This post is by Mika and Heather.
Everyone has their own holiday traditions; part of the joy of being queer is creating your own. For instance, just spitballing, what if your holiday tradition was handsome butches getting dressed up to make and enjoy festive cocktails? WHAT IF.
This year we have made this dream a reality with resident soft butch dreamboat bartender Heather Hogan making you three signature holiday cocktails while outfitted in a butch bartender look styled by Mika — who also has three smokin’ outfits for you, too. Pick out your look and make a cocktail to enjoy it in; if you want to play fuck/marry/flirt with the three butch archetypes in the comments, no one can stop you.
Casual Butch Would Love to Carry Those Gifts Babe
2 oz. Four Roses Small Batch bourbon
1/3 oz. Fresh lemon juice
1/3 oz. St. Germain liqueur
1/3 oz. Zirbenz Stone Pine liqueur
1/3 oz. Simple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Muddle the sage leaves and the lemon juice in a cocktail shaker. Add the other ingredients and some ice. Shake it ’till the cocktail shaker is almost too cold for you to hold. Strain and garnish with a sage leaf.
Heather: This is a dapper lumberjack cocktail. The tender butch drinking this will get up, slip out while the party guests are chatting away all warm and content, shovel the snow, and slip back in without anyone noticing they’ve been gone. Sweet, classy, functional.
Mika: This look SCREAMS quiet farmer minus the toxic hetero hyper masc bullshit. This is for the butch who wants to be comfy while also looking nice, the tough cookie that’s warm and mushy on the inside. Let your inner Jughead season one out with this trucker jacket and pair it with a soft warm knit so people know you have an emotional range. Next, add some black chinos or ripped jeans to bring that bad boy youth element in, so people know they can make out with you in your childhood bedroom. Finally, finish this look with some lace boots that say, “Hey I know I could get some Chelseas and make this easier for both of us… but I like to take my time.”
Fancy Butch Kills It at Your Company Holiday Party, Duh
1 oz. gin
1 oz. Campari
1 oz. sweet red vermouth
Orange slices / cranberries / rosemary sprigs
Chill your glass and then add some ice. Pour in the gin, Campari, and vermouth. Gently stir the ingredients, then garnish with any combination of orange slices (or peel), cranberries, and rosemary sprigs.
Heather: This is a Mommi Christmas twist on a Negroni. The absolute go-to cocktail for the characters in The Holiday, Family Stone, and Love Actually. Elegant, festive, sharp.
Mika: For this fit let’s be real: you wanna be the Idris Elba, Jude Law, Resident Posh Spice of your family. This look is for the butch that takes more than 45 minutes with their hair. This is for butch Victoria Beckham; you have at least two sinks in your bathroom. You want to look like you’re an art director at Vogue, like you own a vacation island somewhere, like you have a fucking fireplace in your bedroom. This is the energy we are trying to go for here. Earth tones and plaid are very much in this season, so you gotta wear some plaid trousers. Pair these with a turtleneck to reaaaally get that early 2000 holiday rom-com feeling. Tuck it in or wear it partially tucked in, at least. This is zaddy/mommi look. You gotta wear some leather, suede is for the YOUTH, so pair it with these chelsea boots from Aldo OR whatever brogue or oxford you have around. Finally, LONG OVERCOAT. Jackets were left behind during your high school years behind the bleachers.
Cozy Butch Made Canned Homemade Apple Butter for Your Mom
1 small slice butter
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 dash ground cinnamon
1 dash ground nutmeg
1 dash ground allspice
1 splash vanilla extract
2 ounces dark (not spiced) rum
5 ounces boiling water
Bring your water, butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and vanilla to a boil over medium heat, whisking it from time to time. Go slow, it should take you five to ten minutes to get it boiling. Remove it from the heat as soon as it starts to bubble. Stir in your rum. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
Heather: You know in Christmas movies when people wear matching pajamas (tops and bottoms!) and a cozy Christmas-colored robe and soft, jubilant slippers? That feeling of being ultra cozy but not effortlessly so. A take-home basket of artisanal products in the guest bathroom and extra extra smooshy towels. That’s the person this cocktail is for. Intricate, toasty, lush.
Mika: Joke’s on you if you thought you couldn’t pull off some sort of sweatpant for the holidays! This butch knows comfort comes over EVERYTHING. A Taurus most likely will wear this. This fit is for a butch that’s serving some Ellen Page on her way to destroy some Republican. KStew on her way to coffee. You are ready to go off on your family members during dinner and might as well be as comfy as possible for dessert later. You’re trying to channel this bear but like in a cooler way. Again, turtlenecks, I know. If that’s not your cut, get some thick knit since these are very in right now. An ugly sweater (that isn’t super ugly, please) can also work. Pair this with some jogger or fake pants and some cute socks and you’re good to go. Wear this look with some white clean cut sneakers so you don’t look like you are in pajamas (literally) and a matching beanie that compliments the color palette.