.
– Marita: You could also play bingo every time she says: “You are not giving me what I want.” I don’t see any introspection of herself, only that she demands so very much of her partner all the time. A relationship should be about giving and receiving, and she constantly demands to receive more and more and more. It is debatable whether it is possible to do/ be what/ who she wants in a partner, but these two are not a good fit. And I don’t recall that there was ever the question what Marita could do for Ashley? What Marita could change?
Given Ashley’s prior history with intimate partner violence, I believe I see all these little moments with Marita that are certainly not abuse but are like a pattern in many people who experienced violence – Ashley not prioritizing their own feelings; not standing up for herself; agreeing with Marita when it looks like she does not; swallowing her anger. Ashley looks so annoyed on the couch when Marita cries but she holds her anyway and says: “You are right, I should consider your feelings more.” It is all about Marita’s feelings! Does Marita care about Ashley’s feelings!!
Very happy Ashley walked away and did not propose.
– Hayley: “I thought Danya was the problem, and now I thing Magan is the problem” – Me: They’re both the problem! Danya and Magan! Very painful to watch any scene Danya is in and how she manages to spin everything according what she wants at the moment. I want better for Magan even though she is not innocent in this. Their fights remind me of Tiff and Mildred, the drama in the fight and then making up and everything is peachy until it’s high drama again. (Everything we saw before we learned that Mildred was arrested for intimate partner violence after the show.)
– Mel: I understand that if one grows up with chaos, imagining a life of stability does not seem to be in reach. But therapy exists! It is an option to change patterns that made sense in the past and are no longer serving you in the present (e.g. I don’t want safety). Please be accountable for your actions and do not just say “yeah, my childhood, this is me, the end.”
– Brtitney: “The ultimate ‘I love you’ is marrying me” – yeah, I have to disagree on that. I’m glad they worked it out, and I hope AJ will work on her insecurities on the long-run and stop wanting (for some part) for Britney to be the housewife. Issues like that don’t disappear with a proposal.
thanks to adu priest for restoring my marriage within 24hrs with the power of his reunion love spell once again thank you.( priestadu@ gmail. com )
thanks to adu priest for restoring my marriage within 24hrs with the power of his reunion love spell once again thank you.(priestadu @ gmail. com)
oh my god I am so perplexed by Mel’s refusal to do some long-term consequence thinking and respect for her partner? like how could she ask Marie to marry her, when she knows Marie will see the footage of ALLLL the stuff she did and said with Dayna, including that very same day admitting that if she proposed it will only be for Marie and not because that’s something Mel herself wants?!?!!
also I am so sad for Marie’s seeming lack of self-worth and being willing to lower her standards and accept subpar treatment from a partner.