Look guys, I don’t know what to tell you. It seems like the prophecy has finally come true: everybody in Hollywood is gay, everyone is gay; your chances of getting a date with Janelle Monáe have never been better. Famous person Chloë Grace Moretz was recently photographed awkwardly kissing very attractive Playboy model Kate Harrison on the neck outside Nobu in Malibu. Witnesses reported small woodland creatures dancing around the couple and singing as the paparazzi snapped merrily away.
The Miseducation of Cameron Post star’s most public relationship has been with Brooklyn Beckham, son of Posh Spice, though they split for good this past August following a tumultuous four-year romance. Although whispers about her sexuality have certainly swirled for some time, Moretz has declined to publicly define herself as queer (“Don’t assume anyone’s sexuality,” she cautiously told the Independent). She’s also mentioned an aversion to public displays of affection to the press, telling the Sunday Times’ Style Magazine, “I’m not a big fan of PDAs in general. I personally don’t want to see people posted all over my phone making out.” These particular TMZ photographs were taken outside of a restaurant celebrities mostly seem to go to in order to be photographed by paparazzi, so in this instance it seems like nobody’s trying especially hard to keep this gal pal situation a secret. We at Vapid Fluff HQ hesitate to define this relationship as anything in particular, but we will be watching all future developments with great interest.
Also, like, mazel tov to everybody involved.
In other news, as we discussed yesterday in No Filter, Demi friggin’ Moore has been photographed multiple times over the last few weeks with Serbian stylist Masha Mandzuka, and tabloids have been speculating that the two have been an item for two entire years. Two years!!! That’s a lifetime in lesbian years; they’re basically common law at this point. Think of all the rescue dogs you and Consummate Mommi Demi Moore could have adopted over the span of two years! Recently, Moore and Mandzuka dined at the Ivy, another restaurant celebrities go to on purpose in order to be photographed, and also strolled around Los Feliz with Mandzuka’s two-year-old daughter Rumi. “They hold hands, and Demi is like a second mom to Masha’s baby,” an anonymous source apparently told Radar. Both of these things are gay. I don’t make the rules.
Never one to be outdone, former child star Alyson Stoner took to the streets wearing a white sweatshirt emblazoned with her own childhood face and the words “MOST LIKELY TO BE QUEER.”
Based on this evidence, it seems like as deeply shitty as the rest of 2018 was, at least everyone in Hollywood is finally gay now. You’re welcome, world.