QUIZ: Tomato Variety or Sex Toy?

It’s summer and tomato season is nearly upon us. Perhaps you are a gardener. Perhaps you are masking up and attending local farmer’s markets. Maybe you are just trudging through the threatening minefield of your local supermarket, or pulling mysterious fruits and vegetables from your oh-so-local farm CSA. Either way, it’s August, and you are very likely going to be confronted with a gorgeous heirloom tomato that leaves you asking yourself: Who names tomato varieties, and why are they so horny?

You can bet I asked myself this question in June while planting my vegetable garden. As someone who has worked in a feminist sex shop, let me tell you, some of these plants really do sound like professionally manufactured sex machines. So, let’s put your intersection of queer interests to the tests and see how many you can get right. Tomato variety, or sex toy?

Tomato Variety or Sex Toy?

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Isabella Rotman

Isabella Rotman is a cartoonist and illustrator from Maine living and drawing in Chicago. Her art is usually about the ocean, mermaids, crushing loneliness, people in the woods, or sex. Check out Isabella's website or follow her on Instagram.

Isabella has written 2 articles for us.


  1. I was extremely bad at this.

    Shockingly, since I eat so many tomatoes I own a special tomato knife.

    The area I grew up has a ridiculous amount of greenhouses where a large part of the 900 milion kilo tomatoes the Dutch grow per year are grown. I feel like I let down my tribe. This is a very sad day.

    (Google says the Netherlands is the size of about half a South Carolina or 6,13% of Texas. We’re also the second in worldwide agricultural export. Tomatoes are a big deal.)

  2. There are blue tomatoes!

    There are a few different cultivars. I’m growing a variety this year called Osu Blue. They are a very deep midnight blue.

    Apparently it’s a cross between a domestic variety and a wild blue type tomato. They are taking forever! to ripen though.

    No idea what they’re going to taste like.

    • Y’all. This is it. This is the post that has tipped me over the edge to donate to Autostraddle again. Because thoughtful commentary on Kamala Harris’s nomination next to this hilarious post is exactly the blend of content I just can’t get anywhere else.

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