Add spring water.
Kate Hawkins is a city-loving Californian currently residing in New Hampshire with her wife and toddler, where she's currently enjoying sports that require unwieldy pieces of equipment (kayaking! biking! cross country skiing!) and grilling lots of corn. She's stoked to be writing puzzles for Autostraddle and hopes you enjoy solving these gay puzzles!
Kate has written 46 articles for us.
Lily Gladstone‘s resume keeps getting gayer and gayer and we are so here for it! Today it was announced that Gladstone would star as “Liz” in Andrew Ahn’s The Wedding Banquet, a remake of the 1993 romantic comedy from legendary Taiwanese filmmaker Ang Lee. Kelly Marie Tran, a comic and actress who made a notable impact on gay history by suggesting that Raya, the part she voiced in Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon, is gay, stars as Angela, Lily’s partner.
The story centers on Min, whose proposal to his boyfriend Chris (local favorite Bowen Yang) is turned down. Still determined to secure his green card, Min persuades his close friend Angela (Tran) to marry him, while promising to cover the costs of IVF treatment for Angela’s partner, Liz (Gladstone). Their plan for a discreet city hall wedding takes a dramatic turn when Min’s grandmother arrives in Seattle, intent on throwing them a lavish Korean wedding banquet, disrupting their lives in unexpected ways.
Living legend Joan Chen is also slated to star in the remake. Previously, Chen’s contributions to the LGBTQ+ cannon included playing a widowed mother in beloved lesbian rom-com Saving Face, having a lesbian sex scene with Anne Heche in The Wild Side, a movie that was so bad, even an Anne Heche/Joan Chen sex scene couldn’t save it,appearing in the queer-inclusive Thanksgiving comedy What’s Cooking? and popping up in last year’s A Murder at the End of The World, starring Emma Corrin.
Youn Yuh-jung, who won an Academy Award for Minari, will play the grandmother, but details on Chen’s role remains a mystery. Casting for the lead role of Min is still underway.
Andrew Ahn previously worked with Bowen Yang on Fire Island.
The original Wedding Banquet was Ang Lee’s second feature film, and his first to earn a theatrical release when it debuted in 1993. It starred Winston Chao in his debut acting role as a gay man who marries one of his tenants, a mainland Chinese woman (May Chin), in order to placate his parents and get her a green card. But then his parents show up in the U.S. determined to plan his wedding banquet, putting his relationship with his gay partner (Mitchell Lichtenstein) in a very awkward position. Wedding Banquet performed well at the box office for its budget and earned accolades at various film festivals as well as Oscar, Independent Spirit and Golden Globe nominations. It was a risky film to make in 1993, and it’s pretty fucking cool that they’re making it again and even gayer this time.
The Wedding Banquet (1993)
As a community, we are specifically thrilled by the news that Lily Gladstone will be playing gay, and doing so opposite Kelly Marie Tran.
not to alarm the lesbians but Kelly Marie Tran and Lily Gladstone are playing girlfriends in the upcoming remake of the Wedding Banquet pic.twitter.com/vTh2G2EqZj
— Bella 🫶 (@bella_hunter05) April 23, 2024
Last week I wrote about Under the Bridge, a fantastic true crime drama now on Hulu in which Lily Gladstone plays a lead queer character opposite Riley Keough. Earlier this month, it was announced that Apple Original Films would be releasing Fancy Dance, a 2023 Sundance favorite from Native American filmmaker Erica Tremplay, in which Lily plays a “queer 30-ish scammer” who’s tasked with her 13-year-old niece’s care after her sister Tawi disappears from the Seneca-Cayuga reservation in northeastern Oklahoma. That film will open June 21 with a limited theatrical release and premiere on Apple TV on June 28th. Gladstone also played a queer role in 2016’s Certain Women, which came in at #29 on our 50 Best Lesbian Films list. We can only continue to hope and pray that this streak of queer roles will continue forever.
Kelly Marie Tran became the first woman of color to have a leading role in a Star Wars movie when she appeared in Star Wars: The Last Jedi in December 2017, which also landed her on the cover of Vanity Fair, the first Asian-American woman to do so. Tran played queer in the Facebook watch series Sorry For Your Loss, which I really thought I’d written about for this website at some point but cannot find evidence of having done so. She’s generally badass and we are very excited to see her and Lily be a couple on the big screen!!!
The Wedding Banquet will begin filming in Vancouver next month.
Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Riese has written 3183 articles for us.
In “Lost Movie Reviews From the Autostraddle Archives” we revisit past lesbian, bisexual, and queer classics that we hadn’t reviewed before, but you shouldn’t miss. This week is Desiree Akhavan’s Appropriate Behavior.
One of the best indie queer films of the past decade, Appropriate Behavior debuted at Sundance 10 years ago and remains, frankly, unparalleled in its excruciatingly real portrayal of queer post-breakup chaos. Directed by, written by, and starring Desiree Akhavan, she is indeed the film’s north star. Appropriate Behavior was her striking feature length debut as writer-director, and it cemented her particular brand of queer storytelling: one marked by nonlinear narratives, discomfort comedy, and dykes fucking and flailing their ways through life.
Appropriate Behavior begins with a breakup. Shirin (Akhavan) is moving out of girlfriend Maxine’s (Rebecca Henderson) Park Slope apartment. Almost immediately, Shirin tells her deadpan best friend Crystal (Halley Feiffer) she wants her back. She moves in with new weird roommates, takes a job teaching filmmaking to literal kindergarteners in Brooklyn, and tries to stitch back together her life by fucking her way through it. She goes on bad dates, has a bad threesome, Akhavan always letting these moments linger long beyond discomfort. We don’t cut away from Shirin’s awkwardness or blunt outbursts. Akhavan has no problem making us stay close and personal. Shirin holds people at a distance, but Akhavan’s approach to filmmaking is intensely intimate.
Along the way, Appropriate Behavior jumps back to Shirin and Maxine’s relationship leading up to its dissolution. We get the stoop-set meet-cute when they initially bond over, essentially, being haters. But the problem with bonding over cynicism is that cynicism is likely to turn in on each other eventually. Shirin and Maxine fight as compellingly as they fuck, sometimes even fighting about fucking itself. The whole film a masterclass on structure, nonlinearity, and airtight editing. Scenes move fluidly between Shirin’s present and vignettes of her past, often triggered subtly by a person, place, or thing that sends Shirin spiraling backward to Maxine. It doesn’t feel like a spiral though. It feels like we’re moving back and forth on one straight line. There are no sound cues that send us backward; there’s no visual or stylistic differentiating between the past and present. These flashbacks do the thing so many flashbacks strive for and yet fall short of: they feel authentically like memories.
It’s clear right away that Shirin has romanticized the relationship, as we all often do. Indeed, Maxine and Shirin’s shared sardonic sense of humor and tendency to loathe things makes for shaky foundation to build a relationship on. But Maxine becomes Shirin’s entry point to queerness, and Shirin becomes Maxine — who’s estranged from her parents — chosen family, and well, there are all sorts of reasons we suddenly find ourselves in super serious, all-encompassing relationships with people we’re not good fits for. Appropriate Behavior‘s sex scenes embody so many different kinds of sex, bad and good and in between. When the lust of new relationship energy wears off, Shirin and Maxine don’t even seem like a great fit sexually, a hilariously odd roleplay situation where Maxine commits a little too seriously to the bit of being Shirin’s tax preparer underlining some of their differences of desire. Akhavan is so good at capturing discomfort without actually reproducing the cynicism of her characters. Yes, there’s cringe, but there’s charm, too.
Many of the thorny themes that would later be sharpened in Akhavan’s brilliant (and forever underrated) limited series The Bisexual are planted here in Appropriate Behavior: casual and persistent biphobia in the lesbian community, the internalized biphobia that fosters, and tensions in intercultural relationships. With that last one, Appropriate Behavior really excels, Shirin pushed and pulled by three different selves: the self her parents want her to be (a good Persian daughter), the self Maxine wants her to be (based on Maxine‘s idea of queer life and community), and the self Shirin actually wants to embody, the self she’s still trying to figure out.
It has what I’d call an anti-coming out arc. It’s a movie that understands well the reality that coming into one’s own queerness extends far beyond coming out. In one of the film’s best fights (though picking a favorite fight from the movie is like picking a favorite sex scene from it, which is to say difficult), Shirin and Maxine go at it about their different familial behaviors. Maxine is, understandably, frustrated by Shirin’s refusal to acknowledge their relationship to her traditional wealthy Iranian immigrant parents. Shirin is, understandably, frustrated by Maxine’s pressures, which in Shirin’s mind dismiss the cultural differences. Maxine calls Shirin’s relationship with her parents codependent, creepy. To her, it is wrong. Shirin calls Maxine’s estrangement from her family an abandonment on Maxine’s part, a choice. To her, it is wrong. They’re both being unreasonable and yet completely comprehensible. It can be so easy to seek points of connection in an early, formative queer relationship, to feel seen and understood by another when perhaps we haven’t experienced that in our intimate relationships before, but by hinging our understandings of our own queerness on another person, we run the risk of ignoring key differences. We project, and we fall into the false narrative often thrust upon us that there’s a one-size-fits-all way to be queer, to come out.
When Shirin tells her parents it’s actually completely normal and platonic for her to live with Maxine in a one-bedroom apartment with only one bed in it (“Also, in the movie Beaches, these two best friends shared a bed, and it was very inexpensive,” Shirin rationalizes in one of my favorite lines from the film), it’s intentionally absurd. Of course they know. Shirin’s mother is merely content with denial. Her brother thinks if she likes men, too, then she can just choose that. Maxine is appalled by what she sees as Shirin living a double life when she accompanies her to a Nowruz party in Jersey. But just like the film resists linearity in its structure, it resists a monolithic approach to its characters, especially Shirin.
Akhavan creates queer character that aren’t just unlikable; they’re unpleasant. They’re not just messy; they’re nasty, self-destructive. When Shirin and Maxine fight while drunk, they accuse each other of cheating, of hitting, and both are alcohol-induced embellishments, but you believe their perception of things, because above all else Akhavan imbues her writing, filmmaking, and performances with emotional truth, even among the quippy jokes. This is a simple story but a deceptively complex film. It feels very much like just one zoomed-in snapshot of a queer person’s life rather than a sweeping journey, and that intimacy is ultimately more revelatory than a grander arc might be. As far as breakup films go, it’s one of the best, reminding at times of a 21st century Brooklyn version of Sarah Schulman’s novel After Delores. And ten years later, it still stands out as an indie queer gem.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Kayla has written 816 articles for us.
When you leave an action movie, some topics immediately arise for post-screen conversation. Perhaps there was an especially sick bit of fight choreography nobody can get over. Or maybe a witty one-liner to be repeated ad nauseam between you and your friends. But one thing that’s not likely to emerge in the glow of immediate post-action movie discourse? Praise about the feature’s trans representation. If there was any mention of trans folks in the action movie, it likely results in a hesitant, “Boy, that was uncomfortable, huh?”
Action movies haven’t been a domain where trans women have fared especially well. That’s what makes Dev Patel’s directorial debut Monkey Man such a welcome outlier. Unfortunately, the general history of representation (both in front of and behind the camera) in the action movie realm can be incredibly frustrating. But does that mean all trans-based hope for the future of the genre is lost?
Cinema has often reflected mainstream capitalist values of a gender binary and reaffirmed the notion that there are specific ways each gender “behaves.” Because of this phenomenon, action movies, like R-rated comedies, have often reinforced conventional portraits of masculinity. That’s not because fight scenes and other staples of the action movie are inherently “for men.” Instead, it reflects this genre’s usage to (either consciously or subconsciously) reinforce standard gender roles. Just look at iconic Hong Kong director Chang Cheh basing his action features around “yanggang” or staunch masculinity. Then, of course, there were Reagan-era American action movies that starred buff dudes reinforcing classical masculine prowess and “the American way.”
Exceptions have existed throughout the years, from the leads of the Alien and Terminator movies to features headlined by Michelle Yeoh and Veronica Ngo. However, such movies are often thought of as anomalous in the genre. The very presence of women in an action movie protagonist role is seen as “subversive” of the genre’s norms. The women leads of this genre tend to remind us how rarely such figures get to step into the spotlight of this domain.
Action films have primarily reinforced the status quo. That’s why there’s an influx of heroic cops, soldiers, and similar figures being protagonists in the domain. This means that trans women have been basically non-existence in the genre for many years. One exception to this erasure? Trans women do make occasional appearances as the punchline to jokes. The 1984 movie Toxic Avenger, for instance, found time for transphobic jokes as part of its “transgressive” style of comedy. 15 years later, Wild Wild West squeezed in transphobic gags as part of recurring gay panic jokes. (Readers will be shocked to be reminded that Wild Wild West was a poorly written movie.)
Such demeaning jokes were part of the action movie as a reminder to moviegoers about what constitutes “normalcy.” Trans people (and, specifically, trans women) are “freaks” and anomalies in society. It’s okay to be grossed out by them! Just look at action/comedy The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult. This wacky sequel featured a quasi-homage to The Crying Game. Said tribute hinged on Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) horrifyingly discovering that supporting character Tanya Peters (Anna Nicole Smith) is a trans woman. Idiotic and tired jokes lifted from Ace Ventura movies were even making their way into the realm of action/comedies.
Thankfully, not all trans representation in 1990s action cinema was made equal. One complicated trans element of 1990s action cinema came in the 1996 feature Escape from L.A. This John Carpenter directorial effort featured trans woman Hershe Las Palmas (Pam Grier), a former associate of protagonist Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell). Escape from L.A. has garnered a cult following in recent years, in part due to the complicated, yet fond, relationship many viewers (including trans audiences) have with Las Palmas.
Carpenter’s film trades in unfortunate staples of “trans panic” gags. These include brief fixations on the character’s genitals and Plissken repeatedly dead-naming Palmas. However, Las Palmas does get to participate in action scenes. She’s decidedly not the main villain of the film. And she’s also portrayed by a cis woman (rather than a cis man in a wig). Compared to other 1990s action movies, Escape from L.A. was practically Lingua Franca!
Thankfully, trans women did leave a massive mark on action cinema in the final months of the 20th century. Enter Lana and Lilly Wachowski’s masterpiece The Matrix.
This 1999 Keanu Reeves vehicle didn’t feature any explicit on-screen trans representation. However, the entire premise of the movie has become famous for its allegorically trans material. A feature all about subverting societal norms that hinges on embracing your true self on taking just the “right” pill. If that’s not trans lady cinema, then what is? Heck, key crowdpleaser climactic moments in The Matrix and The Matrix Resurrections orient around protagonist characters reaffirming their names to someone “deadnaming” them! Lilly and Lana Wachowski weren’t out as trans women at the time of The Matrix’s release, so at the time audiences couldn’t quite appreciate this important piece of personal subtext. However, it was always there changing the default thematic norms of this genre.
The Matrix blew open the doors for what action movies could accomplish. One would have hoped that would have resulted in a deluge of trans-focused action cinema. Alas, trans women are still a rarity in the action genre. Hollywood sort of retired transphobic jokes, even if such gags still appeared in motion pictures as late as 2016’s Deadpool. Unfortunately, the approach to trans women in modern action cinema is a microcosm of how Hollywood has handled lots of marginalized populations in recent years. Off-color and cruel jokes are out. However, they haven’t been replaced with physical tangible representations that could potentially “alienate” intolerant viewers and their dollars. The response to the ubiquity of transphobic material was to just erase the idea of trans people altogether.
If modern action films even begin to approach something “kind of” trans-related, it’s usually for vomit-inducing gimmicks. The tedious 2016 Michelle Rodriguez vehicle The Assignment, for instance, focused on male assassin Frank Kitchen. (He was presumably named by the same screenwriter responsible for the 2010s action hero names Cade Yeager and Cypher Raige.) Kitchen wakes up to find himself surgically turned into a woman by his enemy. Needless to say, it’s an abhorrent piece of cinema exceeded only in its inaccuracy of trans experiences (not to mention its emphasis on trans stuff only through “medical” procedures) by its tediousness. To its credit, there is an adorable moment where a dog places its paw on top of two human hands. Save for that cute canine behavior, The Assignment has nothing to offer but retrograde approaches to gender.
Even the fleeting appearances of actual trans actors in action films are lacking. Why is Laverne Cox in the long-forgotten Amazon action movie Jolt if she’s only around to play a forgettable detective character with no memorable fight scenes? It wasn’t until Monkey Man that moviegoers received a welcome departure from these trends with Vipin Sharma’s Alpha, a member of the local hijra community that rescues the film’s protagonist.
Alpha and other trans characters in the movie are not depicted as eerie “others.” Their bodies are not framed as something repulsive, nor are they “freaks” worthy of jeers. The isolated world they inhabit is a kind of oasis in a movie full of corruption and darkness. Meanwhile, their oppression at the hands of the government reflects the rampant inequality Monkey Man‘s lead is fighting against. But even this exciting exception still casts a cis performer in the role.
At least Sharma’s performance is devoid of obnoxious over-the-top ticks other cis actors bring to trans characters. And, best of all, Monkey Man gives Alpha and the film’s other trans characters a big climactic action scene! This gaggle of societal outsiders gets to be Monkey Man’s equivalent to Han Solo/M’Baku/Middle-Earth Eagles by suddenly showing up to save the day just when all hope seems lost. Alpha and company even get nifty-looking scythes to use in viciously enacting violent revenge. Even just this one Monkey Man sequence makes one realize what this genre’s been missing. Trans women have been this domain’s source of go-to mockery, when what they need to become is the new default stars of the genre.
I mean, really, trans women and trans folks of any gender make for perfect action movie protagonists simply by nature of being underdogs. The action movie is often about “one person against an army of baddies.” Typically, American titles like Taken and Silent Night have used this dynamic to instill martyr complexes in privileged viewers. In these films, middle-aged white dads are the ultimate victims in society. Their enemy? Foreign “invaders,” particularly nasty people of color covered in tattoos. Trans-centric action movies could take the bare bones of this underdog story structure and ground it in some reality.
After all, trans people are being attacked in legislation regularly. This is an actually oppressed group of human beings, particularly when those trans folks intersect with other marginalized identities. Monkey Man proved you can pull from real-world woes and still deliver gnarly cheer-worthy action moments. This balance shows narrative hallmarks of action movies can evolve in exciting new directions.
Even more exciting, though, is the idea of actual trans artists molding the form. Save for the Wachowskis, trans artists have had minimal opportunities to contribute to the creative direction of the genre. It’s thrilling to imagine the new visual elements filmmakers like Sydney Freeland and Vera Drew could bring to this domain of guns, bullets, and taken offspring. (Freeland directed episodes of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and Echo and Drew literally already made a superhero movie.) Trans filmmakers have employed unique visual flourishes in their indie works; imagine if they received the money to execute visually bold action movies. Just look at what Lilly and Lana Wachowski did with the camerawork and editing in The Matrix films and Speed Racer.
But even the recent The Matrix Resurrections still relied largely on subtext with trans performers only populating minor supporting roles. Alongside the casting of Monkey Man’s lead trans character, it feels like trans performers are even more absent than trans filmmakers. Hari Nef, MJ Rodriguez, Patti Harrison, Trace Lysette, and so many others are prominent in pop culture. Any one of them could become a new action movie star! In the past, the stars of Kinsey, Good Will Hunting, and Moonlighting became cisgendered action legends. Why can’t rising trans stars get their own Die Hard or The Bourne Identity?
The future for trans artists in action movies, even after something reassuring like Monkey Man, is fuzzy. On the one hand, the very existence of the acclaimed intersex-led Sundance 2024 thriller Ponyboi should give hope. But the River Gallo-starring feature is an indie in a genre that often requires a larger budget. (Ponyboi is more action-adjacent than action after all.) There’s also M.J. Bassett’s upcoming Red Sonja film. What a welcome sign seeing a trans woman helming a comic book adaptation full of punching! But the all cis cast and cis screenwriter, implies a trans person would only get this opportunity by folding into the cis establishment, creating a movie whose connection to transness would be unknown by anyone unfamiliar with the director’s identity.
Trans action filmmakers and trans action stars should be included more in the work that’s already getting made. But true change will come when trans filmmakers are allowed to push the genre to exciting new territory like the Wachowskis did a quarter of a century ago — this time out of the closet with trans actors on-screen.
Lisa Laman is a life-long movie fan, writer, and Rotten Tomatoes-approved critic located both on the autism spectrum and in Texas. Given that her first word was "Disney", Lisa Laman was "doomed" from the start to be a film geek! In addition to writing feature columns and reviews for Collider, her byline has been seen in outlets like Polygon, The Mary Sue, Fangoria, The Spool, and ScarleTeen. She has also presented original essays related to the world of cinema at multiple academic conferences, been a featured guest on a BBC podcast, and interviewed artists ranging from Anna Kerrigan to Mark Wahlberg. When she isn’t writing, Lisa loves karaoke, chips & queso, and rambling about Carly Rae Jepsen with friends.
Lisa has written 4 articles for us.
Nell Jackson didn’t set out to become a highwaywoman; in fact, all she wanted to do was be a good soldier. Recently widowed, she returned to her hometown, where everyone thought she died with her husband. And when she returns, she returns a little…different. On her way into town, she’s held up by a highwayman, and a little mote of light goes into her mouth and imbues her with supernatural strength and speed and she’s able to get out of the jam all on her own. (Also this is neither here nor there, but there is currently another show about highwaymen called The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin that also features a highwaywoman named Nell, but apparently this is a complete coincidence, because while Dick Turpin was a real person, neither the Nell in that show nor Nell Jackson are.)
Played by Derry Girl Louisa Harland, Nell Jackson is a fierce, funny, sarcastic woman with no interest in behaving the way people of her time think women should behave. Nell prefers wearing pants to skirts, and doesn’t care if you mistake her for a man, as long as you don’t call her Nellie. But while she is clearly gender non-conforming for her time, there’s no evidence of her being queer. She seems to have loved her late husband, and doesn’t show romantic interest in anyone else. Which is only a bummer in that it means we don’t get to know whether or not she’s queer; in the grand scheme of things, I really appreciate a woman’s story not having anything to do with romance at all. Nell has more important things to worry about. Over the course of the season, Nell finds herself in many sticky situations, and is on a mission to clear her name of a crime she didn’t commit, all while protecting her two little sisters, Roxy and George.
Don’t underestimate them. Photo by Robert Viglasky.
There is a queer character we meet, though I’m not sure if she’s even fully aware of her own queerness by the end of the season. While on the road, Nell resorts to a little highway robbery, stopping the carriage of a wealthy family, stealing only what they need and letting the family go. The daughter of this family, Polly Honeycombe, becomes instantly enamored with this “highwayman” and eventually meets back up with Nell and her crew. While she is definitely surprised when it was revealed to her that Nell is a woman, it didn’t stop her from fantasizing about Nell. At one point, she even kisses Nell square on the mouth…to which Nell has no reaction. It’s then never addressed or brought up again. Very confusing. So while Polly does indeed seem to be queer, the mere fact of gender not getting in the way of her crush, it’s unclear if it goes deeper than her fascination with Nell.
I did appreciate Polly’s fantasy giving Nell the 90s slow-mo heartthrob treatment.
And personally, my queer heart was pulled in a slightly different direction. One person dedicated to stopping Nell is Sofia Wilmot, the magistrate’s daughter. Sofia is trying to keep her younger brother out of trouble, because she is unable to inherit the power and estate her father would leave behind. And let me tell you, Sofia Wilmot is the most Katie McGrath-coded character I’ve ever seen not played by Katie McGrath. I swear if this show was made ten years ago, it would have been her playing it. The character has a dash of Morgana’s arc and a touch of Lena Luthor’s serious stillness. Sofia starts out very buttoned up, prim and proper, rarely speaking, just listening, observing. But by the end of the season, she has let her hair down and taken power by the reins.
Tell me the casting call didn’t say “Katie McGrath type.” Photo by Robert Viglasky.
Sofia and Nell are posed as enemies, but they have more in common than either of them realize: They’re both widowed, both protective over their siblings, both feeling limited by what they can do as a woman in 18th century England, both consistently underestimated, and both more powerful than they even realize.
Sofia Wilmot is also played by queer actress Alice Kremelberg, who points out that even though the queer representation on this show is minimal, it is “very exciting, especially for a show that is on Disney and is for everyone.” I just wish they had pushed it a little further, either having Polly have a line about being surprised she still has a crush on Nell even though she knows she’s a woman, or even saying “I don’t care that Nell’s a woman, I still want her to sweep me off my feet” or something. Or maybe even, once the strange kiss moment passed, eventually having Polly eying another woman with similar vibes to Nell’s, indicating her horizons are a bit more open now. It was played off as a joke, which was fine and cute, and I’m glad nobody tried to dissuade her from her crush, and instead just let her know that Nell is a woman, but I still wished they hadn’t played it so…safe. When the backlash came out about the kids’ show Bluey momentarily almost hinting at the theoretical existence of a dog with two moms, I saw someone say something along the lines of: Bigots are going to get mad no matter how big or small your queer representation is, so why not commit to it if you’re going to include it at all? Similarly, PinkNews and Wikipedia both credit trans actress Iz Hesketh, who plays a noble assistant Valerian, as playing a non-binary character, Wikipedia even going so far as to say, “She is the first person to portray a non-binary character to appear in a Disney live action series.” But I would argue this is not an obvious fact. It’s very possible they/them pronouns are used by Valerian in the show, but if they are, I missed it entirely. (Side note: Iz uses she/her pronouns now but identified as non-binary at the time of filming.) Maybe I’m being too cyclical, but it feels like another instance of the representation being almost there. I wanted them to push the envelope juuuust a little further.
I find all of this especially surprising given the creator of this show, Sally Wainwright, was also the creator of Gentleman Jack. So maybe her hands were tied by Disney, maybe there was just too much other story to tell, who’s to say. Hopefully if the show gets a second season, we’ll see more obvious representation.
Nell is a drag king and we stan. Photo by Robert Viglasky.
Overall, this was a fun fantasy romp with a lot of heart. While there were still men pulling some reigns — for example, both Nell and Sofia technically get their power from a man, at least at first; Nell from the sprite Billy Blind that has been assigned to her for reasons neither of them know at first, and Sofia from the Earl of Poynton — at its core, this show is about young women. It’s about Nell and Sofia; it’s also about Roxy who wants to be able to choose who she loves and maybe has a touch of magic in her herself; it’s about George, as fearless as she is small, the first in her family to learn how to read. Also, Joely Richardson’s Lady Eularia Moggerhanger, who runs the local newspaper and is always looking for gossip, is a hilarious and fun character.
So, while I wouldn’t recommend this show based on the queer representation alone, I would recommend Renegade Nell overall to anyone who enjoys women-led YA fantasy. On that, it absolutely (stands and) delivers.
Just a TV-loving, Twitter-addicted nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories. One part Kara Danvers, two parts Waverly Earp, a dash of Cosima and an extra helping of my own brand of weirdo.
Valerie has written 550 articles for us.
I also read the husband as a beard in some way. And the fact that Billie is a queer fairy gave another twist to the whole set up. Nell might not be lesbian, but she is clearly gender queer. Honeycomb is a comedic character at the start, but by developing her from useless rich girl into actual comrade they also do something interesting with her.
(Content Warning for discussions of sex and consent, consensual nonconsensual kink)
My partner and I have been together going on six years this year. The first year, our sex life was incredible. We had sex almost every day, sometimes two or three times a day. We were constantly trying new things and laughing during sex (which both of us really value with intimacy). But since, then it’s fizzled out.
A large component of that was both of us unearthing past traumas where boundaries were crossed and consent was violated. For them, that looked like wanting to step away from sex for a while. On the other side of things, I wanted to have more of it but while I was incapacitated in some way (drugs, alcohol, unconsciousness), which they were (understandably) uncomfortable with, particularly since they made the decision to solely engage in sex while they were sober.
The lack of sex, however, that resulted from our wildly differing needs has had a lasting impact. They have tried to initiate sex a lot more the last year and a half or so, and I am the one shutting it down. We have had so many conversations — around times of day we both enjoy having sex, whether they should initiate or I should, how our traumas affected our perceptions of sex, what we’d want to try out or would excite us, how to incorporate fun/spontaneity/curiosity into sex again, which toys to buy, etc. You name it, we’ve talked about it. We’ve even talked about my CNC kink, and they’ve asked how they can engage with that (even though, I know, they’re apprehensive about it).
It all sounds good in theory, but then I feel a block when it comes to initiating sex myself and some combination of aversion, panic, and stress when they do. The only time I feel sexual with them is when I’m VERY incapacitated, but we’ve established that’s a firm boundary for them.
The small handful of times we have had sex the last two years, 9 times out of 10, I find myself disassociating, feeling nothing, thinking about other things, and/or having to imagine different scenarios that don’t involve myself to connect to the physical sensations happening to my body. I’ve tried to explain this to my partner many times, and even though they’re very understanding of it, they’ve started to wonder if I’m not sexually attracted to them anymore. Which is understandable given how much I have withdrawn. And given that I’ve shared with them that I’ve had sexual thoughts about strangers 2-3 times this past year as well. (Not rooted in attraction to them, just those people being near me when I’ve been drinking in public on my own and the thrill of the idea of them taking advantage of me.)
Yes, I am in therapy. We’ve been talking about this for the better part of a year, but while I’m getting validation of my feelings, I am not getting any indication of how to work through this. It’s always “it takes time,” but it’s been years, and I still feel exactly the same, just more defeated.
Any advice?
First, you both are doing great in terms of knowing you each have trauma to work through and facing that head on. Trauma sucks, and the strange and bumpy road of healing can take a very long time. It’s also, unfortunately, incredibly common for both/all people in a queer relationship to be dealing with some kind of trauma, PTSD or CPTSD. I’m not a therapist, but I am someone who’s been in trauma-specific therapy, who has CPTSD and has dealt with PTSD from more sudden events, and who has dealt with sexual / SA / consent violation related trauma. So, that’s where I’m coming from here, offering advice as a fellow traveler on this road and a friend, but not as a professional.
Okay, so, up top, I think it’s definitely the right move to be incredibly cautious about encouraging or asking your partner to engage with the full CNC kink situation at this time. For one, being the top or dom/me in a CNC scene is something that requires a ton of trust in the other partner and comfort with sex in the relationship as well as experience in kink/BDSM dynamics. It’s just not a starting point in kink, you know? And it’s also extremely sticky in this situation because of what your partner is working through, not even to get into their very reasonable and healthy boundaries around sobriety and sex.
It’s also an awesome move to be engaging in these conversations, and I’m really happy that you can be so frank with each other. It’s also totally normal to have the excitement around a new relationship override trauma for a while and then to have trauma resurface when we feel comfortable and safe (as we do in healthy partnerships). I know it can maybe feel like you’re being punished for feeling safer by having your brain decide that NOW is the time to process this trauma, but I remain hopeful that you can move through this.
Now, according to your description of what happens when you engage in sex with your partner, it seems like you’re dissociating during sex after initially feeling discomfort and panic. Dissociation during sex can be a trauma response because our brains learn to dissociate during traumatic events in order to protect us, and then they keep doing that during similar events. So, if you have trauma around consent violations and sex, that can be triggered during intimate moments. And also, sometimes, I have heard that physical arousal itself can trigger dissociation or other trauma responses because of the physical similarities in the body to fear —rapid heartbeat, etc. So, all that is to say, this sounds completely normal, as frustrating as it is. As a recommendation, I think it would be both helpful for you and helpful for your partner in understanding where you’re coming from to look into resources dedicated to helping people process dissociation and PTSD/CPTSD.
And now for sex stuff. I’d like you to start with an analysis of your solo sex life. Do you masturbate sober? Do you masturbate only when you’re inebriated? What kinds of fantasies do you have or get off to most? Do you masturbate at all? And then, I want to encourage you, if you aren’t currently (and it’s not triggering – in which case, please move at your own pace), to try masturbating sober and while intentionally engaging with a variety of different fantasy scenarios to explore what turns you on and what feels fun and what might feel any kind of way from safe to exciting to both. You can seek out erotica or ethically sourced porn to try on different scenarios and dynamics, all while it’s just you and you know you’re safe and secure. I can’t tell you what you might or might not learn, but it might be neat to keep a journal and see where this takes you. As with meditation and trauma work, when we’re traumatized, we can get stuck, and I think that you could get yourself un-stuck from feeling only into this one particular scenario (and un-stuck from the handy dandy crutch that is alcohol) with just kind of giving yourself a push in a new direction. A lot of people turn to alcohol for its inhibition lowering properties, especially when sex is hard, but it also, longterm, doesn’t produce the sexiest results. That link is to a medical study which also shows that caffeine can lead to arousal, so…coffee dates? Sexier than we thought? My point is that masturbation can be a super healthy way to try things that are difficult yet desired during sex — and in this case, it might be getting aroused while sober, fantasizing about something that isn’t CNC, and working on feeling comfortable and safe in your body and home while engaged in sex.
With your partner, you mention bringing in fun, spontaneity, toys! Again, I love that you two are working together on this. It’s a great thing to do for each other, and also, while I haven’t mentioned this yet, I’m excited for your partner who seems to be progressing on their healing journey and who is into initiating sex again and who discovered some cool boundaries around sobriety that are helpful!
I mentioned before that CNC scenes are like…another level. Starting with CNC in a kink dynamic is like if I decided to learn to skateboard by taking myself on a skateboard to the top of a half pipe in a skate park and to just roll with it and see how it goes. I’m probably going to end up on my ass, injured, is how it’s going to go. However, that doesn’t mean all kink / BDSM acts are off the table. You can try incorporating things into your sex life that might give you that loss of control you crave in a much physically and mentally safer way for all involved. And hopefully these ways are also fun for your partner (you’ll find this out by talking with them!).
Some of these things might not be helpful, but I hope I’ve given you enough different starting points to work from. I also hope you can show this to your partner and be like “See! Autostraddle says it’s dissociation, not that I’m not attracted to you.” I also want to finish by saying you may or may not get to a place where you and your partner are comfortable or ready to engage with this specific CNC fantasy, but I hope this answer gives you a range of options to consider, pick, and choose from while on your healing journey and as you two work together on your sexual dynamic (as you both continue work on your trauma). This is so hard, and it’s no easy task, and I’m proud of y’all. Trauma is so fucking tough to deal with, and to deal with in relationships, but you’re moving forward, and that’s awesome. One day at a time! Thank you again for writing in and sending you both so much love!
You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.
Nico Hall is Autostraddle's A+ and Fundraising Director, and has been fundraising and working in the arts and nonprofit sector for over a decade. They write nonfiction and personal essays and are currently at work on a queer fiction novel and podcasts. They live in Pittsburgh. Nico is also haunted. You can find them on Twitter and Instagram as @nknhall.
Nico has written 223 articles for us.
This sounds like a great question for a kink-aware sex therapist. Sex therapists are usually MFTs/couples therapists that have expertise in sexual issues, and there are databases of kink-friendly, trauma-informed therapists. Unfortunately they’re not usually covered by insurance and can therefore be inaccessible, but I hope you can talk to someone about it!
As someone with similar trauma, this answer felt really helpful and validating to me, thank you! I had somehow never before considered that trauma might resurface more later on in the relationship because we feel safer and more comfortable then, which is what’s always happened for me, so that’s given me an entirely new framework within which to look at/understand my experiences!
Re therapy, I think generally anything that is not solely talk therapy is more helpful when it comes to trauma – I would also suggest maybe looking into IFS.
Sending solidarity to the letter writer 🤗
Of all the places to come out as nonbinary, my Brooklyn-based self did it in Texas around my 21st birthday in 2019. You might be wondering, “What?” Isn’t NYC the most inclusive city in America? The center of gay culture even? What would a New Yorker find in Texas to help them come out? The answer: the Austin-based festival South By Southwest, where I saw a particularly beloved teen comedy.
Growing up, I was a weird, feminine kid. Instead of traditional boyish activities like sports, I liked staying inside playing Mario while listening to girly pop songs on Radio Disney sung by Raven, Aly & AJ, and Hilary Duff. For Pete’s sake, my first celebrity crush was Alyson Stoner, starting with their Cheaper By the Dozen/Missy Elliot music video era.
Throughout my upbringing, the boys at school and some of my family members tried to impose masculinity on me. I was criticized for having my hip out and knee bent as my default stance. Whenever any dominant force told me to be a man or man up, I would adamantly refuse. I did have a great source of manliness through my late affectionate father, and it was through his acceptance of my idiosyncrasies I felt comfortable being myself — even with no self-awareness. Imagine being in eighth grade in a predominately Black middle school, interpretive dancing to Taylor Swift’s “Safe and Sound” during the Friday morning assembly just because you were excited about The Hunger Games coming.
As I entered college, self-awareness was installed into my mental software, lending to aggressive anxiety attacks. (Yay!) There was even a brief moment when I pledged to a fraternity because I was in need of brotherly guidance. Thankfully, that short haze, I mean phase, came and went.
Amid academia and identity tribulations, my main solace was running my self-published independent outlet, Rendy Reviews, where I would write — surprise, surprise — movie reviews. Every day after school, you’d see me in a long line at a free advanced screening, waiting patiently for access to see the latest release. Then, at the tail end of the summer of 2018, Rotten Tomatoes integrated me into their database at 20, making me their youngest critic and the first Gen Z critic in their database. That spawned some life-changing opportunities… and some conflict with my schooling.
Early in my Spring 2019 semester, I had a film professor who wasn’t impressed with my critical efforts. He was one of those curmudgeon, failed filmmaker-type professors who had his class watch movies he worked on. Some of them were Woody Allen flicks — not even good ones — and he also assigned Allen’s biography for required reading. In the year of our Lord 2019! The film department had a rule: If you’re absent more than twice a semester, you must drop the class, or it will be an automatic withdrawal. I abused that rule every semester and all my other professors didn’t give a damn. They were adjuncts so they knew the struggle of my hustling. This professor didn’t.
I was absent from my first two weeks of classes because I was covering my first Sundance Film Festival — my second time traveling solo. Upon landing in Utah for Sundance, I received an accredited press email for SXSW. At the time, Austin was the dream place I always wanted to travel to. Since it rolled around my 21st birthday, going there was a once-in-a-lifetime moment I didn’t want to miss.
When I asked that professor if there was anything I could do to go without dropping the class, he declined and said, “You must choose between your education and your career.” At that moment, in anger and shock, I responded with, “Okay,” and was instructed not to attend any further classes.
Immediately after, I dropped the class and it affected my full ride. Thanks to that professor, I have to pay student loans. While stressed on my flight, wondering if I made the right decision, I received an invite to attend the premiere and after-party for Olivia Wilde’s Booksmart. I’d never received an invite to a premiere before, and that good news took my mind off the anxiety of becoming a part-time student.
During Booksmart, I quickly identified with Kaitlyn Dever’s character, Amy. She was the safeguarded, deadpan, lesbian best friend to Beanie Feldstein’s Molly. They may be besties, but Amy plays second fiddle to Molly the entire time. She follows Molly’s lead rather than showing off her individuality. I saw so much of myself in her, especially during high school, where I was attached to the hip and second in command to my best friend. Our film-centric high school prepared us for the film industry, and we both aspired to become directors. By the time it became junior year, he was placed in the directing cohort while I was set in post-production. It was like the universe telling me, “Give up, kid, you’ll only be the supporting character.”
At first, I was confused. Why was I, a Black man, identifying hard with a white teen lesbian girl? My initial connection to Amy puzzled me, but it was her “leap of faith” moment where everything clicked. During Amy and Molly’s escapades to attend their class party, Amy is motivated to impress her skater crush, Ryan. When separated from Molly, she thrives alone, doing karaoke with her peers and killing it on Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know.”
She’s then led to the backyard pool, and in a rush of joy, she jumps in as Perfume Genius’ “Slip Away” plays in the background. The visual language of that moment was perfect at conveying Amy’s joy. Although she was swimming, I knew she was soaring. To see her comfortable in her skin and happy with who she was at that moment was so important to me.
The scene expresses a joyous freedom and I felt it in every fiber of my being. After a few days of the gender attack, it hit me that I didn’t feel like a man at all, nor did I want that to define my being. I loved being right in the middle, existing in a world surrounded by others where I could fly high no matter what.
And so, on the heels of 21 in Austin, Texas, I came out as nonbinary. (Well, not publicly yet, but you get it.) I decided to use they/them pronouns — eventually, they/he cause I like identifying as a short king. Every time I return to SXSW, it’s like a homecoming to the place where I found my sense of belonging and was reborn.
Five years later, I’ve been more confident and carefree than I’d ever been before. I’m unapologetic about my identity and don’t second guess who I am and how I navigate the world. Upon every SXSW, I see different facets of myself through the friends I’ve made and the memories we’ve created
When I first dropped that class with the asshole professor, I was in a state of doubt and regret, but if I were to do it all again, I wouldn’t do anything differently. Okay, probably rent at a cheaper Airbnb, but other than that, NOTHING!
Booksmart is currently streaming on Peacock.
Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.
Rendy has written 9 articles for us.
Feature image of the Spice Girls reunion via Victoria Beckham on Instagram
There was a moment during Victoria Beckham’s 50th birthday party where the song “Stop” was playing and the Spice Girls all did the choreo for it that my friends and I all do when we hear the song, and it was a beautiful moment. (Side note: FIFTY?! They barely look older than they did in the original music video.) My only gripe about this adorable video is that Mr. Posh decided to film it selfie-style. I don’t want your big head in the shot, SHOW ME THE GIRLS! I’m not surprised that Victoria’s husband was probably the only one allowed to film this on his phone at this A-list event, but the fact that there’s not a clearer video of this is a bummer.
Either way, it’s really nice to see them all together and at least getting along enough to play around for the crowd. People pointed out that they’re standing in the same formation they did in the music video, which Emma says wasn’t planned at all.
That’s so funny, wasn’t even planned!!! https://t.co/PTaXCjTTWk
— Emma Bunton (@EmmaBunton) April 21, 2024
This does make me wonder, then, if Geri and Mel B. are standing on opposite sides on purpose (in both this performance, and in the more professional photo from Victoria’s instagram), as they are rumored to have had some kind of more-than-friends relationship in the past, and who have made public jabs at each other over the years. Hopefully they’ll eventually learn to be friends again, as many good sapphic exes do.
For now we can just enjoy these cuties dancing and hope against hope they’ll do a worldwide reunion tour someday.
Never Give Up on the Good (News)
+ Kim Kardashian, Emma Roberts and Pretty Little Liars Creator I. Marlene King make a curious creative trio for an upcoming Netflix show
+ Speaking of Pretty Little Liars, a new Summer School trailer shows the return of Annabeth Gish… and I know I’ve talked about this show before but there is a lot of promo for it, which is making me want to watch it, unfortunately. I am a victim of the PR machine and it turns out that Annabeth Gish is a hook I will bit every time.
+ We Are Lady Parts returns May 30th! 🤘
+ “Little Miss Perfect,” which started as a song for Write Out Loud that I was obsessed with and also half of TikTok was obsessed with, is becoming a full stage musical
+ A new trailer for Deadpool & Wolverine dropped, and in it I caught a glimpse of Brianna Hildebrand’s lesbian anti-hero Negasonic Teenage Warhead
+ Bravo might be trying to blackmail Kyle Richards out of the closet (allegedly)
+ Kirby Howell-Baptiste will reprise her role as Death in Sandman spinoff Dead Boy Detectives
+ I really enjoyed this piece on Chappell Roan and her rise to the top breaking “gay famous” barriers. PS — Have you taken our Chappell Roan quiz yet to find out which song you are? I’m Pink Pony Club.
+ Don’t miss our very own Drew talking with Jinkx Monsoon about her new role as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors
+ Bridgerton will reportedly get gayer in the coming seasons
+ And last but not least, I leave you with a queer reading of Taylor Swift’s ‘The Tortured Poet’s Department’
Just a TV-loving, Twitter-addicted nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories. One part Kara Danvers, two parts Waverly Earp, a dash of Cosima and an extra helping of my own brand of weirdo.
Valerie has written 550 articles for us.
Omg the autoplaying videos make me want to scream!
As a certified Gaylor, I feel like TTPD is the least queer of Taylor’s music, it’s so disappointing. Poetry is the language of our people! This queer reading was such a stretch – ‘oh this song is about an ex, and that song is about a powerful woman, they’re queer anthems’, no you’re definitely reaching!
The original L Word had a very specific point of view when it came to men, and that point of view was that all told, men were very bad. While it was allegedly untrue that all lesbians were man-haters, it was unfortunately true that all lesbians were in fact surrounded by terrible men doing terrible things all the time and therefore had no choice but to hate the whole lot of ’em. Furthermore, the original series was hilariously limited when it came to naming minor male characters. and Gen Q continued in that tradition by giving new characters names already used on the original series. Because who cares it’s just men right????
Infamously, The L Word also agreed that all trans men were bad, but, then Generation Q came along with the bold argument that trans men were not actually bad, but were instead often boring. Is this progress? Who can say.
I gathered my fellow television editors (Kayla, Carmen and Drew) to vote on the men of The L Word and Generation Q. What follows is our expert assessment of the landscape.
Mark’s Best Friend / Production Partner
It is far more difficult to seize the prize of “worst man” in the L Word franchise than it is to secure the Best Man award. There is a lot of competition for “Worst Man.” In fact, when designing voting for this event, for the first time in the history of me asking my colleagues to vote on things, I had to limit not only the number of 10s a person could give, but also the number of 0s. At the end of the day, everybody kept one fat zero in their pocket for this man, Gomey, the absolute scumlord lizard of a man who spoke some of the series’ worst lines (“News flash, man, this girl you’re crushing on is never gonna be with you! You’ve got a real live dick and that disqualifies you from getting up in there!” is a line that will haunt me well into the afterlife) and inspired Mark to put up hidden cameras around his home to film his lesbian roommates having sex. However, one big thing Gomey did for lesbian culture was inspire what I still consider to be one of the best episodes of noted L Word podcast To L and Back of all time, in which Carly and I fantasized about all of the ways him and Mark could die.
Angie’s teacher and boyfriend, Generation Q
Carmen: A grown ass man dating a barely 18 college freshman, who is one of his students. And then he has to nerve to belittle and infantilize her during their break up? My dude, yes she’s a child, So!! Why!! Were!! You!! Dating!! Her!!
Drew: It’s not just that he’s hooking up with his student — it’s that he’s boring and made Angie’s whole storyline boring.
Dani’s father, Generation Q
Drew: The show kind of made it seem like he was the L Word universe’s version of the Sacklers, so… can’t get much worse than that.
Carmen: I gave Rodolfo two points to counter the fact that he was written as a slick, suit wearing, Latino drug dealer stereotype and while that is awful and unlikeable, I want to acknowledge that the fault on that lands with the writers.
Aloce Show producer, Generation Q
Erica Parise/SHOWTIME.
Carmen: A man created solely to be hated.
Dylan’s boyfriend and filmmaking partner
He entrapped Helena and disrespected Peggy Peabody. Plus I could really never stop seeing him as a cylon.
Shane & Jenny’s roommate
Blake Lively’s brother, Eric Lively, joined The L Word‘s second season as Mark to deliver one of its most batshit terrible storylines and trigger Jenny into a nervous breakdown. Initially he had a lot going for him, like that he was hot and had a cute bromance with Shane, but despite being the brains behind our favorite short film, “Shane/Carmen Love Confession,” Mark was banished to the vortex forever. Good riddance!
Producer of Lez Girls
A realistic character who told a lesbian he valued her art and her point of view and therefore wanted to fund her project but then when it was all said and done wanted to change the art to be less gay. Boo!
Jodi’s interpreter and Max’s boyfriend
Carmen: Wait why did Tom leave Max? What I am forgetting? What’s the drama?
Drew: Max was pregnant (via Tom) and Tom disappeared in the middle of the night!
Carmen: THE FUCKKK
Oh wow ok thank you, i shall rate him accordingly!
Tina’s boyfriend
Henry had terrible friends and clipped his toenails right in front of the camera.
Tina’s colleague / hookup
On the upside, his decision to tell Tina, mid-makeout, that she’s definitely not a lesbian, did give Tina the opportunity to shove him away by the head and when you watch that clip in slo-mo it’s pretty solid stuff.
Actor who played “Jim” in Lez Girls and briefly dated Nikki Stevens
No
Kit’s married boyfriend
Carmen: Con man. I still cannot believe how much he told Kit to charge for a damn tart.
Drew: I mean he basically runs a cult but I guess he was right about the pear polenta tart.
Riese: Pear polenta tart inflation is late capitalism at its finest but also he was right and it turned Kit’s fortunes around. But then he stood Kit up for that cute date she’d prepared for with special food and everything! That was so sad! Also the alley cat business. IYKYK
Dana’s agent
The best part about Dana’s homophobic agent was the part where she fired him.
Shane’s father
Shane’s Dad failed her as a child, and then showed up for round two: failing her as an adult and in turn, failing our dearly beloved Carmen De La Pica Morales and also Helena Peabody. Unforgivable!
California Art Center fundraiser
Leo was probably a bad man, but he gets a pass for also being a man so unmemorable that we all really had to try extremely hard to remember who he was and what he did. So he was the guy they brought in to “help out” at the CAC, against Bette’s wishes, and who told her in their first meeting that he met her ex last night with Helena Peabody and that they were so excited about the baby, which is like, oof, you know?
Jenny’s boyfriend
Season One Tim started out as a cutie who seemingly had little in common with his girlfriend Jenny, who arrived in West Hollywood and immediately began to cheat on him. Mostly, Tim was just a sweet guy who fell in love with the wrong girl. But his character also made some weird problematic and aggressive choices, including many of his lines at that lunch with Max and Jenny in Season Three.
Bette’s boss at the California Art Center
Fired Bette at her father’s funeral. Bad taste in art.
Kit’s son
Kit’s son literally just had to sit there and smile and hold Angelica so Bette could get her second-parent adoption rights and instead he did a little speech about how gay adoption was bad and Angelica would suffer without a man in the house. As we all know from Generation Q, Angie turned out just fine, so.
Tim’s co-captain for the California University swim team
Tim Haspel’s only friend, said some weird things about lesbians?
Dana’s father
Dana’s Dad…. homophobic…. also is Colonel Tigh….
Bette’s boss at the Zakarian gallery, Generation Q
He was fine?
Therapist to Bette & Tina and also Tasha & Alice
Mediocre at his job, missed opportunity for The L Word to hire a hot queer couples therapist.
Bette’s father
Carmen: As a Black person walking upon this earth, I cannot in good conscience give Ossie Davis a zero. But just know, in my heart, this is someplace around a zero.
Drew: Yes, he’s homophobic. But Ossie Davis is such a good actor, he makes the character complex and even likable.
Riese: I loved the way he said “Ms Kennard,” that’s what I call Tina in my head now forever
Angie’s Manny and Kit’s boyfriend
Noted Manny and lying lowdown nanny-fucking motherfucker Angus Partridge got more screen time than any other cis man on The L Word.
Carmen: I’m saying though… HE CHEATED ON PAM GRIER!!! Some things are unforgivable.
Drew: He cheated on Kit and he also interrupted her recording session. He was an insecure man who ruined the best things in his life. But people are complicated and I do think he had some really nice qualities!
Tasha’s attorney in her DADT trial
Riese: Did he start out homophobic and annoying? He did. But did he come around eventually??? He did!
Carmen: I gave bonus points for any affiliation with Tasha. I am who I am.
Micah’s boyfriend, Generation Q
Erica Parise/SHOWTIME.
Carmen: Wait now, why do we hate Micah’s Jose? Why don’t I remember any of these men’s worst deeds?
OH WAIT was Jose married and never told Micah? But he was so cute!!
Drew: Yeah he was married and didn’t say
But yes very cute lol
Riese: MICAH MERMAN PAINTING DREW
Drew: OMG I FORGOT
Carmen: OMG THAT PAINTING
Riese: the most offensive art in the history of the franchise
Carmen: ok no gotta take off another point
Phyllis’s husband
Carmen: No. Just No.
Riese: That fight with Phyllis in her office where he asks her if she wants to flush their life down the toilet is some of the worst dialogue in L Word history. But also… he is sad and his heart hurts and it was sort of cute when he came over to Alice’s to learn about lesbians…
Drew: He’s just a man whose wife is a lesbian doing the best he can with that info.
Jenny’s boyfriend
Gene was such a nice Jewish boy. Loved marine life, brought Jenny flowers, was chill about Robyn.
Funder of Lez Girls
Carmen: Cher Horowitz’s dad debate teacher will always get at least a 8 out of 10 for me, no matter the role, on principle.
Shane’s friend
Clive was just going through a rough time and needed help, you know?
Famous actor Jenny was going to ghostwrite for
Well, we hope this man found his way out of the closet.
Micah’s hookup, Generation Q
Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/SHOWTIME.
Very hot, did not do or say anything particularly memorable.
Dana’s double’s partner / beard
Dana’s gay doubles partner. Sometimes I remember this role as being played by Andrew Rannells even though it wasn’t. But like….. imagine if it was?
Employee of The Planet After Dark, Kit’s boyfriend
This man was a good man — but also a very bad drag queen. But happy for Kit that she ended her run in the franchise with a boyfriend who didn’t suck! Porter for Progress!
Social Justice Advocate
Very kind and helpful man who gave Tina something to think about during her miscarriage grief (volunteering for his org) and also helped getting dirt on Faye Buckley for Bette’s debate.
Bette’s mayoral campaign leader, Generation Q
Drew: I’m glad that Brian Michael Smith landed his role on 9-1-1: Lone Star and that worked out well for his career, but I wanted more for Pierce and his flawless suits.
Shane’s little brother
Kayla: I feel like people hated him but he was literally just a child? Also really love the side of Shane he brings out.
Carmen: I know this is a minority opinion, but I wish Shay had stayed on the show and gotten adopted. Shane had never been better. Anyway, give that kid a milkshake!!
Dana’s brother
Dana’s gay brother knew how to have a good time!
Bette’s assistant
Drew: Behind every powerful woman, is a man scheduling her meetings.
Alice’s ghostwriter & boyfriend, Generation Q
Carmen: Such a great use of Donald Faison’s easy smile and charm. Tom, you did no wrong.
Drew: People were so weird about Alice actually having a boyfriend. Tom was lovely!
Kayla: Genuinely great chemistry with Alice! Even though nothing about the publishing industry made sense wrt his character!
Drew: I love Max. Even if I don’t love everything the show did with/to Max.
Riese: We’ve obviously discussed this issue to death on To L and Back, but Max is such a hard one, because he was such a sweet, earnest, interesting character but transphobia in the writers room did him — and all trans men — so deeply dirty. His return in Generation Q was one of the show’s best moments.
Carmen: Micah deserved better than Generation Q. Micah deserved to be a shy 00s-style romantic comedy lead in which he’s a flower shop owner who has chemistry with a deadpan girl who didn’t think she could fall in love, played by Ayo Edebiri. In this essay, I will…
Kit’s friend
Carmen: Swoonworthy.
Drew: The show’s best depiction of transmasculinity occurred when they didn’t even know that was the story they were telling. I think this often happens with cis work about trans people. Sometimes it’s best if they’re just observing the realities they see rather than bringing their baggage of What It Means To Be Trans.
Kit’s party planner
Drew: By far the best man in The L Word‘s history. Shows up, helps Max transition, has a sex at work, and then goes off on his merry way.
Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Riese has written 3183 articles for us.
Couldn’t agree more about Shay!! That’s my favorite L Word storyline, no exaggeration
And perfect top 4 overall, especially Billy. I feel like Billy and Max’s relationship might be my second favorite L Word storyline.
As always, I’m reminded that what I like about this show seems to be wildly different than what most people seem to like about this show (seems to be Tibette for them, mostly). I’m glad Autostraddle has always been a soft spot for me to land in that regard!
There is this peculiar tendency of a certain kind of TV fans to want the characters to behave in a certain way and make the same mistakes over and over again – as if it were a sitcom before long narrative arcs on TV shows caught on – and resist any sort of change in the core of the characters as they were when that particular fan started watching. TiBette die-hards land in that category for me.
I fully apologize that this is my takeaway/somewhat less than meaningful contribution but William Halsey/Wallace Shawn is Cher Horowitz’s debate teacher, not her dad.
Hm, I was really rooting for James as #1. His only shortcoming is that he didn’t continue to sacrifice his life and stay on as Bette’s assistant throughout Generation Q.
I was pulling for Mr. Piddles to take the #1 spot, but this was a great list!
I will die mad about the Tim Haskell character assassination. The writer’s room was really bad about writing men. There was no reason that his character had to go from being a loving, supportive partner to the toxic mess he was. I know it’s peak soap opera writing, but I hated with the show did with him. There was a chance to split them up without all the general toxic masculinity they put into the character. He could still be sad and angry and hurt without turning into a monster.
No room for Marcus Allenwood on this list? And the guy (don’t remember his name) who Tibette invite to have a 3some to “steal” his sperm? Where to we stand on Lisa the Lesbian Identified Man?
Friends! After a wonderful year, Queer Mom Chronicles is coming to an end! But never fear, this isn’t the end of parenting content at Autostraddle! And I’m not going anywhere either! To put a lid on this chapter, I would love to do a queer parenting Q&A. If there’s anything you’ve ever wanted to ask me about parenting, leave me a comment and I’ll gather them up in their own post!
In the past, I’ve written about wanting to find other families like mine so that we could have other people in our lives who get it. Finding and connecting with other two mom families, either by myself or with my family, has been so great. While our individual family dynamics are different, we can have conversations about the things that we all seem to face and there is an underlying sense of commonality. As we continue to navigate the world as a two mom family, and as our son gets older, having those other families as a part of our community continues to be invaluable.
Once I came out, it was important for me to have queer friends and begin building my queer community. Thankfully, I kind of fell into one thanks to the first woman I dated. She has an amazing ecology of queer friends who immediately took me and my son in as their own. She and I are still very good friends, so we get to be around that group quite often, which I love. Now, she has a son of her own, who she had with her gay male friend but was born via surrogate. My son, who was always used to being the only kid, now has a little buddy who looks up to him, and her son has someone who has a family that kind of looks like his.
After my wife and I met, we began to take stock of the community we were creating for our family. My son is lucky to have queer family members, but chosen family is also incredibly important to me. So many of our close friends are straight and cis, which is fine, but I wanted my son’s world to be bigger. I grew up around my mom’s queer friends, and I wanted my son to have that, too. Queer people are some of the most loving and amazing people that I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I don’t want him to be deprived of having that kind of love in his life.
His world is rapidly expanding, and I want him to understand that queer people exist beyond what he sees on TV or reads about in books. We have trans and nonbinary friends, and those relationships helped him strengthen the connection in his mind for sure. Now when he meets new queer people, he’s relating those parts of their identity to the people he already knows, and it forms new, stronger connections for him.
I know I’m not the only queer parent who has thoughts and feelings about this kind of community building, so I reached out to some of my friends to ask them why it was important to create queer community for their families.
“I want my kid to see families like ours,” my friend Kelly explained. “It’s important that my kid be able to connect with other kids with queer parents. She needs that community — I don’t know what it’s like to be a kid with queer parents.” Our kids are friendly, and while I don’t think they’ve ever talked about having two moms, it’s good for them to know they have each other.
Kelly also explained that creating a community allows her daughter to “know and trust other queer adults in her life” beyond her moms, which is so important. The idea of safety and knowing that there are possibilities outside of the cis-het norm is one that is common. My friend Emily wants her kids to “expand their knowledge and awareness of what is ‘normal’ or ‘traditional’ because queerness is often a kind of permission or model for how to be yourself regardless of whether that pertains to your gender or sexuality.”
“Queer communities are some of the most diverse and expansive communities. I want my children to see countless possibilities of what rooting deeply in your authentic self and radical belonging look like in practice,” my friend Jasmine shared.
For my friend David, there are many reasons to seek queer community, but one thing that stuck out is how after he transitioned, his family started to look “straighter” to his kid. “When she was five she came to me and was like ‘I noticed that all kids have some kind of mom and some kind of dad’ and I was like ‘NO!!!!!’” he explained. “The world is vast and complex and full of variety, and I want my kid to experience some of that NOW. I don’t want to raise her in a bubble,” he explained. Like me, he feels it’s not enough for our kids to experience that just in books.
“It’s important for us, because my son is also gay, and between us and our close circle of friends, we are the only queer exposure he gets to others like himself,” my friend MyLove explained to me. “We are pretty isolated in our small town cis-het bubble, except for the rainbow island we carve out for him.”
For some queer parents, it’s finding safety for themselves in queer community that pushes them to create that same queer community for their kids.
“We need more queer chosen family as we grow and learn and love, we need queer role models for our children to aspire to be like, and we need to know ourselves as queer parents that we are never alone in this,” my friend Lindsay pointed out.
My friend Natalie’s daughter was around 10 when she came out, and for her, building community was a way to “assure her that life with me and my partner was going to be ok and better than what she always knew.” Natalie explained that her daughter grew up in Southern Mississippi where “exposure was slim and judgements were high.” But now, she’s 24 and “doing amazing.”
“I find kids of queer families are kinder, more well rounded and lots more loving than judging,” Natalie added.
Her point feels very true! Our kids are forced to move through the world differently, and while that doesn’t inherently mean they’re going to be more kind and empathetic, it lays a strong foundation. Even if their peers don’t treat them as others, our kids know they’re different. We as queer parents have to take the extra steps to make sure that our kids learn lessons their peers with cis-het parents don’t. Our family doesn’t fit into the same box as any of my kid’s friends’ families, so I knew I had to arm him with the tools to not feel bad or let others make him feel bad about being different.
Just know that if you’ve read or commented on this column in the last year, I now consider you a part of my queer community. How do you create queer communities for your family?
Sa'iyda is a writer and mom who lives in LA with her partner, son and 3 adorable, albeit very extra animals. She has yet to meet a chocolate chip cookie she doesn't like, spends her free time (lol) reading as many queer romances as she can, and has spent the better part of her life obsessed with late 90s pop culture.
Sa'iyda has written 116 articles for us.
oh, i am sad to hear this column is ending. i am queer single parent and it is soooo hard to find anything in the parenting world that feels like our family can belong :) thank you for these columns i have loved them!
feature image art by Autostraddle / photos of Chappell Roan and Victoria Monét via Coachella 2024 livestreams; photo of Reneé Rapp by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Coachella
Both weekends of Coachella 2024 have concluded, and so many queer, bisexual, and lesbian performers made the music festival as gay as possible. From Victoria Monét’s extremely hot set to Reneé Rapp’s L Word tribute to Chappell Roan using the stage to directly place a hex on her ex, here are some of the gayest moments from Coachella 2024. As @godimsuchadyke so eloquently put it: “Coachella was in her lesbian era this year.”
So here’s your Coachella 2024 recap, but just the queer parts!
Yeah, you very much read that correctly. Bisexual R&B superstar Victoria Monét gave an incredibly homoerotic set at Coachella weekend one, including using her mic to mimic a strap during some of her choreography. Just take a look and try not to pass out (with important commentary from the incomparable Taylor Crumpton):
victoria did it for the girls who take strap. https://t.co/rrZylzsDfg
— taylor crumpton (@taylorcrumpton) April 15, 2024
And it did not stop there!!!! Monét’s set included choreography that not so subtly simulated sapphic sex. Just watch! The whole thing!
“Stop the wars, stop the hate, stop the genocide,” Monet also said at one point during her set.
Queer pop singer Chappell Roan made her Coachella debut this year, prompting discussions of her reaching mainstream status. In addition to having impressive live vocals, she also brought the sapphic drama in a way only a Pisces could. “This one goes out to my ex, because bitch I know you’re watching,” she said DIRECTLY TO THE CAMERA when introducing her song “My Kink Is Karma.” “And all those horrible things happening to you aren’t karma. It’s me.”
@snoopy.luvvr My kin* is karma 💋 @chappell roan #chappellroan #fyp #mykiniskarma #coachella #theriseandfallofamidwestprincess
Roan’s band wore shirts emblazoned with EAT THE RICH, and Roan wore a tank that read “Eat Me.” All in all, she made sure her Coachella debut was gay gay gay.
We love sapphics supporting sapphics.
📹 | @reneerapp dancing to @ChappellRoan’s set during #Coachella Weekend 1
— via wigglejiggliee on Reddit pic.twitter.com/fBJYreh41i
— Reneé Rapp Source (@ReneeRappSource) April 22, 2024
Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Coachella
If you’re a dyke who’s awake and alive and extremely online, then you probably have heard by now that Kate Moennig, Leisha Hailey, Jennifer Beals, and Ilene Chaiken brought Reneé Rapp out to the stage at Coachella. Rapp also brought out Kesha for a queer duet of “Tik Tok.” All in all, it was a very aughts set (complimentary, we love gay time travel).
Towa Bird was on stage as part of Rapp’s band, but of course we know they’re a little more than artistic collaborators.
@pressedpapershop Replying to @abby💛🦦🌷 we all need to chill. i won’t go first but it’s something i’ve noticed #reneerapp #coachella
Fresh off her sophomore solo project, lesbian rock musician Brittany Howard hit Coachella this year and posted a video to her own TikTok appropriately labeled SHREDCHELLA.
@brittanyhowardofficial Give it to love #shredchella @coachella
Bisexual rapper Ice Spice made her Coachella debut and also debuted some new music during her set. She’s making a lot of post-weekend-one headlines, because Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce were seen vibing in the crowd during her set. Ice Spice also gave a shoutout to Swift’s new album during weekend two.
@popbase #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #coachella #coachella2024 #icespice #icespiceeedit #concerts
Ice Spice also dropped a teaser for a new album of her own, a message appearing on screen behind her during her second weekend set that read: “Y2K album dropping soon.”
Coachella surprise duets are always a treat. Lana Del Ray brought out Billie Eilish over the weekend for a duet of Eilish’s hit “Ocean Eyes.” They then sang Lana’s “Video Games” together.
@sydneybucksbaum @lanadelrey x @billieeilish at @coachella 2024 Friday night was an iconic duet #coachella #coachella2024 #lanadelrey #billieeilish #oceaneyes #videogames
In addition to her guest spot in Lana’s set, Eilish did a drop-in DJ set where she teased her super queer new song “Lunch,” and you should check out the lyrics.
Bisexual R&B singer Tinashe performed her new single “Nasty” while wearing an iconically bisexual white suiting vest with nothing underneath.
I think it’s safe to say Coachella 2024 belongs to the bisexuals?
In another solid Coachella debut that’s for the gays, Puerto Rican lesbian rapper Young Miko brought a ton of energy to the stage and performed some of her super gay hits, like “Lisa.”
@mayradoe Lisa 🥰 #Coachella #youngmiko #Lisa #coachella2024
ludmilla and her wife brunna at coachella pic.twitter.com/OFya4aqdxR
— sapphics like: (@sapphicslike) April 15, 2024
Brazilian and bisexual singer-songwriter Ludmilla has a tendency to put queer love centerstage by bringing out her wife for a kiss, and she did not disappoint at Coachella this weekend! The #ludchella tag on TikTok is full of gems. Ludmilla also made history as the first Afro-Latina musician to perform on the Coachella mainstage.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Kayla has written 816 articles for us.
You forgot about Ludmilla, AfroLatina from Brazil. She’s a huge deal here and her wife is her backup dance, in most of the concerts they kiss as a protest against homophobia in Brazil.
Yeah, I was disappointed.
When it was announced the Florida Film Festival would be doing a special 25th anniversary screening of But I’m a Cheerleader featuring a Q&A with Natasha Lyonne, I told my wife to buy tickets now. A few weeks later, Clea DuVall was added to the event after some scheduling things got sorted. Posters popped up around town, Natasha Lyonne as a teenager in the bright pink dress from the film gracing the windows of shops along the street where we walk most mornings. I snapped pictures of almost every one I saw. It’d be difficult to describe to my past self exactly what this felt like. I wouldn’t have given the posters much time or thought when I lived other places. I may have even skipped out on the pricey event, despite the film being an all-time favorite and despite being a self-appointed scholar of queerleaders in film and television.
But the fact that this would be happening here, in Orlando, in a state that used to have a conversion therapy ban that was ultimately struck down (some Florida cities and counties have their own local bands, but Orange and Seminole County which encompass Orlando are not one of them), made me look forward to the event as if it were a world premiere of my own film. Jamie Babbit’s campy conversion therapy comedy from the 90s was one of the first lesbian films I ever saw, a pattern that turned out to be true for a lot of the local dykes who showed up for the screening based on my conversations in line and the cadence of the audience Q&A. And it wasn’t until the start of the screening, when Lyonne herself pointed out the similarities between the film and works of John Waters (an obvious comparison, I know!) that I realized just how much of an impact it had on the kinds of queer film I tend to gravitate most passionately toward.
Inspired by Drew Burnett Gregory’s recent recap of a Go Fish screening, I took obsessive notes during this special Florida-based But I’m a Cheerleader screening and Q&A. Here are some of the event’s standout quotes, moments, and fun facts about their long friendship and artistic collaboration, based on my notes:
“I genuinely am totally in love with Clea,” Lyonne said after a rather rambly, tangent-ridden response (a theme to the evening, and one I genuinely appreciated) to a question about being part of iconic lesbian film canon. “I like being clear and honest. And it has been from the moment that I met her. Just whatever that is. I mean, it’s so funny that young people have all these terms for it, but I was definitely at Clea’s wedding. Did I walk you down the aisle?” DuVall confirmed that yes she’s pretty sure she walked her down the aisle, though it wasn’t a traditional wedding. “You were definitely the dad,” DuVall said. “So I’m the dad,” Lyonne agreed.
“Natasha’s the dad, Melanie’s the mom,” DuVall said, referring of course to other fellow But I’m a Cheerleader castmate and longtime friend Melanie Lynskey. How do I apply to be adopted by this family????
Multiple times, DuVall emphasized just how much it meant to play Graham, a character she says she brought a lot of herself to. “It was really meaningful, and it is still one of the most meaningful things I’ve gotten to be a part of in my entire career,” she said.
They met at the audition for Girl, Interrupted. DuVall booked the role obviously, and Lyonne did not. She was up for Brittany Murphy’s role.
I tend to black out from secondhand embarrassment and frustration during most audience Q&As, because I’m a control freak who can’t stand awkward or silly questions, but this was a rare event where I was actually very much into everything being asked, especially because I could see just how much this movie means to so many people, 25 years later. One audience member asked a very sweet and unexpected question that was ultimately about adult friendship, asking DuVall and Lyonne how they’ve managed to stay friends through all these years even as their careers have taken off and led them in other directions and as they’ve gotten super busy with work.
DuVall then talked about how she has certain relationships that transcend friendships and become family roles, and she considers Lyonne to be among them. “Neither one of us has family in the traditional sense, so we really are very important to each other,” she said. Throughout the Q&A, their status as chosen family for one another was clear. But I’m a Cheerleader doesn’t seem to have merely had lifechanging impacts on so many viewers of the film but on the people who made it, too. I mean, DuVall is out here literally calling Melanie and Natasha mom and dad.
“If Clea didn’t exist, it would kill me, I would be dead,” Lyonne also said.
In 1998, DuVall was in the alien horror movie The Faculty, in which she plays a character Stokely woh is so coded as gay that other characters actually tease and ridicule her for seeming like a lesbian. Her queerness is played only for jokes, and she ends up with a guy at the end of the film. DuVall noted that she filmed The Faculty and But I’m a Cheerleader the same year, the former in the summer and the latter in the winter. She emphasized that she really loved working on The Faculty and how fun it was, while also acknowledging it was weird in the sense that she was still closeted and only some people on set knew she was gay. It wasn’t a negative experience for her, just weird of course to be closeted and doing a role where she was kind of gay but not really gay. (For what it’s worth, I do consider Stokes to be an all-time great queer horror character canonically, even if the makers of The Faculty don’t intend her as such.)
To go from that to But I’m a Cheerleader where she got to be so totally herself was freeing. She reiterated again just how meaningful it was to play Graham. She said she doesn’t know if she has ever felt that much herself on-screen, either before But I’m a Cheerleader or after.
When an audience member asked for other queer film recommendations, DuVall said Dee Rees’ Pariah was a favorite. She also recommended Bound, prompting Lyonne to say “That’s a hot movie.” I agree.
If you ever get a chance to see a special in-theaters screening of But I’m a Cheerleader, do it. The 4K restoration of the film makes its technicolor dreamscape all the more immersive and striking.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Kayla has written 816 articles for us.
The news came out of the purple!
Emet is a queer and genderqueer program manager, crossword constructor, and married parent to four children.
Emet has written 26 articles for us.
There’s a long-running joke in my family that my mom is gay. When I tell people this, they assume that her and my father are divorced or that he is otherwise out of the picture. He is not. The joke has evolved in a way that we’ve gotten her comfortable enough to self-identify as bi-curious, which I think is really rad and cool for her.
My mother grew up in Queens and went to an art and design high school in Manhattan where she was exposed to all different kinds of lifestyles. She then went to Bard College (gay) where she kissed her girl friends (gay) and studied art (gay), all while dating my father. Though she’s exhibited gay behavior her entire life, it wasn’t until about 2018 that we started asking questions. Here’s why:
Going to Sarah Lawrence College is one of the gayest things you could do, and more people would do it if it wasn’t so fucking expensive. As an adult, my mom went back to school and got her MFA at Sarah Lawrence and was a graduate assistant on the literary magazine.
I know that this is typically a no-no in terms of how people should react when someone comes out to them, but for me, it was nice knowing she was a little dykey. Most of the time, when someone says this, it’s in the “haha oh yeah of course I kiss girls when I’m drunk” way but I knew that when she said it, she meant it.
We know that queerness is genetic and until Salma Hayek transitions, my dad is not gay. Also, statistically speaking, my mom is one of five girls and the only other “maybe” in that family sadly passed before we could confirm.
On more than one occasion, my mom has traveled on the back of some butch’s motorcycle through New York State. She attended the wedding of two of the members. She’s even been thinking about buying a motorcycle for herself!
My mom wants to climb Brienne of Tarth like a tree. She’s obsessed with her and was just as disappointed as I was when it turned out the character wasn’t gay. Her second favorite character is, of course, gender nonconforming Arya.
No matter if she was hot for Susan Sarandon, Catherine Deneuve or David Bowie… that shit’s gay!
I lived in North Carolina for a little over a year during the pandemic. Once, my mom and my lesbian sister visited me and during a car ride, I mentioned how nice it was to finally have another lesbian in the area. She looked me dead in the eyes and asked, “Who? Me?”
When my mom told me this she also told me that her friend, who is gay, used to get mad at her for going to Shescape since she wasn’t gay. To that I say… BI ERASURE!!!!
The only thing that could make founding a non-profit gayer is if the non-profit was for boobs. Just kidding — it’s actually a really beautiful and important organization that quite literally helps save the lives of thousands of premature infants. HOWEVER, a lot of people do assume that she is gay when they find out what she does for work.
Motti (they/he) is a New York born and raised sorority girl turned writer, comedian, and content creator (whatever that means these days). Motti has been featured on We're Having Gay Sex Live, The Lesbian Agenda Show, Reductress Haha Wow! Live, the GayJoy Digest, and even played the role of "Real Life Lesbian" on Billy on the Street. In 2022, they wrote about how clit sucker toys are a scam, sweet gay revenge, chasing their dreams, and getting run over by a pick up truck in their now-abandoned newsletter Motti is An Attention Whore. Motti has a Masters in Public Administration and Local Government Management, you'd never know it from the shit they post online (see previous sentence), but occasionally he'll surprise you with his knowledge of civic engagement and electoral processes. They live in Brooklyn with their tuxedo cat, Bo, and their 20 houseplants.
Motti has written 21 articles for us.
Whether you’ve been a fan of Chappell Roan since “Pink Pony Club” or are newly obsessed since “Good Luck, Babe!” I think we can all agree she is an exciting artist in the genre of queer pop. But have you ever wondered which Chappell Roan song you are??
Not which song is your favorite, but which song — in lyrics and sound — best captures your vibe. Well, good news! I’ve made a quiz where you can figure out the answer!
Maybe you’re filled with gay longing, maybe you just want to party, or maybe both. As long as Chappell Roan continues releasing music this good, we’re going to keep on dancing — down in West Hollywood and beyond.
Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Drew Burnett has written 521 articles for us.
I got Pink Pony Club and love that for me as this was the first Chappell Roan song I heard like a year and a half ago and am still obsessed by it today !
Also love the description about putting my queer fam above all else <3
Ok legit was like what F are these questions (and low key didn’t know enough to answer 2 of em so went with vibes) but got “Good Luck Babe” and feel it’s acurate so HUZzah and it all works out in the end!1
Red Wine Supernova! WOO!
To celebrate 420, I’ve put together this list of the top 10 movies to watch high. How did I determine these films and their order? I did the very important journalistic work of watching them all at least once while stoned.
Old and new, funny and serious, mainstream and experimental — this list has a range of options for any high mood. It even has a documentary about a squirrel.
Enjoy! And let me know your favorites movies to watch high in the comments.
Jesse Eisenberg plays J. Daniel Atlas, part of a team of thieving illusionists, in Now You See Me. </em
To say the Now You See Me movies are about magic, is like saying Spider-Man is about entomology. The way magic — not wizard magic, like… card tricks — are used here is part heist movie, part superhero team-up. It’s absurd! And when stoned?? Delightful! The only reason this isn’t higher on the list is because of a very 2013 moment of random transphobia that can (briefly) kill even the most magical high.
Look, I think the Wachowskis’ last film collaboration is underrated no matter your state of sobriety. But drugs can certainly heighten this operatic tale of flying Channing Tatum wolfman and Mila Kunis queen of bees. The Wachowskis know how to make a movie and while this may not be The Matrix, the craft on display is still enchanting — especially under the influence.
While stoned, why not revisit a childhood favorite? Especially one with hot surfer girls? I mean, sure you’d also probably have a great time watching surfing clips on YouTube, but it’s even better when interrupted by moments of homoerotic friendship. Also I love that the male love interest in this is super supportive of the main character’s ambitions. Good vibes all around!
From a beach with good vibes to the beach that makes you old. I watched this M. Night Shyamalan movie high right after finding a row of staples in my delivery nachos, so I did spend a lot of the movie thinking about how if I’d eaten quicker I might’ve died. Appropriate thoughts for a movie about mortality! Because the characters are rapidly aging, they’re often shot abstractly and it makes for a very overwhelming (in a good way!) high watch.
The lesbian community seems to be really split on this recent movie from Tricia Cooke and Ethan Coen. Personally, I loved it even when I first watched it sober. But it really clicked when I rewatched it high. It’s a fun romp that’s smart while not needing to be taken seriously! Whether you loved it or hated it, it might be worth a high rewatch. At the very least, drugs make Margaret Qualley’s accent feel on purpose.
Any of Tony Scott and Denzel Washington’s collaborations make for great high watches. Scott’s style is so frenetic and Washington’s acting is so grounding and it’s always dazzling. While Unstoppable might be my favorite, Déja Vù is the one that feels most appropriate with drugs. It’s a truly bonkers riff on Vertigo that might make you feel stoned even if you were sober.
Before my fellow cinephiles attack me, I think you should watch Barbara Hammer’s work sober too. I just also really love watching experimental cinema high! When I first started smoking, I’d go to the Anthology Film Archives and watch whatever random series they were doing. Hammer’s work is relatively hard to find online, but hey start with Dyketactics and No No Nooky T.V.
My root! Jane Fonda in Barbarella is a sex-positive space hero and she changed my life in my early puberty. While it may have a PG rating, this is a campy action movie that jumps from sexual encounter to sexual encounter. One of the first movies I ever watched high, this one holds a special place in my heart.
I love a nature documentary while high. But what about a nature documentary with a musical number about animals fucking? This live action Disney movie from 1957 has exactly that! Ostensibly following the adventures of Perri the squirrel, this is a documentary that tries to narrativize a kids movie out of its real footage. It’s short and weird and a true hidden gem.
The ultimate stoner movie. I largely avoided explicit stoner comedies on this list — no one needs me to tell them to watch Bill & Ted or Friday — but nothing could top this list other than Gregg Araki’s tale of a woman who accidentally eats way too many pot cupcakes. While the premise may seem like something out of a sitcom episode, Araki’s direction and Anna Farris’ lead performance turn Smiley Face into one of the greatest movies of all time. I’d say that’s true whether you’re high or sober, but I’ve never felt the need to watch this one without a little something.
Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Drew Burnett has written 521 articles for us.
Yao Xiao is a China-born illustrator based in New York City. Yao Xiao creates artwork depicting a poetic visual world where complex concepts and human emotions are examined, amplified, and given physical form. Her work has helped people all over the globe connect at unique moments, from the celebration of the 20 Year Anniversary of the SXSW Interactive Festival, to the grand release of pop singer Katy Perry's single 'Dark Horse.' She has created deeply emotional and beautiful graphics for editorial print publications, pop music record covers, concert posters and book covers. Yao Xiao's serialized comic Baopu currently runs monthly on Autostraddle. It is an original comic exploring the nuances in searching for identities, connections and friendships through the fictional life of a young, queer emigrant. Baopu stands for 'holding simplicity,' a Taoist ideal of wishing to return to a simpler state. Find her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Etsy or her website.
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The stakes have never felt higher for the RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16 finale. With an increase in anti-trans and anti-drag legislation, a rise in anti-trans violence, and the possibility of a second Trump presidential term, there is an added weight on RuPaul’s now-worldwide phenomenon. For many people, especially heterosexuals, Drag Race is drag. RuPaul must feel the pressure to win more people over and light a fire underneath the allies already here.
Maybe that’s why this year’s finale was a break from tradition. Rather than a top four lip sync smackdown for the crown, Ru and his team opted for a big celebration of drag. At least, a big celebration of drag that fits within a liberal politic.
The episode begins with a number from Ru herself, a reminder that at 63 years old, she’s still a star. She then directly addresses the state of the world, “With everything that’s going on in this crazy ass world, leave it to the queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race to fill our hearts with life, love, and laughter.”
As they pull back to reveal the judging panel of Michelle, Carson, Ts, and Ross, I realized this finale was shot on the same stage as the reunion LaLaPaRuza. Even when the Drag Race finales used to follow this format, they still took place on a bigger stage. A finale hasn’t happened “in house” since season three and my very dark thought is they made this switch to avoid a mass shooting. The official statement is it was due to the strikes, but… I wonder.
Anyway, we are back to the old format of each queen doing a solo number and then the top two queens doing a final lip sync. To begin, all the season 16 queens come out in their elevated looks. Because, like the reunion, this finale was shot last summer, there isn’t the big jumps in appearance we’re used to seeing. It is clear they were at least given some money to go all out though, because they might lack in new plastic surgery, but they still look better than usual. In a big beautiful blue gown, Q reminded me why she was known as a fashion girl and I realize her dwindling looks throughout the season were likely due to a lack of resources.
Our top three then comes out looking very themselves: Nymphia in a banana dress, Sapphira in a regal gown, and Plane looking beautiful but… plain.
Nymphia’s number is first with an ice queen aesthetic and some great dancing. These finale numbers have often felt just a tad over-polished and lacking ever so slightly in personality. But Nymphia is beautiful and does a good job. After the numbers, Ru has each queen talk to their child selves. We then go to Nymphia’s mom who talks about the importance of trusting your child and Nymphia cries.
Next up is Plane singing about body suits. It’s a fun, tongue-in-cheek song that is appropriately lacking in any specificity or vulnerability. But it does have a cool body suit to another body suit reveal — even if I agree with Michelle it would’ve been better had there been more. I’m not trying to be harsh on Plane. I agree with Ru that she just needs time to get in touch with her vulnerability. But this finale was crafted to pull at the heart strings and she simply could not rise to that challenge.
Finally, Sapphira, with probably the best all-around song. It starts with opera, then goes to pop, and just really captures Sapphira. And, of course, she is perfectly suited for Ru’s intentions with this season 16 finale. She says, “If you’re afraid of drag, you’re afraid of freedom.” And when talking to her younger self, expresses the love of her parents as the camera cuts to her mom in the audience smiling with tears down her face. Sapphira is so polished, so good at giving the producers what they need.
One of my two favorite parts of the episode happens next with this year’s Giving Us Lifetime Achievement Award. The recipient this year is Cassandra Peterson aka Elvira Mistress of the Dark and I love when the show does these sorts of “teach some queer history” tribute montages. I also love the acknowledgement of Elvira as a drag persona. This is Ru’s smartest maneuver — bringing a famous cis woman into the conversation around drag to remove it from its connection to gender-nonconformity.
I don’t even say that in a harsh way. I think it’s pointless to chase approval with assimilation, but I can also see the possible value of this approach. And Elvira is an icon worthy of celebration. Plus soon enough she’ll be joined in the episode by another icon worthy of celebration who is trans.
But first Ru announces what becomes very obvious throughout the episode: The final two are Sapphira and Nymphia.
Then there’s a montage of parents — biological parents and drag parents — talking about the importance of supporting queer kids. It’s touching and I understand it’s possible importance, even if I was more inspired by the next montage all about Sasha Colby.
That’s right! Last year’s winner has returned and she’s doing a full number. She performs to Megan Thee Stallion’s “Her” and it is INCREDIBLE. She’s really on another level.
Afterward, she comes back in a gorgeous mermaid gown with gem encrusted titty covers connected to her gem encrusted headpiece. Ru then talks to her about meeting Kamala Harris, something she probably feels more complicated about now as the Biden administration continues to support the genocide of Palestinians.
But Ru doesn’t have time for any pesky complications like mass murder caused by the American empire. She didn’t last summer and I’m sure she still wouldn’t were this to have been filmed last week. She is a proud “just vote” liberal and so, of course, the season’s cast comes out in red, white, and blue for a number all about the importance of making your voice heard. I wonder if any of the queens would’ve refused had this been shot more recently. Not that America’s violence — directly and via support of Israel — wasn’t also occurring in August…
Anyway, with that out of the way, Malaysia Babydoll Foxx comes out to name Miss Congeniality. She says for the first time there was a tie. The first winner is Xunami. The second? Sapphira! I love this! It’s always bothered me that the top queens can’t be eligible for Miss Congeniality. Like sure spread the love but when there’s an obvious winner, there’s an obvious winner.
The final lip sync is announced as “Padam Padam” by Kylie Minogue which caused me to shriek. Song of the summer 2023! It’s still great!
Going into this lip sync, I thought Sapphira had the win locked. But then Nymphia opened her coat on the lyric “shivers and butterflies” and balloons flew out. (This is a reference to Asia O’Hara’s ill-fated butterfly reveal for fans who don’t know.) And it wasn’t just the gimmick! Nymphia dances her ass off. And that’s not to say Sapphira isn’t good! She’s great! In fact, I think removing the semi-final lip sync from the finale allowed them to preserve their energy and make this one of the best ever finale lip syncs.
After some proper reality TV suspense, the winner is finally announced…
IT’S NYMPHIA WIND !!!!!!
I love Sapphira, but in an episode all about polish, there’s something refreshing about the less consistent, emotionally messier queen pulling off the win. Sapphira isn’t Nina West, so I don’t want to frame Nymphia and Sapphira as a clear dichotomy. But, to just focus on Nymphia, I feel excited a queen won who really felt like she was doing something different.
Nymphia will continue to grow, continue to build confidence, continue to be weird. And now she’ll do that with a crown on her head.
Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:
+ I interviewed two-time winner Jinkx Monsoon about playing Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors and you should read it.
+ My love, Morphine, looked incredible in her tight silvery entrance look.
+ Amanda looked sooo unamused during Plane’s segment.
+ Performing to “Her” is a fun pronoun joke from Sasha Colby.
+ And that’s the season! Who are you all hoping to see on All Stars??
Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Drew Burnett has written 521 articles for us.
I don’t think The Assignment is meant to be taken seriously. “Frank Kitchen” (a hilarious name repeated often in the film, funnier every time) was named by Walter Hill, who has referred to the movie as a “king-size Tales From the Crypt” episode; it’s a very silly and pulpy story about a mad scientist and her victim’s quest for revenge. Frank is clearly not trans.
I’m MJ Bassett – director of Red Sonja here. Just want to correct something. Sonja was developed at an early stage by Joey Soloway, the creator of Transparent, before I came on board. Going from nonbinary film maker to transwoman film maker is no small thing. There IS a transwoman in the cast but she’s not played as such and is not relevant to story, and I offered a bigger name trans actress a role but she turned me down. So, to be clear, the studio was very open to this and there is trans representation both on screen and off but that’s not what the movie is about. It’s just going to be a good action film and that’s how I think things should be.