Lily’s Team Pick:
I first read Katie Heaney’s “My Period Takes Me Shopping” a month ago when I was extraordinarily PMS-y. Like playing Adele’s “Someone Like You” on the guitar/piano and singing the lyrics to myself all day type of PMS-y. After I read the piece I laughed and then I cried and then I did the weird laugh/cry combo where you’re not quite sure which one you are doing because you have SO MANY FEELINGS. It is now a month after that initial read and here I am, having the same laugh/cry/Adele problem.
Some highlights of the article:
“Together we headed to the mall. My period tried to steer me into Forever 21 because it’s a valueless skank who doesn’t care that their clothing is ripped off from independent designers or that their owners secretly paste Bible verses onto their bags. It was all, ‘You need some clothes for going out! Except you pretty much never go out because barely anyone likes you!’ I redirected us to Express, which is another good place for purchases you’ll come to regret within a week, unless you’re presently a popular sixth-grader.”
“I finally convinced my period that we should leave the mall. We walked to my car, hooked up my iPod, and turned on a playlist specially demanded by my period — a three-song rotation: “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” by Céline Dion, “If I Were a Boy” by Beyoncé and “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis. The Trifecta of Tears. Needless to say, it was going to be a pretty emotional drive. I headed home, but my period shouted, ‘Take the next exit! We’re going to Target.’ I rolled my eyes; I should have seen this coming.”
I’m going to go back to playing sad songs on my guitar and looking at pictures of puppies now.
That was The Funniest article! I kept trying to stifle my laughter because, of course, I’m at work. Thank you for sharing!
I even made my mother read this.
that was really very funny. I’m emailing it to my friends. Thanks Lily!
Also. Also. Also. That puppy made me go “aaaaawwww” out loud
Every day since Monday has been like this for me this week. My emotions taking me weird places that I really have no business being at.
I had a job interview (monday?) and 20 minutes later was in the Manhattan mall, and I had no idea why. Then I was eating yogurt and drinking a pepsi. Still not sure why (I’d had lunch 2 hours before). I sighed and almost cried at all the pretty skinny girls, and stood there (b/c there was no where to sit.) I almost went into a store but resisted b/c I’m not allowing myself to buy nice things while living off of savings.
Next thing I knew I was upstairs in a bathroom stall crying (*bawling) about…? Various things I guess.
I was fine 15 minutes later.
Lily (or everyone) – “Lights” is very good emotional times music. She’s been in my ear buds all this week. And it’s been nice.
I need to find me a nice dark haired Canadian girl that sings and plays the guitar.
You know why I love you guys? Because things like this, it seems like we are synchronized
“Haha JK! Come on. That was a good one. It’s funny because you’re literally never getting married.”
that part made me laugh out loud…
Discovery’s Shark Week and the shark week in my pants have coincided this year which seems . . . fitting.
Also, apparently I now barf when i’m on the rag. WTF. it has been A Fun Day.
YOU LEFT THIS AT THE SAME TIME I WAS COMMENTING ABOUT REFERRING TO PERIODS AS SHARK WEEK ZOMG
as a slightly incidental side note, my girlfriend has taken to calling her period “shark week” which i think we should all also utilize.
so many excellent opportunities for use. e.g.:
“do you want to go to the beach tomorrow?”
“probably not, shark week just started and man, those first two days”
“why do you keep picking fights with me?!?”
“it’s shark week! i can’t help myself!”
“did you eat all my hummus?”
“sorry. shark week.”
my ex called them pyramids because of a misunderstanding with her cousin who was like 8 at the time. which i always thought sounded awesome.
but shark week wins out.
and is also starting this week. is there a term for pre shark week?
Pyramids! I get it. Too cute.
That’s adorable and just reminded me of the fact that my little cousin still thinks vaginas are called pajamas. KIDS: THEY SUCK AT BIOLOGY.
I don’t remember where I picked it up from, but I refer to it as shark week too.
This is very relevant to my interests, as my period managed to sneak up on me today, rather than doubling me over in agony for a full week before it even gets here. I was wondering why I couldn’t stop eating everything in sight the last few days.
Mine too but instead of eating everything in sight I feel* like punching the sky cursing the gods until I am struck down by painful cramps.
Today is my 21st birthday, and I’m on my period -____-
I was already stressed and I can’t handle my liquor and I’m likely to cry.
HAH this week it was shark week both on tv and concerning my uterus. funniest coincidence.
but seriously. that specific recording/vid of Someone Like You is just the most deadly thing. just rip my fucking heart out.
I think we’ve synced.
This. We are all this.
>>>“Maybe if you bought anything besides plaid button-down shirts, you’d find even ONE boy who’d want to date you.” So I said, “You’re a bitch, and I hate you, and plenty of boys probably want to date me. Fine, I’ll try on the dress.”
I feel like the people who didn’t find that article through autostraddle didn’t see that as a rainbow flag.