Welcome back to No Filter, your weekly journey through the lush meadow that is queer celebrity Instagram. This week I thought about skipping over Mallory Ortberg because we’ve all been so obsessed with Mallory Ortberg since she appeared on our shores with her bolo ties and her lip syncing, but it turned out I was completely unable to resist her account’s considerable charms. This week, the news was all aflutter because Kristen Stewart and Stella Maxwell ended up on the same flight as Robert Pattinson, a man she dated many years ago. What happened?!?!? Probably they watched a Law and Order: SVU marathon and ignored each other?!? Anyway, let’s get to the Good Content.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWAkvZIFWNA/
Somehow we missed Canada Day last week so we’re making up for it this week with this EPIC offering from Tegan and Sara.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWXyr1bHLWM/
Brittani Nichols went to Portland and got Portland as hell really quickly.
Gaby Dunn was already LA as hell but she’s since upgraded.
Evan Rachel Wood we do not have time to unpack all of my feelings about your bisexual pride flag which I hope in my heart of hearts is hanging on your front porch, where you sip blackberry iced tea and cackle to yourself about Westworld plot twists.
Everybody looks ridiculous on a hoverboard but nobody makes awkwardly dancing on a hoverboard nearly as adorable as Samira.
What a damn queen of everything.
Gabby Rivera has some wise words to share with all of us – me, I never changed my alarm from that one time Emily Gigler was in town so my alarm just says GIGLER GIGLER GIGLER GIGLER GIGLER when I wake up.
I’m dead, bye.
Join us next week, when Brittani Nichols will probably open a vegan lunch truck.
Always the best content <3
Also, LP got engaged! I'm counting on you to cover this event, Stef.
Ahhhh Evan Rachel Wood really needs to change her instagram name to Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual already! ?
That should be her full legal name
Ok here we go
MALLORY ORTBERG
Clap clap clap clap clap
ORLORY MALTBERG
(That’s probably what I’d blurt if I met her in person)
That Yung Prince Mallory Ortberg tho.
Also, Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual is the very embodiment of bisexual pride flags. Swoon.
Y’all are doing Mallory wrong with more pictures of that DAMN HAT when she has this on her feed: https://www.instagram.com/p/BWTkT42AyC2/
WHAT
@hihello I’m holding you accountable for the things that photo did to me.
@hihello @queergirl I actually gasped out loud when I opened that, and it was such a shocking noise it startled my dog. I AM SHOOK.
I rest my case.
Also can we TALK about the Instagram commenter who was unironically like “omg, rolled up sleeves on a blazer, I NEVER would’ve thought of that but it looks so good!”
swooned so hard almost fell out my chair
LOL also @queergirl i noticed that too and was momentarily like, “wait, am *I* missing something? Do ppl not roll up blazer sleeves? Why is this person so surprised?”
how fucking DARE you
And Mallory offered her services for the new L Word, which would give her a chance to reunite with Roxane Gay…
i want mallory, roxane, riese, and brittani in that writing room. IMMEDIATELY.
Considerable Charms: A Stef/Mallory fanfic.
(That doesn’t exist. But should.)
I HAVE THE SAME SHIRT MALLORY IS WEARING AND I WORE IT TO CHURCH TWO WEEKS AGO.
Ugh, I have such a crush on her, and also, apparently, good style.
I love that shirt. Where did you get it?
Old Navy men’s section!
Alright, I’m officially crushing on Mallory. I’m on the train. Choo Choo fuckers
Between Evan Rachel Wood and Mallory Ortberg, my Be Me/Do Me-o-meter is just so fully in overdrive right now